Thread: BeBe Is An Angel. Passed 27Feb/Born to Heaven 08Mar :(

thinking about you and BeBe.. love seeing the new u/s pictures
I check on you all the time even if I don't post
hugs sweetie

10W 4D

N, of course I think of you all the time! How are your 3 kidos doing? Is M loving the big brother gig?

Here are pics of yesterday's US:
My belly pic at only 4 weeks:


Belly pic at 9 weeks:


BeBe at 5 Weeks {25Jan07} for comparison:


Today's Profile {10W 3D}:


Shy BeBe {arm next to face} 3D Today:


Ummm, what do you see between the legs? I know it is early, but IT sure caught my eye! {If you can't make it out, let me know & I will PM you the link to the bigger version :P }


Same pic, close up


Frontal view:


The tech is pretty positive that I will get booked tomorrow for the cerclage, cause I am def. dilated, but thankfully right next to BeBe is closed. My cervix is also fluid filled, which is most likely the cause for the bleeding, as my left uterus is empty & the placenta looks fine.

I can't wait for tomorrow at 510pm!

ETA: OK, so WTH happened today?!!! Ok, I just made the most gross plate of reheated fries, jalapeno cheese & tartar sauce!!! then, I was watching a show on Animal Planet about a cat hoarder & a pitbull that needed an emergency CSec for puppies that had died inutero. yeah, I had to turn it off, cause I was about to cry. Normally it wouldn't affect me, even though I am a huge animal person, but it really tugged on me. I can watch Baby Story & have no reaction, although when PG all the other times, the water works would come on instantly!!

OK, now I am beginning to think that I am PG!!!

10W 5D

I am nervous for today's appt with the OB. We find out about the booking... My appt is not until 510pm, so I will post when I get home!

ETA: I am so upset right now. Got a phone call. Not good news. beBe is alive, but cervix is very short. Will be booked for the cerclage tonight. But it won't ahppen for another week. I am guessing next Monday. I will be on permanent BR from here on out. Way sooner than with M.

10W 6D
Copies from orginally the Sept 07 board

Here is what I originally posted yesterday afternoon on the Sept 07 board:

The nurse just called me to go over Sat's US. She didn't realize I was coming in in a few hours. Yes, BeBe is alive, but my cervix really doesn't look good. It is very short He is booking me for a cerclage for about 12 weeks she believes, so not for another week & then I have another US on March 8th at 4pm.

I asked then if I can go back to work for the week before getting the cerclage & she told me that with the way things look, that she figures he is going to take me off work completely till the end

I knwo why. I know it is all worth it. I feel like a failure though. My goodness, what is wrong with my body? Why did I have to be born with this goofball body? I didn't have to go on bedrest with M until about 16 weeks. Then I was in the hospital from 20 weeks to 32. Then in and out after that. I really want to avoid that.

I am so scared that something is going to happen. I still have to go in tonight, but now I know why I have been sad all day. Why does the medical practice have to wait until the 2nd tri for most things to happen? I want BeBe to have as much a fighting chance RIGHT NOW

Thanks for letting me whine

Here is what I wrote today after yesterdays' appt:

Well, the appt was hort & to the point. I have lost a bit of weight. That is the least of concerns right now. BP was great.

Doctor is concerned because as of Sat, but cervix only measures in at 1.8 They are fine with anything 2.4 and higher. Obviously, not good at this early stage.

We have to wait for the cerclage until 12 weeks. I hate "viable". My baby is alive right now. I don't want to wiat and risk dilating more int he meantime & then him/her not having any chance. He explained this, that there is a higher MC rate for performing early cerclage. There is a high risk when done even at a later stage. I understand that, but you know how it is as a Mom, you want to do whatever you can to protect your baby/kids.

I am automatically on bedrest again until at least the 12th. He is unsure at this point about taking me off completely. He knows where I work, I even schedule HIS on call days He asked if my office knew yet & I said they do now! He is worried I will shorten more between now & my US on the 8th, but realistically, there IS nothing we can do to prevent it

So, the plan is that I will go for an "emergency" US on the 8th, in his office, at 4pm. He will be there, review the findings & then have me transferred to the main hospital {not the Women's are where he usually operates as it will be closed by then} to be admitted for an emergency cerclage immediately. It will be classified as "emergency", even though we know about it right now, as there is nothing we can do until the 12 week mark. He is hoping that one of the other docs operating that afternoon/evening will have some OR time available that he can "borrow", to get me in, as he does not operate that day, in that OR area. I am pretty positive that that will work. IF it doesn't, then I will be transferred to another hospital just outside of our city wehre he has OR privledges as well. I am hoping that is not the case, although it has a beautiful women's area.

I had to send out an email last night to the docs I work for and the rest of my office telling them the new developments. They should just be arriving in to work now, so it will be interesting to find out what happens.

Thank you all for thinking of me and BeBe & you can bet that I will KUP on everything.

11W 1D

For all my favorite "lurkers"

11W 2D

All is good. Good! I feel really good today! I have energy! I heard back from one of the docs I work for & she didn't know I was PG! She just thought I was sick I thought they all knew! She was suprised when I told her via email that I had to have a cerclage! She is PG too, due with her second in July! Lucky girl is going to Jamica on March 14th!!

I really do miss work & get excited when the girl that is filling in for me calls to ask for info! Makes me feel like I am still involved somewhat!! I really hope I can go back, even if it for shorter days, or reduced work or something. Even if I could do transcriptions here at home if I get stuck on permanent BR.

M is not wanting to go to DC & he is doing awesome at PT!! I am so proud of him!

My mom is talking better about BeBe. She asked when the DD was I we both got upset when I told her. It is only a week before the first anniversary of my Gramma's death. I know that I will probably go early, but it still bothers me. On the other hand though, I am trying to look at it as a sign of hope from her. Especially if this one is a girl.

The 8th is only 6 days away, but it is a very long 6 days!!

11W 3D~5 Days to go!

Ahhh, this weekend is going to be a long one! Liam has a BD party to go to this afternoon. Justin had to go in to the office for some sort of training course. It is supposed to be beautiful here today & I can't do anything!

i think I will sit out on the front and let Mikey play in the yard. the fresh air will be good for hte both of us.

I've had some strange discharge throughout yesterday & already today. Not too much pain though. I am just so scared about something happening between now & the 8th. I just wish it would hurry and get here.

I love being PG, but I just can't wait for this one to be done & then our family will be complete.

11W 4D~4 Days to go!

2 Days till I find out which hospital I will be in. Praying for RA!!

No more BeBe I am dying inside. We told the boys tonight. They are hurting and sad, especially Liam.

I feel so empty. I just want her back. I literally feel her missing from inside me. I am have complications and can't wait to talk to my doctor.

I want BeBe back. Why her? This is so unfair.

Must go cry now.

Love you.. I wish I could be there with you, I am so sorry honey