BeBe Is An Angel. Passed 27Feb/Born to Heaven 08Mar :(

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SparkleMomma's picture
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BeBe Is An Angel. Passed 27Feb/Born to Heaven 08Mar :(

Copied from Sept 07!

Today was the supposided arrival date of AF, NO SHOW! That is good news.

I tested, and this is what I got...

Here is a link to the progression of Jan 4th, 7th & 9th {I left it big to show the detail}:
ALL THREE

Now, here is why I am scared. I got my beta results and it is only 553. It does mean I am pregnant, but I am not sure if it is too low. I am not sure when I O'd, exactly. Here is a little history, maybe someone can shed some light for me.

Last AF was December 13th, 2006. I got a +OPK Christmas Day. I got my first BFP with a $Tree HPT on January 3rd.

Looking online, this beta count puts me at anywhere from 21 - 28 days. Does this make sense to you, with my history, or should I be alarmed?

I know that I am about 4 weeks ONLY today, so that is 28 days, but I've read for between 21-28 days, your levels should be from 18-7,340.

My OB doesn't open until 9, so I am stuck waiting & even then, it is hard to get through, so I would appreiciate any info you can offer.

Update: OB is sending me for repeat blood tomorrow and an US for Monday morning at 9. Just to be sure everything is where it should be Blum 3

I can't believe this is happening!!

4 weeks today!

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They are up! They are up! And, a bit more than doubled!!

They were at 1231 as of yesterday! Not too bad from 553 from the 8th!

I am so excited! Just waiting till 9 to call the doc, but I am sure he will be happy with them!!!

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Because I was a POAS addict this round, I want to put these here for the "memories"!!

First BFP (and only 3-6DPO}

One day later OPK:

The 4th HPT & 5th OPK:

The 9th HPT{when AF should have been here}:

All 3 +HPT!

It still doesn't seem real to me. I know I am, but I have no signs, a bit of nausea late yesteday afternoon, but not major.

I want symptoms!!!!

And to help me track milestones:

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Ultrasound was today! We saw the sac and the fetal pole! Dates me about 5 weeks, so one day ahead Wink :woohoo: I am so happy!

I am a bit worried, as this one has implanted in my right uterus. Just like all my MC's. I am sure that that won't happen again this time, but the worry is there, KWIM?

Today is 4 years for Justin and I. I still haven't told him. I am planning on it tonight. Not sure how he will react, after everything.

4 weeks 6 days

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OB yesterday was good. No Pap or tests yet. 2nd US will be on Jan 25 at 445. Once viablility is shown, then we will get more aggressive.

He is concerned about the bleeding. I told him that it was dark & he said it didn't matter, that with my past, that we need to be careful. he said to go home or stay home if I have more. I have a bit today. I am hungry today too! Finally a sign!

he also told me that they are doing a new genetics screen between 11 and 13 weeks in Calgary. I might think about it. I mean really though, what would it change? Nothing, other than I would be prepared.

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Nothing new really to update. My back and right side is killing me. Feels like a darn UTI. Now I remember them with M's pg & how much I loathed them!!!

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I hope you're ok with me posting on your journal, if not I won't do it again!
I just wanted to tell you I'm so excited for you!! I'm holding my breath with you. Hang in there

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N~

:bighug: Of course I don't mind!! You better do it again!!

How are you feeling?

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I think I may have my first sign! It started yesterday and has been here all day today. I am so dizzy. It seriously feels like my brain is rattling around in my head! It doesn't matter if I am sitting, standing, lying down, anything.

I've looked online & it says this is normal, so I am taking it as my first symptom Blum 3

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They got me!

Symptoms! I refuse to think that it is the nasty bug that has everyone here sick.

I have been so sick to my stomach all day!! :woohoo:

2 more days till the US! I feel so much better about going to it. yesterday I was scared that we would get bad news. Today though, I am actually optimistic!!

ETA:
On my way home from work, the emotions hit me! Not as bad as with the boys, but man!! I started thinking about how L will be nearly 7 when this one is due! 7!! WHAT?!! Where has the time gone? Wasn't it yesterday that HE was my baby? OMG!! Wow! OK, getting hit by them again! Biggrin

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6 weeks!

Today hasn't started off very well at all. I have not slept not one wink all night. Gonna make for a long day at work.

My lower back was kind of achey during the night & this morning, but not too bad. The past hour though, it is literally knocking me out. It hurts so bad. The slightest movement makes me cringe. I went through this when I first found out, but then it just went away. I am so scared though, because this is how I felt at first when I had my 1st MC.

I felt so optimistic about my US for tomorrow, yesterday, but now I am so scared again. It bothers me so much that this one is in my right uterus. If things do work out for the best, then this one is def. a fighter too.

I don't think it is a UTI, as it is my whole lower back, not just a quadrant.

I just wanna go home and sleep. I don't think my docs would mind, they are at the Cross Cancer today, so I am left to just catch up on what I need too, and that is pretty much done.

We'll see.

Please, please, please let things be alright.

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6 Weeks 1 Day

The US is this afternoon. Not until 445, so this day is going to drag!! I am so full of emotions right now that I am to the point of confusion.

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Introducing.... BeBe! {Mikey has named him/her!}

Heartbeat was seen instantly & I even got to hear it! 121, what a beautiful sound!!! I am so in love!

Mikey had to sleep with this picture in his hands. It is his BeBe!!

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6 Weeks 5 Days

Well, bleeding now.Bright red. Started at 1230am. Yuck. Not so bad now that the day has gone on, but still there. I hate this. Doc's office wans't much help, but then again, what can you do?

I get to see him again Feb 13, but if bleeding gets worse, or cramps come, then I will see him sooner.

I don't know what to think. She said that it could still be leftover implantation bleeding :dontknow: I don't think that is what it is, but who knows.

For now, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

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7 weeks 1 Day

I feel really good today!! :woohoo: I feel like crying, and for no reason!! These symptoms I can handle, although I may get embarrased at work!!

Justin told one of his friends, who confronted me about it this morning. I didn't think he would tell anyone yet, so that is nice!!

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7 Weeks 5 Days

More bleeding last night. I was sure that it was it. There were some clots again. I cried. The it stopped. I have decided that until such time is warranted, I am going to treat this as I did with the boys. I am blaming it on my left uterus until I know otherwise. I want to enjoy this time.

I am anxious about the 13th appt, but that is normal!

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8 Weeks 1 Day

I am sick today. this office is one big giant germ :evil: I wasn't even going to come in. My head is heavy & punding, I'm all stuffed. It sucks. I also am pretty sure that I can't take anything for this, so I have to tough it out. Arggghhhh

BeBe, I love you so much & I sure hope you are doing alright. I still don't have nay signs of pg {aside from lack of a "real" AF & the US}, but I'm not {really} complaning!!

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9W 2D~Day 4 of bedrest

And it is hard. I feel useless & sorry for myself! I feel like I can't help much with the boys or work or anything! I know it is for a good reason & I love that, but part of me was hoping that this PG might be a bit different. I can't complain about the lack of symptoms though!

Work was very understanding, but still. I really hope to get the cerclage, even though I am sure he will want to put me out for it, and not sure how long I will be admitted for. Hopefully I will be able to return to work a few days after that.

I can't wait to get another pic of BeBe on the 24th!!

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9W 3D

OMG, cramping all of a sudden. Bad. Don't think it is anything too serious. Bleeding has pretty much stopped. I just hate the pain.

Next Sat. can't get here fast enough...

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9W 6D

I just wanted the grapefruit Sad It ticked me off though. Why are grapefruits so hard to get into? I cut around it, through the pieces, but nothing! I had to pick and pull still I didn't get much. I tried to peel it, but got too much flesh & that made the taste yucky!! I just wanted the fruit!!

Anyhow, I am feeling really good today! I have energy, which I haven't had in some time now! I do have some "good spotting", so I am not worried about it! It has been one week since I have had bad bleeding, so I am feeling better about things.

The boys are counting down till Saturday till they can see BeBe on "TV". They are so excited! The time is going so slow though :-? Typical. I just want the 26th to get here too, so I can arrange to have the cerclage put in. I hate knowing that he is waiting until I am more viable, but I know that's the way it goes! Precautions, precautions...

Love ya BeBe!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

thinking about you and BeBe.. love seeing the new u/s pictures
I check on you all the time even if I don't post
hugs sweetie

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10W 4D

N, of course I think of you all the time! How are your 3 kidos doing? Is M loving the big brother gig?

Here are pics of yesterday's US:
My belly pic at only 4 weeks:

Belly pic at 9 weeks:

BeBe at 5 Weeks {25Jan07} for comparison:

Today's Profile {10W 3D}:

Shy BeBe {arm next to face} 3D Today:

Ummm, what do you see between the legs? I know it is early, but IT sure caught my eye! {If you can't make it out, let me know & I will PM you the link to the bigger version Blum 3 }

Same pic, close up

Frontal view:

The tech is pretty positive that I will get booked tomorrow for the cerclage, cause I am def. dilated, but thankfully right next to BeBe is closed. My cervix is also fluid filled, which is most likely the cause for the bleeding, as my left uterus is empty & the placenta looks fine.

I can't wait for tomorrow at 510pm!

ETA: OK, so WTH happened today?!!! Ok, I just made the most gross plate of reheated fries, jalapeno cheese & tartar sauce!!! then, I was watching a show on Animal Planet about a cat hoarder & a pitbull that needed an emergency CSec for puppies that had died inutero. yeah, I had to turn it off, cause I was about to cry. Normally it wouldn't affect me, even though I am a huge animal person, but it really tugged on me. I can watch Baby Story & have no reaction, although when PG all the other times, the water works would come on instantly!!

OK, now I am beginning to think that I am PG!!! Lol

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10W 5D

I am nervous for today's appt with the OB. We find out about the booking... My appt is not until 510pm, so I will post when I get home!

ETA: I am so upset right now. Got a phone call. Not good news. beBe is alive, but cervix is very short. Will be booked for the cerclage tonight. But it won't ahppen for another week. I am guessing next Monday. I will be on permanent BR from here on out. Way sooner than with M. :cry:

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10W 6D
Copies from orginally the Sept 07 board Sad

Here is what I originally posted yesterday afternoon on the Sept 07 board:

The nurse just called me to go over Sat's US. She didn't realize I was coming in in a few hours. Yes, BeBe is alive, but my cervix really doesn't look good. It is very short :cry: He is booking me for a cerclage for about 12 weeks she believes, so not for another week & then I have another US on March 8th at 4pm.

I asked then if I can go back to work for the week before getting the cerclage & she told me that with the way things look, that she figures he is going to take me off work completely till the end :cry: :cry:

I knwo why. I know it is all worth it. I feel like a failure though. My goodness, what is wrong with my body? Why did I have to be born with this goofball body? I didn't have to go on bedrest with M until about 16 weeks. Then I was in the hospital from 20 weeks to 32. Then in and out after that. I really want to avoid that.

I am so scared that something is going to happen. I still have to go in tonight, but now I know why I have been sad all day. Why does the medical practice have to wait until the 2nd tri for most things to happen? I want BeBe to have as much a fighting chance RIGHT NOW Sad

Thanks for letting me whine

Here is what I wrote today after yesterdays' appt:

Well, the appt was hort & to the point. I have lost a bit of weight. That is the least of concerns right now. BP was great.

Doctor is concerned because as of Sat, but cervix only measures in at 1.8 :shock: They are fine with anything 2.4 and higher. Obviously, not good at this early stage. :cry:

We have to wait for the cerclage until 12 weeks. I hate "viable". My baby is alive right now. I don't want to wiat and risk dilating more int he meantime & then him/her not having any chance. He explained this, that there is a higher MC rate for performing early cerclage. There is a high risk when done even at a later stage. I understand that, but you know how it is as a Mom, you want to do whatever you can to protect your baby/kids.

I am automatically on bedrest again until at least the 12th. He is unsure at this point about taking me off completely. He knows where I work, I even schedule HIS on call days Lol He asked if my office knew yet & I said they do now! He is worried I will shorten more between now & my US on the 8th, but realistically, there IS nothing we can do to prevent it Sad

So, the plan is that I will go for an "emergency" US on the 8th, in his office, at 4pm. He will be there, review the findings & then have me transferred to the main hospital {not the Women's are where he usually operates as it will be closed by then} to be admitted for an emergency cerclage immediately. It will be classified as "emergency", even though we know about it right now, as there is nothing we can do until the 12 week mark. He is hoping that one of the other docs operating that afternoon/evening will have some OR time available that he can "borrow", to get me in, as he does not operate that day, in that OR area. I am pretty positive that that will work. IF it doesn't, then I will be transferred to another hospital just outside of our city wehre he has OR privledges as well. I am hoping that is not the case, although it has a beautiful women's area.

I had to send out an email last night to the docs I work for and the rest of my office telling them the new developments. They should just be arriving in to work now, so it will be interesting to find out what happens.

Thank you all for thinking of me and BeBe & you can bet that I will KUP on everything. :bighug:

SparkleMomma's picture
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11W 1D

For all my favorite "lurkers" :Iloveyou:

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11W 2D

All is good. Good! I feel really good today! I have energy! I heard back from one of the docs I work for & she didn't know I was PG! She just thought I was sick :shock: I thought they all knew! She was suprised when I told her via email that I had to have a cerclage! She is PG too, due with her second in July! Lucky girl is going to Jamica on March 14th!!

I really do miss work & get excited when the girl that is filling in for me calls to ask for info! Makes me feel like I am still involved somewhat!! I really hope I can go back, even if it for shorter days, or reduced work or something. Even if I could do transcriptions here at home if I get stuck on permanent BR.

M is not wanting to go to DC & he is doing awesome at PT!! I am so proud of him!

My mom is talking better about BeBe. She asked when the DD was I we both got upset when I told her. It is only a week before the first anniversary of my Gramma's death. I know that I will probably go early, but it still bothers me. On the other hand though, I am trying to look at it as a sign of hope from her. Especially if this one is a girl.

The 8th is only 6 days away, but it is a very long 6 days!!

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11W 3D~5 Days to go!

Ahhh, this weekend is going to be a long one! Liam has a BD party to go to this afternoon. Justin had to go in to the office for some sort of training course. It is supposed to be beautiful here today & I can't do anything!

i think I will sit out on the front and let Mikey play in the yard. the fresh air will be good for hte both of us.

I've had some strange discharge throughout yesterday & already today. Not too much pain though. I am just so scared about something happening between now & the 8th. I just wish it would hurry and get here.

I love being PG, but I just can't wait for this one to be done & then our family will be complete.

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11W 4D~4 Days to go!

2 Days till I find out which hospital I will be in. Praying for RA!!

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No more BeBe :cry: I am dying inside. We told the boys tonight. They are hurting and sad, especially Liam.

I feel so empty. I just want her back. I literally feel her missing from inside me. I am have complications and can't wait to talk to my doctor.

I want BeBe back. Why her? This is so unfair.

Must go cry now.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:bigarmhug:
Love you.. I wish I could be there with you, I am so sorry honey

SparkleMomma's picture
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TY. Just knowing you feel that way makes my heart happier. Please give your little ones a extra big hug & kiss from me, K?

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I'm so sorry to see this!!!
(((((HUGS))))

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:bigarmhug:

Thinking of you and BeBe Diane.

Geohde's picture
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Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been so wrapped up in my own grief I didn't realise that you, too, lost your little miracle.

I know it doesn't make anything easier, but I understand the sadness and ache, I have it too...

xxx

Jo

SparkleMomma's picture
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TY Girls. Jo, our Angels share the same Angel date Sad

I have been so "good" emotionally lately, until Tuesday, when that marked 2 weeks since BeBe passed. Wednesday was hard cause I should have been 13 weeks. Today is hard becuase it is one week since BeBe was born to Heaven.

I am one week closer to getting my results at least...

I miss you BeBe. I Love You Forever, I'll Like You Forever, As Long As I'm Living, My BeBe You Will Be

SparkleMomma's picture
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TY Girls. Jo, our Angels share the same Angel date Sad

I have been so "good" emotionally lately, until Tuesday, when that marked 2 weeks since BeBe passed. Wednesday was hard cause I should have been 13 weeks. Today is hard becuase it is one week since BeBe was born to Heaven.

I am one week closer to getting my results at least...

I miss you BeBe. I Love You Forever, I'll Like You Forever, As Long As I'm Living, My BeBe You Will Be

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh sweetie I am so sorry. My heart is hurting for you. ((((huge hugs)))

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TY T, your support is so important to me. This journey to Mommyhood is so tough, no matter that I am already a Mommy, KWIM? Or does that make no sense?!!

I would also like to take this time to thank everyone that has sent me PM's. I have not really gotten back to them, because I am still quite upset & dumbfounded. Your kind words & just knowing that you all took the time to care & write me means so much to me, both mentally and physically.

PO really is an amazing place & I couldn't imagine my life without it Blum 3

{Love you Bebe :Iloveyou: :bigarmhug: }

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Last of BeBe's Pictures Sad

I know that BeBe had passed away already at this point, but when I took them, I had no idea, so they still count to me...

12 Weeks:

And these are the flowers that my work sent me the day after BeBe went to Heaven, I added 2 of the US pics to them:

I miss BeBe so much & I can't wait to get the results. i am hoping to hear something this week...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

waiting here with you honey. You have so many people here with you, but I wanted to add mine. I'd love to give you my number if you want it. I'm not sure if hearing baby noises would be hard but you are welcome to call me

SparkleMomma's picture
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N, I would love that & hearing your sweet babies sounds I think would be medicine to my hears. :bighug: You really need to come back up here to Canada, ya know!!!

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I miss you BeBe

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