What happened???

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Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371
What happened???

I've been doing so well. I've been positive. I have had moments of actual happiness. I've been taking a remedy from the naturopath which is really working for me and I just want to cry right now.

I have had a migrane since yesterday morning. I cried myself to sleep last night. I am exhausted. I have to stay at work because I need to be at a meeting at 2. But I just want to go home to bed.

Child and baby ment

My son has gymnastics tonight and there is a newborn baby girl there. I am dreading going. I'm not sure I can handle it today. On the other hand I don't want to disappoint my little boy by telling him he can't go to gymnastics.

Sunday is 6 months since I delivered Lily. I wonder if that is what is bringing back these feelings? Why is mourning so draining? I have been feeling so good and now I feel like crap.

Antionette

troynicole's picture
Joined: 12/06/07
Posts: 151

I'm so sorry you are having a rough day...but just know we all have them and we are allowed! Some days will just be harder than others but that's ok.

If you don't want to take your son tonight, maybe suggest taking him to his favorite place for dinner and skipping it altogether-or if he'd be too upset to miss it, maybe take a book and sit away from the new baby.

I'm sure the 6 month mark is hitting a sore spot with you-it's a reminder of what has happened.

I hope your day gets better.

Nicole

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Unfortunately, part of the reality of life after a loss is that we all still have bad days, sometimes even years later. While time helps to heal and you start to have okay days and then even good ones again, all of the sudden you have an unexpected day where it all just feels so fresh and raw again. Honestly, I still have days like that, and it's been almost two years since my loss. They are fewer and more far in between, but things still set me off. I have a hard time with people who announce their pregnancies to the whole world at 6 weeks, as if they haven't an idea in the world that anything bad could ever happen. I try to be happy for those people that they have the luxury of being naieve, but it's hard.

Anyway, the important thing is that what you are feeling is totally normal and very understandable. It's only been six months, not a very long time at all in the scheme of things. Give yourself permission to feel sad and grieve, you have every right. As for gymnastics, you may find that the dreading it is actually the worst part and once you get there, it isn't as bad as you thought. But if you don't want to face seeing the baby girl, just spend an evening with your son doing something fun and I'm sure he will be just as happy.

Hugs,
Tamara

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I so agree with the pp. Six months is not that long ago and yes the six month mark can set it off, the due date, can do that to. Seeing someone the same age as what your angel would be now can do it also. It happens to me with one of my late mc, which was Dec 01, sometimes when i see a little girl about her age, the way i think she would have acted, I just want to cry.

So give your self the time to grieve, you are normal, not green with purple dots. ANd either go have fun with your son somewhere or go to gymnastics and read a book.

loveya with hugs and fuzzies

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad Antionette.

I totally agree that you need to let yourself feel how you feel. In that you will feel better or find peace enough to keep living and finding things to be happy about. I would be surprised if you didn't have days like this. Six months is a very short time. Please don't be so hard on yourself, we are only human and we have been dealt a huge blow that yes time will help us deal with, but it will never take it away.

Hang in there girl. Be kind to yourself.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I think it probably is the 6 month mark that is bringing up these feelings. I hope my poem in my card did not trigger this for you. Please know that I am thinking of you and I am here for you if you need me.

Sending you (((HUGS)))
Robin

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I think that Sunday plays into how you are feeling in a huge way. Six months is a huge milestone and therefore a huge slap in the face as to what we have lost. I was in a huge "funk" for Damien's six month mark. I am sorry that you have to deal with a small infant on top of the way that you are feeling. Hugs.....hugs.....hugs.

Shelly

Joined: 11/30/07
Posts: 117

Im so sorry you are feeling this way. Its just not fair. (I feel like I have used this expression so much recently - but thats because it just is NOT fair!!) I can completely understand your point about mourning being really draining, thats exactly how I feel. Its as though everything aches, and feels heavy. You feel almost as if you have been ill for weeks, and you are recovering from It. it truly is draining and tiring, and I can completely understand where you are coming from. Having good days and bad days is normal. I had about 4 good days in a row last week, and I felt so positive that I was recovering, then I heard my sister is pg, and bam im right back down there! Anything is enough to set us off when we feel so fragile. The problem is we force ourselves in to believing we are feeling better, when really we are not. I think you just need to be easy on yourself, and let it take as long as it takes. I know we will never be over it but I think (well I hope) that one day when we hear someone is pg, or see a newborn baby we will be much more in control of how it makes us feel. I dont want to feel sad, bitter, angry or any of these things, I just cant help it, just as you cannot. Lots of hugs to you.

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Just an update ...

I took an extended lunch hour and went over to the bereaved families of Ontario office and had a chat with one of the ladies in there. That made me feel much better. At gymnastics, the lady with the baby wasn't there which was great. After dinner I decided to look at what fitness classes were availble through the city and I found a kick boxing class. So for the first time ever I tried kick boxing. I suck at it but it was a good way to release some tension. I came home and soaked in a hot bath with epsom salts.

I was able to fall asleep without tears last night (probably because I was so exhausted).

Here's to a good day!

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

Congrats on your good day! You were brave to find a way to cope with it:-)

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

Congratulations on taking a kickboxing class! I have been thinking about trying that, but I still haven't gotten around to it.