WHY can't people "get it"? (vent / loss ment)

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Joined: 10/24/01
Posts: 7
WHY can't people "get it"? (vent / loss ment)

Do you know the hardest person I'm having a time with? My fiance. I haven't been posting on the boards lately... busy to say the least.. but I come by and read anyway...
Today also men are scum of the earth and I'd like to dispose of them all. John & I got into an argument today.... there's been issues with us lately and I'm not sure what they all are... my past few hours here @ home have been me crying... because i'm frustrated, hurt & pissed.
I was rudely nearly yelled at about a month ago that we are not going to have sex again wil we're married because "I can't go through any of that again" he says...... HELLO!?!?! I'm the one it physically happened to.. I'M the one who WANTS to talk about it but "can't"... I'm the one who wanted to name them with his help but didn't hear a WORD about it so i did it my dang self.... :evil: ..... it hurt HIM too much? Ok... what the HELL was it for ME??? A freaking JOY ride??? I mean.. I REALLY would have liked to have been IN on THIS decission.... and today he got after me for NOT being on birth-control........ WHY SHOULD I!?!?!?!? If I'm not going to be having sex.... WHY do I need to be on freakin birth-control!?!?!

I TRIED to talk to him.. and #&$*# he is gets all in a huff... doesn't want to hear anything... i'm wrong, he's right he's pissed I'm frustrated and irritated and hurt so he rushes off with his "girlfriend" (aka his 87 YJ jeep he adores so much).... and I haven't heard hide or hair from him since. No we don't live together.... and appearently we're "not ready for that"... yes i admit i have a number of house-keeping issues i have to address.... but .... i'm not all bad.. i'm not all bitchy ... and i'm not all selfish.... i told him as he hurried off that I wanted to feel wanted and needed and loved and a part of this relationship and lately i haven't been feeling that at all.... of course no responce. I bet he won't even call me tonight as he usually does. :cry:

I'm sorry to go off like this after not having posted in so long. We also just passed what would have been Angels 1st birthday... (was due may 11th.).... my sister-in-laws/best friends baby shower is this Sunday (that yours trully is throwing).... & where as it does help & I love buying my to-be nephew things...it's really hard & really hurts. She's due August 8th & Jordan was due October 10th... But ... I can't let anyone see or know that it DOES hurt. Not too may people knew about Jordan either....

So... please forgive me for venting.... I needed to to folks who could understand. And my internet decided to stay connected for more than 3 seconds :roll:

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 672


Men suck at grieving. If women and men could grieve the same way it would be sooo much easier.

He could just be scared that next time something might happen to you and he's afraid of losing you. ALOT of men are like that....why they won't admit it or talk about it? lord only knows.

djpain75's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 37
"most" men do suck !!!!

Sorry to hear your having problems. I totally agree with you that most men suck hard when it comes to feelings, especially when it comes to a loss. I know this because my wife and I just miscarried Sunday night Sad

I came to work and couldnt keep a straight face. Every time someone wanted to talk about it or would mention the baby I would break down in tears.

What bothered me a little was the total lack of sympathy from my male friends. Some that knew didnt even mention it or say sorry. What is it that some men have and others do not? There were also some lady friends of mine that didnt say anything supportive, so maybe its the person and not the gender? Who knows... but its the true heart felt concerns that some have given that make it all better.

Maybe your DH isnt the "right" one? I'm sure you have been thinking this?
Sounds like you 2 have different takes on religion and thats the hardest mountain to overcome.

If you read some of my posts you will see were not all scum Sad
My thoughts go out to you

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

hmmm, I guess we are all different because I got the opposite response at work. Now any of you that know me know that my DH has handled me with kid glove (except for 2 blow ups that we have had)....and the men in my life...work, church, and friends have been so there for me. At work Mike, Michael, Robbie, Clay, and Tom have so been there for me. Our minister, Dennis has helped me so much.

Women on the other hand have been the ones to say, "oh, if IT wasn't born then IT wasn't a baby," or "you'll get over it" or "you can try again".....

Now, I do agree that men grieve differently. James said that he has cried in the car so I wouldn't see or that he didn't want me to see him hurting because he had to be strong for me....and I think that if we grieved together, it would help. I don't know. Everyone does things differently. I don't think there is a wrong way until you/they impose "how" to grieve on the other person.

Please know that you can always talk and vent here. It truly helps.