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Thread: Your Story, Remembrance Calendar, Our Memorial Websites

  1. #81
    Posting Addict marymoonu's Avatar
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    Living Child Mentioned


    My name is Mary (26) and DH is Tom (27). We got married on September 27th, 2008 and I knew I would ovulate during our honeymoon. We got pregnant immediately and I got my BFP a few days after we returned from Mexico. I had an absolutely flawless pregnancy and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy on June 30th, 2009 at 40 weeks, 5 days.

    We wanted our children close in age and decided to try again as soon as my AF returned, which wasn't until February 2010. My first cycle was long, but ended with a very normal AF for me. The following cycle, we were shocked to learn that we conceived. I got a faint positive on April 29th and a darker BFP on April 30th. Just a couple days later, I started having some spotting, but it was very light brown/pink, so I thought maybe it was just implantation. On Monday, the bleeding turned bright red, and I was sure I was having an early m/c. I called the nurse and she asked me to come in the next day for a blood draw and u/s. The u/s showed that my lining was thick and intact, and my beta came back at 81. Two days later, my beta had only risen to 127, and the doctor was concerned about ectopic pregnancy. I had more bright red bleeding on the day that the second beta was drawn.

    Four days later, I went in for another beta, and to our surprise it had MORE than doubled to 649! I went in after 2 more days and had a fourth beta and another u/s. It was still a little early, 5.5 weeks, but we did see a sac in my uterus on the u/s. I was SO relieved that the doctor ruled out ectopic pregnancy. He called me personally the next day to tell me that my betas had again MORE than doubled, and said the most beautiful words, "There is nothing to show that this is anything other than a very early, normal, intrauterine pregnancy." I was so excited, but still cautious.

    Over the next couple weeks, things slowed down a bit, but I was still very concerned. I didn't have much in the way of bleeding/spotting, but I had dark discharge of an unusual color that was near the consistency of EWCM. I also frequently lost very small pieces of flesh-like material when I used the bathroom. DH kept telling me, "Every pregnancy is different" but I knew in my heart that this pregnancy was NOT normal. I had no pregnancy symptoms (except perhaps more frequent urination, but I was drinking more water), I was bleeding/spotting off and on for weeks, and losing weird pieces of tissue/discharge.

    Late Tuesday night, 5/25/09, I started having more bleeding before bed, more than I had noticed in weeks. I started to get worried. I went to work on Wednesday 5/26 and the bleeding was a little more frequent all day, but still mostly just when I wiped. I called the nurse, and she was rather insensitive. She told me to call back if I was soaking a pad an hour, and that what I was experiencing was "normal for a miscarriage." I got a call back from the office an hour or so later telling me that I had a urinary tract infection in the urine sample that I had given A WEEK AGO! It's not totally unusual for me to have UTI's with no symptoms... It has happened to me a few times now. I was livid because there was no reason that it should take a week to find a UTI in a urine sample, and because I honestly think they wouldn't have even checked my labs at all if I didn't call back to complain about bleeding. I was extra irate after I found out that UTI can be a risk factor for miscarriage. Anyway, the doctor called in antibiotics and I got started on the treatment (convenient that I work in a pharmacy). I tried telling myself that some of my symptoms could have been attributed to the UTI, but I knew better. I started feeling cramps, finished out my work day, and went home.

    That night, I talked to DH, showed him some of the bleeding, and we came to the collective realization that it was over. I tried watching the American Idol finale that night, but couldn't concentrate. DH and I decided to eat some ice cream for comfort food, and walked into the kitchen. I stood there for a moment with pretty bad cramps, and then suddenly I felt a HUGE gush. It was worse than anything I could ever have imagined. I stood there through multiple huge gushes, and then went into a panic attack. DH told me I HAD to go into the bathroom, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to see anything, and I was terrified. After moments of DH trying to convince me to go in, I knew I had to, otherwise we were going to have a BIG mess on our hands. I didn't want to see, so we turned out most of the light, just so I could see enough to know what was going on. I hurried and sat on the toilet and felt more solid tissue pass. I took off my underwear, pad, and all, and gave it to DH to discard. I couldn't see detail, but I could see the pad was heaping with the contents of my uterus. I finally got myself cleaned up and got new underwear/pad on, and told DH we needed to go get BIG overnight pads. I rode with him, but stayed in the van with DS while DH ran in for me. As soon as we got home, we stood there by the bathroom and went through the same huge gushes as before. This time, I felt something very solid sitting there, touching my body. I was terrified and went through the same panic attack as before. I finally gave my underwear and all to DH to throw away again, but this time through the darkness, I could see something on the pad. It was perfectly round and about the size of a golf ball. I refused to look, but I still wonder if it was my baby. After that second series of gushing, the worst was mostly over. It continue on a little more lightly until about 12:30am, when I finally managed to get some sleep. All-in-all, the worst of it took about 3.5 hours.

    It is two days later now, and I am starting to feel better. I continued passing some solid tissue yesterday, but much less than the night before. Now it's mostly like a weird period, and I'm overall feeling weak. I had no idea how terrifying the m/c would be, which is why I decided to share the details of my story here, so that maybe someone else can have an idea of what to expect.

    Emotionally, I'm doing okay. I was 7w1d when the m/c happened and I had bled/spotted for most of the pregnancy. So I've been feeling all along that the baby wasn't going to make it, and I've grieved many times over for this little life. But now, I'm just relieved that the worst is over. I'm not ready to try again yet, but I'm not really sure I'll take measures to prevent either. If it is meant to be, it will be, and I must keep the hope alive that another little one will bless my family with his/her presence.

  2. #82
    Prolific Poster ttcnumber1's Avatar
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    My name is Vanessa and my DH is James and we have been married for 8 yrs this July.

    I lost my son Sean Thomas on June 12, 2010 at 5:03 am @ 22 weeks. He was due October 14.

    I apparently have a incompentant cervix and when Sean started to weigh more then my cervix could hold it dialated. I had no symptoms of this condition and the doctor checked my cervix quite a few times and it was completely closed.

    I went to the dr on Friday because I kept having alot of wetness and a nurse told me I probably was just leaking urine but I just had a bad feeling and wanted to be checked just in case.

    My dr checked me and the sac started to protrude from my cervix so he sent me to the hospital. He took me to surgery and tried to push the sac back into my cervix so he could put a stitch in to keep it closed but it did not work so he put me flat on my back in the hospital bed and gave me medicine to slow down Sean's urine production so my sac would shrink enough to hopefully try to re do the procedure Monday ( today).

    My water broke Saturday at 10 pm and there was nothing they could do to stop it.
    I was in labor with Sean for 7 hours with no pain medicine (besides Demoral but it did not help). He was delivered alive and lived for 1 hour or so. He was only 23 weeks and not developed enough with his lungs and eyes, etc.. so they could not save him. We were able to hold him and he responded to our voice by moving the little he could and they took pictures for us when he was alive. James even said he heard Sean make 3 little cries.

    He is the most beautiful baby and we are going to try again once I heal enough. The dr said he will stitch my cervix up at 15 weeks next time I am pregnant so this will not happen again. My dr was so devestated. He held Sean as well and we saw tears in his eyes, he is such a caring man.

    We are completely at a loss but seeing him and how perfect and beautiful he is we have to try again.. there is no question in our minds.

  3. #83
    Posting Addict mommys's Avatar
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    First, can I say that I'm glad I have a place to write this all out.

    Child mentioned in first paragraph

    My first daughter was a surprise pregnancy after 5 years of marriage. DH was on the fence about having kids at all, so I was blessed to have her. After she was born, DH swore we would not have anymore. I was very sad and spent a couple of years praying for a change of heart. As my daughter passed her 2nd birthday, I became more content and much less "in need" of another child. Of course, just before my daughter's 3rd birthday, DH had a change of heart.

    I had my IUD removed and we started trying in December 2009. Despite perfect charting, etc, it took us 7 months to see a beautiful BFP. I found out on June 19th and told DH on Father's Day - June 20th. We told all our family right away and my closest friends. Eventually, at 9 weeks, I announced to everyone. I had pregnancy symptoms - sore breasts and morning sickness, but the morning sickness was much less than what I had experienced before.

    We went on vacation to Hawaii on Aug 11th. While there, I had some really, really light spotting after intercourse. I chose to ignore it completely. We flew home on Aug 16th. On Aug 17th, after intercourse, DH and I noticed a decent amount of fresh bleeding. It was shocking. We called my midwife and she encouraged us not to worry since it was probably caused by the intercourse and I wasn't feeling any cramping. I had really light spotting for a few days after that. On Aug 21st, after a long day of walking at the fair and then weeding my garden, I had some more fresh bleeding. Again, the midwife encouraged me to not worry to much since I wasn't cramping, but said I could go to ER if I felt it would be helpful (it was Sat night). I was tempted, but DH didn't think we should.

    The following morning (8/21/10), with no activity, I started bleeding more. This time I felt different, not physically but mentally, I immediately told DH we were going to the ER. I only called my midwife to leave a message that we were going. I cried and cried throughout the ER check in and waiting. I was so cold too. Once in a bed, it took 3 blankets to get me warm. I think during all the waiting time it became clear to me that I was losing the baby. The bleeding was like a heavy period then stopped almost completely again, but I just felt it in my heart.

    After drawing blood and waiting more, they took me back for an ultrasound. DH missed the first part. I didn't ask many questions, just silently watched. I saw that the baby looked small. At one moment I heard sound, but never a heartbeat. The tech was nice, I just felt like I knew what was going on without asking. DH came in in time for her to switch to the internal wand. She did tell us that she did not hear a heartbeat and the baby looked small. After the exam, she told us the final measurement was 8 weeks (I was almost 13 weeks along) and no heartbeat.

    Back in the ER, the doctor seemed afraid to tell us the news. He kept hedging, as though there was still hope. Of course I knew better. He told me my HCG was only around 6,000 (very low). He sent me home with mixed information - a cross between bedrest in case the pregnancy might be viable and imminant miscariage directions. It was strange. My midwife called as soon as I got home (the hospital had called her) and gave me better directions and expectations for miscarriage.

    I bled for several days. At first there was no cramping, then finally some cramping that reminds me of menstral cramps (not the same, but closest comparison). The morning of Aug 26th (13W2D), I woke up to some stronger cramping. I expected something similar to contractions but it did not remind me of that at all, just really tight aching in my lower abdomen. After about 15 minutes of rolling around I started to cry. I told DH I was scared and within a minute I jumped and ran to the bathroom. The pain did not get any stronger, I just felt 2 clots pass. DH was so wonderful and took it upon himself to collect what had passed in a jar. I've decided not to have it taken to the lab, instead we will memorialize our baby in some way.

    This is heartbraking. Not only did we lose this baby, but there is a chance that DH is not going to be willing to try again. He has already mentioned this and I admit that I understand. It makes the loss that much more traumatic to think that we will never have a second baby.

  4. #84
    missy8632
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    I am sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs.

    Angels around us, angels beside us, angels within us. Angels are watching over you when times are good or stressed. Their wings wrap gently around you, whispering you are loved and blessed.
    -- Angel Blessing

    Do you plan on planting a tree or something?

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