Well, Little miss Tessa! I have a lot to tell you about!! First, this morning the Resident and Attending doctors said how amazed they were that I am still pregnant. They all said they truly believed I was going to deliver shortly after I was admitted here(hospital) at 23w3d. Though my cervix is *still* dynamic and I am *still* contracting on a regular basis, nothing has gotten worse, thank the heavens! Here goes the good news,Roo…………….IF NOTHING CHANGES, I can go home at 30weeks pregnant. Which would still give me some time to enjoy the pregnancy like taking maternity photos, and get some special time in with your big sister before your arrival. I, of course, would still have to take it easy, but at least I would be home!! Also, when I was admitted, you were 1lb3oz, you are now TWO POUNDS FIVE OUNCES!! That’s a good girl, Tessa. From here on out, you should grow about half a pound a week.
Now, baby girl….Here is where we have to have a serious talk, Missy. The ultrasound Tech was kind enough to do a 3d ultrasound for us, which gives you a much more in-depth look at your body and face. Well, little miss Tess, you were using your hands to cover your face completely, and when the tech was shaking my belly slightly to try to get you to pull your hands down, you completely flipped over so we couldn’t see your face at all!! I guess you want us to be completely surprised, and you won’t even give us the slightest hint concerning what you look like!! That’s what your daddy wants, though, to be completely surprised concerning your appearance, and I can understand that. He also wanted to be surprised concerning you gender, but that didn’t happen either, so It seems fair that he gets to be surprised about one thing. I will write the story about how we found out about your gender sometime soon. Hmm, Thanks for the nudge in the belly you just gave me baby girl! You are head down, and what I thought were kicks from you, are actually punches (hmm, another one lol) and elbows! You are a very strong girl already! Like your grandmom!
Well, Tessa. I truly didn’t realize how worried the doctors were concerning my chance at delivery. They were basically positive I was going to deliver within a week or two of being admitted. WE proved them all wrong, baby girl!! Let’s try to make that a habit of ours, ok baby? Anybody who doubts us, we prove them wrong and show them we can do ANYTHING together! I am just so thankful that you’re still growing inside momma where you belong, I am proud of you, Tessa. I am also so so so sorry my body began trying to deliver you early. I am so proud of you for hanging in there and not giving up!
We made it further along in the pregnancy than anybody thought we would, and that proves we are a good team, Tessa. I am so thankful you are my daughter, and I have the opportunity to give birth to you, to meet you, to care for you and most importantly I was given the duty of raising you.
Tessa Elaine so&so, I cherish you. I Promise(and promise truly does not sound like the appropriate or strong enough meaning word)to give you all of myself I will give all the care, attention, love, affection you deserve. I will put all my time, energy, focus and attention into caring for and raising you and your sister into the healthy, happy, educated, well rounded, optimistic and loving woman I know you are both destined to be. I truly cannot wait(again only saying ‘cannot wait’ for lack of a better term, I can and will wait, I am just filled with excitement) to meet you. To touch you. To look into your eyes. To smell your breath. To feel your skin. To hold you in my arms and marvel at the beautiful gift I have been given to cherish, care for and raise.
I love you, Tessa Elaine so&so. Keep hanging out in momma’s belly, I will meet you soon enough. Until then, I truly hope that every time you hear my beat, you know its beating for you.
Hm, I am starting to get slightly..who am I kidding? Extremely overwhelmed because I have been hospitalized so long. I miss your big sister so much, my heart literally hurts. Em & I have been face chatting, but its just not the same. I told her to find some Alice in wonderland shrinking potion, so she can come through the computer to get home, so she is on a mission trying to find some If she can't locate that at Nana and pops she will be home on the 9th. Soon, but not soon enough for me. You will learn, momma is very impatient. Like someone else I know, huh Tess? I Just hate being here(hosp) alone, throughout the day. Daddy comes after work, but he has so much to do at the house, between the house and work, I don't ask him to come every day, because it would drain all his energy dry.
There are just so many things I wish I was doing to prepare for your arrival, and I can't. I have the instinct to nest so much, and all I can do is fold and refold my nightgowns here, lol.
I also feel like I can not properly prepare for your arrival while I am here. I do much better when I can actually look at all the items I have and check off down the list of what I still need. I have been reading to fill up my time, which is normally my escape at home, but does not seem so (gassssp!) fulfilling while here. I hope when your sister gets back and can spend some time here, things will get easier.
Well, I love you Roo and I will do what I need to do. (Ha, mommas a poet and she didn't even know it).
Oh, and I should fill you in now, to why Daddy and I call you Roo.
Since your ultrasound at 18 weeks you have been knees to belly, ankles crossed in my womb, just like a little kangaroo.
Daddy calls your big sister Bear, and I call her Bug. Just so you know, she answers to both, lol.
I just had a horrific thought run through my head. That when the nurse would come to put me on the ToCo in half an hour, we wouldn't be able to find your heart beat. It got worse from there as it all played out in my head. I started trying to focus back on the last time I felt you kick, the contractions can cover up your movement sometimes, and than boooom you gave momma a good elbow to the belly button. Good girl, Tessa. Good girl.
Its nice here, when I am hungry, I just look at a menu and call, annnnd its good food. I havent gained any of the twenty pounds I lost in the begining back, but Tess is growing just fine. We are both doing well. She was 2.5lbs at twenty seven weeks, and at that point, my cervix hadn't changed recently. Though, I bled two nights ago, and I have been getting the sharp shooting pain, down and out my vagina, so they had said that if at thirty weeks, I hadn't changed, I could go home. Which, seems kind of doubtful to me considering the symptoms I have been feeling/seeing. I still need a bag of fluid every other day, no matter how much water I drink, and still having contractions. All day yesterday, they were 3minutes apart.
Anyway, YOUR BIG SISTER CAME HOME YESTERDAY! It was SO wonderful to be able to see her, and love on her! Geeeeeezzz did she get tan! She is coming for another visit today, so PLEASE Tessa Elaine, be an active little Roo so your big sister can feel you move!!!
Baby girl, you amaze me. You have heart decels that seem to come out of no where but during and after contractions you have the steadiest heart rate. LOL you just kicked the toco monitor off. Also, since we have arrived, you have not moved! Vertex, just like a little kangaroo! We always get your heart beat just at my pubic hair line. (Thanks Roo, I have to continue to shave down there, when I cant even see it!)
I had horrific lower abdomen and back pain yesterday afternoon and this morning. It has stopped completely, but it doesnt make me feel good about my cervix not changing at all. We shall see, baby girl, we shall see. Your perfect little sister LOVED her new room, and she is coming to spend the night here tomorrow night. Brammom will drop her off, and Daddy is coming after work, to sleep here with all of us. I am very excited!! Our video camera also came in, so I charged it today, and we have to learn how to work it tomorrow when Daddy is here.
Every single day I get more excited for your arrival. It still doesnt seem real that I will have another baby in my arms, it has been SO long, and I know your big sister has no idea what is about to hit her, not a clue. I cant even imagine what you will look like yet, but I *know* your coming. I love you Tessa.
Don't take my word for it,but I don't know if I will make it to 32 weeks. I have been having SUCH intense pressure in my vagina and butt. When I walk to the ice machine and back (the only place I can walk), the pressure itself gets extremely intense. This is a different feeling than I have experienced. Up until now, it has just been the contractions.
I wanted also to say, I have had two nurses who have made this stay here SO much better. Angela, is a young nurse, who has the same exact engagement ring style as me(just a bigger diamond, lol) and she is wonderful. She is SO attentive, AND she finds the time to talk to me. Thats a difficult combo to find! She has been there during some of your heart decels, and Tessa, boy does she keep your momma calm. She truly is a wonderful friend, and I wish we could be friends, and not have that patient/caretaker relationship. She has made my stay SO much happier, and I look forward to the nights I have her.
Also, there is a nurse Paula. She is not attentive as, Angela, thats for sure, but she talks so much to me. She tells me about her life, and asks about mine. Twice, she has stayed in my room and talked to me for an 1 1/2hour. She makes me feel like I am important, and so is my baby.
When I get discharged I am going to send them a Mrs.Fields cookie/brownie basket because I truly would not still be pregnant without them, all the nurses here have cared wonderfully for me. I thought about flowers, but I know every time they eat one of those cookies/brownies, they will smile and think of you & I, thats what I want.
I am VERY blessed I cancelled your ultrasound that tuesday because I was to sick and tired to go, and than I rescheduled, and the only place that had an appt. was the hospital further away. I would have been at a hospital that wouldn't have been able to care for us.
Also, MY progesterone come in yesterday!!! THANK HEAVENS!!!! It has been a month waiting for it! I recieved the shot yesterday, but I am still putting in the vaginal suppositories until maternal fetal medicine decides what to do.
I really really want to go home, so I can enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy with the family. Don't get me wrong, even after all we have been through the past couple months (well, since the day I found out you were in my womb) I have still enjoyed being pregnant. I love feeling you kick, knowing your there....responding to my voice, movements etc. I really have enjoyed carrying you, Tessa.
I would LOVE to go out food shopping as a cute pregnant woman, I would love to go to the mall. I would love to take your big sister to t he beach, for the very last time as an only child. She wants me home desperately before school starts because sometimes her and daddy fight(for lack of a better word) concerning what Emma is going to wear, and as she says "Your more fun in the morning" because I am wide awake, in a good mood, and try to make sure she gets on the bus in a good mood. Daddy is a sleepy, sleepy head. Which makes sense, seeing as how much work he does to care for us.
I want to take beautiful maternity as a family, etc. Either way, it has been totally worth it, to have you healthy and happy as a result. I am so excited to see you, Tessa! I can not even picture what you look like, it is going to be one big surprise, that is for darn sure!! Daddy hopes you have dark hair, my face shape/nose and my blue eyes. Though, daddy calls them green and I call them a 'pond water' blue/green color. Your big sister barely looks like me(though as she is getting older, I hear she looks more and more like me),so much so, that we would joke we brought the wrong baby home from the hospital, so, selfishly, I am wishing you look just like me. No matter what I am going to be thrilled to have you in my arms.
I feel ashamed, because I have doesnt as much research on baby products as I did with your sister, even though I have so much free time. I really have to start researching breastfeeding and birth. Your father and I have to practice our breathing techniques, etc. I have the most intense urge to breastfeed you, Tessa. Though you will be in the NICU for a little while after birth, I truly want to breastfeed you. I AM begging you, Tessa Elaine so&so, to please have a beautifully strong and correct latch and sucking reflex. I am also hoping I produce a very good milk supply, etc.
Tessa Elaine was born today at 7:15pm. We had an NST at 8am, where she came back nonreactive. We than had a biophysical that recieved a 4 out of 10. My fluid had dropped from 14 to 6, so they decided to induce. My pitocin was started at 3pm where I was already 4cm. At 6:53pm, I was 6cm and 100%effaced. They broke my water, and Tessa was born at 7:15pm after four good pushes. I did not recieve an epidural or any pain medication. She was 4lbs 4oz (which was expected because of IUGR due to high blood pressure and placenta insuffieciny) and 17 3/4in long. She is on a cpap now, but the drs believe she will be weaned off completely by tomorrow afternoon. She is BEAUTIFUL! She has her fathers nose, eyes, head shape, ears and bottom lip. (She looks like his twin, though he doesn't see it of course) She has Mommys top lip, fingers and toes. She also has her big sisters two small hammer toes on left foot. I could not be happier. Daddy is sleeping now, he sure was worn out I have pumped once so far and got 5ml. I am extremely excited to continue pumping and to continue getting to know my beautiful little girl. Thank you lord for the blessing you have bestowed upon myself and my daughters. I beg of you to please sorround her with your protection, love, light and guidance.
I can not believe I had a baby with no pain medication! I **wanted*** to be able to do it so deeply, but I questioned my ability to do it, at the deepest parts of my soul. As they were setting up the delivery area, I asked for an epidural and the nurse said I was ready to push, I didnt believe her, because I didnt feel the need to push, just a huge amount of pain, and I said "You can't be ****ing serious!" Oh, my dad would be disappointed. I truly felt like I was having a bowel movement. I just thank god I used the suppositories early in the day, because I didn't have a bowel movement during delivery, though I was positive I did. Well I pushed twice, and there was a huge burst of fluid out of my vagina, it got on my moms glasses, lol and I thought I had delivered her completely! Well then my husband said "Ohhh Baby! She has hair!" and the dr said "That was the head, give me another push!" and I yelled "I can't do this!!" they screamed at me "grab your legs and push!" all while I am thinking 'how the hell can I grab my legs, and push at the same time?!' at the time it didnt seem possible. Well, There was another big burst of fluid, literally flew out all over the doctor and I felt her little body squirm out of me! I watched the doctor suction her mouth, as she began to urinate! They took her over to the isolette and she was screaming up a storm! They allowed me to wait and deliver the placenta, which I was petrified to do. Her umbilical was short, I remember the dr saying. I watched so much more, and paid attention so much more to my sorroundings this time! My husband started crying and staring at me telling me how amazing I did, and how much he loved me! He kept direct eye contact with me, talking and crying until at about 7:19pm, I said "baby, do you wanna go see your baby?" and he nodded yes and I said "go see your tess". He was absolutely amazing through it all, and I am so blessed to have him. He is an amazing man, I couldnt be luckier. Well, I will write a much more eloquent and detailed birth story in a day or two. I have been up since 7:30am, and I should go to sleep! OH YEA! Tess is off oxygen completely already, and is only on the cpap for pressure. The neonatal practioner also said she had a sneezing fit at birth, more than she had ever seen. I have seen her sneeze three times already. She began crying, and she gave two good sucks on her paci before falling back to sleep. My first pump I got 5ml, my consecutive two, nothing worth saving, but I am sticking to this. It is my dream to have Tessa latch and feed from me. After all the ups and downs of this pregnancy, I thank the lord he has given me Tessa. He knew exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. Tessa Elaine. Mommys little love.