A few days ago, I finally broke down in front of my husband. He has been trying so hard tomake sure I'm alright that I was trying just as hard to be alright. Or, maybe it just hadn't really hit yet. Either way, since I lost it, I've been extra miserable. I just can't shake that stormcloud feeling. It doesn't help the I had a day off yesterday, or that my boss is more then an hour late picking em up this morning. Time alone is the worst. i've become clingy and scared to be alone. It just occurred to me a few min. ago that it is two weeks today since I m/c. I don't know if that has anything to do with how empty I feel today, or if it's just a coincidence. I haven't been keeping track of the time or anything. I just happened to notice. Sometimes, I dont' even remember that my live has changed and other times, it's all I can think of. I know when I'm "acting out" as I call it. When I'm making decisions or avoiding decisions because I'm in that kind of a mood. I know when I'm being clingy and I'm super aware of ever sign and every fidget. I've spent so much time apologising for all of this. For being clingy and weepy or just to quiet or fidgety. My husband keeps telling me not to be sorry, that I'm having a harder time then him because I was the one who was pregnant and that he understands and that he's sorry he can't make it better for me. He's doing everything right and it doesn't matter. I still feel alone. I don't want to talk about it but I have nothing else to talk about. He;s going away next week for training for work. I know he feels bad and I try not to mention it becuase he can't do anything about it. It's a new job and he has to go. We both know this. But I'm so terrified to be alone for that time. I don't have friends here and I can't dump this on the family I have here (I'm embarrassed to do it and honestly, they've only known me a few months). I don't want to talk to anyone but my husband or go anywhere without him. I've always been social but now I freeze up at the idea of having a conversation with someone other than him. I don't feel at all like myself. I don't really feel like I'm faking being alright either. I just feel empty and I'm pretty sure it shows most of the time and I feel guilty that others have to see me like this and try to make me feel better. They can't and I don't like making them feel a part of the pain that I do. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm jsut rambling becuase I need to get it out there. Maybe if I say these things, I'll feel better. Thanks.