I’ve had a really busy week!! I went back to working full time on Monday and i am sooooo glad that i did. I have had a really great week and i feel normal again. I feel like the balance has come back into my life and i didn’t realise just how “blah” i was feeling before until now. I don’t have a job title at work yet and i’ve just been doing odd jobs here and there and things for the Directors. Hopefully i will have a meeting with the MD next week to find out what my permanent role will be. It’s just so good to be back with the land of the living! Sitting at home seems like a great idea and it is fine, but there’s too much time to dwell on things. Since i’ve gone back to work i’ve just felt generally happier. I was singing along to the radio really loud on the way home on Thursday and dancing in my seat. I haven’t done that in months!
Also, (please don’t be offended) i haven’t felt the urge to post on preg.org at all. I usually spend far too much time on here, lurking, posting and refreshing pages just waiting for posts to appear. I have been so preoccupied with just living that i didn’t want to come here. I know that you won’t take this the wrong way, it’s just that this is a parenting site, and as much as i love coming here usually, because my focus has shifted away from that aspect of my life i just haven’t been as bothered! It’s been such a refreshing change!
I stopped taking my temperature and charting and i’m not bothered about that either. We have decided to forget about TTC for a while and just get on with other things. So i guess we’re not trying, but not preventing right now, AND IT FEELS GREAT! I have this wonderful daydream that one day in about 6 months i’ll think to myself “Hmmm... Should i have had a period...?” Then i go out to buy a test, and when i do it i’m pregnant!
So, i’m sorry in advance if i’m not around much. I have still logged on often, just not felt the desire to stick around and post because i don’t really have anything on topic to post about! I might change my mind after a couple of months of not properly TTC and come back at it full force, but for the moment i am just enjoying being the old Sarah again. It’s fun to just go to work, shop, gossip, giggle, get drunk and shag for the sake of it. I’ve put the quote “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” in my signature because i need to remind myself of that fact. I have been living, but not fully. I have been concentrating so much on having a family, that i have forgotton about the rest of it. I just don’t want to wake up one day and be like “Sh*t! I’m 30... WTF did i do with my 20’s!?” I am young and i have nothing to tie me down. I can go out and get drunk at the drop of a hat and i have enough spare money to blow on clothes, music, films, drinking – all the things that i enjoy. Life is good and i do not want to miss it while i’m too busy feeling sorry for myself!
A couple of weeks ago i was feeling really low and i prayed for help every day. I asked to be given the strength to cope with life and the clarity of mind to see what is important and my prayers have been answered! I feel like a veil has been lifted! Thank you God!
I'm so happy for you Sarah. I'm glad you are able to "live" again. I really hope your dreams come true this year-you seem like an amazing woman. God has plans for you and like you said, things usually happen when you aren't expecting them! Best of luck with everything this year-I hope 2008 is a year for you to remember!
Sarah, it sounds completely as if you have found the right way to go about things, im so glad for you!! Oh and i must admit, i do the same thing with refreshing the page waiting for new posts lol!! A break from everything is prob just what the dr ordered and as you said, you need to be able to look back and know you enjoyed your 20's!!
Ya know dearest, that was one of the most inspiring posts I've read in a long time. The quote you are using, Chris has pointed that one out a time or two (commercials or something) and I think it is WONDERFUL that you can embrace it. You so deserve to be happy. I'm glad you are doing well and reading your post almost made me want to leave my pity party Stop by when you can, we'll always be thinking of you. I think it's a huge step to not feel the need to post here all the time and hooray for you for taking it. Have a drink or two for me ok?!
Sarah, I am really so proud of you. Some people will go their whole lives thinking and knowing they need to do what you are doing, but they don't. You have taken that huge first step. You are truly one the bravest person I know. HOO-RAW!!! Here's to a fabulous year!!
Erin, mom to angels Quinn and Elliot