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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by blondy524
    My boyfriend and I (both 21 years old) found out I was pregnant in June on the day that we left for our trip to the beach. What an exciting way to start out a vacation, right?! We were excited and overwhelmed and completely surprised since we were definately not trying. I was already 7 weeks along. We did not tell our families-we wanted to wait until I was 13 or 14 weeks. Since I live at home with my parents, I'm surprised they didn't suspect anything since I was sooo tired all the time. Our first official appointment was right before I started my 14th week. (We had been in for a blood test to confirm the pregnancy.) My midwife did the exam and she tried to find a heartbeat with the doppler but no luck. She did an ultrasound but said she wasn't very experienced so she had the doctor take a look. Then we saw our baby but his little heart was very still. I was strong about it until we got to the car and then I broke down. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. The day before I had bought a little hat and outfit for him. The night before I had laid in bed and dreamed about feeling him move for the first time. My body held on to him for 2 weeks before it finally gave him up on Aug 2, 2003. That was physically and emotionally the worst pain I had ever experience in my life. I still can't believe he is gone. I can't believe I will never hold him or see him smile or hear him laugh. I've been writing "he" and "him" the whole time because I just had this feeling that our baby was a little boy - so my boyfriend and I named him Bradley Evan. The hardest part was not having anyone to talk to about it. I was raised in the church and would freaked my parents out if I had told them and I didn't want them to worry so I had to go it alone, just my boyfriend and me. Thanks for letting me share my story!
    ~blondy524

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    Quote Originally Posted by LemonadeGirl1
    I was just about to graduate from college when I got a little surprise. My boyfriend and I weren't ready to be parents, it wasn't planned, but nonetheless I became so excited to be a mommy, and wanted so much to have this baby.

    Everything seemed to go perfectly, there were no problems at all, I didn't even get morning sickness, and I was able to hear a strong healthy heartbeat and see my baby moving in me on my ultrasound. When I was 6 months along my baby stopped kicking. Of course that freaked me out, so we went to hospital where they tried to find a heart beat, and couldn't, and an ultrasound confirmed that my baby was dead. I had to do the whole labor thing, they induced me, I got an epidural (which didn't take very well) so I was so angry that not only is my baby dead, but I have to go through all that pain for nothing, there was no end goal of taking home the baby. She was born at 9:23 am on 3/19/02.

    They never found out what went wrong, all the tests were normal. I'll never know what went wrong, which makes it harder. We named her Jenna Christina, and had her cremated. Her father and I (we're no longer together) each have half of her ashes. I think about her all the time. For a while it was so hard, I couldnt' even go back to work for a month because I was so depressed. I've been able to make my peace with the whole thing, but not a day goes by when I don't think of her and picture her running around. The following saying is so true when we lose children: "When you lose a parent, you've lost your past, but when you lose a child, you've lost your future." Thanks for letting me share.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2lily
    I had baby #1 Lily on December 8th 2001. We decided that we wanted to have our children like a year and a half apart, so when she was 6 months old we started trying, we knew it would take a few times. 6 months later we found out I was 12 weeks along. We were thrilled!!! We would have the baby when we wanted to. Everything went perfectly, we went in at 24 weeks for an ultrasound and found out that our baby was breech, but that he would be OK. Well I was scheduled for another u/s at 31 weeks. At 30 weeks I started having heavy bleeding and contractions. I hadn't felt the baby kick in a few days, but a little ealier, I hadn't felt baby for 3 days went in to be checked and baby was fine, he wasn't very active, so I thought it was just normal. My contractions increased, but I thought they were just BH contractions, because I knew this was way to early to go into labor. We went to the hospital at 5:00 because of the bleeding, they checked me and said that I was going into labor. I mentioned not feeling him kick, so they did an u/s. they found he had been suffocated by the umbilica cord when he turned and became breech. I delived a stillborn baby on March 19 2003. We named him Mattew Lewis. If the doctor would have been more skilled at u/s we may not have lost him. I don't blame him, I blame his medical school. But we have been blesed with another angel coming soon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by we2lj2003
    I was Married to My first husband when we started to go for infertility treatments then I was told I couldnt get pregnant on my own .. without the help of drugs... Then my 1st husband and I got divorved and I met my husband that i am with now .. we tried and tried and then we decided to stop trying because month after month of not getting pregnant it was becoming to much .. then a few months later we decided to give it one more shot .. and the month that we started to try again we got pregnant.. We was beyond happy .. for 7 weeks I had cramping and bleeding and I would go back and forth to the doctors and they would say everything looked fine .. they did a ultra sound and i seen the heart beat everything was going good then december 6th 2004 I had gone food shopping and came home and started to have these pains and alittle spotting .. so i thought it was normal because I have been feeling the same thing for weeks .. so my husband and I went to bed and I got woken up by these very very intense pains and so we decided to go to the ER and 45 minutes later I miscarriaged ... I was 7 weeeks and a few days pregnant ..

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    Quote Originally Posted by lillywhiteroses
    My story, Quite long sorry

    DH and I aiready have 2 kids each and we decided we would like to have 2 together as well, we were ttc for 6 months and we found out we were pregnant when we were 4 weeks,
    at 6.5weeks we were bleeding and had to go for a scan, thats we when descovered we were going to have twins, we were so excited but kind of scared and shocked and in a daze all at the same time, everything seemed to be going fine, when went for another scan at 12weeks(mon)
    and at this scan everything was looking great both babies growing fine, but the couldnt find a sac between so they thought they babies must be sharing the same sac which makes it a very very complicated pregnancy with lots of things that can easily go wrong, But ON the fri @ 12weeks5days, I start bleeding lost about 1/2 cup in 15mins, so we go to the ER and I get checked over, and had a scan were everything was still fine, they cant really understand how I could be bleeding so much but it was coming form outside the sac and away from the placenta, so shouldnt harm the babies in any way, I get put on rest and have to get home help as I have a daughter who has cerebral palsy,
    things carry on ok and the bleeding slows but doesnt stop very often, I continue taking things easy and go for another scan @16 and everyone gets excited they have found that the babies do have a sac each so this is ment to make things easier, we continue on and finialy get to see a OB at 19 weeks who says that everything seems fine and I should be able to carry to 36 weeks, (I had to laugh as I cant even carry one baby that long) the next night things get funny again I passthis Huge solid blood clot into the toilet and had to fish it out to make sure it wasnt a baby, I phone my midwife conserend who checks me out everythings ok the babys heartbeats are good, on the 30th nov 04 we go for a scan were 20weeks and so excited cause we were going to find out the sex,
    everything in this scan looked perfect and we found out they were girls, we left the clinic and went to tell family members the good news, a couple of hours later I start having weird pains so we go to the maternaty ward, to get checked out, They stuck me on the toko machine (its the thing that gives printouts of heartbeats and if your having contraction) both the twins heartbeats were fine and for the 30mins I was there I had the pains but was not having contractions, I was offered the choice to stay in hospital in bed rest or go home on bed rest, I already had home help from being on rest anyway so went home, When we left we were told that if i was going into labour they couldnt stop it as i was only 20weeks,

    Sleeping that night was a killer but the pains died down,
    I asked DH to saty home from owrk the next morning as I just wanted him around, he couldnt, the pains were still here but just niggles, (5am)
    at 1045am I felt kind of funny the pains had gone but I rang DH and told him I needed him to come home, I rang my midwife and told her I was feeling funny and she came right over, at 1110am I went into labour I had tha closed bag of waters hanging out between my legs, midwife told me to l ay down and we waited for dh to get home, while my home help put blankets on the back seat of my midwifes car, DH gets home at 1120am and we get into the car, at 1125 still in my driveway I had Makayla and 5 min later I had Liliana Laying the in the car with DH for support we drive the 5 mins to the hospital we get taken to a room where I delivered the placenta, (was in labour for only 26mins all up) NOW we had to wait for Makayla and Liliana to died as there was nothing anyone could do, Liliana died first at 1245pm but Makayla kept fighting and lived untill 245pm, My parents and sister and some aunties and some friends came to the hospital while the babies were still alive, and my two kids as well My step children were unfortunatly 5 hours away so couldnt come till the next day,
    I am glad thaI have always been able to predect just befor I go into labour otherwise Dh would have missed thier birth which was really worring him on the way home as we new they wouldnt survive being so early, I had to spend the night in hospital as I lost a heap of blood and needed a drip to controll the bleeding, DH got to stay with me

    When we went home the next day we were able to take the twins bodies with us as they were too small to be embarmed(what they do to preserve dead people) We hyad the twins at home in their coffin untill the 4th dec when we had a sevice for them at the place we got married and then as a family we drove them to the crematorian, this was the first time I had to leave my babies somewhere, we collected their ashes the next morning and now they rest at home with us in their special urn which DH the Kids and I all chose together,

    Thanks for reading my story I am sorry it was so long, But we struggled the hole way though the pregnancy to carry the twins so far, and were thank full that we got the right to name them, we have birth and death certificates, we even had a family photo taken as for just a little while we were a family with 6 kids

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    Quote Originally Posted by tisaboom
    This is hard, to leave the august board and come here! but i know how supportive this website has been for me! My journey isnt over yet! I had a perfectly fine pregnancy, no m/s just tired. So when we went to the Dr.'s Monday I was floored! We had an u/s and the nurse asked me if my dates could be off, I was thinking I was farther along since I showed so early, but she said I only measured at 8 wks when I thought 10 wks, When she never turned the monitor on, I just had a sinking feeling, she told me to get dressed and the dr would see me!! Now I absolutely adore my dr. I started seeing him when my first husband and I couldnt conceive! something which my husband now and I did quite on accident! Well he came in and was all smiles and said that when he saw my name and why I was there he was so excited. So I started to relax, but he hadnt actually looked at the u/s yet. My heart dropped! No baby!! I have an amnio sac measuring 8wks but no yolk sac or baby! I was in too much shock to even ask what the hell that meant! I just balled. I have to go next Tuesday to make sure his diagnosis is correct! But he doesnt want me getting my hopes up! So now I just wait and its the worst thing ever!! The worst is I still feel pregnant, I'm still tired my bb are still sore! I would be so grateful for a miracle, but if not I just want this over, no more waiting! Well thats my story as of so far! I am so sorry over all of you ladies that have lost, cuz I finally understand just how hard it is!
    UPDATE"

    I went for the second appt the following monday and I measured 11 wks along, but still nothing. My Dr. was going out of town that wednessday so he offered to do a D&C the next morning at 5AM. It was too hard for me to make that desision on such short notice so I chose to wait. That Thursday I started cramping and bleeding real heavy so I called the after hours number and his on call Dr told me everything was fine. So Friday I got up and nothing absolutely no bleeding, so when the Dr called to check on me I said lets do the D&C. I went in Sat morning and was perfectly fine until they walked me into the OR. I absolutely just lost it. I knew what was going on and had 2 weeks to come to terms with there being no baby, but the finality of it just rocked me. They had to put me on the ventilator because i was almost 12 weeks and my uterus was still developing I was more scared of that then the procedure. I guess I just needed something else to think of. That was on the 29th of Jan. and I recovered just fine physically, Im still waiting for my first AF. and I think we are putting off TTC till later this year. But the milestones are the hardest, when I realized we would of been 17 wks and figureing out the sex I just sat down and cried, my poor husband doesnt have a clue how to make it better, and he cant. I just need to lose it every once in a while.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babycakes21
    I found out I was pregnant December 26th, 2003. My boyfriend & I at the time had only been together for 5 1/2 months. I was 20, he was 18 (2 years younger than I). It came as a shock to me. I thought we were careful, but apparently I guess not careful enough. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. Things in my life were going pretty bad, besides boyfriend (who I thought loved me). I had a crappy job, couldn't afford college, or even afford to buy a car. I made a lousy $100 a week just watching neighbourhood children during the day. Every resume I handed out would be returned. Having a baby was the scariest thing ever, I had mixed feelings about it all. I knew deep down that family & friends would help out (just the type of people they are), but apart of me knew that I wasn't ready, I wasn't finished growing up yet. I always wanted to have children, but I always pictured myself, madly in love with someone, married to them, have a steady paying job, a house, etc. I didn't have any of those -- it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into that at all. My boyfriend sensed something was wrong with me, just by my behaviour the past few days, but I kept it a secret. I didn't know how to tell him -- I didn't know what to say. This would effect his life as well. He planned to go away to school in September 2004 (I was due in September). I didn't want him to give up on his dreams to stay home with a baby & I.

    On the 28th of December, I started to have these terrible sharp pains in my stomach -- again, I kept that a secret. I didn't let on that I was in pain, I just ignored it, and hoped that the pain would pass. I was suppose to spend the night with my boyfriend at his house, but convinced him that I wasn't feeling good & just wanted to be at home. The next day, I miscarried. I thought finding out I was pregnant was the scariest thing ever (especially when you aren't ready), but I was wrong. Having a miscarriage was the scariest thing ever. I felt so alone. For 2 days I kept saying that I wasn't ready, and having this baby wouldn't be fair, and here I was losing it, and I wanted to keep it. I loved it. I kept the miscarriage a secret for 4 days, but my boyfriend knew something was different about me. I was quiet, I didn't want to be held, I cried all the time. I felt guilty for saying that I didn't want my baby, but in the end I really did want it, I was just scared!

    Eventually, he found out -- he asked me point blank if I was pregnant, and I had to answer him, and just told him, "Not anymore". I couldn't face him, I kept it a secret for a week. I just cried into my pillow, while he tried to say the 'right things'. But whatever he said, wasn't right, it was hurtful. He'd try to comfort me, but I knew deep down he was happy about the miscarriage. He never loved me the way I thought he did -- 3 days later, he came online, and broke up with me. Told me that telling me he loved me was all a lie, and that he shouldn't of ever said it to me. I thought I was alone before, but now I felt like he was running away, and that's exactly what he did. We haven't talked since. He left me to deal with the miscarriage alone. For months, I wasn't the same person -- I was an emotional wreck. I tried dating again, but eventually the people I dated knew that something was bothering me, and would leave too.

    In May 2004, I met the most amazing guy ever -- he knows about "Sera" (that's what I decided to name my angel, for it means, "Heavenly winged Angel). He held me while I told him the story, and understands it all. He's patient with me, and loves me for ME! He told me "together", we'll get through this, and is always around when I need a shoulder to cry on.

    As for Sera -- she's my angel that watches over me. I'm the luckiest person to have an angel above me to protect me

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    Quote Originally Posted by revlaurie
    Hi everyone,
    I am new to this site, but I wanted to share my story of the stillbirth of my firstborn child. It was such a shock to us, and I am still searching for words of comfort and hope.
    My pregnancy was really great, picture perfect actually. At 9 months, exactly full term I started having contractions. Excitedly my husband and I and my mom rushed to the hospital eager to begin the process of meeting our long awaited child. But after an initial u/s- the nurse paged the doctor on call. Still, I thought the baby must just be in a strange position. After he examined me for about 15 minutes, he turned to my husband and I and told us there was no heartbeat. I could hardly beleive it! There were no signs at all that anything was wrong, and I had had a regular check up 2 days prior!
    I had begun natural labour, and my husband and I, and to endure 22 hours of labour knowing our baby was dead. No epidural was availabe in the town where I live, and each pain felt agonizing. I suppose it was truly a labour of love.
    ANgelina was born 7 pounds, 9 oz, and appeared absolutely perfect and beautiful. Her skin was rose and warm, and the doctor said there was nothing there could see that was the cuase of death.
    It has only been a few months, and we are wondering about trying again, but my heart aches for the little girl we lost.
    How can words describe holding our newborn girl, and knowing we could not keep her. Walking out of the maternity ward with our arms empty was the worst part.
    I could really use some words of hope,
    Laurie

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    Quote Originally Posted by PINKBOW
    This is my first time to this site, and it truely makes me sad to read everybodys stories and hear of all the losses I am however grateful that even though it is via email there is support for all of us who experience this grief and loss, and there is this place we can all go and share our thoughts, feelings and emotions. I delivered a beautiful girl at 24 weeks - she was born still, and I struggle with this loss daily. At first it consumed my life, but with time the coping has gotten easier. I have gotten online so many times to search for ways to cope and things I can do in memory of my little angel. I think that talking with other people who have experienced a loss is helpful because they are the only ones who TRUELY can understand the pain involved. My little girl was lost due to placenta abruptia and not knowing I had this condition we were unable to save her. I went in for my 24 week apt. thinking all was well and was told there was no heartbeat. I had my two year old son sitting in the room with me. How do you explain that this little sister he had grown to love was not going to be born? My husband and I were sent up to deliver that day and 14 hours later we held her in our arms. She was a perfect beautiful little angel. She will be forever in our hearts and minds!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by becca1
    Wow, I"m am so sorry for all of these losses ladies - my heart goes out to all of you.

    I've told my 'story' before, but never in this thread, so I'll just quickly outline it.

    I went through a donor clinic and artificial insemination to TTC. (I'm a single woman who wanted to start her family). I was told it could take 4 - 5 tries with IUI. (Intra-Uterin-Insemination). I didn't have the money for 5 tries, so I hoped it wouldn't take more than two tries (I only had two 'samples' to TTC with).

    I was so very blessed that I concieved on the first try - I was beyond blessed. I knew in my heart and sould before I even left that office that I was going to be pregnant - that it'd worked.

    I went for my first blood test 2 weeks later, and the count was 60. I went 2 days later and the count had just more than doubled - 122. I was ecstatic - I called everyone I knew, I told the people at work within the next few days. I couldn't keep it in, nor did I want to. I was the happiest I"d ever been -

    The pregnancy was going along great - no morning sickness at all (my mom and sis never had any either so I wasn't expecting any) - all I had were VERY sore breats, and frequent trips to the bathroom (oh and that excess saliva thing lol).

    When going through assisted reproctuctive services, it's routine to have an U/S done at 40 days gestation. (it's routine at my doctor's office anyway). I went on MOnday Mar 14th for my u/s, I was so excited I couldn't contain myself. My mom was there with me. The Tech said everything looked fine, she couldn't pick up a heartbeat but said everything looked alrgiht, and that my dr. would just order another u/s for a few days from now to try again to pick up the heartbeat. I was still so elated! She was able to see blood flow in the area of the baby, and gave me an U/s pic.

    I went on Friday March 18th to see my dr. for my scheduled appt. He said he wanted antoher u/s some time in the next week. I was able to get in that same day over at another clinic. My mom got off work to come with me. The tech dind't let her come in !! she said "if we see anything, I"ll go get your mom". OMG, the thought that we wouldn't see the baby never crossed my mind. The thought that there was anything wrong never crossed mymind, i felt wonderful - nothing had changed for me, so I assumed everything was ok.

    I wish she has let my mom come in, because she dind't see the baby there anymore. The u/s on monday showed the baby, but on friday, the baby was gone. If this tech had sensed that something could be wrong, she should have gotten my mom, cuz that was a horrible moment to be alone, when I heard her repeat "it's empty, there's nothing there". She told me I had most likely miscarried! My world stopped turning. (I"m so crying right now!). I was trying to be so strong, and only let a tear slip down my face while i was getting dressed (she didn't even leave me to get dressed in private!).

    I walked out of hte office, and past the waiting room where my mom was waiting anxiously. I looked at her quickly and she was up by my side as we walked out of there. Without even looking at my mom, I toldher "The baby's not there".

    For that weekend, I had gone through so many mixed emotions. I started grieving immediately, but there was a shred of hope that that tech was just wrong, that maybe she just didn't do her job right. That monday I went in to see my OB who was on call at the hospital. AFter waiting around for hours, he confirmed the miscarriage. I went in the very next day to have my D&C done - he offered to do it for me because I couldn't stand the waiting anymore. Just waiting over that weekend was hell for me. It was like I was waiting for death to happen, and it was tearing me apart.

    It was my 30th birthday when I went in for my D&C (march 22nd).

    It's been a month (today), since my angel baby was born into Heaven.

    ~~anyway, sorry if this is long, but once i started typing, i couldn't stop.
    Most women on here know my story, but i wanted to add it to the "our stories" thread.

    Thanks,

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