What would you say? pg ment

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
What would you say? pg ment

My best friend is pg.

I wish I was the one to give her advice, but I can't. I never made it past 9 wks.

She talks about it all of the time. I am so happy for her, but I get upset every time I get off of the phone with her. I am TTC, and it is taking longer than expected. It only took her a few mos.

I can't help but to be jealous.

Should I say something to her about my feelings? If so, what? I want to be here for her, but I don't want to be upset.

Melissa

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Honey, i think if she is a good friend she will easily understand if you explain to her. When you are pregnant you feel like the only pregnant woman that ever was, and naturally want to talk about it. If someone had explained to me the reason why they didn't want to talk about it all the time (even if their reason wasn't as valid as yours) i would be sure to tone it down. Usually when pregnant i have to make an effort not to talk about it all the time anyway. Lol

Your jealous feelings are only natural. :comfort:

Sarah. x

Miss Yvi's picture
Joined: 12/22/08
Posts: 100

I agree with Sarah. If she is a good friend of yours and knows what you have been/are going through then Im sure she would understand.

When I was pregnant and we started telling some friends, DH later told me that one of his male friends had mentioned that his wife was very upset when she heard the news. He explained that while she was totally thrilled for us, they had been trying for 2 years unsuccessfully (we never even knew they were trying) so the news that it had happened "so easily for us" (they didnt know about our first loss) had made her really upset. I completely understood and for the next few weeks no mention was made of our pregnancy to them out of respect for her feelings.
The same happened when I lost my baby... a good friend of mine is 30 weeks pregnant and while I am thrilled for her, I didnt want to be around pregnant women with their gorgeous bellies. She understood when I apologised but asked her to understand that I wouldnt be visiting for a while. We check in with each other, and we talk without mentioning the baby unless I ask her about it, and even then she gives me the shorter response so that I don't have to hear the details of every kick and every inch she gains.

If you stress to her how happy you are for her, but explain how you feel about it being the focus of your conversations while you are having your own personal struggle, Im sure she will be ok with at least cutting it down alittle.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I agree with everyone. If she is such a good friend then tell her how you feel. She should understand and hopeful tones it down alittle bit.

Robin

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

I agree with all the previous posts.

Let your friend know that you are happy for but at the same time you are feeling upset. Let her know that you would be devasted if anything were to happen to her or the baby but that right now you can only handle so much pregnancy talk. You may tell her that you do want to hear about how everything is going (if that is how you feel) but that you would perfer to do i on your terms, on days that you think you can handle hearing about her child.

Be honest but also be sure to let her know that you are happy for her and you want everything to o well. She may be all right with what you say or she may get upset. Either way you need to do what is best for you becuase as it currently stands you find it difficult to be a good friend to her when what she says is actually upsetting you.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Antionette

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

I'm jumping on the bandwagon here. I agree with everyone else. It's a hard situation, but I would be honest and explain to her how you feel. Definitely telling her how happy you are for her, but trying to explain how you feel too. I'll be thinking of you.

Amy

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I usually don't express my feelings much.

As much as it hurts me, I also don't want to miss out on her pregnancy. I want to be here for her, but I don't want to get upset either.

AHHH, I guess I will have to have a talk. Maybe I will just tell her what a hard time I am having and hope she catches on.

Thanks,
Melissa

~ Sherri ~'s picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 7

I know how you feel too... it's a similar situation with my best friend who is 8months pg. If you have trouble bringing it up, maybe write her a short note and leave it with her? Then you can say exactly what you feel without being nervous, and assure her that you're still happy for her without having to be interrupted or forget what you're going to say. The ladies who have already posted have great suggestions on what to say, this is just a thought on how to say it.

(btw I mean a handwritten note, unless you find email would be ok, and she wouldn't go fwd'ing it to people.)

good luck

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

I had to check in. I've been thinking of ya. Face to face I'm not very good at having emotional discussions so I think the letter is a fabulous idea. It's a good chance to say what you need to say, just the way you want to say it. Maybe if you do get all of this out, then you will feel better about all of it. I know it sounds strange, but I have been way more comfortable in the situations and with people after we talked about things like that. It helps to know where each other stands. I know you'll do what's best for you, but good luck.

Amy

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I totally agree with the card/letter idea. maybe a really cute congrats type ecard that you can explain your feelings inside of? it really is a hard thing to deal with when we are in this situation.

I hope that you find an answer that is beneficial for you both.

Shelly