We're Home (xp & s/b pic inc)

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Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176
We're Home (xp & s/b pic inc)

ETA: Ada weighed 700 grams (1.5lbs) and was 32 cm (12.5 inches) in length. I was 25 weeks along.

We’re back from the hospital at last and very much glad to be home. First of all thank you all so much for your wonderful words of support. They mean so much, i swear they really do.

I know that you will be curious to know what happened, although i can’t tell you much because i’m not so sure myself. The last time i remember Ada kicking me was sometime in the night on Thursday. I dont remember clearly, but seem to recall waking up a couple of times and getting booted, as you do. In the morning i had a standard midwife appointment booked and i got up as normal and went. She asked me as she always does if baby was moving well and i replied that she was, although i hadnt felt her that morning, but i wasnt worried because that’s normal. She’s not a morning person, like her mum, i said. The midwife laid me down and tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler and couldnt. I still wasnt too worried because i know that we’ve had problems trying to find it in the past and she advised the hospital that i would be going through for a scan to check all was well. I just forced myself not to think about it too much, even though it was all i could think about! At the hospital they brought in the ultrasound machine and checked me over. After a very long couple of minutes the technician said “I’m sorry but i cannot find this baby’s heartbeat” incredibly i said “You’re kidding?” like i half expected her to laugh and say “Yeah, funny arent i!” God how much do i wish she was that much of an evil bastard. I think i just said “Not again!” and collapsed onto Mum who’d gone with me. Mum asked if there was anything they could do to check and they told us no, they were certain.

After a consultation with the doctor who would be performing the c-section i was worried because she told me that usually they have to do a vertical incision and after my research after the last c-section, i knew this wasnt good news. Then she went on to explain that the surgery was going to be extra complicated because the placenta was so low and would make it difficult to stem to bleeding. She told me that if they couldnt stop the bleeding they may have to perform a histerectomy to stop it and save me. I have never had a real fear for my own life until then. I know they have to cover all options, but i was terrified. Luckily the surgery went well. I have a neat horizontal incision and still have my womb in place. Mum said that the doctor was so genuinely pleased that she’d managed to do it that way. I am so grateful to her for her skill. I owe her so much!

When i woke up i was in the same room i woke up in after Zane was born. Talk about deja vous! We saw Ada pretty soon after i woke up and came around and i was pretty much in a morphine daze, but i remember thinking she was beautiful. I know that she was small and red and everything, but she just looked like a miniature baby. That sounds completely silly because she was a miniature baby, but i know what i mean. Unfortunately i had the benefit of learning from experience and i made sure i took far more photographs that what i took of Zane. Even so, i dont have enough. As if any amount of photographs are a fair substitute for a daughters life.
We picked the name Ada just last week because it means ‘Happy’ and this was significant to us. She was our happiness at a time that was so unbearably bleak and hopeless.

I have included a picture of her, but if looking at a picture of a stillborn baby might upset you please dont scroll down.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Oh Sarah! Ada is just beautiful. I love the pics of her tiny hands and feet. I am glad you were able to get lots of pictures (though you are right, it could never be enough). She is a beautiful little baby. I am so sorry that you didn't get more time with her (like a lifetime), and I am glad the doc did such a good job, and your womb is still in tact. I am so glad your mom could be there with you for such terrible news as well. Hugs and prayers!

Joined: 08/20/07
Posts: 25

I am so sorry, she was perfect and beautiful! The name Ada is perfect. I'm so sorry Sara... *hugs*

ducknjay's picture
Joined: 10/11/05
Posts: 71

Oh Sarah,

There are no words. All I can say is that I am so very sorry for your loss. You have been in my constant thoughts and prayers. You are so strong that I am completely in awe of you!

Please take care of yourself.

Much love,
Jaime

Joined: 11/20/03
Posts: 15

Sarah, Im so sorry you have to go through this again.
Ada is beautiful.

Buffalo Gal's picture
Joined: 08/01/05
Posts: 47

Sarah-I am so, so sorry you are going through this again. You are so strong and I truly admire you. Ada is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing the pictures!

Amy

Joined: 03/11/07
Posts: 67

She's gorgeous Sarah! What a little princess. "hugs and kisses to all"

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Sarah,

Ada is very beautiful. I'm glad you were able to spend time with her.

Sending lots of hugs your way.

Karen

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

Thank you so much for sharing with us your beautiful baby girl, you, Scott, Ada & Zane will remain in my prayers.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

**lurker**

Sarah, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous. I am so sorry for the loss of both of your beautiful babies. May you find strength during this dark time.

Thinking of you and Scott, and your babies.

Karen

lisadvm's picture
Joined: 10/20/05
Posts: 57

**LURKER**

She is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that all this has happened. I love the name Ada. It is perfect.
:bigarmhug:

aotus76's picture
Joined: 10/01/05
Posts: 170

I am so sorry you've had to go through this.

:bigarmhug:

OneLuckyLady's picture
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

I'm sorry doesn't even seem close to the sympathy I wish to convey but it's all I have. Ada is beautiful. I pray that you get some answers and am so grateful that you came through the surgery ok. May the strength, peace and comfort that you have provided for others wash over you now.

Joined: 09/01/05
Posts: 7

**lurker**

Sarah she is beautiful.
I am hurting for you, though I barely even know you.
Please know you have hundreds of women around the globe hoping and praying for you tonight.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss. She is the most beautiful little angel. You and Scott are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

**lurker**
Sarah, I am utterly heartbroken for you and Scott. My every thought is with you. Ada is absolutely precious, such a beautiful girl. Please know we are all thinking of you.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh, she is so beautiful. I bet she looks even better with her angel wings.
I'm so sorry and wish I could take some of your pain away. You are such a strong person and have been there for many of us. Let us be there for you. hugs.

Missy

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

Sarah....

:bighug: Your daughter is so beautiful....the name you picked, Ada, is perfect..

Your daughter being gone, is still such a shock....I look at you, the pictures, and still cannot believe what I am seeing...My heart breaks that you had to say goodbye to her Sad

What a relief to hear your c-section went well....Having to fear for your life, on top of the loss of your daughter...there are no words.

I hope the doctor is able to tell you what went wrong....To live with the unknown must be unbearable...

Thank you so much for sharing the pictures of your daughter....

You know we are all here for you...We will try and help you get through the days ahead Sarah :comfort:

Sending many prayers and hugs, to you, your dh, and family...

Marie

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ada. I am in tears as I read your post. You are so strong to even be posting already. I pray that your heart finds peace and that you and your husband heal. Again, I am so very very sorry that you lost your precious baby girl.

Shelly

BLP
Joined: 02/19/07
Posts: 47

This is just absolutly devastating. I don't even know how to respond...I am so incredibly shocked and sad.
Oh, Sarah, this is just so unfair. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and just cry.

I am just so sorry.
she is just so beautiful

Joined: 07/31/05
Posts: 3

Your little girl is beautiful. I am so sad that you had to say good bye to her.

2Denise1010's picture
Joined: 11/01/06
Posts: 53

Sarah,
Words cannot express how much my heart goes out to you. I pray that God will comfort you during this very difficult time.
Denise

mariajl's picture
Joined: 06/21/06
Posts: 3

*lurker on these boards -- lost a twin in the same manner*

Oh my gosh... she is perfect.
I'd love to see as many pictures of her as you want to share. Her little face is lovely... and I love the perfect feet and hands.

She is truly beautiful.
I hope it is ok... I have said prayers for your whole family.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

She's beautiful, Sarah. I'm so sorry she went to Heaven with her brother. I wish you much happiness in you future. You are one of the best mummies I know. Hugs and kisses.

Joined: 03/07/07
Posts: 4

She is a beautiful girl! I am truly sorry for you and your family words cannot express the sympathy I feel for you. I am glad to here you got many pictures of her to remember her. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now and in the hard times to come. I Hope that the doctors can give you a better understanding of what happened. You have been a great support system for so many. If their is anything that will help ease your pain please let me know.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I made these if anyone would like to use them. I hope you like them Sarah.

Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 28

I'm so sorry Sarah. I'm fairly new here but I have loved how supportive you are to everyone. My heart aches for you and your husband. Ada is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. I will keep your family in my prayers. (((Hugs)))

Lynne

Joined: 06/03/04
Posts: 12

Glad you are home safe Sarah. I am so sorry for loss, there are just no words. I am so happy you got the pictures with Ada - she is just gorgeous. I just love her little feet. You are all in my heart.

:bighug:

Willybobs's picture
Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 58

She is even more beautiful than I imagined.

Joined: 11/29/05
Posts: 49

Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss. Ada is absolutely beautiful. My words cannot express how deeply in my prayers you and your family are. I'm sure your little angels will always be together and looking down from heaven with love for you and Scott.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Sarah-my heart aches for you. I know you are strong and I know there are going to be moments of weakness. I am crying for you and Scott.
Ada is beautiful.
I really don't know what to say.
God sped.
xoxo

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

***LURKER***

Sarah, your daughter is beautiful! I am very sorry for your loss {{{HUGS}}}
I will be thinking of you and your family!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh, Sarah, little Ada is just beautiful, she really is.

Again, I'm so sorry. I wish there was more I could say but words just seem so meaningless. I just hope that you and Scott feel all the love that is coming to you from all of us here. I think Ada (and Zane) is very lucky to have had you two as parents for her short visit here on earth.

newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

She is beautiful Sarah. I am so very sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for having the strength to share your story. ((((Hugs))) to you.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

oh honey. I'm glad you got to spend some time with her, I was worried you wouldn't. Being in that same room.. I can't imagine the feeling. Thank you for taking the time to come tell us about her, and you. You're an amazing woman for sharing. She's beautiful. You make amazingly beautiful babies.
I love you and I wish I could give you all the strength you need. I know you're already a strong amazing woman.
Take care of you, and Scott.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss. Your daughter is beautiful.

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

Sarah,
Thank you for sharing Ada with us. I am very sorry for your loss.

Janel

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

There is simply no words. I am so sorry for your loss! She is absolutely beautiful!!! How brave you and your family are! You give me courage and humility! Your family is in my prayers.

Joined: 12/11/02
Posts: 485

**lurker**

I know there are no words to take away the pain. My heart aches to see you go through this again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Ada is such a beatiful little angel.

Hannah502's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 66

Sarah, I am so very sorry. My hearts breaks for you and your dh and I just wanted you to know that you both are in my thoughts and prayers!

Bonnie

Joined: 06/12/02
Posts: 7

She is beautiful. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

sweetpetunia's picture
Joined: 08/31/06
Posts: 76

Sarah- Ada is so beautiful, just like her mommy. I still can't believe she's gone. Thank you for sharing her pictures. I'm so glad you got more this time around even though, like you said, there could never be enough. It's so good to know the surgery turned out so much better than expected. At least you had that small blessing in the middle of all of this.

My love to you sweetie. :bigarmhug:

Julie

Trixibelle's picture
Joined: 08/25/07
Posts: 9

Sarah, i'm so sorry hun

Your daughter is beautiful.

Rest in peace little ones and may you always look down upon your mummy and daddy

Thinking of you and your family at this hard time

Trix

Geohde's picture
Joined: 12/03/06
Posts: 312

Oh Sarah,

I am so very sorry.

Reading about your loss makes me ache. I am so very sorry.

xx

J

frosty's girl's picture
Joined: 01/02/07
Posts: 20

Precious Ada is beautiful Sarah. I know there are no right words to say that can express my profound sadness and heartach for you. Thank you for sharing Ada's pictures-she is perfect and what beautiful pictures you have and I am glad you took so many for you and Scott. You have been on my mind contstantly and I still can't believe what you have endured and will continue to endure. It's not fair :cry: Please know you are all in my heart's pocket. I'm very glad to know you are safe after surgery. We are here for you and care so much.

:bigarmhug:

Kelly

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OMG....your poor soul. You are an amazingly strong woman. I am so sorry for your losses and wish you the best with finding peace. I am without words to express my sorrow for you. All I can say, is bless your heart.

Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 74

Ada is beautiful, thanks for sharing the pictures. I'm so sorry you are going through this again. No one should ever have to deal with losing a child let a lone going through it twice. You are a very strong woman and I admire you for that. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you.
Teresa

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

Sarah-
She is just beautiful. I am so sorry you are going through this again. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what else to say, but you will be in my thoughts.

Joined: 07/21/07
Posts: 8

**lurker**

Sarah, Ada is such a beautiful little angel.. I am so sorry for you darl.. May the Lord wrap his arms around her and keep her until you are together again one day. :bigarmhug:

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

May you find strength and hope in the days and weeks and years ahead.

You and Scott will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for your honesty and your openness. I cannot even begin to grasp the depth of your grief, but know that you and your experiences have changed my life. Ada is beautiful, as was her brother, and as are her parents.

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