I've been delaying writing anything down with this pregnancy. The last pregnancy, I tried to write something down every single day. But, unfortunately, that pregnancy ended with a blighted ovum.
A blighted ovum is when you have a fertilized egg that doesn't grow a baby. There was a sac and placenta...everything to support the growth of a baby, but no baby. I guess knowing that nothing nothing ever actually died made getting through it a bit easier for me. Although, having the gift of a pregnancy taken away from me like that was still hard. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over that. I guess that I can only move forward.
I'm the youngest of three daughters. My oldest sister had her first baby, my oldest nephew, right out of high school. He was such a blessing to me and we were inseparable. She had her next baby, my youngest nephew, about 6 months after she married the father of her first baby. She planned for that one however. She just got pregnant alot sooner than she thought she would. My other sister had her only child, my niece, when she was 21. She wasn't planned for and was quite a pleasant surprise to my family. My niece is my princess and such a great joy to my family. I can't imagine how our lives would be without her.
I'm going to be 35 in October and am currently pregnant with my first baby. After seeing how easy my sisters made it look to have babies, I never thought that I'd have such a hard time. I learned something though. It surely isn't as easy as I thought it was. lol.
I married my husband in September of 2006 and we decided to start trying to conceive in March of 2007. It wasn't until early October of 2007 that I actually found out that I was pregnant. October 5th, to be exact. Oh, that pregnancy was going to be perfect. It would give me a due date of June 10th and I would be off work for the summer months. I just couldn't wait.
Come the middle of November, my pregnancy had come to an end and my world had turned upside down. I couldn't understand why/how it happened. Why did it happen to me? I did everything the "right" way. I got married first. I planned for it. I took vitamins. I did everything right...didn't I?
The next two months, I had found that I was very bitter. I'd hear of news stories about people who didn't appreciate their children and abused them. It made me angry that God too away my pregnancy and let other people who abused drugs and their children have children as they wanted. I was angry at God the most. I was hurt by that anger too. I was trying my hardest to be positive in life. It wasn't easy.
In the beginning of February, I had a little talk with God. It was Lent and usually during lent I give up something like Soda or meat. This year, I decided to not give up anything. God had already taken away what meant the most to me. So I thought why should I have to give up anything.
During my discussion with God, I told him how angry I was. I told him that I was losing my faith and I needed something to believe in. At that exact moment, I felt such an energy throughout my entire body. It was as if God had touch me. I just knew at that moment that I'd be pregnant that month.
About a week before my period was due, I took a pregnancy test. I mean, I was SO sure that I was pregnant. I had a few signs like sore breasts and a noticeable increase in my ability to smell. So I thought, if I already had early signs, surely I would test positive. Well, it was negative. I was crushed.
Every single day the next week, all I did was cry anytime I was alone. I felt so betrayed and alone. It was a horrible feeling. A day before my period was due, Jason and I were talking and I told him that I took a pregnancy test and it was negative, so I knew that I wasn't pregnant. About an hour later, I decided to take the last pregnancy test that I had. It was positive! OMG! I'm pregnant again!
I walked out into the family room, where Jason was sitting, and sat down next to him. I snuggled up next to him and showed him the pregnancy test. It said "I thought you told me that you took a test and it was negative." I said "That was a week ago. Apparently, it was wrong." He just held on to me and we sat there for a while. This time...it was going to be different. I just knew it.
On April 17th, I went for my second doctor's appointment. They made me step on the scale. I protested by saying that it was cruel to make a pregnant woman stand on a scale. The nurse told me that I haven't even gained a full pound yet! That's so awesome!
Then the doctor came into the room and brought a doppler system with him. He told me that he going to try to hear the heartbeat. I got so excited and so nervous. He put the microphone to my belly and it sounded like a winter storm. Then I heard a slow beat and said "What's that?!" He said that was MY pulse. So I said "Well, at least we know that I'm alive!" it was a nervous attempt at humor.
Since my previous pregnancy never got to this stage, I was really nervous. It took him about 4 full minutes, but finally, he said "There it is!" I heard it! I actually heard the heartbeat! FINALLY! My doctor told me that was that the REAL pregnancy test. I'm SOOOO happy!
I go for my ultrasound in 1 week. That's April 29th. I can't wait!!!
On April 29th, I went in for my first ultrasound. The tech put it on my stomach and I watched the screen. The first image that popped up, I thought was left from the person before me. Then it moved!
I said "OMG! Is that what I think it is?"
The tech said "Yes! You are seeing the same thing I am!"
I said "OMG! Am I REALLY having TWINS!"
The tech said "Yes! It looks that way!"
Jason grabbed on to my hand and told me that it was real to him now. OMG OMG OMG! That's all that I could say the entire time of the ultrasound. OMG! I'm having twins!!!
My sister Pattie cried when I told her. Then she said "You got your baby back!"
It's just such a wonderful feeling knowing that I'm having twins. I've wanted twins my entire life. I always thought it would be the best thing in the world to have twins. I can't contain my excitement!!!
I have a doctor's appointment next week. I'm really looking forward to it. I wish my doctor appointments were not so far in between. It's making my pregnancy DRAG on!
I'm so stressed and worried over this pregnancy. I want everything to go perfectly. I'm just SOOOO afraid that something is going to go wrong. I've been trying to take it easy and relax...it's just SO hard!