My daughter Tessa died prematurely 15 months ago. DH and I are doing ok. Actually, we are doing great. We decided that we could not go thru the pain of possible loss or IVF again and we are adopting a little 4 y/o girl from China. So many people think that Avery (our daughter in China) will take the pain of losing Tessa. It won't and that is another vent all together.
My problem is my SIL. She is an OB nurse and was actually there for us when Tessa died. She is a good friend and I love her. This is the problem. She found out that she was pregnant with her little boy the day after Tess died. She didn't tell us that she was pregnant for a few months because she knew that being around pregnant women and babies made me hurt.
So now, she has a 2 beautiful boys. We are preparing for China. She works nights 2 times a week. She needs a baby sitter for Tuesday's. I am losing my job. (This is a good thing for me) and she said, "since you have so much "free time" can you baby sit the baby while I sleep on Tuesdays?" I love her dearly but she always waits till the last minute to plan for childcare. Always. Another thing, and this is what bothers me most...I don't think I want to babysit for that long of a time a little one that is that close in age to Tessa. Everytime I see the baby, I think, "Tessa would only be a little bigger" or "Tessa would be teething too"...I smell his little head and wonder if Tessa would have smelled that good. It makes me feel panicky inside. I just don't want to do it.
She is at the end of her rope, she looks terrible because she is so exhausted. Her husband has used up all of his sick time to take off so she can rest prior to working all night. They make good money and can afford a sitter. They just haven't looked.
Tell me that it is ok for me to not baby sit him. Tell me that I'm not crazy for comparing him to our Tess and NOT wanting to spend hours with him. I love him dearly...but I know me and I know that when this sweet boy passes milestones in his life I will always wonder about the milestones Tess would have had...like 1st grade, losing her 1st tooth, 1st date....am I crazy?