Wondering

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jenagrl's picture
Joined: 02/19/08
Posts: 5
Wondering

Hi, I haven't posted in a long time. My son was stillborn at 39 weeks on Feb 7th. I am still waiting on the genetic test results conducted on the cord blood, but my placenta and cord have both come back normal. My midwife believes that I will never have a "reason", not that it would make this better. However, I am having a really hard time accepting that there was "nothing" wrong. I am a healthy 22 year old, and am very fortunate to have a beautiful 2 year old who I had a noneventful pregnancy with, although she did have some decels toward the end of labor. Just wondering if anyone had any input, I don't expect answers, because I don't think they are for me know in this lifetime. Also, I didn't have an autopsy. I just couldn't bear it, and still can't, although maybe I should have??
I also want to add that I'm a big reader and bought almost all the books I could find to read about this. I found one that really helped me. It's called "Grieving Mindfully" and is not specific to any kind of loss, just grief and life in general. I highly recommend it.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

The only thing I can think of is, did you have a chance to review the notes written in the hospital charts? Is there anything in there that was going on during the delivery that could shed some light on what might have gone wrong? Was he alive until the delivery started, or had he passed before the delivery? I know a couple of ladies who have gone through this. I lost my son at 24 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. One lady I know, her son passed away at 36 weeks, they did do the autopsy and absolutely everything came back normal. She never found out what went wrong. She recently gave birth to a healthy little boy. The other lady I know, her baby died during delivery. Although the doc chalked it up to "one of those things they will never really know why" after she went back and read over her charts, she found that there were answers to what went wrong. The doc has since lost his license to practice medicine. I hope you find peace soon. Im sorry for your loss.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost Damien at 37 wks exactly.

We did the autopsy because we had to have answers. Of course, the results came back nothing wrong. We thought they would.

Not having answers it horrid, but unfortunately sometimes we never get them.

If you ever need a shoulder or just want to vent, scream, commiserate, whatever, please feel free to pm me.

Shelly