Adventures of an AMA mom to be

46 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148
Adventures of an AMA mom to be

I'm finally starting my journal. I had a ttc journal and went back and forth about whether I wanted a pg journal. I was afraid of jinxing myself but over the last week or so I thought, ok, maybe I'm finally ready.

As my title suggests I'm "old". AMA. Advanced Maternal Age. What a lovely distinction, eh? How about Advanced Maternal Aptitude? I think I like that better. Lol I'm 38.

DH (Les) and I started ttc'ing in September 04, right before our wedding. After we had a few issues resolved I got my first bfp in May 05. The whole pg was plagued by spotting, low hb reading and deep down I think I knew it wasn't meant to be. At 10w, I mc'd. The first time we tried post m/c we were successful! Needless to say the past half-year has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've fought tooth and nail not to let my fears of another m/c get the best of me.

And so here I am! 13w6d. One day short of officially beginning my 2nd Trimester. This pg has gone as well as I could have hoped. Early u/s at 8w showed a hb of 154. Measured right on schedule. No spotting. Lots of symptoms including ample m/s. Heard the hb at 12w, and again this past monday. Wow.

This is the cliff notes version of how I got here.

God willing, our family will expand by 1 come July 13!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

14w5d

Today I had a very pleasant surprise waiting for me when I got home. A little package from a good friend of mine with pg books and some onesies and hooded bath towels. Very cute! All in yellow and green. Everyone wishes we'd find out beforehand if we are having a girl or boy. I wouldn't mind but DH really wants it to be a surprise and it seems so important to him so I can wait. Unless there is a mixup or an unmistakable boy bit on the u/s!

I could not button my pants this morning. Well, I could have but I would have been so uncomfortable. I'm at this really akward stage. Too small for real maternity clothes but definitely growing out of my normal clothes. Depending on what I am wearing I either look like I ate too many Christmas cookies or that I may indeed be pregnant.

Scheduled the amnio. Next tuesday. I alternate between being nervous and not being nervous. I just hope it goes quickly. DH's blood test should be back indicating whether he has - blood. He didn't know what his blood type was, so to be safe I had to have the rhogam shot when I had the m/c. Would like to avoid that if possible! He also had the whole Ashkenazi panel of tests as well.. tay sachs and some others were tested. My two SILs said there is no family history of such things but my doc suggested he have it done anyway.

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

15w6d

Yesterday I had the amnio... At the beginning they did an extensive u/s. That was pretty cool! Got to see all sorts of things, but no discernable gender bit, at least not that I could see! I got to see the brain from a top-down shot, saw the 2 lobes. Wow. Its just incredible. Everything measured perfectly. I was actually measuring a couple days ahead but I'm not really sure they will change my due date. But I'm also bummed because I learned there will be no more ultrasounds unless warranted. I keep hearing about the "big" u/s at 20w, but guess this was mine.

Then came time for the amnio. I just closed my eyes and went into a yoga like zone for the duration. I just kept hearing "excellent, great", "thats right, great", "excellent". I could only assume that it was going well from their point of view based on the comments I was hearing. It didn't really hurt. And went by rather quickly. After I didn't really feel any symptoms to speak of. A little pressure around the area where they stuck the needle in. I also found out that DH has negative blood so no rhogam! He also tested negative on all the ashkenazi panel tests so thats good.

The u/s tech said she was fairly certain she knew the gender but my willpower prevailed and I did not ask but dang it all a part of me really wanted to find out.

I still haven't popped. If I look at my side profile in the mirror I notice a difference (or after I've had a huge meal) but compared to some of the ladies on my birth board I'm downright small. What gives? I want my preggo belly!

Here is a pic of the "grapefruit", as we've affectionately dubbed the baby this week. My babyfit.com newsletter said the baby was the size of a grapefruit. Tomorrow is my weekly update.. wonder what he/she will be next...

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

16w3d

This has been a completely useless weekend. I've had ample time to do all the many things I need to do but here it is 5pm on Sunday and what do I have to show for myelf? Not a heck of alot! I'm sure my pregnancy hormone-induced mini breakdown about my career being at a dead end did not help. But I'll save that for another day.

I've been trying to do research on cloth diapers. I have to admit I find all the different types and brands overwhelming. I haven't changed a diaper in probably 15 years so I don't know what I should even want out of a diaper, except for the obvious, i.e, to keep the baby dry and prevent leakage! But I resolve to make a go of this. Probably in the end we'll do a combo of cloth/disposable. When I casually mentioned this to DH he was very agreeable and he thought cloth diapers still consisted of those nasty pins! He was amazed when he learned how things have changed. So after a bit of searching, I think I may start with Fuzzibunz.

I did some much needed grocery shopping, while hungry. Big mistake! How I could simultaneously crave both tofu and steak is a mystery to me. I got it into my head that I was going to have tofu, shrimp, veggies and bread them in panko bread crumbs and throw them over brown rice and I would make one of my dipping sauces with soy and mirin. Well, in the end I all I really had was a mound of fried food, that looked excessively caloric, and greasy!

I'm going to try to get in to bed early tonight and read for awhile. I'd been pretty good about that but lately I'm just so dang tired that I have no energy. DH has turned me on to some of his favorite mystery writers. Just finished Lehane's Prayers for Rain and have started Elizabeth Peter's The Last Camel Died at Noon. After the baby, will I have a chance to read for pleasure ever again?

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

16w4d

I have received some news that has definately lifted my spirits today!

I found out that due to the fact that I've been at this deadbeat job for almost 7 years I have a maximum of 55 sick days that I can apply toward my maternity leave. I have been sick over the years to be sure, but not excessively so which means that I should have a good chunk of days to combine with with my accrued holiday leave, which at this point should be about 25 days (another perk of staying at this job for so long). And on top of it, whatever days I take off over and above the combined total I will be able to claim disability. Long and the short of it is I may not need to take ANY days off without pay during my maternity leave. I knew there was a reason why I wanted to stick it out at this job until I had had my baby.

I think I need a chocolate chip cookie to celebrate!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

17w2d

CANNOT GET ENOUGH WHOLE FOODS NON-FAT LEMON SORBET!!!

I'm out of my mind with the desire to eat this stuff. It just tastes so good to me and I can't stop eating it once I start. That and fresh pineapple. I'm going to go broke if this fresh pineapple need doesn't abate. Its so expensive but I simply must have it and well it tastes fantastic! I keep telling myself it could be worse -- I could be craving ice cream and candy and whatnot but thankfully I'm still on the fruit/salad/sorbet kick.

I went food shopping tonight and unlike last week nothing sounded good. I have not really been inspired to eat much meat at all during this pg but I am not a vegetarian, tho normally lean towards cooking vegetarian a good part of the time, much to DH's dismay! Tonight I felt inspired to cook from the delightful Madhur Jaffrey's World of the East Vegetarian cookbook. This was the first ever cookbook I bought back in college when I decided to become a vegetarian for a time - a decision inspired by another book, Sinclaire's The Jungle. So tonight I made a Japanese dish with cabbage, crumbled bean curd, shitakes with a bit of mirin and soy thrown over brown rice. It sounds pretty bland but it was quite good.. but only if you like such things as tofu and shitakes. I of course followed it up with my lemon sorbet as dessert.

I'm still waiting on the amnio results. On Tuesday it will be a full two-weeks which my doc said it would probably take. I have my monthly visit on Monday morning so perhaps by chance the results will be there. But if they weren't there on Friday afternoon, the chance of them being there first thing Monday morning are pretty slim. I'm also waiting on feeling real fetal movement. My doc said I wouldn't feel it til 20w so I still have a way to go. At times I feel perhaps early flutters but I couldn't say for certain its fetal movement...

I ordered some maternity clothes online. I'm not so sure if that was wise. Much of them are for the warmer months so its hard to know exactly how they will fit but its clear all these tops assume my breasts to be bigger than they are now. They've grown somewhat but not that much! I wonder if they will continue to grow throughout the pregnancy or if this is it til my milk comes in..

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

17w4d

I had my monthly ob visit today. My ob/gyn has recently gone from a solo practice to become part of a larger one. Its been an adjustment for sure.. She has wanted me to alternate with some of the other obs to get to know them and today was the day.

All went well. BP was good. It took her a bit to find the HB but it was there, nice and strong. No news on the amnio results, however. The nurse had asked me if I was having the AFP test today. What? My doc never mentioned that before. I thought the amnio was it as far as all those diagonostic tests go. Its not enough that they have you worry about a chromosomal issue now lets have you worry about spina bifida! Crap, another test and more worry. Well during the visit w/ the ob she mentioned she was writing me a referral to get a Level II u/s in 2 weeks. Well, that was a surprise! After the amnio, my regular doc said that would be my last u/s unless something came up. In the end I skipped the whole AFP test. I'm excited about having another u/s but now I have yet another diagonostic test to fret over. But I'm not going to let myself worry about that.

I found out today that the conceirge of our office building asked my colleague today if I was expecting. Yeehaw! Someone noticed I was pg!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

17w5d

Just got the amnio results and everything is perfect!!!!

:jumpingbeans: :jumpingbeans:

I'm so happy I can't even think straight...

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

18w6d

My obsessing over my career or lack thereof continues. All along I've known intellectually that I will be responsible for this tiny human. I'm responsible, have my finances in relative good order, have alot of love to give and know that I can provide adequately. But then it really hit me. The enormity of it all. I'm in sheer awe. And then the obsessing began. My deep-seeded fear is that something might happen to DH someday and I will be alone and soley responsible for our little one. I hate to seem like a downer but I know all too well that life can throw us an unexpected curveball that knocks us off our feet. Would we be ok? Yes, I know that I would be able to make a go of it but would we be comfortable? Would I be able to provide for my child in the way that I want to? Not on my so-called career that is sputtering along. I've decided to tweak and retool my skills and move in a slightly different direction. I'm going to start taking some courses at night to try to beef up my skills so that this time next year I'm on a new path.

All this while I secretly fantasize about being a SAHM. We don't make it easy on mothers in this country, do we?

Looks like I will not be having my level II afterall. I made a call into my doc and she didn't think it was necessary. Now its just a waiting game.. waiting for my first kick still! Next appt is in early March and its just a routine one... but my belly is growing. Biggrin

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

later the same day.....

I think I was being just a wee bit over dramatic earlier. But when I get a bug in my brain I don't let it go very easily.

So I signed up for my first 2 classes: Federal Acquisition Regulations - fascinating, I know, but important in my line of work and business writing. The writing class seems like a waste but its part of the certificate program I endeavor to obtain. I already do a ton of writing at work but ya never know, might learn how to write that incredible memo afterall! I'd rather take creative writing but that would expose just how bad of a writer I really am. :roll:

Its it 5pm yet?

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

19w3d

I tried to do some maternity clothes shopping this weekend.. ended up at this little boutique that had a very small selection, mostly very expensive stuff like Liz Lange, Juicy Couture etc. Well, against my better judgement I tried on some jeans. What a disaster! I swear those pants are designed to make women feel bad about themselves. Of course they were all too small.. maybe if I had a boy's hips and a$$! Lol I've really popped out in the last week or so and am in desperate need of some clothes..

Its been a busy weekend. DH and I saw Syriana which was pretty good. Tonight we are going out to dinner with some friends. I've been cleaning today. I should implement my 15-minute flylady strategy. That has worked for me before but today I've just wandered from working, sitting, eating, sitting, eating and working. Three hours later the kitchen is still not finished!

I've started lurking again on my old March 06 birth board. Some of the ladies are already having their babies. I can't believe it. Its strange to think I'd be due in about 2 weeks. On the other hand I couldn't imagine not being pregnant with this baby and I've really bonded this time.. never quite had the chance to with the last pregnancy, at least not to this extent which makes all this very weird, for lack of a better word... but I'm happy and looking forward to July! Almost half way there!!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

20w and HALFWAY THERE!

Hard to believe but then there is the issue of my blossoming belly which makes it undeniable. Sometimes I'm just amazed by the fact that I am still pg.

More squirming and what I would call definite fetal movement but I'm still waiting to get a good strong kick in the ribs.. but that may be awhile.

I must go maternity clothes shopping this weekend. My situation is getting rather despearate.

DH and I are also going car shopping.. We plan to get a used Volvo V70 wagon. I have to giggle when I think of myself driving what is essentially an upscale stationwagon. I always recall to mind tooling around in my godparent's Dodge stationwagon in the mid-70s. I've dubbed our new car-to-be the mom-mobile. Ahh, times are a changing! Biggrin

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

20w3d

I've got my mommobile! We bought a 1999 Volvo V70 XC. I'm really pleased with the purchase...its even got seat warmers so my bum can be nice and toasty during the winter.. who knew?

I also did a massive shop for maternity clothes and ended up with a good number of things so now I've got actual clothes that fit!

All things considered, a pretty damn good weekend...

now if it was only warmer outside... with the wind its about 25 degrees outside! Brrrrrr!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

21w!

Do I dare get on the scale? Hell no! But the truth will be told on Monday morning when I have my regular ob visit. I just hope my bp and urine tests are a.ok.

I started my ever so sexy and fascinating Federal Acquisition Regulation class. I didn't quite realize that it was way out in the burbs and that rush hour traffic would be quite that bad. I don't know how commuters do it day after day. DH and I can actually walk to work in about 25 minutes. Great exercise unless its 20 degrees outside or 95 and humid. I inched along in our new car but there was no gas! I had to finally pull over and fill it up. I thought.. what's worse? being stuck on the freeway w/ no gas or being late? Well, I was late alright. 45 minutes late! I hate that! I also got lost twice... I get there, no big deal, just missed the introductory remarks, etc. But then I hear he is letting us go early. All that for 45 minutes worth of class! Tonight is the second class, lets hope I get there earlier this time. But on a positive note, love the car. But I already got a parking ticket!

I finally finished my Elizabeth Peter's The Last Camel Died at Noon... now on to Tony Hillerman's The Wailing Wind. I'm on a mission to read as much as possible these days. It bothers me to no end that I will never have the time or the chance to read everything I want to read. Lately I've been consuming all these mystery writers that DH loves so much. Its a nice distraction after a long day.

Ok, so here are some photos of the belly at 20w4d....!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

21w4d

Had my monthly ob visit today. Uneventful, but I'm all for uneventful appts! BP was good, urine good, hb reading good, weight gain in the past month good. Total of about 13 pounds gained so far... Doc measured my fundal height and it was measuring more like 25w than 22. Could my short torso have something to do with that? She wasn't concerned but it still makes me wonder.. does that mean I'm in store for a big baby? Looks like I will have that Level II afterall... My ob/gyn thought it was redundant but since it was her new practice's policy she said to go ahead and have it done... so next week I'll get another peek at the munchkin!

We had a lengthy conversation about my desire to go natural. She looked a little deflated when I told her I was going with Bradley, largely due to the fact that she thought some of the instructors were anti- ob/gyn. But she was totally behind me in my desire to go natural so thats good! Sounds like she is not intervention happy, will not induce unless absolutely necessary, does not do routine episiotomies, no immediate IVs or fetal monitoring so I'm feeling at least like we are on the same page. Its all just a little scary because no matter how many labor and birthing tools I acquire any number of things can happen during labor which may preclude me from going natural. After reading so many birth stories I've come to the conclusion its a crap shoot and since I've never given birth before who knows how my body will behave come D-day!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

22w

Today is my edd from the pg where I m/c'd. I thought I might feel depressed about that but I feel oddly at peace although it feels weird at the same time. Weird is such a lame word to describe what I'm feeling but that is all that comes to mind. I know I am lucky to feel content and its due solely to the fact that I am pg now, 22w, all is going great and have bonded so much more this time... were I not to be pregnant at all I can only imagine what I may be feeling today. Empty inside, no doubt. The thing is, I can't imagine not being pregnant with this baby that I feel moving inside of me. I dunno...I guess its both a day to celebrate and to mourn.

I got some prezzies last night from one of my SILs who is visiting. I got a little baby bath, onesies, hooded towls, socks and this adorable little teddy bear with this contraption attached that makes sounds like the womb. You can affix the teddybear to the crib. I wonder if it'll help the baby get to sleep?

I've really been feeling the baby move much more now. So much so that DH actually felt a tiny little thump from the outside when he had his hand on my belly. That was pretty cool...

This week is exhausting me. Between the classes, the visiting SIL, additional friends coming to town on Fri and a busy week at work I'm just dead dog tired. I get to bed and start reading and 2 pages later I cannot keep my eyes open... o'well... can't complain.. all is going great!!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

double post

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

triple post

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

22w5d

Must stay away from black bean soup! I made some for dinner last night... quite tasty but talk about serious intestinal distress that kept me up ALL NIGHT LONG! :constipated: Ugh.

I actually saw my belly move a tiny bit with a kick! That was wild! I feel the baby move more and more each day. I'm really looking forward to my Level II on Thursday.

I've been trying to decide lately between a bassinet and a mini co-sleeper for those early months. And trying to decide how much actual co-sleeping I think I'm up for. I love the idea of the baby right next to the bed and plan to do that for at least several months. I'd also like to maybe co-sleep part of the time during those months but I'm just not sure how comfortable I am with constant, continuous co-sleeping. And that is because I'm simply terrified of rolling over on the baby. I'm a thrasher. Everyone says your sleeping changes (even DH who co-slept for years with his son) but still it seems a little scary to me. Tho I guess I really will let the baby inform me of what his/her needs are. I'm adaptable and if I'm dead dog tired (if? HA!) and the only way for us all to get some shut eye is to bring the baby in bed? You bet I'm gonna do it! Guess I just need to play this one by ear. I keep trying to "plan" certain things and the bottom line is there is really no way to know what kind of baby he/she will be.. Also, I need to track down this No-Cry Sleep Solution book I keep reading about...

Lots and lots to learn! Sometimes I'm too pleasantly distracted by the boppies, slings and bumbos that I forget to focus on some of the other more important issues... I've been trying to discuss some of these ideas with DH, to find out if we are on the same page about how we'd at least like to initially approach various issues that will inevitably come up. Can you imagine if the baby is screaming at 3am and we are completely wiped out and suddenly begin a spirited debate on the pros and cons of co-sleeping or CIO? Nope, would like to get alot of this sorted out NOW thank you very much! Then again, it could all get chucked out the window too... I think that as parents when we are in a tight spot we resort to what works best. And what works best for one baby, might not work best for the other... and some of that has to be through trial and error... ok, so now that I'm just rambling and babbling, its time to close for the day..

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

23w

I've got my level II in about 30 minutes. All along I've felt like maybe we were having a girl. Last night I had a dream that the u/s was taking place and the baby was spread eagle proudly displaying his piece! It was so real too, which makes me start to wonder if in fact we aren't having a boy.

But since we are keeping it a surprise I'm not going to ask to have anything pointed out. But at 23w, its gotta be pretty obvious, unless of course his/her legs are tightly shut.. I'm so torn. On the one hand I want it to remain a surprise but on the other I'm secretly hoping we find out accidently... or at least that I find out accidently since all this secrecy is so much more important to DH than it is to me..

Well, at any rate I'm very excited to see the munchkin again...!! I'm sure he/she has changed quite a bit from when I was 16w.

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

23w

Back from the Level II! All went great! There was one angle they couldn't really get a good look at and that was were the umbilical cord enters the abdomen. But if there were a problem there I guess there would be other indicators as well, and there were none. Everything was perfect! The little munchkin is actually measuring 24w and 1 pd 8 oz! We'll see if my edd changes. It was really great to see the baby again. DH was thrilled.

I think I saw an open leg shot with a baby proudly displaying HER parts but I can't be sure. We had told the sonographer that we didn't want to know but I swear there was one quick shot. But then again, what do I know. I could be totally wrong! But guess we'll find out soon enough!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

23w4d

DH and I took a stroll through BabiesRUS this weekend. Wow, have to say I was a bit overwhelmed. I was particularly confused by all the pumping acessories I think I will need once I go back to work. We spent quite a bit of time examining the strollers and car seats. And then we agonized more over the basinetts/co-sleepers and pak n plays. What will we really need? That's the million dollar question. I have a cradle that my grandfather built back in the 1920s.. I think its made of mahogany.. my dad, uncle, myself, cousins and one of my cousin's kids have all slept in this. This little munchkin will definitely sleep in it... but is it safe enough to sleep in consistently for those first few months? Another question yet to be answered.

One of my SILs has agreed to help get my cloth diaper stash established! YAY!.. very very happy about that... I read recently about Happy Heiny's.. think I might try to use them as well as the fuzzibunz.

I'm going to California next month... My mom is organizing a baby shower for me.... I'm looking forward to getting out there for a bit and seeing some of my friends. Just in time, as 2 of us from my high school crowd are turning 39 that week.... My b-day isn't until November but this begins the last year of our 30s. I say bring it on! I'm looking forward to turning 40 next year... wait, did I just say that? :shock:

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

24w3d

I started this weekend by making a To-Do list. Some of it is immediate, some long term and most revolve in one way or another around the baby. Aside from the obvious preparations for the baby I need to get ORGANIZED. My home is full of hot spots! Oh to be organized! Its the state of living that seems to elude me time and time again! Well, I could be organized.. that is not my problem.. my problem is finding the TIME to get organized... SO I have 50 such items TO DO on my list and it seems for every one I cross off I think of something new! O'well, at least with a list I can see before me what I need to do.. otherwise it comes to me and then leaves, a week later I remember that I forgot and then forget again. Its enough already!

This afternoon I finally took a pre-natal yoga class at my studio that I've been wanting to take. I noramlly take the Vinyasa style of yoga but have not been consistently dedicated to my practice over the years. After the m/c I re-dedicated myself and then got pg again so quickly. And I stopped. And my hamstrings hate me for it. I didn't realize how stiff I had become! My hamstrings are always tight but ouch! I felt like I'd never done a downward facing dog before in my life!.. And I still suck at tree pose. But I'm so glad I went.. hopefully if I keep up with it I'll start feeling better..

Tomorrow is another Monday.. this weekend went by way too fast!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

25w4d

I had my monthly ob visit this morning. It was time to alternate with one of the other docs. He was ok, rather to the point, and seemingly rushed. I guess its a bit much to expect I'm going to connect with these other doctor's in my ob/gyn's new practice after just one visit. I've been with my ob/gyn for 4+ years now and she saw me through my m/c so maybe its not fair to compare these other doctor's to her -- at least not yet.

But the most important news is that all went really great w/ the visit. I was so happy with my BP. 102/60! The last three visits my bp was inching up to the upper 120s, which I know is still fine, but I was concerned about it being the start of an upward trend.

Gained 5 pounds. That makes 18 so far. Doc didn't say anything about the weight gain so I guess its all ok. Fundal height was fine, I suppose. I didn't bother asking what it was because I think its all a bunch of hooey anyway. Munchkin's HB was good. Urine test good.

And the baby is head down. Woohoo! Baby was head down at the Level II as well. He seemed to think that if the baby was head down at the next visit, the odds of her/him staying head down were pretty good. So I'm hopeful the little peanut doesn't do a 180 on me. Doc gave me that glucose stuff I need to drink before my next visit in 3 weeks. I've heard its pretty disgusting. I just hope I pass!

I'm really looking foward to this month. I have several days off starting next week, a trip to Cali to see mom and have my baby shower and then a quick weekend trip to New Orleans to partake of the Jazz Fest. All this will make the month of April go by very quickly!

I think the time is starting to go by very quickly. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed at times. The baby's room is in total chaos. We don't have much of anything yet for the baby. Haven't yet looked for pediatricians. Haven't yet, haven't yet, haven't yet. Gulp. :shock:

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

25w6d and.....................99 days to go! Woohoo!!

Its so great to finally be able to say I've got less than a 100 days!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

26w1d

8pm. I came home from work around 6pm, dead dog tired. I walked immediately upstairs to our bedroom and laid down. I must have fallen fast asleep and hard! I woke up, rolled over to look at the clock and saw that it was 7:30. I was so out of it that I immediately assumed for some reason that it was 7:30 in the morning the next day. I also assumed it was a work day. I got up right away chastising myself for not setting my alarm clock, but grateful that I woke up right on schedule - 7:30am. I start walking through the bedroom, realizing that my clothes were still on. Then it hits me, 'oh my, i've slept for 12 hours +, in my clothes, I forgot to eat dinner and how the heck did I make it through the night without needing to pee'...5 minutes later I think 'wait a minute, isn't it Saturday?'... aha, that's right its saturday, no work, but how the heck did I sleep through the whole night without needing to pee or eat! This poor peanut must be hungry, I had no dinner!'... I stumble downstairs and go outside to look for the morning newspaper. Nothing. Typical I think. Ok, maybe I'll just make some breakfast......... 'but how the heck did i make it through the night without pee'ing????'. I cannot let this go... Finally the cobwebs start to clear from my mind....and I think 'uh, maybe its only 7:30 at night and its still FRIDAY!... sure enough it is!

I was so completely disoriented and confused about what day it was and what I was doing. Talk about tired!

I think I may just wrap this up and crawl back into bed!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

27w1d

I'm on Day 2 of my targeted work on the soon-to-be baby's room. I had yesterday and today off from work and I resolved myself to work on the room. Largely getting all my crap organized. DH and I have been terrible about using this bedroom to just stash stuff we don't have time to deal with. But no more putting it off! Yesterday I was fairly productive and now I'm going to crank up some music and set to work!

Ok, so I swore after the m/c and having seen so much ttc heartache on these boards I would not complain about the various pg-related inconveniencies that inevitably occur but I just gotta vent for a little bit.

I have been struggling w/ a 'roid. :oops: Really not interesting! I'm trying to eat more fiber and drink tons more water. Hopefully I'm on the mend. I dare say its getting better but the jury is still out on this one. Yesterday I was feeling general discomfort. And at 27w its just to early to be feeling that way! We live on the 2nd and 3rd floor of a townhouse. So one set of steep stairs to get to the main floor and then another set of semi-steep stairs to get upstairs to the bedrooms. Well, its not fun anymore walking up and down all these stairs. I feel like I'm out of breath all the time! Again, too soon to be feeling like this! Possibly it could be the weather. In the last week the weather has gotten alot warmer and I could just be aclimating to the new temps. Ha! AND, the baby seems to have located my bladder and is doing something to push on it. At least thats how it feels. Strange.

I'm leaking. I leaked a very tiny amount around 20w and nothing more since the last couple days. I don't mind, its actually a nice feeling to know that my body is gearing up to feed the munchkin. Its just a weird sensation to periodically feel a wetness there.

I signed up for the hospital tour and for a b'feeding class. I'm a little nervous about how the whole b'feeding will turn out. My mom makes it seem like it was a piece of cake but clearly very many women struggle with this all the time. My only hope is that I appear to come come from a long line of women with an abundant supply of breastmilk!

I'm off to California next week and will have my baby shower while out there!.. its been raining like crazy there. I've already seen some articles in the newspapers about needing to reinforce the levees. Fortunately, at least for now, my mom's area is not yet in jeapordy. But the house is a 5 minute walk to the American river. Twice in previous years my neighborhood was under volunatry evacuation, just hours away from a forced evacuation. You could just see the river going up and up and up. And there isn't anything you can do but hope and pray the levee doesn't break. Its scary as all $%$#!.

Ok, time to attack the baby's room!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

27w4d

I had a horrible dream last night. I was on a bus that was travelling around a very curvy road on a cliff and it went over the side. I don't know where we were, where we were going or who was driving. Somehow I survived by clinging on to the side of the cliff. Madonna was on the bus too and she died but her family lived. And then later I was watching an account of the accident on TV and how Madonna had died but it looked like it was the year 2022. Then later I start to miscarry and there is blood everywhere. Disturbing to say the least! I wake up, shake it off and of course run to the toilet to see if I'm bleeding. Thankfully the little munchkin was happily kicking away when I got up. That was such an awful dream! But what I find even more disturbing is the fact that I just saw on the internet that a tour bus went over a cliff in Mexico and 60+ people have died. That's just plain freaky! I know its just a coincidence but geez, I don't like that at all!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

29w

I had my baby shower last weekend! I was out in Cali visiting mom and old friends. The trip went really well and my mom and I got along great - something that does not always happen. It was a pretty busy trip. Got my cradle shipped out, saw lots of friends. Its interesting how many strangers asked me about the pg. When I'm back home (in the DC/VA/MD area) NO ONE asks me. At the grocery store the checkout lady asked me how far along I was. I told her and her response was "that's all? are you having twins?" I could have whacked her a good one at that point. Then at my baby shower this family friend kept going on and on about how big I was. It did not help that my good friend who was there and only 2 weeks behind me was not showing AT ALL. I started to get really down in the dumps. It came to a head when she used the word "immense". Well, as it turns out she thought I was only 4 months preggers so when she found out how far along I was she backed off. But can you imagine, feeling defensive about the size of your belly at your own baby shower? The baby shower went great. Got lots of clothes all in green and yellow of course. In all it was a great trip and the weather was fantastic.

I had my routine ob visit today as well as the glucose test. I now start going every 2 weeks! The glucose drink was not nearly as bad as I feared. Reminded me of tang. My bp was great as well as my urine test. But I gained just a wee bit too much weight in the last 3 1/2 weeks. Could be fluid. My ankles have been more puffy than normal. But the long and the short of it is that it DOES appear I'm having a big baby. My doc is quick to point out that all these measurements have large margins for error but the munchkin has consistently measured big. My two SILs have both birthed 9-11 pound baby's and DH's son was over 9 pounds and he was a preemie! So I could well be carrying on the tradition of his family having big babies! So we started to talk about what that could mean down the road. How she would be monitoring things closely over the next couple months. I guess my physical size (I'm 5'4) does not necessarily indicate I won't be able to birth a big baby. She talked about the possibility of inducing at 38w but only if my cervix, et al, looked like it would respond favorably to an induction. If I'm long and sealed tight as a drum she won't induce and of course the ever dreaded c-section came up, something that would be a last resort. It was not her intention but I left the appt questioning my ability to birth a large baby vaginally. She never said I couldn't, she just said some women can't. Ok, well, guess I just have to roll with it and see what happens. The bottom line is that the baby is doing excellent and so am I so that's the most important thing at this point.

DH and I are off to N'awlins tomorrow. Great news to hear I put on a few extra pounds right before I plan to indulge in beignets, po'boys and gumbo. Sheesh! We are going to the jazzfest, 4th time in 5 years and the last baby-less mini vacation DH and I will take for some time to come! Gotta introduce the munchkin early to some good ol' blues music now!...I can't wait to see Etta James. We saw her and BB King in concert at the Jazz Fest a couple years ago. She rocks!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

29w6d

Failed the 1-hour glucose test! Grrrrr. But I just barely failed. I scored 143 w/ an apparent 130 cutoff. So tomorrow I go back to take the 3-hour test which I am NOT looking forward to. The woman at the doc's office did say that she thought it unlikely I had GD with such a low score but I gotta take the test. I just hope I pass!

Got back from New Orleans last night. We saw a whole host of musicians at the jazzfest. On Saturday we saw New Birth Brass Band, Hugh Masekela, Dave Matthews and a couple songs of Etta James. She and Dave were playing at the same time and it was a hard decision so we tried to catch a bit of both. Sunday: a bit of Sonny Landreth, Allen Toussaint w/ Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen w/ his Seeger Sessions Band.. who I might add was absolutely fantastic. In all it was rather exhausting but fortunately I was able to sit comfortably for most of it. We ate lots of good gumbo, red beans & rice, beignets and po boy's. Monday night we went to a piano tribute and saw some great musicians as well. In all, a great trip. But of course all our happiness was tempered by the obvious fact that New Orleans is still hurting. House after house spray painted with the red markings of whether or not bodies had been found, heaps of trash on street corners, broken and boarded up buildings still left vacant, the automobile "graveyard" of all the abandoned vehicles collected throughout the city most of which had been stripped of any useful parts. Who knows whatever happened to their owners... it was sobering, and we did not even travel to the worst affected areas. Alot of the locals we spoke to were pretty angry w/ Nagin. I'll be surprised if he wins reelection.

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

30w6d

Finally some progress! DH and I finally bought a crib last weekend off of craigslist. We also went to BRU and used up some of those gift cards I got at the baby shower. Got lots of goodies including a swing, baby bjorn, and the Graco Travel System I'd been eyeing. Of course the baby's room is still total chaos so Sunday we started w/ the organizing. Hopefully this weekend we'll make another big push and at least be able to set up the crib. We don't agree on how to set up the room so that will be an interesting debate.

Last weekend we also went on a tour of the hospital I'll be delivering at. That was an eye-opener. The labor/birthing rooms seem pretty nice, the recovery rooms kinda small. I was a little miffed at all the rules. No photos? Due to the HIPA Act.. Apparently, however, if the doc and nurses agree, its ok. I have to get an order from my doc to bring in my birthing ball? There were a couple others but I can't remember. I also was not keen on the "we'll strap you up to the continuous fetal monitor and you'll be flat on your back" attitude. It was sort of a given that we'd all have epidurals and be numb anyway so whats the big deal right? I don't want an epi, and will try very very very hard to avoid it and want to be mobile for as long as possible. But really she was just a tour guide.. two good friends have already delivered there both vaginally and w/ c-sec and both have said the hospital was very good and it is the best in the area so....

DH and I have been faithfully going to our Bradley classes. I thought at first he might balk at the idea of a 12-week session but he is suddenly totally in to it! Way to go DH! Its interesting. I like it alot, but much of the literature does seem very anti-hospital, anti-ob. Not that there aren't valid criticisms of how hospitals and obs treat the birthing experience, but they are also not the enemy. Anyway, its really interesting and I'm very glad I chose Bradley. Now the classes will start to get really interesting as we start talking more about labor and the coaches role.

I had my 3-hour test and PASSED! WOOHOO! It was not fun being stuck 4 times. After the first hour I was soooo sleepy but then perked up a little later. I'm just glad I passed!

Work has been insanely busy with a proposal we just finished up yesterday. Tomorrow DH's office is throwing us a little baby shower. That should be fun!!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

31w1d

Had my ob visit this morning. It went really well. BP excellent. Was able to ask her alot of questions that came up after we went on the tour of the hospital. Alot of my concerns have been alleviated and she'll let me bring my cliff shot energy gels and gatorade. I sucked down those 100-carb, easily digestible energy gels when I ran a marathon and I got to thinking, why not use them during labor? Couldn't hurt!

Again my fundal height is measuring large (3 weeks ahead). I'm getting a little tired of hearing that. I haven't gained a TON of weight (27 pounds which is a healthy amount but not excessive), I don't have GD so what's the big deal? Well, at any rate by my next visit in 2 weeks if I'm still measuring so many weeks ahead she'll want to schedule an u/s to get a better idea of how big the peanut is. But the bottom line is that I'm doing well and so is the baby.

Had the baby shower at DH's work yesterday during lunch. That was nice. Got some clothes and DH's boss sent us a stroller, but we already have one, so will have to exchange it....

Looking forward to another busy weekend of all things baby.. we plan to get the crib up and hopefully get the room somewhat organized... now if I can only convince DH to take his Jimi poster down...

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

32w1d

Things have been busy and time is ticking away! Last weekend we got the crib up and the changing table. I actually conceeded that where DH wanted to put the crib should work so for now its there. And there were no tussles regarding good ol' Jimi. DH realized all on his own that Mr. Hendrix might not be appropriate for a baby's room! Lol

Today I'm off to VT to visit a good friend who is also pg and three weeks ahead of me. She lives overseas and came back to the US for the birth.. I haven't seen her in quite some time nor her son who is about to turn 2 so it'll be a good, but short visit. She's already given me the horror stories of her first labor/birth. Her water broke at 38w but she had no dilation, effacement, nothing. They waited 24 hours and still nothing so they began Pit... and then it all went to hell after that.. it almost ended in a c-sec but somehow she managed to push her little guy out but ended up w/ a torn cervix.. OUCH..! ... I'm scared of Pit!

Next week will be busy too..! I'm taking a b'feeding class on Tuesday, we interview a Pediatrician Wednesday, have our Bradley class Thursday, my ob visit Friday and then the long weekend will be spent working on the baby's room some more..

Suddenly I feel like I have no time!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

32w5d

Good news! Its confirmed that I can take 12 weeks off PAID leave when the peanut comes!!! Its not official maternity leave but a combination of vacation/sick leave accrued over the near 7 years spent at this deadbeat job. This is more than I ever dreamed possible. I had always wanted to take close to 12 weeks off but I always thought I'd have to take at least a months worth or so w/out pay. But a whole 12 weeks paid! Yeeeeeehaw! This takes enormous pressure off the wallet!

I asked my boss a question about her time off (she has had three boys while at this organization) and she said she took 6 weeks. I'd bet a $100 bucks she's lying. I think she just said that to manipulate me into thinking I'm "lucky". Heck, I AM lucky. Too many working women get screwed in this country w/ regards to maternity leave. But I will not allow her to make me feel guilty for taking the time which I have coming to me. Our situation is such that I will have to eventually go back to work so I'm going to relish every office-less day and not feel guilty for one second that I'm not pushing paper around...

On another note, tonight is my b'feeding class. Hopefully I'll learn a thing or two!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

33w1d

Had my ob visit this morning. It was uneventful. BP excellent: 118/68, urine test great, weight gain: 1 pound. Baby's head down. But again I'm "measuirng large for dates"... my fundal height measurement is 35/36w. Grrr, I'm so sick of hearing this. I remember when I was only 12w I was measuring several weeks ahead and during that time I had LOST weight so I dunno, for some reason I'm measuring large. So what next? Another ultrasound! But I don't mind that. It'll be interesting to see the peanut again, particularly at this stage of the pg.

During the visit I was apparently having a contraction and didn't even know it! But now I know better what to look for. I have been feeling the tightness on and off for awhile now but didn't realize thats what it was!

My next visit is at 36w where I'll get the whole GBS test etc and my first internal.

Yesterday DH and I met with a potential pediatrician's office. That was interesting. I liked them well enough tho have nothing to compare it to. Its awfully convenient to where we both work, to our home, and where the little one will be once in daycare.

I'm looking forward to the long weekend. Tonight DH and I are seeing his beloved Dodgers play. The rest of the weekend will be full of all things baby! Making one last run out to BRU. Need to get organized as DH is off to Angola/Nigeria on Monday for his last overseas trip for some time!

I really need to get my butt in gear here at work. I have alot I want to do in the next couple weeks. My goal is to have all my projects done by June 15, at which point I'll be 36 weeks.

Yay for the long weekend!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

34w3d

Things are moving along but I wish I could say I felt more productive. I had an u/s last Thursday due to my "measuring large for dates". The peanut was measuring 36w instead of 34. But all looked great, amniotic fluid level great etc. After the tech performed the u/s the doc just walked in and said "so your having a big baby". He was really low-key about it and didn't make it seem like a big deal.... but the real kicker is how much the munchkin is supposedly weighing at this point:...6 POUNDS! WTF!?!? Ok, deep breath, yes there is a good margin for error when it comes to this guesstimating the weight but still! Interestingly enough, the doc there said that all this was determined genetically by the woman not the man. Actually what he said was 'unless your husband is a Redskins football player he doesn't factor in'... and since I was 6weeks preemie and 4 pounds 12 oz, or thereabouts, there is no way to know how big I would have been. O'well, enough of the speculating.. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!... They checked my cervix which is long and sealed tight so thats good!

Friday I got the car seat installed. There is a transportation office near where I live that does it for free and I'm so glad I did that rather than try and do it ourselves.. and now at least I know its installed properly. I'm so glad too that she was able to put it in the middle and not one of the sides. I wasn't sure if our car was equipped to do that.

Met a couple girlfriends for brunch yesterday. They really outdid themselves with prezzies for the munchkin. They practically bought out Target! I was so happy, they got very useful and practical things which I really appreciated. Afterward I took a trip to Target myself to top it off with a few more things we need.

I guess I better get working! It seems I have fewer and fewer windows of opportunity where I'm feeling good and motivated w/ energy to be productive so I better take advantage of that while I can!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

35w1d

Not a heck of alot going on.. I am trying desperately to be productive at work and seem to have finally made a dent in all the mounds of paper that I have amassed recently. Boss comes back next Thursday and that's my personal deadline!

My pelvic area seems kind of sore these days. I will take that as a good sign that my body is prepping for D-day!! I'm exhausted and no matter how much I sleep I'm still tired. I've also been having lots more BHs. Some of them are downright uncomfortable. I thought maybe I was more dehydrated this week and have been trying to drink more water but it hasn't seemed to make a difference. Its so strange to feel my belly during one. Hard as a rock!!

My bradley classes continue to be interesting. Last night we taked about c-sections and talked about our birth plans. This sounds so silly but I'm afraid of making a birth plan because I don't want to set myself up for feeling like a failure when something occurs that was NOT part of the birth plan. I've read enough birth stories to realize that most women, if not all, have something happen which they did not anticipate or want. I just don't want to set myself up for later thinking to myself "I had or did this, therefore I failed and it wasn't a perfect birth". But on the other hand its important to have my goals framed so as not to get railroaded down a path I do not want to go. Hmpf. :?

Our bedding for the crib came! My two SILs got us the Kidsline Zanzibar themed bedding. I love it! At one point one of my SILs was going to get my cloth diaper stash established but that kind of fell by the wayside.. so the two of them got us the bedding instead.. which is great!

Hope to be productive this weekend. I'm such a slob when DH goes out of town. He gets back Monday afternoon so at least I'll have the whole weekend to get organized. With the snails pace I seem to be working at lately, I'm gonna need it!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

36w1d

I had my first internal today and boy that felt good! :ouch:

Not a heck of alot going on down there.... I'm not dilated, baby still high but my cervix is softening so hey, that is something!

Again we had the whole "big baby" discussion and what that could mean. At least I know she won't try to push a c/s on me without a good trial of labor first. I just hope and pray I don't need to have a c-section. I guess there is nothing I can do at this point but wait and see. I just don't understand. I haven't put on an excessive amount of weight - 34 pounds total which is certainly a good amount but not too crazy at this stage of the game. She did another blood fast test to double check and make sure I don't have GD. I hope I don't.. thats another label I don't need.....

But the baby is doing great.. my bp was 118/60 YAY!.. urine test great. Got my GBS test... ooh, and apparently I've got a rather nasty yeast infection. Oh Joy! :shock:

Now I'm on to the weekly appointments...!! I've scheduled them all up to my due date!

This should be a pretty busy weekend.. trying to wrap up a few things related to the munchkin at home. I made a big push at the office this past week and feel pretty good at where things stand now. Now in the event something happens (which doesn't seem likely any time soon) I won't feel like there is alot of unresolved issues at work I should have addressed...

TGIF!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

37w1d

Had my weekly ob visit today.

My BIG baby is still BIG, still high, no dilation, no effacement, cervix still "softening". My ob told me she was not optimistic that I could deliver this baby vaginally. I was a little numb during the discussion, afterall, I've been pinning my hopes on having a natural childbirth and a c-section is about as far as one can get from that! I had a mini-meltdown in the parking lot, largely because I think I'm so tired (didn't sleep well) and just starting to feel physically overwhelmed and the heat we've been having has not helped! I kept asking myself if I've done something wrong and grew this baby too big? Well the good news is that the baby is not big because I have GD. She gave me the blood fast test and my blood sugar was very low so at least THAT is not the reason for my big baby. Now that I've had a couple of hours to reflect on the discussion I feel slightly resentful that she would be so pessimistic about my chances. How can she really say that? Who knows, she may be right but no good can come of being so discouraging when we don't even know for sure. I keep reading that it is very rare for a woman to grow a baby too big to birth vaginally...so am I part of this rare group of people who have a too small pelvis????? For now we are just waiting and seeing. She wasn't asking me to make a decision. We'll just take it week by week.

But the really important news is that the baby is doing great, my bp was awesome and urine tests were good too. Thats the most important thing. I can reconcile myself to a c-section if its truly necessary but to schedule a c-section based soley on the speculation that the baby might be too big doesn't sit right with me. Especially when there are countless examples of supposed too large babies actually being born average size! I know that I would be pissed beyond words if I had a c-section only to end up with a 7 pounder.

I dunno... I feel so conflicted and a little scared.

But one way or another this little munchkin will be coming very soon!! Yay! I just have to keep my eye on the prize and go with the flow....

*OH, and I tested GBS + so I'll get the antibiotics! I'm allergic to penacillin so they'll give me something else.

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

37w4d

My back has been bothering me and I'm a bit crampy on/off. I know I don't dare hope this is the beginning of anything, afterall my OB has declared me incompetent to deliver this baby vaginally. :twisted: I've been so bummed out about her prediction. I try very hard to remain optimistic but I'd be lying if I didn't say her prediction hasn't really thrown me for a loop. I thought I'd read about c-sections in my Bradley book. Big mistake. While they certainly acknowledge that c-sections are warranted in certain cases they do make it sound like your gonna be screwed on a whole host of issues if you end up getting one. This of course did not help me sleep last night, as if I weren't having enough problems sleeping already!

But yet the cramping and back pain are real... A girl can only hope!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

37w5d

I feel like I'm back in the 2ww - spending too much time interpreting all the *signs* and what they may or may not mean. Is this back spasm the beginning of labor? What about this ache, this cramp, this BH? I also spend far too much time eagerly looking for a little blood tinged mucus because then that could be my mucus plug and the beginning of something!!

Bottom line is that whatever I was feeling yesterday has gone away. It was probably just fatigue and maybe a little dehydration.

Guess this baby wants to keep cooking! True labor seems so far, far away at this point. Its funny, because very early on in my pg I thought I would deliver the last week of June. Well, here we are, its the last week of June and there is nothin goin on...

At any rate this baby is coming soon one way or another... I'm ready.. Come on' baby!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

38w, 14 days and counting!

So many ladies on my birth board are having babies already or are just about to and it isn't even July yet! And here I am with no impending labor on the horizon..

On my walk to work this morning I felt like there was a knife slicing through my bladder. Or some other organ deep within the nether region. It was a strange and not very pleasant sensation, one I haven't felt before.

I have my weekly ob visit tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want another internal only to find out that there is been no progress and I'm certainly not interested in my ob reminding me once again about my big baby and my "measuring large for dates" fundal height.

I find myself starting to get rather impatient and I have to keep reminding myself that anything could happen at any time...

ooh, there's that knife feeling again... could it be the beginning of something? :?:

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

38w1d

Had my weekly ob visit. Nothing to report. Baby's head still not engaged in my pelvis, no dilation, no effacement. Blah Blah. But hey, my bp was 98/62 and I didn't gain any weight!

We're still in a wait and see mode. She won't even consider inducing me at this time. Which is a good thing. Obviously my body isn't ready. So next week I'll have another u/s and plan to go to my 39w appt. Unless I go into labor between now and then.. but I'm not holding my breath.

Afterward I ran into one of the ladies in my Bradley class on the street. She is 2 days behind me. We both have our weekly visits on Friday. Today she found out she is a fingertip dilated and her doctor thinks she may even go by next week. Lucky for her!!

TGIF!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

Where O' Where have my toes gone?????????? :Whistle:

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

Finally a chance to post my birth story!

Caleb Charles
Born July 3, 2006, 7:52pm
8 pounds 7 ounces
20 1/2 inches

On July 3rd (38w4d) my water broke around 2:00 am. DH and I went in to the hospital around 6:30. Everyone was content to let me labor on my own w/out IVs, pit, etc for pretty much the whole day. Upon arrival I was 1cm, got the heparin lock, got my round of antibiotics (I was GBS Smile and started walking the stairs and would come back to my room every so often so they could hook up the fetal monitor. They were pretty flexible for most of the day and were respectful of our wishes to go natural. That was up until about 4-5pm when I was still 3 cm dilated and had had no progression for quite some time. That's when I got the whole spiel about being on the clock, the risk of infection, my water breaking, being GBS + etc and how the OB wanted to start using pitocin to move things along. We finally consented.

Prior to the introduction of pit I was laboring just fine. I was managing the pain with all the techniques and felt strong. But once they started pitocin it all went to downhill. Pit is EVIL. I labored on pit for an additional 2 hours or so without drugs but it became a hell I could no longer bear. Especially once I heard I was still 3 cm at around 7pm. At that point I lost all my coping mechanisms and started yelling for an epidural. I was so overwhelmed by the pain that everything that happened after is a total blur.

After about 45 minutes of the epi I was at 6 1/2 centimeters and the baby's head was in an awkward position but descending. Then shortly thereafter my room was suddenly overwhelmed by people. The baby's heartbeat went down into the 50s and stayed there. They had me moving around and were shaking my belly trying to see if maybe he had just compressed his cord but the heartbeat just stayed low. Then I hear a comment about too much blood and then within minutes I was rushed to the operating room for the c-section. At first they were going to do it w/ the epi that I had in and then for reasons that are still unclear they decided to do a general anesthesia. Yep, I was out cold for the birth! Fortunately Caleb was born with no problems at all and they gave him immediately to DH. I, of course, was out for another hour and when I woke up was so out of it and disconnected. Not the way one wants to greet their child for the fist time!. The final diagnosis was that I had a placental abruption.

We asked the doc if the pitocin could have caused the abruption and he basically said there was no way to know for sure. He gave me the whole list of risk factors for placental abruption and with the exception of my age had none of them. I guess abruptions can happen suddenly even when there are no risk factors but I can't help but wonder if it wasn't in fact the pitocin. The Saturday evening before my water broke, DH and I went to see Superman and were in two near car accidents on the way. I felt something going on during the movie.. perhaps it was the beginning of my water to break or the beginning of an abruption and the pit hastened it? Maybe its just a coincidence? I can speculate all I want but at the end of the day there is probably no way for us to ever know for sure why I had an abruption. I just feel really lucky that the Dr acted when he did.. if he had waited too much longer who knows what would have happened!

This is about as far as possible from the natural childbirth we envisioned and worked for all these weeks! But whaddya gonna do? I have a healthy, happy baby boy who breastfeeds like a champ! I was really worried about the b'feeding given all the drama that surrounded the birth but after a few stops and starts he is doing just fine.

He lost close to 10% of his birthweight and one of the lactation consultants was pushing formula supplementation on me. I was really hesitant because 1) his meconium was transitioning, 2) he was having ample poops and pees and 3) my milk was JUST coming in. In the end I did give him about 20 ccs of formula by cup but when I got home, I just trusted my instincts and booby fed him. So he was born on a Monday at 8pd7oz. By Friday at discharge he was 7pd10oz, by the following Monday at his first Pedi's visit he was 8pd3oz! And today he was up to 8pd 15 1/2 oz!! Woohoo! I seem to be blessed with an ample milk supply and for that I am extremely grateful. His latch could still be better but so far so good... though I do suspect a case of thrush coming on.

Its so hard to believe that my ttc/pg journey has come to a close. It was 2 years ago this month that I went off of bcp for the first time. I never dreamed the journey would take the twists and turns that it did but I couldn't imagine life without my little guy. He was worth the wait!

Here is my little guy!

Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 148

Just a short addendum to my journal:

My fellow Bradley-ite, the one who was due two days after me had her baby. She is in NICU. They don't know what the problem is with the baby. She has poor muscle tone and breathing/heart problems. They are now suspecting a chromosomal problem and are doing tests. I just hope and pray this baby will be ok. I can't stop thinking about her and the baby and I feel like such an a$$ feeling bad about my own birth/labor when I have my handsome, healthy boy to cuddle at the end of the day. Puts it all into perspective... Stay strong little Claire!