The worst day of my life
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Thread: The worst day of my life

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    Mega Poster HopefullySoon's Avatar
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    Default The worst day of my life

    I thought I would post some of what happened leading up to the death of my little baby girl. I wasn't going to post this yet but I just started writing and it came out. I didn't intend for such a long post.

    On Wed 12/19, very early in the AM I started getting contractions. I had an appt already scheduled for 11am on 12/19 (I was 40w2d preg) and by the time I got there at 11am my contractions were about 5-6 mins apart consistently. They did a NST and all was perfect with baby. I was dilated between 2-3 (On 12/17 I had been dilated between 1-2 so this was an improvement). The midwife sent me home and said she thought she would be seeing me later that night but for me to wait until the contractions were between 3-4 minutes apart. Around 5 or so I had bloody discharge that continued and was mucusy. By around 10:30pm or so my contractions had been coming about every 4-5 mins, 1 min long, for hours and seemed to be getting stronger and more painful so we headed to the hospital. I got there and after about an hour I was seen by the triage nurse who said I was almost 3 cm or so dilated by then. She made me get up and walk the halls for an hour to see if I would progress. She said if I did then I would stay otherwise I would be going home. After walking I did progress and was dilated to between 3-4. All during this time when I went pee and wiped there was bloody goo on the tp. I told the nurse and she said that was normal. The nurse called the midwife (this was around 2am on 2/20 by then) and the midwife advised the nurse to give me pain meds and if my contractions did not get stronger and closer together then to send me home. They gave me the meds and my contractions slowed down to about 8 mins apart or so (up to 10min apart), but still as strong. I felt the contractions even when on the meds. After another 2 hours I was checked again, no progress. I again told the nurse that I was concerned that there was red blood, but was told this was normal. I was then sent home. I went home and tried to sleep but the pain was too much, the contractions were back to about 7 mins or so apart by 11 am or so. I had more bleeding, bright red, twice when I went to the bathroom I saw small clots. This scared me so i called the doctor and he told me to come in to see him. Around noon on Thursday I went and saw the doctor. He checked my baby's heartbeat and it was normal, all good, perfect he said, then did an internal on me and said I was a good 3 cm dilated and that the bleeding he saw was normal. He set me up to be induced on 12/23 if she was not born by then. I practically begged to be induced that day because the pain was getting bad but they did not want to do it yet. He then gave me Ambien and told me to take it to help me sleep and he sent me home. I got the meds and took one around 2 in the afternoon on 12/20. I was able to sleep 2-3 hours or so. When i got up my contractions were about 5-6 mins apart, 1 min long. I tried to rest but the contractions were bad. Around 1am I took another Ambien and I was able to sleep until about 3 or 4am. I got up timed the contractions and they were still 5mins apart. I took a shower and just waited it out. On Friday I called the doctor again and got the doctor on call. She told me to come in when they got closer together and more intense. She also told me I could take another Ambien if I wanted. Around 8pm or so I took another one and woke up about 1.5 hours later with the contractions closer together and stronger. My husband and I then headed to the hospital again. By the time I got there the pain was really bad and the contractions were coming strong and at first check was dilated to 4. I was immediately admitted and brought to a room. I was told the baby's heartbeat still looked good and when checked again I was dilated to 5. I then had an epidural. It took them a while to get it right, the first time they hit a blood vessel and had to redo the epidural. Then after it was in, the epidural machine was beeping and took about 10 minutes for it to stop. After that the baby's heartbeat seemed to be going up and down and the nurse seemed like she thought it was the machine equipment I think because she changed the whole monitor on me. The doctor then came in and broke my water so she could put the monitor on the baby's head. She then left. A few minutes later the nurse was calling for the doctor, she came back in and told me they were doing a c-section bc the baby was in distress. I knew the baby was in distress because I saw her heartbeat going up and down. Once I saw it even in the 70s. Before they broke my water it was even down at the level (my mom noticed this). I don't know why they waited so long to do the csection. So they brought me in and did an emergency csection. She was born on 12/22 at 3:24am. They took my baby out of me and immediately tried to help her to breathe but after 15 mins they gave up. It is all a blur and I don't want to think about it more to even write the rest. All I can say is the doctors all seemed in shock that my baby died. No one seems to know what happened. The doctor did say that there was a lot of meconium and everything was stained with it in there. All the doctors said they have never had this happen. SHe was so perfect and just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
    We now have the atopsy report back; everything was normal, showed she died from asphyxia (I don't know the exact words it said). We got back the pathology report from the placenta and that showed very bad staining from the meconium. We are still waiting on reports on her heart (we donated it so the report comes from the donor place) and reports on genetics.
    When I search online I see articles on how dangerous the meconium is and I am sitting here wondering if my baby died because they kept sending me home. When I asked the doctor they said they did not think that is why she died and that we may never know why. I keep wondering what happened. All I can think is 2 things, the meconium (I think it's called meconioum aspiration) or something to do with the epidural.
    I am meeting with the doctor that did the csection on Jan 14th once all the results are in so we can ask her any questions we have.
    Last edited by Michelle; 01-04-2008 at 07:18 AM.

  2. #2
    Mega Poster squirlyj's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I hope the doctors give you some answers soon. I'm sorry that the doctors didn't notice babe was in distress until too late.

    Hugs!

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    Posting Addict troynicole's Avatar
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    Vicky-I'm sure it was a little relief to write everything down-don't ever keep your feelings inside if you can help it. We are all here for you-I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know it's frustrating because we all want to know WHY? Hopefully you can at least get some answers from the doctor on the 14th. Until then, let your emotions out and grieve...you will never get over this, but just know that in time you will be able to regain some sense of "normal" in your life-just take your time and do it at your pace-not at anyone elses. You deserve as much time as it takes!



    Thinking of you!
    Nicole

  4. #4
    Mom22Boys+1Angel
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    Oh Vicky, my heart just breaks for you. I can't even imagine the pain of your loss. I hope you can get some answers and some closure.

    I wish it could be more.

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    Vicky

    There are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. I can understand that you are going to have a lot of "What if" questions. I wish I had some answers for you.

    I don't get why hospitals send people home. We have this blind faith in them and think they know what is best because they deal with this everyday. I have heard so many stories similar to yours on these boards and I just don't get it. My daughter's death I understand (somewhat). She had fifth disease. She had two blood transfusions while inside me. She was just not strong enough to make it (that is the part I don't understand). We did everything that we could to try to keep her alive.

    Sorry, this is probably not what you wanted or need to hear but I just want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss.

    I'm here if you need to talk. (I'll be more optimistic though!)
    Antionette
    Last edited by Michelle; 01-04-2008 at 07:18 AM.

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    Posting Addict Uropachild's Avatar
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    I hope that you feel a little better for getting that all down on "paper". It's such a sad story to read, and so much of it rings true to what happened to me. I just don't understand why they continue to tell people that bleeding during labour is normal! It so obviously isnt!!!

    Our post mortem report from Ada's death also said asphyxia (they noted black things in her lungs consistent with sudden lack of oxygen), but they have no idea what caused it. I do know that meconium aspiration after birth can cause problems, but since she was still in your womb i would think (In my opinion) that would be unlikely because they have to take a breath for it to get into their lungs. The meconium comes out while the baby is in distress, so perhaps the lack of oxygen caused the distress, which in turn caused the meconium. I hope you get more answers though when you see the c-section doctor.

    It's just such an awful thing to be told. Your baby died of lack of oxygen, but we dont know what caused that. My first question to the doctor when he told me that was "What did i do?" I thought i'd rolled over onto her and cut off her blood through the cord or something. The doctor said that was unlikely. I still find myself blaming me though. I figure there must be an explanation, but because we don't know it, it must be something i've done. My logical mind knows that this isn't the case, but i can't help feeling that way.

    I also wished that they'd done a c-section sooner with Zane. In fact, if i'd scheduled a c-section instead of opting for a natural labour then he would most likely still be alive. That's why when i see women on this board pushing and pushing the natural labour option and insisting that it is the best way and saying that doctors opt too soon and too often for a c-section, it makes me sad. If the doctors had opted sooner for c-sections for us two then there would probably be two more babies alive in the world today!

    Sarah
    Mum to...
    Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
    Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
    Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

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    Mega Poster Anngie60's Avatar
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    Im so sorry for what has happened to you (((HUGS)))

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    BLP
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    I am at a loss for words. Your story is heartbreaking. I am truly sorry.

  9. #9
    NOLAgirl
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    I'm so, so sorry. The unknown is awful, it just isn't fair that we have no answers in addition to losing our babies.

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    Your story is heartbreaking I hope it helped in some way, to put it into words...I know telling your story will help so many other women out there..

    I hope you get an answer.....some closure..from the c-sec doctor when you meet with them..

    Sending many too you.

    Marie

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