What now? (m/c mentioned)

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
What now? (m/c mentioned)

I don't even know if I am allowed to be here. I just know that I don't know where to put this.
I was only about 4 weeks pregnant. I had JUST found out on Tuesday. Had some spotting and went in friday aft. just to make sure everything was ok. It wasn't. The pg test came back negative. the NP was just awful. She starts talking about how we are born with as many eggs as we're ever going to have and some of those eggs just aren't able to be a baby or some shit.
that sucked. she didn't tell me that it would feel like the beginning stages of labor when this actually kicked in. That the bleeding would be pretty damn heavy. She didn't say if I could or could not use a tampon or if I just should stick to pads. She offered no real condolences or means of support. just talked about how the eggs ... and also how we look to blame in these things and there really isn't any.
ok. well, still. and it was my first time at this doctors office. I'd heard such wonderful things and the experience with her was enough to make me not go back ever.
it hurts. physically and mentally and emotionally. I'm so shocked at how attached I'd gotten in just a few days.
but, I'm not sure it's ok for me to be here. On this board. I was only 4 weeks in. does that count?
I feel quite lost. and undeserving. if that makes any sense.
thank you for letting me get this out.

Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/11/07
Posts: 67

Of course you're allowed to be here. A baby is a baby, no matter at what stage you lost your precious babe. From the moment of conception, you have dreams and desires for your unborn child. The girls on this board are truly wonderful and will offer any support you may need. The nurse sounded like a pathetic witch and couldn't have offer you any support what so ever. They're not all like that, you just happened to get a s***** one. You need a big :bighug:sweetie to get through the pain. Hugs and kisses xoxo

shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 4 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

It doesn't matter if it was four weeks or four seconds. You belong here. I am sure that just as I did, you fell in love with your child the very moment that you knew you were pregnant. Our losses are completely devastating no matter the point at which they occur. I am so very sorry that you have lost your precious child. It angers me that the NP was so horrible to you and your DH. It always amazes me how people cannot fathom the depth of the pain that parents experience at a loss. They just think of things in clinical terms and seem to expect us to do the same. Please come here and let your feelings out. I am so very sorry that you have a need for this board, but I am very thankful that you have found it. I am so grateful to these women for the strength and support that they have given me. I wish you peace.


Uropachild's picture
Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I am so sorry for your loss honey, but glad that you have found us here. This board has been a lifeline for me since my losses, so please continue to post and we will support you.


I can't believe that the NP was so matter of fact about it. I mean, fair enough that she might see this kind of thing often and become accostomed to it, butfor each of the women tis happens to it is devestating! She should really learn some bedside manner!

Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Of course you can be here. You lost your baby, it doesn't matter how far along you were. It was your baby and the minute you found out you were pregnant you started planning and having hopes and dreams for the little one. I am so sorry that the NP was not so understanding. No you should not use tampons only pads. I am so sorry about your loss. If we can do anything for you or if you just need to vent Post here. The ladies are fantastic and we are all in different stages but know exactly how you feel.


OneLuckyLady's picture
Last seen: 3 years 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

{{{hugs}}} So sorry you have to be here but glad you found us. No matter how tiny the baby was, he or she was still yours and you have every right to grieve and don't let anyone tell you any different. I'm also sorry that the office experience was awful. I really think they see so many m/c's that it becomes 'same old same old' for them instead of realizing that it is significant to every patient. Take care and we are here if you need us.

Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

I am so sorry that you find yourself here on this board. I think we all see any loss as devastating no matter how far along you are. From the moment you find out you are pregnant you are filled with hopes and dreams for the future. I don't think the amount of time your child was with you lessens the pain. It was still your child.

I am so sorry to hear the the NP was so cruel. It is unfortunate that we have some medical professionals who have no concept of how to support a greiving patient.

Sending you hugs

Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OMG Lisa I am so sorry :bigarmhug:
I can't believe how insensitive the NP was and she didn't even practice good medicine by giving you all the info you needed.
As my m/w said to me, the second you get that BFP you have two children, and start planning for that child, and to lose it is devastating. I know exactly how you are feeling. This board has been very welcoming and helpful and supportive to me and I hope you can get some cyber-hugs and support here as well.
Please PM me if you want to talk.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

thank you guys. I really appreciate it. I am fighting the grieving. Ithink mainly in a way to hide it from my husband bc he's REALLY not an emotional person. I think he may be "over it" already and would probably get frustrated with me dwelling upon it. Luckily for me, he's switched to nights now and so I can dwell on it in my own way at night.
again, thanks.

Last seen: 6 years 2 months ago
Joined: 09/15/07
Posts: 16

I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

I'm one of the September moms as well.

I m/c on October 6th at 5 weeks. I also was unsure of how to feel. I cried for several days, but then felt guilty because people around me said I was "only 5 weeks" - but I had become attached, and this was my child. My DH also had trouble understanding, and I don't think he ever is going to understand. He's moved on. I'm getting better day by day. I hope things are getting better for you.

abbyrocks2427's picture
Last seen: 7 years 6 months ago
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54

Im so sorry for your loss...it dosent matter how many wks you are honey....im so sorry this is a great place to find comfort...

Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am SO sorry this happened to you Lisa :bigarmhug:

shortsasy2's picture
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 05/23/07
Posts: 5


I am sorry for your loss! I can relate to your situation, I have now had two miscarriages and as the first one was in June... I too felt that my husband was not emotional and was "over it".... I then happened to realize that this was not the case at all. He would get so upset with me when I made comments and I thought it was b/c he didn't care anymore about losing the baby.... but as time went on and tension rose... my husband finally reveiled to me his pain!

Although they hide it, and act as if "it's over" they feel it too! If you ask him today about his losses he can explain how happy and ecstatic he was over having his first pregnancy and then it was takin from him. When we got pregnant again my husband was not as happy... I noticed he distanced himself from the excitement and things because he did not want to get attached again. Well he was right, because I lost that baby as well.

So as you may feel alone... always remeber they care and they just deal with things in their own way. Although a tragedy happened to me and my DH.... our relationship grew to a strength only some will understand!

I can tell you that you are in my thoughts and I hope that you and your husband can grieve your loss!