Decision Made...#2 EDD 9/13/07

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kkreations01's picture
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Decision Made...#2 EDD 9/13/07

I guess it's time to start a pregnancy journal. I've been keeping a general journal about my process of making the decision to have a second child...hence, the name of this journal. I'll be keeping a blog about the pregnancy, but since that's mostly for friends and family to keep in touch with our progress it'll be fairly sugar-coated I'm sure. This journal is for the REAL story.

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kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
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Five weeks today. My baby is the size of a sesame seed. I got tickled when I saw this comparison because my daughter just about lost her mind at lunch on Saturday when she saw there were {GASP!} sesame seeds on the hamburger bun in her Happy Meal.

I've already gained 2.5 lbs, according to my scale. Technically, this is already HALF the weight I should gain in the first trimester. I've been trying to watch what I eat, but I swear sometimes I feel like a stoner with the munchies! I've been eating really good food though, I will give myself that much credit. Lots of fruit and veggies and whole grains. The worst thing I've eaten is McDonald's for lunch last Saturday. Oh, and the brownies I made, but I've only eaten one a day, and they were from scratch so at least I know there's no preservatives in them! (Yeah, listen to me justify the brownies.) I've also kept up on working out 2 or 3 times a week.

Other than the weight gain guilt, my only other symptoms are sore bbs, constipation, and some pretty explosive gas that would make any 5th grade boy proud. I am so glad that farts are funny at my house.

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Is it just the hormones, lack of meds, or is my husband being the biggest jerk he can possibly be??? Pardon me if I'm not being sensitive enough to HIS needs at the moment. Am I being a bit self-centered? You bet your a$$ I am. I've got more than enough on my mind (and in my uterus!) than to have to worry about his "feelings". How about cutting me a little slack here? I'm tired, I'm bloated, I'm off my meds, and I'd really like a friggin' beer. SO. BACK. OFF....SLOWLY.

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Tomorrow I will be six weeks. Not alot going on, just plodding along. Still haven't told my daughter or inlaws, although I reallyreallyreally want to tell my daughter. I want this to be her experience too. I think as soon as her "I'm the Big Sister" t-shirt arrives in the mail, I will tell her. Or rather, give the shirt to her and let her figure it out.

I bought my first maternity clothes! Okay, before you think I'm a geek, I have a good reason. Right now there's alot of summer stuff on clearance, and I thought it made good sense to buy it now rather than pay twice as much this summer. I bought some shorts from Old Navy.com and a dress off Ebay. I've also ordered some t-shirts and capri pants from Target.com.

We now have couch-potato paradise at my house...DVR! I scheduled all my favorite shows that I never get to see because I'm a working stiff, and I plan to do nothing but watch tv when I get home tonight. SIGH. Just what I needed with my ever-expanding butt and waist...another excuse to sit on the couch.

Speaking of, I've gained about 4lbs. I'm so scrared that I'm going to blow up like I did last time. I've been trying soooo hard to not eat too much, but it's like a demon possesses my body! I made oatmeal M&M cookies last Friday night, and between the three of us (okay 3.5 if you count the bean) 3 dozen cookies were gone by last night. And I'm sure my daughter had no more than 6 or 7 of them. Oh but they were soooo goood.....

I do need to give myself a little credit. I have still been eating lots of fruit, veggies and whole grains (oatmeal cookies count, right???), and drinking light soy milk. I've still been working out, which is good because I'd probably be up way more than 3 lbs without it. And I take my vitamin and calcium pills religiously every day. So there. I'm actually eating much better and taking better care of myself than last time around. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was an assistant manager at a restaurant, so needless to say i ate all day long, and not very healthy.

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Six weeks today. My little bean is the size of a grain of rice. Mmmm.....rice.....with soy sauce....

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My metabolism has come to a screeeeeching stop. I feel like a slug. A fat slug. A fat slimy slug. I did nothing but lay on the couch yesterday. I took three naps. THREE NAPS! No laundry, no cleaning, no nothing...just naps. Oh, and eat. I got up to eat. I don't feel bad, just tired. I've gained six pounds. YIKES! Please oh please tell me its just the bloating.

We told dd on Saturday morning. She was thrilled! Like, screaming and jumping up and down thrilled! We also told my inlaws. My sil's were excited, but my mil & fil seemed less than thrilled.

Our first ultrasound is this Thursday. I hope the heartbeat is strong enough to hear.

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The ultrasound went fine yesterday. I measure exactly what I had figured, which is 7 wks 2 days as of today.

I've got to get this weight gain under control. I have to stop eating crap, and stop eating so much. My self-control has just flown out the window. We stopped on the way home yesterday and stocked up on fruits, yogurt and other healthy snacks. No. More. Junk. Okay, maybe on the weekend.

Oh, and yesterday was the first day in two weeks that I didn't take a nap when I got home. Yay me!

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8 weeks.

The topic d'jour at our house is baby boy names. We cannot seem to come up with one single boy name that all three of us like. My fave is Corey. He likes Malcolm. DD's favorite name changes hourly. Girls' names seem so much easier to choose! We had a girl's name picked before I even got a bfp. But there's so much to consider when picking out a boy's name, like how will it fit him as a man? Is it too weird, too girly, to hard to pronounce? Will it get him beat up on the playground? Will every other boy in his class have the same name?

At this point I'm hoping for a girl just to avoid the boy name dilemma, LOL! Somehow, though, I get the feeling that I'm having a boy. I remember "just knowing" that dd was a girl, even though we didn't find out for sure until she was born.

32 weeks to go!

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8 wks 2 days
I've been really lucky that I've had no morning sickness (yet??). I didn't get sick with my daughter, either. My only symptoms lately have been the sore boobs, constipation, and the fatigue. You know how you feel right before you come down with a bad cold? That yucky, tired, run-down feeling? That's what I feel like most of the time. I'm tired of being tired. I want my mojo back. I want to want to have sex again! (My dh would agree.) Only a few more weeks until the second trimester, when supposedly the fog will lift.

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8 weeks 5 days
We went to a super bowl party at my SIL's house last night. I had fun and even enjoyed the game, WITH NO BEER! Yay me! Lots of yummy, snacky, bad-for-you food, too...mmmmm....

I told dh that if the Colts win, we should use the name Peyton for a boy. Well, not only did they win, my boy Peyton got MVP! But dh wasn't too keen on the idea.

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8 weeks 6 days

We are under a severe winter storm warning with 4-6 inches of snow expected by tomorrow morning. Guess what? My first OB appointment is tomorrow!!!! Isn't that just awesome? Thank God for four-wheel drive vehicles.

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Well my first prenatal appointment got cancelled yesterday because the nurse didn't make into work. They rescheduled me for tomorrow.

I still go back and forth on the cvs. I'm going to talk to the doc about the availability of an NT screening, which was not even mentioned at my utrasound visit. The doc who did my ultrasound made it sound like there was no sense in doing any testing unless I went ahead and did the CVS or amneo due to the high rate of false positives. He said my age would skew the numbers and the tests would come back suggesting further testing anyway.

I wore my fat jeans to work yesterday. Today I am sitting here with my top button undone on my khakis. SIGH. The weight gain has me depressed. The recommended weight gain for first trimester is about 5 lbs. Most of the people on my message boards have only gained a couple pounds, or *EEK!* have lost weight. It makes me feel like a cow.

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9 weeks 5 days

Well, I STILL have not seen a doctor!!! My appointment on Friday was with a nurse who asked me 500 questions and drew a pint of blood. After she finished, she said she would take me up front to make an appointment with the OB. WHAT? It was my understanding I would be seeing a doctor at this visit. But NO. I have to take another two freakin' hours off work and drive another 30 miles on February 20th. All the while, the clock is ticking on the time frame in which I can have a CVS. I cannot have the test after 13 weeks 6 days. And I cannot make this decision, nor even make the freakin' appointment for the test until I speak to a freakin' doctor! Worst of all, I shaved my legs for nothing!!

Oh, and another thing that really pissed me off. The nurse weighs me fully dressed with my boots and sweater on, AFTER I ate McDonald's for lunch, then asks me my "starting" weight. According to her calculations, I've gained 19 pounds. You lying witch! Everybody has got to know that my starting weight is A. first thing in the morning, B. butt-naked, C. after a BM, D. on MY SCALE, not the doctor's, and E. does not include any Christmas weight gain!!!! So in reality I'm up 12 lbs over my beginning weight. So kiss my fat butt, Nurse Know-It-All.

Whew. What a vent. I feel better. One positive note...I heard the heartbeat for the first time! 166 bpm. The nurse said it sounds like another girl. I think it sounds a little early to be making such predictions.

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10 wks 1 day

I am so fat. I am so depressed about being fat. I have gained soooo much weight! I haven't worked out in over a week due to a combination of weather and fatigue, and I'm not even gonna post what my scale said this morning. I've got to stop eating so much, but it seems that eating is the only thing that brings me pleasure lately. Not to mention, I have ZERO self-control. It's like a demon takes over my body when you put food in front of me! I am almost constantly thinking about food.

I'm beginning to wonder if the over-eating has anything to do with going off my meds. I've been surprised at how well I've been doing mood-wise off the medicine, but I'm beginning to think that the welbutrin was doing more for me than just helping with depression. I'll definitely be asking the doc next Tuesday about going back on my medicine.

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The dark cloud cometh. I started taking my medicine this morning. I can feel myself teetering on that oh-so-familiar edge of sanity.

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I've taken one dose, at 7 am this morning, and I can already tell a huge difference.

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11 weeks

STILL have not seen the doc. They moved my appointment to this afternoon. I have pee in my purse. No. Really. I was asked to bring a sample of first morning urine to my appt, and since I'm leaving straight from work, I've got a plastic container of pee stashed in my purse. Yeah, I know, me too.....eeewwwww.

I'm angry at my husband right now for something that's not entirely his fault. He works for a local radio station that broadcasts high school sports, and it's basketball tournament time. My husband has worked every night for the last two weeks, except for this past Sun and Mon. He will work every night this week, all day Saturday and possibly most nights next week. In the midst of all this, I am juggling Girl Scout cookie sales, gymnastic classes, doctor's appointments, and planning dd's birthday party. Oh yeah, and GESTATING, for crying out loud...I am exhausted. There are times when I need his help, when I need someone to pick up my slack, and he's just not there. I needed him yesterday to help me unload 160 cases of Girl Scout cookies. Where was he? At a basketball game. I need him tonight to pick up our daughter since my doctor's appt got moved. Where will he be? A damn basketball game. I need help Saturday morning transporting all these freakin' cookies to a cookie sale, but guess what? Yup, he's got games all day. We go thru this every year at this time, but I'm just really over it this time around.

Okay, vent is over. The medicine really is helping, I promise.

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12 weeks. Wow, long time no post!

I had a good appointment last Friday. The doc had trouble finding the heartbeat so he did a quick ultrasound. All is well, and that little bean was just a jumpin'! My dh and I had an appointment with a genetic counselor on Monday in Lexington, which is about a 2 hr drive for us. After going over all our options for prenatal testing, we both agreed that an NT screening is the way to go. Basically, the only risk factor we're looking at is my age. I had an ultrasound and blood taken. I got some really good pictures from the ultrasound which I need to get posted. It was so cool to see the baby moving around, waving it's arms. The baby's mouth was opening and closing alot...DH said we've bred another talker. The doc said the NT measurement looks normal, but she will wait for my blood work to give me an "adjusted risk factor". My blood results should be back by Friday.

On a side note, I had a crying jag Monday morning when I tried to find something to wear. I'm pretty sure it's due to my stupid husband, God love him. Sunday morning, I broke down crying to him about how fat and ugly I was feeling, and he gives me this speech about how beautiful I am and how he loves the changes in my body, blahblahblah. So then that afternoon the stupid idiot has the nerve to tell me that the sweater I had on was "not very flattering"....He tells me this as we are standing in line at Dairy Queen ordering ice cream, of all the places to give me his opinion on this!!! WTF?!? If we had not been in public he would now have a black eye. Men just do not think at all before they open their mouths. Normally I enjoy my husband's input on how my clothes look, but that has got to be the worst thing to say at the absolute worst moment in time. I'm standing there with about a million calories in my hand, and he basically tells me I look fat. Dumbass.

Anyway, I'm over it. I discovered after my crying jag Monday morning that I'd forgotten to take the Welbutrin on Sunday, so that could be another reason I melted down. All is well now.

I've had two dreams now that the baby is a girl, and this morning dh told me he dreamt last night that he asked me "Where are the girls?". He reallyreallyreally wants a boy, but sounds like deep down he thinks it's a girl, too.

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Here's the little bean at 11 wks 5 days:

And here's my baby belly at 12 wks 1 day:

Here is same said belly, not being sucked in:

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13 weeks! Official weight gain during first trimester: 17 lbs. I only exceeded the recommended weight gain by 7 to 12 lbs, 5 of which can easily be blamed on the holidays, right? (Just shut up, it makes me feel better about myself.)

I'm feeling better than I have in many weeks....um, about 13? I've got more energy... I actually cooked dinner FOUR times this week! What an improvement. I even have a little sex drive, believe it or not. My husband actually TURNED DOWN SEX yesterday morning...WTF?!? I told him he'd better take it while the gettin's good, because in a few months he's gonna hit one hell of a dry spell.

My husband's oldest nephew and his wife are adopting a son from South Korea. He was supposed to arrive yesterday but his flight was delayed until today. So at 4:15 today, my husband officially becomes a Great Uncle! Their son turned one last month, so I know they are in for quite an adjustment. It's hard enough adapting to all the life changes a newborn brings to first-time parents, but to begin with a one-year-old will be a phenomenal challenge. I wish them the best of luck and love.

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13wks 1day
My new great-nephew arrived safe and sound yesterday afternoon, and he went right to his new parents with no hesitation. Babies evidently come in threes, because in addition to ours and my great-nephew, dh's cousin just announced she's due in July! Three new babies in one year!

DH had a really late night working last night, getting in at about 1:30am. I woke up when he got home and could not go back to sleep. I even asked dh for a little, um, well, you know, thinking that would relax me enough to go back to sleep. But, no. I finally fell back asleep about an hour before the alarm went off. Guess this is good training for what's to come.

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13wks 2days

I've been proud of my eating habits the last few days. Both nutritional content and portion sizes have greatly improved. I get a little snack attack at night (even before pg), and for the last week I've actually chosen fruit over junk! I've also been eating alot more veggies. The NEED TO FEED must be gone for now as I no longer have the urge to eat everything that is not nailed down. No weight gained in three weeks! I wonder if these improvements in appetite are due to starting back on the welbutrin, or due to hitting the second trimester.

I finally got my NT screening results yesterday! Risk for Down's is now 1 in 4800, and risk for Trisomy 18 is now 1 in 10,000.

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13 wks 6 days

Boy, I had one hell of a weekend. Today is the first time I've been out of bed since Saturday evening. I've got the worst cold I've ever experienced in my life. I haven't run a fever, so I'm guessing it's not the flu. But it has totally kicked my butt. I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my face.

I've lost 5 lbs since last Monday, I'm sure mostly due to this stinking cold.

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15 weeks

I had a doc's appointment yesterday, just a quick one. Everything looks good, she said, and I'm even down a couple pounds from last time (whew!). She also said the welbutrin is fine. I'm having bloodwork done next Tuesday for the AFP test. The doctor says it's mainly for the spinabifida results since the NT screening doesn't check for that.

I also scheduled my "big" ultrasound...April 24th! Hopefully we can tell the sex this time. My dd, who in utero moved ALL THE TIME (it seemed), was fast alseep and would not wake up during her ultrasound. I even had regular coffee and lots of sugar that morning just to be sure. She was curled up asleep with her legs tightly crossed, so we couldn't tell the sex. I was SO disapointed!

On a crappy note, I have had this awful cough for two weeks now. My poor baby is gonna be born with shaken child syndrome!

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16 wks 2 days

Wow, it's been a crazy week. I had a great weekend since the weather was nice and sunny. We got the kayaks out on the creek, which was fun. On the downside, some friends of ours who were due in June delivered way too early at 24 weeks, and their son passed away at 11 days old on Sunday. For obvious reasons, it struck me pretty hard. I'm at a loss as to what I could say or do to help them, especially since I'm beginning to show pretty good and don't want to be a reminder to her of what's she's gone thru. All I can do is send as much positive energy their way as I can.

I'm really going thru an I-hate-my-husband period right now, and it all started on Saturday. I will warn you this is a little TMI but I've got to tell someone and this journal is about the only place I can rant. DH and I usually do a little Saturday morning, um, "cuddling", before we get up for the day. I look forward to it, because I'm not tired like at night, and it's just very arousing to me to have his body curled up behind mine and, well, feeling how excited he is. Well, last Saturday morning was a total flop as far as sex is concerned. He curled up behind me as he usually does, then either fell back asleep or just zoned out because NOTHING happened. Normally he's all fired up and ready to go and all over me, if you know what I mean. At one point he even asked me in a crappy tone, "so what do you want?" Um, nothing now, thank you very much. He then made some comment along the lines of, why don't I "talk him into it". I just rolled away and just wanted to cry. I finally got up so he wouldn't see my tears. My self-esteem is about as negative as its been in a long time. I feel fat, I feel VERY unsexy, I feel like I have no control over anything right now. And my husband, who by the way told me he probably wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me while I'm pregnant because the thought of it made him hot, can't even muster up a little Saturday morning wood...and it had been at least a week since we had sex the last time! I felt like the most undesirable female on the earth. Here it is almost a week later and I still want to cry.

And furthermore, he can be such a know-it-all asshole sometimes that I want to smack him. Like when we went kayaking. We have both a tandem and a single, and I took the single because I worried about trying to handle the longer tandem with my daughter in it as well. At one point he wanted to switch, which is fine, but then when I had trouble steering through one of the rapids (class I, don't worry), he made a smartass comment about my lack of steering ability. Jerk. I'm 4 months pregnant and have a 60 lb child in the front and I've NEVER been on this creek in my life, and he's telling me it's because I can't steer. F*&k you.

Another example would be last night. I ordered this documentary from Netflix about cars that I thought he would really like, since he's a car kinda guy. So we watch the whole thing, and when it's over, know what his comment was? "Well, I didn't hear anything I didn't already know, but it was interesting." Sorry I wasted two hours of your life. How about, "thanks for thinking of me and renting something you thought I'd like." Or even, "that was pretty interesting!". Or how about just keeping your mouth shut altogether.

And he hasn't quit smoking yet. (I keep saying "yet" like it's still a possibility.) I've given up alcohol, I can't take decent cold medicine if I'm sick, I can't drink a decent cup of coffee, and I have to give up my personal space (my craft room) for a nursery. I'm losing my body and my haven. He hasn't given up the first damn thing, not even the one thing he said he would. The point of him giving up smoking is not only for his health and the future of his children, but also to allow me to use a portion of his precious garage (where he crawls off to each night for his daily smoke) for my craft area. He cut down to one a day, and I was supposed to jump up and down with joy and give him a big star on his chart for that. Well I did...for the first couple weeks. But since then, he's back up to two or three or more a day. And to him that's still progress. To me, it's still smoking.

I feel so alone on this journey, and so resentful that I'm having to do this all by myself. A little star on my chart once in a while would be nice.

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17 weeks

Yesterday after lunch, I was sitting at my desk at work and the baby kicked me hard enough to make me jump. Now, I've been feeling movement for going on two weeks now, but that was the first time I felt a definite jab. I'd forgotten how weird it feels!

Oh, and Friday night, I read dh the riot act. He hasn't smoked since. He decided I was more important than the cigarettes.

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17 weeks 2 days

I'm so mad right now I could spit nails! I just got off the phone with Humana, who bought out my insurance company, CHA Health. With CHA, this pregnancy and delivery was going to cost me less than $300. All I would be responsible for is the first office copay of $40 and the hospital copay of $250. All other maternity expenses were covering in full! Well, effective April 1st with the change-over to Humana, I now have to meet a $500 deductible, pay a $40 co-pay at every doctor's visit, pay a hospital co-pay of $150, and THEN pay 20% of whatever the L&D and hospital expenses will be!!!!! I am so freaking p.o.'d!!!! It's not like I am resposible for the switch, THEY bought out my company and took over my policy!

So now I not only have to figure out how I'm going to pay my regular bills during my UNPAID maternity leave, I now have to figure out where I'm going to find the money to even have this child.

AARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

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18 wks 6 days
My big ultrasound is one week from today!!!! I'm so excited! I'm excited that I'm finally excited!

The baby has been doing cartwheels in my belly. I feel him/her move alot now. DH even felt it on Sun morning as we were laying in bed, having "belly time", as he calls it.

My email buddy, who is due the same day as I am, found out last week she's having a boy. She was hoping for a girl. I told her we're hoping for a boy, but more than likely it's a girl, so we can just trade. JUST KIDDING. I don't want to jinx myself, but I do hope this is a boy.

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OHMYGOD I've got less than three hours until my ultrasound. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve! I hope they are able to tell us the sex of the baby, unlike last time with dd, who had her little legs crossed and wouldn't give up the goods.

Okay, just for the record, here's my official prediction: I predict it's a girl. As badly as I would like it to be a boy, I just have a feeling it's a girl.

Stay tuned!!

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20 wks 1 day

Well, we THINK it's a girl! The ultrasound tech wasn't able to get a clear shot of the goods, but she said if she had to guess, she thought it looked like girly bits. I will be having another ultrasound at 32 weeks, about mid-July, because my placenta is slightly low and they'll be following up on that. So, maybe then we'll get a more definite answer.

Even though I knew in my gut it was a girl, I couldn't help but feel a little dissapointed. My dh had the same reaction - he was expecting it to be a girl, but still had a little hope in there for a dh jr. But you know what? The dissapointment faded just as quickly as it came. I have Miley Kaye in my belly, and she's got the coolest big sister to show her the ropes, and a daddy who is the perfect father for little girls. I finally feel a connection to this child now that she has a name and I can call her something other than "it". By the time she arrives, I'll be wondering what ever made me think I wanted a boy.

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22 wks 6 days

I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I looked down at my belly and could see the shape of a foot pushing through my skin. Then all of a sudden, I could see the whole baby, and I wrapped my arms around my belly thinking, how cool is this, I get to hold my baby before she's born. Then I'm trying to make it go back into my belly because she's not finished growing, but the doctor says, it's too late, she's already out. I scream, NO, I'm only 24 weeks! She's not ready! But the doctor tells me she weighs 5 lbs, and she will be okay.

Jeesh, these dreams get creepier by the night.

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24 weeks

Had a doc's appt yesterday. I've gained 30 lbs, but so far I haven't had my butt chewed for it. I'm measuring right on 24 weeks, and the baby's heartbeat sounded great. I will have my follow-up ultrasound at 28 weeks to check the position of my placenta, and I will also have the gestational diabetes screening. I'm praying the little acrobat in my belly will be doing the splits at the ultrasound.

My insurance woes have been resolved, at least I hope. I moved from dh's policy to the one offered at work. This new policy has $100 annual deductible and then pays in full. I am giving up dental, but so what? I think I could pay for many teeth cleanings with the several thousand I will not be paying Humana, the jerk-offs.

Gas prices are just stupid right now, $3.49/gal in our town. Who knows what the latest excuse the oil companies are using to justify it. My dh is about to lose his mind over it, because it means that his clients will be cutting their budgets to compensate, and the first thing to go is usually the advertising budget. I wish I could just park my car and boycott but walking 15 miles a day round trip to work just won't happen. The oil companies have America by the balls. We are so reliant on oil that we have no choice but to pay whatever they say while they sit back and watch record profits roll in quarter after quarter. After seeing her daddy so upset last night about gas prices, my daughter asked me, "Why doesn't the president do anything about it?" Bless her sweet innocent heart. Because he's one of the fat cats getting rich off of it.

Well, as of last night, the last of my favorite tv shows is done for the summer. (Apollo Ono won Dancing with the Stars, yay Apollo!) I guess I'm gonna have to pry my fat butt off the couch and find something productive to do now that there's nothing on tv, lol! We did get my craft room moved out to the garage, so now there's a room for the baby. I want to start decorating it, but I really want to wait until we hopefully can be a little more confident that it's a Miley and not a Corbin. DH is still holding on to hope that it's a boy.

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Posts: 85

25 weeks 5 days....100 days to go!

I had some serious emotional episodes this past weekend. I've been doing pretty good so far, but for some reason this weekend was a crazy rollercoaster for me. Friday night I got all teary-eyed watching my daughter on a ride at the street fair. I can't believe my little baby girl is so grown up. Then Saturday was just a cryfest from the get-go. I cried because dh had to work all day, because he couldn't stay in bed and snuggle with me, because he wasn't attracted to me anymore now that I'm an elephant (not true, but just another thing to blame my crying jag on). Then I scored big on baby clothes at a yard sale, and I was sorting them all out in the baby's room, and I just sat there in the floor, surrounded by all these tiny pink outfits, and I just bawled. Then I cried because my daughter said something mean to me. I finally just took my crybaby ass to bed. Sunday morning was just about the same, but by about 11 am, I felt amazingly normal again (much to my husband and daughter's relief).

Jeez, imagine how bad it would've been if I wasn't on welbutrin....

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

28 weeks 1 day

Well, it's official....It's a GIRL! I had my follow-up ultrasound yesterday and Miley Kay showed us all her glory. She's now head down. My placenta measured fine and is no longer considered low. I also had the gestational diabetes test. I drank that syrupy flat orange soda and had blood drawn an hour later. The nurse missed my vein the first try and had to stick me again. I started seeing stars and just about passed out. I even had to lay down! I don't enjoy needles, but I also don't get real squeamish about them, either. I'm not sure what my problem was yesterday. The nurse said it was probably because I hadn't eaten.

As far as dh, he's been on my shit list this week. I don't want to go into details, but he basically lied to me. I caught him red-handed doing something he had told me he wasn't doing anymore, something I had specifically asked him not to do while I was pregnant. For the first time since we've been together, I don't trust him. I never thought he would lie to me, or could lie to me for that matter (he's not a very good liar), and so it hit me like a ton of bricks to find out he's been doing something behind my back for three weeks or more and I didn't have a clue. (I guess because it never occured to me that he would lie? Imagine that.) So now that I realize that he CAN and WILL lie to me, It really makes me stop and question everything he's ever told me. And I hate his stinkin' guts for that. And all he's worried about is, "when are we gonna get past this?" as in, when am I gonna get over it and stop making him feel like shit. All he's worried about is his comfort level, when he should be worried about the fact that he totally blew my trust in him, and it makes me want to scream and scratch his eyes out of his head. (Hmmm....hormones??) I hate being made to feel like some nagging bitch of a wife.

Why is it so hard for him to understand how much it sucks not to be able to do alot of the things I enjoy doing? And when he does those things without me, it makes it that much worse. Is it so freaking bad that I want a little moral support from him without having to cry and bitch and nag to get it?!?!?!? Asshole.

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

28 wks 6 days

Well, yesterday I turned 38 years old. It sounds so foreign to me to say that; it feels like I'm talking about someone else. I'm not sure what 38 is supposed to feel like, but I don't "feel" that old. Just think: In two years, when I turn 40, I will have a 21-month-old daughter, a 10-yr-old daughter, and I'll have been married almost 11 years. I hope all of this will be true!

My birthday was pretty good! Nothing exciting, just over-all a decent day. My husband sent roses to me at work (ALWAYS a plus to get them at work!). The card he picked out actually made me cry a little (ummm....with a little help from hormones). The words exactly described how I feel about him, and he wrote in the card that it says perfectly how he feels for me. I know this, but it's so great to hear it once in a while. He also booked a prenatal massage for me for this afternoon....One whole hour of deep tissue massage....mmmmm.....Oh, and I got a new grill. I know, that's more of a man gift, but hey, I like to grill!

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

30 wks 5 days

I had an appointment on Friday afternoon. I'm measuring dead-on 30wks, bp is great, gd test came back normal. I've gained a total of 39 lbs but the doc said she doesn't think my first weigh-in could possibly be correct...You keep thinking that, honey. I know for sure that's how much I've gained! My daughter came with me and got to hear the baby's heartbeat. After the appointment, dd and I went over to the maternity ward for a tour. I will l&d in the same room, but will be moved to the post-partum wing once I have the baby. I got a huge rush of nerves looking into those rooms. Am I really gonna be in here in just 2 months?!?

The massage mentioned in my last post was WONDERFUL, especially for my feet and legs. That's been almost 2 weeks ago and I have had very little swelling since then! I may book myself another one of those.

We got the baby's room painted this weekend, and I've made alot of progress on her crib set. I've got the quilt top and bumper pad tops done. I haven't decided whether to try and hand-quilt them or just get them machine-quilted. They are such small projects that I could get it done by hand, but do I really want to mess with it? DH has also ordered new carpet for all the bedrooms. I hate to spend the money, but it's definitely needed. We will be painting dd's room also....It's only fair that she get an updated look, too!

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

33 wks 1 day

I have really sucked at keeping up this journal. I just don't want to write the same old stuff everyday. At this point, it's a waiting game.

Since my last post, my dd went to Girl Scout Camp. While she was away, we got the new carpet installed in the bedrooms and painted her room a beautiful sage green. We also painted up a couple of junky dressers and man did they turn out great! One is for the baby's room. I added a changing pad to the top so it will make a good changing table as well. I'm still working on the quilt and bumper pads, but have been sidetracked lately by Harry Potter. Biggrin

I had a dr's appt last Friday and everything's looking normal and healthy. I measured right on 32 weeks, the baby's hb was strong, she's head-down, my bp is good, my iron was tested, and my weight gain was about 2 lbs since last appt. So far this pregnancy has been like the last one with dd...very uneventful. Maybe that's a good sign that l&d will be as easy. The baby's movements are getting stronger, and I've been feeling her hiccups. She seems to get them around the same time each night. DH had his head on my belly last night and she was kicking him in the face when he talked to her.

I've out-grown most of my shirts. Here I am with less than 7 weeks to go and I'm buying more maternity shirts. Jeez. If I didn't have to look semi-professional for work, it would be no big deal. Dh's t-shirts still fit just fine! But I guess wearing a Jack Daniels t-shirt to work just wouldn't be proper, huh?

So far there's only three things I'm gonna miss about being pregnant. One is the absolutely mind-blowing orgasms....I'm REALLY gonna miss that. The second is getting to eat without guilt (or at least not as much guilt, lol). The third is my skin. Other than the first few weeks of pregnancy, I've had the greatest skin! In the last 6 or 7 months I've had maybe 2 zits, and I love the rosy glow to my skin. I've had no tan to speak of this summer but I don't look pale. I look healthy and vibrant. SIGH. I can deal with the not eating anymore, but I wish there was some way to bottle up the orgasms and good skin for future use.

I'm worried about life after birth. I just can't seem to rid myself of the fear that it will be like it was after dd was born. I keep reminding myself that my life is no where near the same as it was after her birth. My marriage is very strong, our finances are much much better, we've got lots of family support nearby, and I'm being treated for my depression. So why am I still so scared?

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

34 wks 5 days

Had a doc's appt on Friday. Nothing new to report. I'm swelling a little more these days, and my hips and back are hurting on a regular basis. My body feels like it's about to fall apart.

As usual these days, dh is pissing me off. He is such a self-centered, insensitive bastard sometimes. HELLO, I'm pregnant with your child. How about focusing on me once in a while?!?!? He never even asked me about the doctor's visit on Friday. Not once. Why? He's got his head up his own butt, too busy with all his "important" bs that's obviously more important than me. I know I'm being selfish, but dammit could I be the center of his world for just once without having to throw a bitch fit to get it?? Normally I could care less. But I'm dealing with some really big stuff right now and he's supposed to be my best friend and husband and my number one support person. I'm feeling really alone in all this. My sweet daughter, bless her heart, has been overly-concerned for her mama, asking if I need anything, do I need my feet rubbed? Do you feel alright mama? When dh asks me if I'm alright, it's usually when I'm in a pissy mood and he's just wanting to make sure he's not in trouble for something. Here's his idea of support: Sitting on the opposite end of the couch, bourbon in one hand, buried deep in his laptop, pretending he's not high. Jerk.

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

36 wks 6 days

Started my weekly doctor appts yesterday. I went in fully expecting to be checked for dialation and effacement. With my last pregnancy, they checked weekly from 36 weeks on. But the doc said they won't check me unless I'm experiencing signs of labor, and definitely not before 37 weeks since checking me could send me into labor. SIGH. Oh well. I guess it's really a blessing in disguise. When pg with dd, I would be checked, show a little progress, then be on the edge of my seat all week just knowing I would go into labor at any minute. Then, of course, I would experience crushing disappointment because I was still pregnant when my next appointment rolled around. I did that for FOUR weeks, only to go into labor ON my due date.

My baby went back to school today...she's a big 3rd-grader now. I kissed her good-bye and wished her luck as I left for work this morning, then burst into tears the minute I walked out the door. WTF am I thinking having another baby?!? I have a 3rd grader, and now I'm starting all over again. I cried all the way to work. I've been freaking out like this on a pretty regular basis. Last night we were at Taco Bell (mmmm.....taco bell.....) and this girl walked in with a baby that couldn't have been more than a week old, and I swear to god I started crying right there. I had to go to the bathroom to get myself in check. And it's not just the baby thoughts. Every time I hear the Star-Spangled Banner, or the pledge of allegience or anything remotely patriotic, I lose it. I'm just an emotional mess. I know what's happening and why, but be damned if I can stop crying. It's like some monster overtakes my body and my mind is helpless to do anything about it.

My mom is coming up to visit sometime after Labor Day (the real Labor Day, not my labor day, lol!). She will be staying a couple weeks to help out after the baby is born. Part of me really doesn't want a houseguest to worry about, but I will really appreciate having someone there to help so that dh doesn't have to miss too much work.

I'm three weeks away from having a baby. I still cannot fathom the thought that there will be a newborn living at my house that I am responsible for raising. I just pray to God that I fall in love with her the minute she's placed in my arms, and that all doubts about having done the right thing will disappear. I feel guilty that I just can't get excited about this. I'm terrified beyond belief.

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

37 wks 6 days

Doctor appointment was uneventful yesterday. Still wasn't checked for progress. At this point I'd rather not know anyway. My blood pressure is good, baby's heartrate was excellent, my GBS culture came back negative. I'm up around 59 lbs gained. SIGH. I can feel every pound of it right now, too. Physically I feel okay, just big and clumsy, and I get tired easily.

My husband's best friend and his wife had their second daughter on July 25. We got to visit with them this past weekend for their older daughter's 2nd birthday party. A 4-wk old and a 2-yr-old. Wow, talk about a busy household. I held the baby, and for the first time ever during this entire adventure, I felt a little flicker of excitement that I would be having one of these tiny, beautiful little creatures of my own. (But don't you dare tell anyone because I'll deny it!) DD was all over that baby, too, wanting to hold her. She did really well, but I will be a nervous wreck when our baby comes and I can't get dd to leave her alone. I just hope the novelty will quickly wear off. I was really in awe of how my dd was with the 2-yr-old. She just played and played with her, and read to her, and loved every minute. She will be such an awesome big sister.

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

39 wks 2 days

My birth buddy Shaleen's water broke early this morning! I'm so excited for her!!!! We have the same due date and have been keeping in touch with each other since the very beginning. We wondered who would go first...Now we know! I cannot wait to hear from her.

As far as me....Nothing new to report. I had a doc's appt this past Wednesday. Still wasn't checked for dilation. The doc scheduled an appt for next Thursday, the 13th, and said at that time (IF I'm still around!) he would do a non-stress test on the baby and check my cervix. He said we could also discuss induction at that time if I wanted. I'm not so sure about that, but who knows how I'll feel in a week. Other than a bh now and again, I've had no sign of labor. My discharge has gotten pretty watery, which the doc says is from the cervix thinning, but no bloody show, no plug, no nothing. I know she will come out when she's good and ready, but dammit, I'M ready!!

The doc did give me a note for work, so my maternity leave officially started yesterday....YAY! But now I just sit. and. wait. all. day....FUN. My mom is here from TN. She got in Wednesday afternoon, so she's sitting and waiting with me. I found out that both my older brother and I were induced babies! My older brother was a week late, and with me, my mom's water broke at 33 weeks and when she still hadn't had me a week (WEEK????) later, she was induced. She said I was born about an hour after they started her on pitocin. A one hour labor! My younger brother was born right on his due date.

I'm feeling dejavu lately...Seems like just days ago I was watching my body for signs of pregnancy, second-guessing and over-analyzing every little possible symptom, and praying every time I went to the bathroom that there would be no blood on the tissue. Now, I'm right back to second-guessing and over-analyzing every possible sign of labor, and praying that I WILL see blood each time I wipe!

kkreations01's picture
Joined: 04/13/06
Posts: 85

She's HERE!!!!! Born at 39 wks 4 days.

Wow, that was the craziest experience of my life!!! I started feeling crampy about 5 am on Sunday morning (09/09/07), and it went so fast from there. By 7:45 I was pushing my dh out the door telling him we need to go NOW! The hospital is 20 minutes away. After about 5 min sitting on my bottom in the passenger seat, I couldn't stand the pressure so I turned around and rode about 15 miles on my knees backwards in the seat, rocking back and forth. It must've looked hilarious to the cars we passed. Poor hubs drove about 90mph. We got to the ER at 9am, I was taken upstairs and put in an l&d room and checked....10 cm and fully effaced!!!! I was freaking out! So much for pain relief. The doc was already here for another delivery, thank God. By the time dh got the car parked and me checked in, she was here, born at 9:15 am. I pushed twice, no tears. I will admit that I was pretty noisy during the whole thing, so much so that the doc joked that he needed to record it for Halloween, ha ha. Jeez, glad we didn't wait any longer or she'd have been born on the side of the road! I totally did not expect such a short labor since my first dd was 18 hrs and that was almost 9 yrs ago. But I'm so glad it was quick.

So of course she's beautiful! She's 7lb 15oz, 21 inches long. And other than a sore bottom ('roids SUCK!) I feel pretty good. We got home on Monday afternoon around 3:30. I got NO sleep overnight at the hospital. My rear end was hurting pretty bad and tylenol3 wasn't doing anything for it, and the nurse wouldn't give me anything stronger until she talked to the doc, which wouldn't be until the morning. PLUS, hospitals are just not comfortable to sleep in, know what I mean? So I dosed up on percoset and took a two hour nap Monday evening and felt MUCH better (well, other than my butt, LOL!).

Our first night went smoothly, the complete opposite of my experience with Big Sis (THANK GOD). I think Miley fed three or four times or so from 7pm to midnight, then settled in until 3 am. She fed and gave us two really nasty poopy diapers, then was back out around 4. She slept until about 8am. Very successful first night. I know it won't be this easy every night, but I can only hope. She actually sleeps in her bassinet, which thrills me to death. My first dd would not let us put her down for very long and never did sleep in the bassinet. She slept in her car seat or swing when not being held by one of us.

Miley seems to have a good long spell of "awake" time at night. Last night she was awake from about 9pm to around midnight, nursing every half hr or so, then slept until about 3:30. It's funny because in my belly she was always really active and kicking around pretty good at around 9 pm until I went to bed. She's been sleeping very well in her bassinet, and sweet dh has been getting up and bringing her to me. It certainly makes it much easier to go back to sleep. Well, not to mention the percosets help, lol. BTW, I was able to go all day without one yesterday, then took one before bedtime. Hiney is feeling better. I haven't been brave enough to weigh myself yet, but my legs look back to normal, no swelling. I had forgotten what my ankles looked like! My belly is still swollen a little, so I may hold off until a week pp to weigh just so I don't make myself cry.

I was so worried about how I would feel about her once she was born, whether I would fall in love with her right away like I did her sister. Well I am totally besotted. She's so beautiful, and I love nursing her. So far so good, but it is just our first few days home. My dh went back to work yesterday, but mom is here with me. My milk came in, and so far no engorgement problems, but stay tuned.

Big sis is a little nerve-wracking, wanting to hold the baby and touch her constantly. I know the novelty will wear off soon, I just hope REAL soon. The dog (Lucy) is pacing all over the house and gets all wound up when Miley cries or makes any noise at all. DH says we won't need a baby monitor, between Big Sis and Lucy we will know every time she makes a sound!

Here's a photo of my two beautiful daughters together for the first time.
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