Wow, tabula rasa......what a peculiar and wonderful feeling to be starting a journal for a pregnancy that has been a long time coming. I reflect back to now 18 months ago when a friend of mine and I discussed having our 2nd babies and that it would be great support for each other to go through it together---our other kids are born 6 weeks apart from one another and they have so enjoyed playing with each other. Although DH and I have been admittedly off again-on again about the whole thing we did, for the most part, give it the old college try.
The morning beeping of the thermometer, charts, graphs, ovulation sticks, and crunching data like I was a professor on the subject of fertility ensued......to no avail. Then I decided that if I was to be able to carry on an adult conversation without blurting out to the poor innocent soul that asked me how my morning was that I had gotten a positive ovulation predictor strip and had great fertile mucous that I needed to just give it all a rest. We went back into the dark ages of just timing it best we could based on the time my cycle (and I admittedly used the OPK strips just because I paid good money for 90 of them that sat in my bathroom cabinet). Nothing, negative, BFN after BFN.
Cut to Monday, the beginning of this week. OK, I know for a fact our timing had been good, the fertile mucous was there, then a positive OPK strip followed shortly thereafter. I still have 20 internet cheapie HPT's in the cabinet so I started testing 8 days before I was due for AF. And got 8 BFN's. Crap! One of us is broken. I've had a kid before so I can't be ALL that messed up, right? But alot can happen in over 4 years. I'm 32 now, not 28. DH is a few months away from turning 40 now. But my cycles are regular and I haven't been on the pill since before my son was born. DH.........it had to be DH.
I went to him to explain that it is apparent one of us is not functioning correctly and all arrows point to him. He must go for the lab testing that every man dreads. It is a small contribution compared to what women endure so buck up and just move on with it. Afterall, if the tests come back normal then we can start the long road of figuring out what is wrong with my plumbing, which I promised him was not as easy as a 5 minute trip to the restroom for him. A trip in which nobody would need to see, touch, or stick anything into his hoo-ha. He reluctantly agreed for the greater good of our cause.
AF was due on Wednesday of this week. I woke up at 4:45AM for some strange reason. It wasn't because I was excited about testing because I'd already had so many BFN's. Actually I was quite NOT looking forward to the new daily grind that began with getting a BFN to start my day. For some reason I had to pee and it awoke me from my sleep at that inappropriate hour. That never happens. I tried to get back to sleep but my bladder wasn't having it. So at 5:15AM I grumbled and stumbled my way to the bathroom to get it over with. I waited approximately 20 seconds, saw the BFN, tossed it on the top of the ever-heaping pile of sticks from the past week in the trashcan and thus endeth another 2WW, it was just a matter of hours before the oh-so-timely AF would barge in.
The day went by slowly at work. I checked all day long nearly on the hour for my good AF, she was very unlike herself not showing before work as she normally does first thing in the morning. She must have gotten hung up in her travels. Weird.
Thursday morning I figured I'd test again since AF hadn't shown yet. I'm sure the stress of the 2WW had just delayed her a day but she would be here shortly. I decided to use another brand of test I had floating around the medicine cabinet in addition to my internet cheapie test so I could get 2 BFN's at the same time. What this???? I see a faint, faint 2nd line on my test! And a not-so-faint huge pink plus sign on my other test. As quick as a flash I pulled the test from yesterday off the top of the trashcan pile to look at it------another 2nd line! I hadn't given it enough time to do its thing yesterday. I pulled another one---a very very faint line. And another---even more faint lines. How is it possible to have a line be so faint for 4 days and miss it? I believe it had to do with my impatience and giving the test a whole 20 seconds to show a 2nd line or not. Apparently it is key to wait the suggested number of minutes (not that is plural) and then check the test.
DH was of course laying in bed probably wondering what was taking me so darn long in the bathroom all this time. I came out and said "Good Morning, Daddy" and looked at my sleeping 4 year old (we co-sleep) and said "Good Morning, Big Brother". DH was, of course, very excited. Though it was never discussed I'm sure a fleeting moment or two of his celebration was dedicated to the fact that his little soldiers had come through and would not have to be put under the microscope to prove themselves worthy and capable of fertilization.
I'm feeling good, just sore b00bs, though they were much worse before I ever got my BFP this cycle. I also feel very hungry, which seems early so maybe that has nothing to do with being pregnant.
I vow to myself and the little bean that we will begin an exercise regime in the evenings so I can be in better shape for the big delivery day. I'm a pinch (or a few rolls) overweight so we
need to go on some nightly brisk walks through the neighborhood and perhaps some stretching and/or yoga to make sure all is well.
This afternoon I told my Mom and Dad. I tried to be creative and had a few good ideas but in the end I just blurted it out without warning. I had looked online at some cute shirts for DS to wear that said "I have a secret" on the front and "I'm going to be a big brother" on the back but with the time for shipping combined with my parents busy schedules I have no idea when that would have been able to come to fruition.
Then I wanted to have DS make some artwork for my parents fridge with a picture of our family and label them Mommy, Daddy, and Big Brother May '08. But I spent last night at the outlet mall knowing I was going to get together my my folks today scouring every kids store for any sort of "big brother to be" shirt. To no avail obviously. And by the time we got home I was practically falling asleep at the wheel so was not able to muster up the construction paper, scissors and glue to begin a late night project.
I told each of them separately and they both seemed somewhat surprised but happy. It was all pretty low key.
We have also told DS and he says he is "not excited" about it. I think it's because he has no idea what it really means to be a big brother or what all will go on. We will need to get some books on this subject and work them into the storytime ritual.
I'm glad the good Lord gave us nearly 35 more weeks to decide on a name for this child as it seems DH and I do not agree on names. Though we stand a better chance of coming to agreement on the girl name than the boy name thus far. Each conversation has ended with me stating "It's a moot point to even discuss it in too much detail until the 20 week ultrasound because we need to know if we're having a pointless debate over a name that is for the opposite gender of the child we will actually have". But we both know that when the 20 week ultrasound comes around this will all start again. And that's OK, we'll get it worked out just like we did when DS was on the way.
When DS was on the way we could not agree on a name we both liked until.....bam.....one day we just did. Nobody had to accept a name they didn't care for---we just finally found one that was just right. And it'll happen again, I know it.
Hmmm, what a strange turn of events today. I crave "flesh". I'm NOT a big meat eater. But today at lunch I went to Kroger to pick up a birthday cake for my boss on behalf of my team and passed by the area where they keep the cooked chicken all heated up and ready to eat. There sat some BBQ chicken pieces, which would normally send me running the other direction, that for some reason beckoned to me today. Then I headed over to the hot soup bar, which I would normally see as an opportunity for the grocery store to poison me with salt, MSG, and yesterday's rejects. Today, though, I loaded up a bowl of it and off I went. I ate the soup in the car and proceeded to open the family pack of chicken at my desk and start to eat (well, after removing the skins because I do still have my limits).
The people sitting around me gathered in disbelief asking me if I was going to get sick after eating meat since I normally go to such lengths to avoid most meats. They wondered what was causing me to eat pre-prepared meat that had been sitting out and nonetheless covered in sugar-laden BBQ sauce........so I had to spill the beans. They were looking at me like I'd lost my mind.
After the news was out one of the girls confirmed that she had noticed my boobs have become significantly larger recently. We all have a very open dialogue. She is actually the second person to tell me that this week. In the words of Dog The Bounty Hunter I have officially become "racktastic". It happened with my other pregnancy as well. And they will only get larger and larger. We won't even talk about when I'm nursing because they just take on a mind all their own once they are functioning. I do have higher hopes for ol "Low flow Lefty" this go round. I'm hoping she can keep up with "Tidal Wave Righty" but only time will tell. Until you have sat in your car with baby blankets zipped up in the windows and your Medela pump-n-style hooked to the car adapter twice a day for 6 months you might not know what I'm talking about. But that is a whole 'nother story.
I'm feeling surprisingly wonderful. Just more hungry than normal, and especially more hungry for protein, which is a big change. I think I'll start including my weight in this journal so it can discourage me from letting myself go, LOL! Right now I weigh just 6 pounds less than the day I delivered my son 4 years ago, so needless to say I have put on a couple pounds and could stand to lose them. I make no further excuses, it is what it is:
Why are my pants feeling tighter today? I had to secretly unbutton them at my cubicle for a few hours this afternoon after lunch. I'm thinking it was the particular pants I chose to wear today, which are usually some of my tighter pants anyways. Those are forevermore in the "no" portion of the closet. Well, at least until next summer or fall.
My DH took me to a chinese buffet tonight. I couldn't think of anything that sounded much worse than that. I had a single bowl of egg drop soup and that was all the MSG I could bear to subject myself and the bean to. After DH ate two plates of food the inevitable hair in the buffet food surfaced and I hope it is safe to say that we do not have to go back to a chinese buffet ever again. Hairs are in EVERY buffet. They just are. It's almost worse if you don't find it because that means you didn't see it and ate it on down. Disgusting.
Not much else to report on the baby front. I am feeling good. Not queasy or anything. Just slightly bloated and pregnant feeling in the uterus area. I haven't felt tired so far like I did with my last pregnancy in the middle of the day, but I have been going to bed earlier in the evenings and sleeping like a rock the whole night.
Thank goodness for industrial strength carpet at work because I am fearful of wearing a path from my cubicle to the restroom. I kid you not, I must have gone a dozen times today, plus before I left the house and as soon as I got home.
And this will be day two where I had to unbutton my pants after lunch. Besides feeling a bit crampy/bloaty/sore boobs/lots of trips to the bathroom I'm doing great.
I called my grandmother this afternoon on the way home from work to give her the good news. She was thrilled.
Then I arranged to go by my brother's house tomorrow after work to drop off some clothes and I will tell him then.
26 loooong more days before my first OB appointment---that seems so far away. They already told me I'll be having a sonogram followed by a doctor's appointment. She didn't mention the bloodwork so I'm going to have to worry about that until it is over with. As I recall from last time they drained approximately half of my total blood volume into a series of viles. I'm such a horrible giver of blood with my veins that roll and collapse---truly a phlebotomists nightmare. I always end up in a sweaty heap and then wake from passing out feeling all nauseous and clammy. Ugh.
OK, something POSITIVE for the day.........truly it will be a great thing to have a baby born in May, before the heat of the summer sets in. I can enjoy the largeness of my 3rd trimester under the confines of coats, jackets, and sweatshirts. That will be so much better than being big and uncomfortable AND completely hot.
Not able to tell my brother tonight about the news as he has some other plans and I didn't want it to seem obvious that I was coming over for a major reason. So I told him I could bring the clothes by his house on Sunday evening and so hopefully that will work out.
I'm feeling very blessed that I don't have raging morning sickness and have felt great for the most part. It's still so early on. I'm enjoying this time and am trying to enjoy every day of the pg as it will be our last (planned anyways, I guess you can't really say for certain).
This evening we went out to dinner with my parents and it turned out to be a 2 hour meal. Josh was so very well behaved because it's not often we go to such a fancy place where they served a basket of sliced bread and little pots of homemade butter in crocks. He sat there and ate about 6 pieces of bread because he was allowed to handle the butter knife himself and he had his own little butter crock. He never tired of it but was totally full by the time his shrimp dinner came. I try not to stress about the small stuff, because we got the meal to go and he or DH will eat it tomorrow.
Josh is spending the night with his Nana & Papa tonight and was excited beyond belief. So I might watch an episode of Bernie Mac if I can find it on TV and retire to sleep early tonight. I so miss my little snugglebug when he is not here.
I had my first little bout of the heavy-eye syndrome today at work. I had to get up and walk around the office for a bit to get my blood pumping.
Oh, and for the record, Josh declared at dinner tonight to my parents that this baby is a boy baby and was very adament about it, LOL! So we will see.....The whole way home DH and I talked about whether it will be a boy or girl and what colors we will paint the nursery depending upon which it is. The bedding we used with Josh we will re-use because we picked something gender neutral for all the nursery furniture and bedding knowing that we wanted to have more than 1 kiddo someday. The colors are soft shades of primary, just a little muted but not pastels and the theme is jungle animals. We do have a crib bumper but the crib won't even be used until the baby outgrows the Amby baby hammock so will be plenty old not to suffocate against the bumper by that age.
Wt: Skipped it today, oops. But after my huge dinner tonight it is likely to be unfriendly tomorrow........
Today we (Josh and I) went shopping for a few fall things for Joshua with my mom and DH went with my dad to shop for ammo and pickled garlic, LOL! He came home with some little LED lights to clip onto his ball caps that are pretty neat.
Josh spent the night with my parents last night and I was awakened this morning by my DH with breakfast in bed. He made me my favorite thing, malt-o-meal, and a glass of milk with a West Elm magazine for me to read. He had put it all on a big pewter serving platter with handles, a fancy glass for the milk, and the napkin folded into a triangle. It was so very sweet and unexpected. Then I watched several episodes of "A Baby Story" that I had DVR'd in total peace and quiet. I cannot even relay how wonderful it was.
Then I went grocery shopping this evening and came home with some of our favorite turkey/kidney bean tacos that the grocery store makes fresh and puts on a whole wheat tortilla with all the fixins. I came home from the store also with some "juice boxes" that are organic strawberry milk, which we have never tried before. I nearly fell out of my chair when I told him what it was and he says (keep in mind he is 4 years old) "Mommy, this is going to change my life!". Needless to say he was happy that the milk people now put milk in juice boxes with straws attached. Anyways, we all chowed down on the tacos by the time I got home at 8:30PM and now I am sadly about ready to get ready for bed.
In other big news, I still haven't told my brother about our "big news"......because Josh told him today by accident! We had not told him NOT to say anything but I never dreamed he would offer up that information since we had not even mentioned the baby all day today and he hasn't really been too excited so far. We had gone to my brother's house to feed his dogs while he is out of town and he had called me just to check in and see if everything was OK. At that moment Josh, myself, and my mom were all driving down the road and so he heard Josh talking in the background. My brother asked to speak to him so I handed the phone back to Josh. They were merrily chatting away about the regular stuff when I hear him say "and Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy, and it's a BOY baby"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaauuuggghhhh! I got the phone back shortly after that and confirmed the accuracy of at least the first half of my little bean-spiller's statement. He said he was hoping we'd have a girl this time. Not that he doesn't adore Josh, of course. Tonight I spoke with him again to report in on the dogs and he said he'd been thinking it over and decided that we could name our baby girl "Chrissy" (my brother's name is Chris), LOL! Anyways, I think he was very excited about being an uncle for the 2nd time. It's nice that he lives 5 minutes away so he does get to see Josh quite a bit and Josh and my brother's step-son get to play together as well and get along wonderfully despite an age difference of a couple years. Anywho, it was a great day today!
I've been having dreams that this baby is a girl. I'm aware that no 2 pregnancies are alike so even if it were a boy I'd expect it to be different this time.
With DS, I did not have m/s but I'd have an occasional "wave" (as I called it) of nausea and would lay down for a few minutes here and there. I had a very strong sniffer and could smell a cigarette from 4 miles away and would run, hands cupped over nose/mouth, to the nearest getaway area. I would drink gallons upon gallons of fresh orange juice. Oh, and from the moment of conception forward I contracted the male trait of.......well, lots of intestinal activity.
This time around so far I haven't felt any waves of nausea, I haven't noticed my nose being able to detect the lighting of a cigarette 3 towns away, I don't have the same intestinal malady as before, haven't particularly craved orange juice (though it doesn't sound BAD to me), and I have on several occasions wanted meat. I do "feel" pregnant and have had some bouts of being tired. Perhaps it is just too early for much else. I mean, I'm not even 6 weeks along yet and some stuff I have read states m/s doesn't start alot of times until you are 6 or 7 weeks along.
The one thing that IS similar to last time is that my b00bs are actually quite huge.........and sore still. I can't recall if they were sore at this point in my last pg but I do recall they got even larger after nursing commenced. It is a difficult task to tote around such heavy ones in a non-underwire nursing bra, I tell ya!
Just for the record, I have no preference at all between having a girl this time and having a 2nd boy. I would love to have it either way---Josh would be a great protector and big brother to a sister. He would also be a great teacher and big brother to a brother. He asked me in the middle of CVS pharmacy a few months ago for a sister "right now" as we went down the baby aisle in search of flushable wipes. People in the pharmacy thought it was downright giggle-worthy. The last day or so he has mentioned both that he wanted a sister AND a brother. Having two babies at once is a scary thought to me. So besides having a happy and healthy singleton, I have no preference for which gender it should be. But for the moment I'm feeling it is a girl. Time will tell.
WT: 154 (whew!)
ETA: Ha! How ironic that my sense of smell decided to come around today at work. On the way into work walking through the parking lot I smelled a can of ashes outside a business 100 yards away.
Also I decided to break out in 3 areas on my face today at work. Yet another reason I think its a girl.
Last edited by Joshiesmom; 09-24-2007 at 06:56 PM.
Reason: new info at the end of the day
Tomorrow will be 6 weeks, yeah! I haven't yet peeked at the 6 week fetal development info so it can be a surprise tomorrow. Wednesdays are suddenly an exciting day of the week for me, LOL!
Josh made a picture at school today and he drew our house, DH, himself, and Me holding a baby. It was so sweet. He declared tonight that he doesn't want a baby and asked who is going to take care of it. I'm glad we have a long while to work through his fears and anxieties about it all. We are actually trying to be very low key about the baby thing but it is obviously on his mind. DH and I don't talk about pg stuff or baby stuff too much around DS but we have told him which room will be the nursery and that the baby is on the way but we don't know if it's a sister or a brother. And we have told him it will be a long while before the baby will be ready to come out. That's about all. He's just really curious about the whole process and what to expect, which I think is natural. I'm hoping we can take him along to the 20 week ultrasound so he can feel involved in it but it will just depend on how he's feeling at that time as to whether we will take him. He's going to be a great big brother.