I decided to keep a journal this time, as this will be my last baby. I'm kind of sad, but 5 kids will be more than enough to handle.
This pregnancy was a surprise, of major proportions. My husband Kevin and I had been wanting 1 more, but our daughter is only 6 months old. We had been planning to wait a few more months.
On July 17, while on vacation, I was in the grocery store to pick up a few items. I was walking down the isle where the home tests are kept. I don't know why, I wasn't even thinking I might be pregnant, I just on impulse grabbed a first response test. My dh didn't even know I had bought it.
When we got back to our camp site, I went to the bathroom and took the test, and I almost fell when the second line showed up, ever so faintly. I went back to our camp site and asked my DH what age difference he wanted again? He looked at me funny, till I showed him the stick. The line was so faint, we weren't even sure it was there. But ... as the saying goes ... a line is a line is a line.
Two days later, off to Wal Mart I go, for another FRED. I didn't even wait to leave the store, just went into the store bathroom and took the test. When I came out and showed DH that the line was much darker, his face lit up, he's sooo happy.
On to the difficult part. We now have to tell our families. I kmow my family will be less than thrilled, given the fact that Lexie is only 6 months old. Oh well, we want this baby and they will just have to accept that.
I told my mother on Aug. 4, she was less than thrilled. All she said was that she was really dissapointed and she hasn't mentionned a word since. My dad still doesn't know, and neither do my children. What really bothers me is that this is my dh and my decision to have a baby, and no one elses, so where do they get off judging me. Oh well, I have an u/s scheduled for Aug. 13, and if all is ok, we will tell the rest of my family then. DH family already knows and they are happy, why can't my family be as supportive.
Well, that's enough for now, will update on Friday after my u/s.
I can't believe how fast the time is going, I'm already almost 8 weeks. I am a little worried though, my sugars are not controlled real well and I'm averaging about 10mmol, way to high for a pregnancy. I was up to 16 mmol tonight, I think my insulin will have to start up again. I'm worried about this will do to the baby, I know all the things that can go wrong with high levels in early pregnancy, and I don't even see the doctor until next week.
In addition, I'm scheduled for an allergy challenge next week, because of a systemic reaction to Celebrex that I had in April. I called and the secretary said that it doesn't matter if I'm pregnant, but how can I believe that if I can't take the drug during pregnancy, how do they expect a drug challenge not to affect the baby. Maybe I'll go and just talk to the allergist, I'm sure he know's more then his secretary. She was also trying to tell me what meds not to take for 6 weeks prior to the appt ... umm the appt. is next week, so I think she missed to boat on this one!!
Well, my u/s is on Friday, I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous, I've just got the sour gut feeling that something isn't right. I can't figure it out, I feel fine, no cramping or bleeding ... just a feeling, well, I guess I'll know soon enough.
Well, I had my u/s on Friday (the 13th) of all days. The technician was an idiot. He would not let dh go in with me saying the room was to small. That was crap, as his room was two times the size of the clinic I usually go to, and they always let Kevin in.
He only did an abdominal u/s, and even though he did find the sac, he did not see the fetal pole or the yolk sac. I'm hoping it was too early, but I have a suspicion that it is a blighted ovum and that this pregnancy is soon to be over. I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
The worst part of this whole this is that no one but me, dh and my mom know I'm pregnant, so I have to act like all is normal, even though my heart is breaking. I am so attached to this baby already. I have lost pregnancies in the past, but I think with the age that I'm at now, I know that I don't have lots of time in the future for more, so it's affecting me more. Also, I can see that Kevin is upset over this, even though he hasn't said anything, he's been so quiet and distant since my u/s. He said if we lose it, he's ok with it because it was meant to be, but I know he's hurting too. I just wish he would open up to me. MEN!!!
All I can do now is wait and see what the doctor has to say next week when he gets the u/s results.
I went for my ultrasound on Friday Aug. 13, 2004. What a horrible experience that was. First of all, the tech refused to let Kevin come in the room. As far as I'm concerned this is his pregnancy also, even though I'm the one doing the physical part.
He put the probe on my stomach, then moved it around for about 5 minutes and told me not to move. He left the room and came back. He then told me he doesn't see a fetal pole, only the sack. I asked him about doing a transvaginal because I'm less than 8 weeks. He refused to do it saying the radiologist didn't think it was necessary. In my experience they do both abdominal and transvag under 9 weeks.
On Monday Aug. 16 I had an appt. for Lexie's 6 month check up. The doctor was nice enough to bring my file in to go over the u/s results. The results said "Small gestational sac present, no fetal pole seen. Reassess in one week". She gave me the requisition for another u/s but said chances are I have a blighted ovum. I phoned all over, and the only place I could get an appt. before Sept. is in Pembroke.
So, on Tuesday Aug. 24 I'll be off to Pembroke for my next u/s. I'm terrified that the sac will still be empty and there will be no baby. It was hard enough telling my mom I was pregnant this time, that if I lose this one, and have to try again, I'll just have to go through that again.
Well, lets just keep our fingers crossed that tuesday has some good news. I'm expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.
I had my repeat u/s today, and once again, the sac is empty. The doctor's office will get the official report tomorrow afternoon, and they will call me to set up a d&c.
I am upset over this, but I've had almost 2 weeks to get used to the idea that this might happen, so I think all in all I'm handling it pretty well, and looking forward to the drama of ttc again (yeah right!!).
This is probably for the best however, as first of all, this is probably natures way of saying this baby would not have been viable on the outside, also, my SIL is due only a couple of weeks before I was, and this is her first after years of trying, so she won't have to share the limelight, and finally, as I am diabetic, and not completely under control, this will give me the chance to get my sugars under better control so that the next pregnancy will be really healthy.