Originally Posted by jorichHello
I am going to tell my story as it has really helped me to not feel so alone (and to have a good cry) reading this forum.
I lost my little girl 5 months ago at 30 weeks. She is called Amelia. Everything had gone well and I had seen my midwife 2 days earlier. Then didn't feel her move for a whole day but told myself I was being silly.
When I woke up the next day I knew deep down something was wrong and on arrival at hospital no heartbeat seen on uss. I then had to ring and tell DH who was away at work which was awful. I was sent home for 2 days and can't really remember them.
I am lucky enough to have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who still managed to make me smile and made our house retain some normality but it is hard to grieve as she gets upset. She says mummy has leaky eyes! I couldn't look at or touch my stomach in those 2 days but when the morning came to go in to deliver her I didn't want her to leave me. That day goes down as the worst of my life, but DH and I got to spend some time with Amelia and I found it hard to go home and leave her. I was worried about seeing her and freaking out but that turned out to be the easist bit. She looked exactly like my other daughter and was perfect. (Nothing found on autopsy)
I had a few problems with the hospital which I have written to them to ensure it never happens to anyone else, there were breastfeeding posters in my room and people were in and out alot uneccesarily during delivery. On DH and I first being left alone with Amelia 5 mins after she was born, someone came in looking for something and said congratulations. it turned out there was no symbol or sign on the door to let staff know it was a stillbirth and she thought we were crying in celebration.
EDD was really hard, but we have been away as a family which was very needed. Very hard for DH as had to go back to work after 2 weeks and people ask how you are but forget him a bit.
The whole experience has been dreadfull but I have also realised what wonderful family and friends I have. DH and I are even closer and every day with my daughter is cherished.
Unfortunatly I also have lots of pregnant friends, which is hard but have realised I can't push myself too hard or expect too much yet. My friends are great and understand I won't be visiting for a while.
Am trying again now but am petrified, I still have very up and down emotions but wanted to say reading other peoples experiences and support of each other has helped to give me courage - Thank you