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Thread: Your Story, Remembrance Calendar, Our Memorial Websites

  1. #61
    Posting Addict Uropachild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2Denise1010
    Here is my baby’s story.

    I have been married to my DH for about 2.5 years. We got married later in life (I am 35 and DH is 44). We started TTC in 10/05 and got pregnant the first time in 12/05. We had a m/c on New Year's eve at about 6 weeks. Right after the m/c we got pregnant again.

    My pregnancy was complicated by a blood clot (DVT) in my leg and so I was on Lovenox and I was getting ultrasounds to measure the baby's growth. On my last ultrasound, Jasmine measured small and so I was scheduled to be induced the next week. I actually went into labor two days later and had Jasmine by an emergency c-section right at 37 weeks because her heart rate showed that she was not tolerating labor.

    Jasmine weighed 2425 grams (5 lbs, 5 oz) when she was born and she measured 19 inches. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw her. She had trouble breathing immediately, and so we were transferred to another hospital because she was doing so poorly. She was in the NICU over the following 15 days. We tried everything to get her lungs to work but they never did. She also had brain damage from lack of oxygen. One of the medicine’s (Nitric oxide) that she was on caused her to high levels of cyanide and we had to stop giving it to her. Once we stopped the medicine she stopped breathing completely and passed away. We were able to hold her the last hours of her life. We had an autopsy done to see what was wrong with her lungs, but we are still awaiting the results.

    We had a memorial for Jasmine with our friends and family. It was very encouraging to get so much support from people as we were going through this difficult time. We plan on planting a tree with a plaque in a park near where we live as a place so spread her ashes (After the autopsy, we had Jasmine cremated).

    It has been hard losing a baby and we miss her a lot, but we are comforted knowing that we will see her again in heaven.

    Denise

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by frosty's girl
    I had a shortened version only that just emphasized the facts and not all that lead up to Cayman's birth..I just couldn't do that before. Here is Cayman's whole story, I tried to make it as short as possible. Thanks for letting me share this:

    My husband and I had been married for two years and decided we wanted to start our family. Our plan was to have one child due to our ages: dh 30 and me 35. We were in the process of buying our new home and I took the pregnancy test on Nov. 9, 2005 the day we moved in. It was positive-we were excited and scared. The feeling was surreal! We were going to be parents!

    We found out 2/20/06 that we were having a boy! We were so excited and proud and ready to start finding the perfect name for our baby. During the ultrasound the technician could not get a good view of his heart so we were told they would get them at the next appt. which was 3/20/06. I had a very good pregancy aside from the usual heartburn, swelling, and being uncomfortable, etc. I am short so my belly really stuck out there! I got the question about "are you sure you aren't having twins?" all the time. My due date was 7/12/06 and that came and went with out any real contractions or dialation. At my appt. on 7/20/06 I was told I was still not dialated but I was 100 % effaced. My doctor and I decided to try induction. I never dialated past a 3, my water broke and there was meconium in the water so they decided to do a c-section.

    Our handsome, big boy Cayman was born into this world on July 22,2006 at 3:30 pm, weighing 8lb 7oz and 21inches long. He was suctioned to get out the meconium and his apgar scores were 8 & 9. He was beautiful, his color was pink and he was alert. Dad fed him his first bottle, he took 1 oz. I was in awe and so in love with my baby! The whole family joined us in recovery and everyone got to see and hold Cayman. It was the most joyous and proud day of my life!

    In the hospital Cayman was doing fine. He wasn't a real good eater. He wouldn't eat a lot at each feeding. He really needed to be burped alot. So he was fed in shorter intervals. The nurses seemed to be a little concerned about this. So in turn I felt sensitive to this. The nurses worked with me to get him to feed a bit better. He would suck his hands pretty good when he was hungry so sucking wasn't a problem. This also concerned me: he would almost fall asleep right after feeding and I would have to try and keep him awake to burp him. I was told to unwrap him to get him more alert to burp by the nurses, so that eased me a bit. By the time we left the hospital-3 days after his birth, July 25 I he was doing well and eating almost 2 oz at each feeding.

    We went home and everything was fine. I kept a journal of everything, from his diaper change/content and feeding. He would take a little over an oz or so per feeding. I figured it was the adjustment to the new enviroment, etc. We were exhausted but very happy. I loved being a mother! I never dreamed I would feel so fulfilled in my life.

    Cayman's 1st appointment at the pediatrician was July 28, he was asleep for almost the whole appointment. Everything checked out fine. I asked some general questions about feeding and my concern for him not taking as much formula as he had been taking in the hospital. The doctor assured me that Cayman was gaining weight so he was getting the proper nutrition. That eased my worrying about this.

    I had started to notice around July 31st that he again had decreased the amount of formula he had been taking to about 1 oz, sometimes he would only eat .5 oz. When he was feeding his chest was really working up and down. This concerned me. I thought may be he could be congested and maybe that's why he isn't eating as much? I called the pediatrician that day and they said bring him in the following day, Aug. 1st at 10 a.m. The morning of August 1, we took Cayman into the ped., I explained my concerns about his breathing being labored while feeding and his not taking as much formula as he had been. We were asked if we had done the nasal saline spray and suction. I told her no, we had not as we had not seen any discharge from his nose. The doctor listened to Cayman's heart and lungs. The nurse checked his pulse/oximetry level. She could not find it in his foot but did get a read from his hand, it was 97. We were shown how to do the saline spray and suction and told to do that before bed-time and before eating and to keep him propped up when he wasn't sleeping to help with drainage. We went home with no concerns.

    Grammy came over later that day to watch Cayman so dh could drive me to my 2 week follow up for my C-section incision. My appt. went fine. The staff at my OBGYN office gave me flack about not bringing Cayman. But it was a grueling humid day that day and I figured he had already been out in it for his appt. so I decided to let him have his time with Grammy.

    The rest of the afternoon and evening went fine. Cayman's fussy time was in the evening I was noticing lately. He slept from 6:30-9:30pm on my chest. That is the most beautiful feeling in this world-I will not ever forget that feeling. The world stopped and I was in pure bliss. I fed Cayman almost an ounce at 10 pm and burped him, he cried a bit. He had been consolable in the days before but this night seemed a bit different now looking back-I can see. His cry was a little different like it was frustration, I also saw this in his eyes when he cried looking at me. He fell asleep just after 10.

    Cayman woke up from sleeping just before 11 pm and then cried a little bit, we offered him a bottle he was fussy, crying a little. When he settled down we decided to try the nasal suction. He was in my arms and dh tried to suction and there was no drainage. Cayman was fussy as he didn't like the suctioning. He was crying a bit and then suddenly he appeared pale in color, I panicked, I yelled to dh to call 911 (11:03 pm), Cayman's eyes rolled. It looked like he was having a seizure. The worst thought I had was brain damage from lack of oxygen. It never entered my mind that he could die! Cayman became unconscious- he stopped breathing! He was in my arms. I took the phone to talk to 911 and dh whisked Cayman into the nursey and started CPR. EMT finally arrived and Cayman was rushed to the hospital, (he had no vitals). We followed the ambulance to the hospital. We were in pure shock, like we were not really there, but watching from the outside. It didn't seem real but inside-my heart felt that it was. We arrived to the hospital and dh dropped me off and parked the car. There was a woman outside the empty ambulance where Cayman had been transported. She asked, "are you the mother?" I said yes crying and running inside, she took me in a room and some of my family were there already. They asked for my license and insurance card, and took me right in where Cayman was. There were SO MANY medical staff in that room. I knew it was bad. My heart felt ripped out. They tried recusitating Cayman for as long as they could, I was numb the entire time. Dh, myself and all of our family were in that room holding on to each other. I heard medical staff charting (outloud) dosages/times of medicines for Cayman and then a doctor said quietly to another that there was no electrical activity in the heart per a heart ultrasound. The monitor showed a straight horizontal line. I knew what that meant but couldn't let myself believe it! I couldn't think and I couldn't look. There were so many doctors and hospital staff around Cayman I couldn't bare to look. The nurse gave me Cayman's socks and I held them to me. One of the doctor's on staff called me over....I knew what this was, oh no, not this....it was just like on tv, when they tell you the HORRIFIC news. BUT WORSE! She took my hand and said we have all done everything we could and we are very sorry. Time stood still for that moment, I will never forget that.

    My dh immediately broke down sobbing, sobbing that scared me. We held each other and cried that sadest tears ever. We told each other we would "get through this." They were getting Cayman ready for us. He was wrapped up in a blanket and had the tube in his mouth. They couldn't take it out and I was mad at that. For hours we kissed and held him. Nurses from the baby center came down and took his hand and foot prints for us. They were so sad too, everyone was. The whole ER staff was crying.

    I never wanted to leave that hospital. We were a very sad couple leaving without our baby. I regret not spending more time with Cayman. I should have unwrapped him and kissed his whole body head to toe. I was scared, in shock and numb. I did the best I could in the situation at that time.

    Cayman's funeral was August 5, 2006. It was a beautiful, personalized ceremony with many family speakers. His life touched so many people that didn't even know him or had not yet met him. He has tought us many lessons in life and how fragile life is. We will grieve for him until we die and our souls are reunited.

    We waited over two long months for the autopsy results. Cayman died of undiagnosed congenital heart defects; specifically Coarctation of the Aorta. Newborn hearts are not screened. Some of the symptoms of congenital heart defects in newborns are: poor feeding, falling asleep while feeding, no femoral pulse, baby is blue in color, labored breathing, poor weight gain. Cayman experienced 4 of these symptoms.

    Your Momma and Dad miss you and love you so much Cayman! You will never be forgotten.

    “What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us,”
    -Helen Keller
    Baby Boy Cayman-7/22/06-8/1/06

    www.caringbridge.org/visit/caymansinjin

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessilynn
    Hi, my name Jessica and I'm 17. I will be 18 in March. My sister is on Pregnancy.org(weste085). She told me to check out this board. I found out I was pregnant on Oct. 6,2006. And when I figured everything out I had gotten pregnant Sept. 17. I didn't have morning sickness so I got nervous but in the second month I started bleeding like a normal period so I had made a date to go to the doctor but on the morning I was to go I woke up with sharp pains and I knew something was wrong. After all the pain 3 hours later I finally miscarried on Nov.12,2006. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I cry alot. Its something I wish noone had to go through. Its been almost 2 weeks and it hurts to wake up and realize its not there anymore. Can someone please give me on advice on how to deal with this better? I have 3 nephews and my youngest is 7 months and its hard to look at him and wonder "What if?" ok well thats it for now but feel free to reply. Thanks

    ETA:I dont have computer access often but I'll get on when i can.

  4. #64
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    I guess I never formally introduced myself. My name is Monica, and my DH is Eric. I am a high school teacher and DH is a police officer. We have been married since March 2006. In that time we have had three miscarriages. I have been through (almost) all of the requisite testing, with no answers as to why this keeps happening. I have a son, 6, from a previous marriage, so I know that I CAN have a healthy baby.

    Currently we are on a break from TTC, and I am addressing some health issues -- I am visiting a naturopath/acupuncturist, a grief counsellor, and trying to lose 20 pounds.

    I am so glad this forum is here; recurrent loss is such a lonely place sometimes.

  5. #65
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    I just found this site. I've been on PregnancyWeekly.com since I found out I was pregnant in March but since I lost Cayleigh I haven't found a place that I feel comfortable in. I'm hoping this board will be what I'm looking for.

    Cayleigh was our first baby. She wasn't planned but was very loved. I was due October 8, 2006. The first 20 weeks were uneventful until my quad screen came back abnormal. I had a level 2 u/s done and they said she had a cystic hygroma (large fluid mass on her head/neck), fluid in her abdomen and a heart defect. The doctor said it could be Down's or Turner's syndrome or something else. We prayed so hard that she would be ok. She stayed with us another month and then at my normal check-up there was no heartbeat. I was induced and she was born still on July 15, 2006. We buried her next to my uncle who died of SIDS at 3 months old. We found out later that she did have Turner's Syndrome, or rather Monosomy X because it's only called Turner's Syndrome in a live baby. Basically when she was conceived she only got one X chromosome instead of 2. So there was nothing we could have done different. It's not inherited, just a rare occurence. 99% of babies with Turner's don't survive. The doctors say that it's extremely unlikely it will happen again. We miss her so much. The holidays have been especially hard.

    -Cami

  6. #66
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    Hi, my name is Karen and my boyfriend is Gabe. When we found out of Fathers Day of this year that we were pregnant, we were extatic. I started planning and buying right away! And everything was perfect till I started my 20th wk. I woke up bleeding one night and went to the er. They checked the hrtbt and said everything was fine, sent me home on bed rest. I seen my dr. a few days later and had a u/s. I had a partial previa. So, the bleeding eventually stopped and 3 wks later I went back for a follow up u/s and they said everything was great! Previa was resolved. That was a Wed. the next Sun, i woke up bleeding again. Once again we rushed to the er, only to be brushed off and told that everything was fine, sometimes women just bleed during pregnancy! I went to see one of the Dr. in my office the next day! He said the same thing and brushed off all my fears of an abruption, because i wasn't having any pain. I begged for an u/s, but he said no, because i had just had one the week before. So I went home with no restrictions. Well, 3 wks later, when i was 26 wks and 7 days, i woke up bleeding again. I called my dr. office and asked to see another ob on staff and was told to come in asap! They did an u/s and Nataleys heart was just barely beating. He sent me to the hospital and once they finally found her heartbeat with the monitor, it was only 81. They did an emergency c-section and Nataley Grayce Young was born at 5:33 on Nov. 13th 2006. She weighed 1lb 60z and was 12 in. long. The Dr. told me that my placenta was really unhealthy and looked like i had been having a chronic abruption for several wks. Due to the lack of blood and oxygen, all of Nataleys organs were severely damaged. Her body never produced urine and her heart never beat on its own. Her ekg and eeg showed very little brain activity, and she was just so tiny! We tried for 2 days to get her stable enough to start treating some of her ailments, but her body just couldn't handle it. We took her off life support on the 15th and she went to heaven in my arms at 3:18 pm. I lost my mom when i was 14, and i thought i would never get over it, but this has taken everything from me! I feel like i have nothing left. I know i have to go on, because thats the way life works, but i don't think I nor Gabe will ever be whole again with out our precious "Bump"

  7. #67
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    Post removed
    Last edited by Rori; 02-02-2008 at 11:50 PM.

  8. #68
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    My name is Marcelle and my DH's is Phil, and our darling baby angel who was born @ 21 weeks on September 1st is Lachlan Scott .



    Our story began 4 years ago, when because Philip had had a vasectomy with his 2nd wife, we began the arduous journey of IVF. So as to cut a longer story a little shorter, we were not lucky and had 9 BFN's. With 2 frosties in the freezer and not a whole lot of optimism, we embarked upon our 10th cycle in April of this year, with transfer occuring on the 25th April.

    Two weeks later we did a HPT and with extreme disbelief it came up immediately with 2 strong pink lines - we were over joyed and couldn't believe that finally we had success. After 2 more weeks of waiting we went to our dr's and saw a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. We were overjoyed!

    Generally my pregnancy was pretty crappy, with bleeding and pain from the fibroids, that due to the pregnancy hormones were growing, growing and growing, ending up at 16cm and 8 cm respectfully. My Dr's however were not particularly concerned, and my 12 and 19/20 week ultrasound scans were all good, the last of which was done on the 14th August, other than the obvious issue of the fibroids, no one was concerned.

    Unfortunately though after a week of constant pain which I had been experiencing since coming off of my IVF med's in week 10, life threw us a huge curve ball and I ended up at the hospital to be checked out.

    Not really knowing anything about labour I figured that the pain experienced was a combination of fibroid and constipation - the mid wife and my Dr's locum (my obgyn had this weekend off) seemed to agree and gave me med's for the constipation and instructions to use a heat pad for pain relief. No Dr examined me at this time, what a mistake!

    The pain worsened and on Wednesday the 23rd August at 2.30am at essentially just under 20 weeks, I ended up back at the hospital, where I was admitted, my OBGYN contacted and given pain killers and a sedative to help me get some sleep - obviously the mid wife on duty didn't think that it was looking too good. Promptly at 7am the next morning Paul, my dr arrived and immediately suggested that we do an internal to check out what was going on - to his great shock, I appeared to be 10 cm dilated ( which eventually turned out to be 6 cm) and the amniotic sac was bulging through the cervix - this was a disaster, and it appeared for all intense purposes that our baby could be born at any minute. He wasn't. The greatest issue now was infection, which my blood work already told my Dr was an issue.

    Unfortunately we did not get to the magic 24 week mark where if Lachlan had been born then would have resulted in medical intervention, as at 21 weeks, or less than 400 grams here in Queensland, babies are not considered "viable", and the mother's health becomes the priority.

    Our darling baby boy was born after my waters ruptured on Friday the 1st of September at 5:18pm. He was absolutely perfect! Tiny little hands and feet with finger nails and toenails, darkness on his scalp where hair would have later formed and a beautiful button nose (just like his mummy's). Being the fighter that was he peacefully lived surrounded by his mummy( for a little while as I had to have emergency surgery to remove the placenta, and other infected tissue due to severe Chorioamnionitis) daddy, nana and godmother for 82 minutes - for this time we are truely blessed.

    Lachlan Scott Hou Liang (meaning very beautiful in Chinese) grew wings at 6:40pm the same day.

    We love you Lachlan more than words can express. You are forever part of us, and we forever part of you.
    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lachlanscotthoulianglam.

  9. #69
    Supporter becky42's Avatar
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    Baby Charlie Chesters 12th october 2003 weighing 140 grams approx 18 weeks (but never knew for sure)

    A little late but here goes.

    I found out that i was pregnant in august 2003. I had uncontrollable morning sickness i'm talking morning day and night it just never stopped I barely ate the whole time I was pregnant i looked like i was dying midwife said it was just part of pregnancy theres nothing I could do.
    Then at the begginning of september I went for an ultrasound the sonographer said that as far as she could see everything seemed ok but she couldn't be sure she said that he was too small for my dates and put me back more than a week so she sent me home. she was just peed off that other women hadn't had enough to drink and that i hadn't either which wasn't true

    October 1st I went for my triple screening test didn't think much about it until October 7th came I received a letter from the hospital saying that I needed another scan and that the chances of spina bifida were 1 in 20.
    So october 8th I went to the hospital with my mum
    we go into the consultant he says theres nothing to worry about I'll see you in about 15 minutes. I went into the room and again it was the same woman as the first scan. I lie there on the bed about 5 minutes later she says I need to go get somebody else to have a look at this so the other lady came and confirmed that my baby did indeed have a severe case of spina bifida and was incompatable with life. I was in a state of shock I practically screamed, I then had to walk past all the other pregnant women all staring at me and as the lady basically pushed me into the room (I was making such a scene) she said oh its alright you're still young you can have more like that makes a difference to baby still inside me. After a 3 hour wait I had a further scan to confirm it all at this point my SO had come to the hospital I lay on the bed as they did the scan I don't know where my head went but I wasn't there (mentally) the sonographer too confirmed it, they then send me home and say come back friday.

    I didn't sleep for 2 days I went back to the hospital at 9am and this time putting me in a closed off room the consultant did the scan at this time I was a lot calmer so was able to see what exactly was wrong my baby he had 3 large holes in his spine and severe hydrocephelus and at this stage his heart was failing and had stopped growing he said that there was no chance of life and I had no choice but to terminate he sent me into another room to await the support lady, she then came and i had to wait for another 2 hours for them to bring the consent forms for the termination. I needed to eat something for the meds so i went to the canteen I came back and had to wait again for the meds it wasn't until 2.30pm until they brought it, it was the biggest tablet i've ever seen but i managed it in one go I was then sent home until sunday 12th october for the induction.

    I was so sick the whole of the weekend meanwhile I still have a 2 year old to take of and no help from SO, I asked him to come with me to the hospital he said he was too scared (freeking scared I'll give you scared try doing this). Again went with my mum. We arrived at 8am and at 10 am they insert a pessery things go pretty fast i'm still being sick then at 2am I go to the bathroom and my waters break and the pain gets so bad I get an injection of morphine and something for the sickness. I then go out like a light until 9pm I start to get a fever and the midwife said it wouldn't be long she put a fan on me and i lie there until 10.30pm at 10.45 she came to check me and i was ready. i couldn't let my mum see me like this so i sent here to ring my SO, at this time the midwife had me stooping over a bed pan (how dignified) and he came out in one go she covered him over so i couldn't see just as this happened my mum walked back in my SO was finally coming. After 30 minutes the midwife brought him to me he was wrapped in a blanket inside a little basket the midwife handed him to my mum who looked at his back just to make sure the diagnosis was correct but prefect in every other way and then passed him over to me in the basket I never even held him I feel so cheated now. A priest came and baptised him and just as they took him away my SO came and at least got to see him I went home shortly after as i left i was given a memory box with pictures and hand and footprints.

    Charlie was finally laid to rest on 22nd October 2003 a small graveside funeral but that didn't matter. He was put in with 11 other babies so at least he'll never be alone.

    Even to this day I wonder just what the sonographer saw and could she have prevented all that pain but i shouldn't dwell on it at least i got see him.

    Sorry to go on!

    *CHILD MENT*

    I now have a beautiful baby girl who is 3 months old and no problems what so ever.

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    Kailee Emma~Born into God's hands on March 10, 2007.

    Getting pregnant with Kailee was a total surprise to me and my SO....we were having relationship issues and he already has one DD. He was pretty scared and so was I, but I was also thrilled. I have always wanted to be a mother and I knew I could take care of the baby myself if things didn't work out with my SO. I had no problem being a single mother whatsoever. On March 10, 2007, I was sitting in bed, reading a pregnancy book. (SO was outta state working.) I started to have pains and I tried not to worry and told myself it was just gas. The pains started to get more severe and I timed them and realized I was having contractions. I went to the bathroom and started to bleed. I immediately called my best friend and she rushed me to the ER.....it was a Saturday night. They checked me, my bleeding had slowed and said my cervix was stilled closed and my hcg levels were fine but said they wanted to do an u/s to make sure everything was ok. They wheeled me down the hall to the u/s room and on the way I just started pouring blood. I freaked and they rushed me in and did the u/s......and there was no heartbeat. I was eventually sent home with strict orders to see my ob on Monday. All weekend I cried. It was the worst. After seeing my ob, he confirmed that despite all the blood loss, Kailee was still in my belly and he wanted to do a D & C. I was so sad by this point, I was numb. I agreed and they did the D&C the next morning. I HATED being in the maternity ward, knowing I was not going to leave there with my baby. A nurse came in that apparently didn't know that my baby had died and asked me how far along I was. I was like, my baby died and she said omg im so sorry. I really think they should put some kind of sign of the door to let the nurses know that you have lost your baby. My doctor said it was very early in the pregnancy to make a determination on the sex, but he said it looked like a girl to him. I knew she was a girl all along. SO and I named her Kailee Emma.....she is my lil angel in heaven. I miss her everyday.

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