Diary of a Quivering Pile of Worry
I just feel like I have to write some of this down or I will....well, I probably wouldn't really do anything, but hopefully this will make me feel better. I'm "officially" 5 weeks 1 day preggo. "Officially" is because I thought the first day of my last you-know-what (why is it I can't think of a word for 'period' that i actually like using?) was Aug 16th, but after thinking it over, I think it might have been more like the...um...well, I think I ended on the 18th, so I guess the start date would have been a bit earlier than the 16th...but I'm sticking with the 16th for now since I'm going to get an ultrasound on Friday and they should be able to help me date it better then.
I have a 4 1/2 year old son. I had one mc before he was born, and another mc about 3 months ago. The mcs have turned me into a SUPER 24-7 pile of worrying nerves. My dr didn't schedule me for an appt until Oct 5th, which seems a really long time if every day drags out like....hmm...like how long a day would feel if you had to spend the whole day watching golf on tv.
So, I got the positive test on the 10, made the gyno appt on the 13th, and called back on the 14th and told the nurse I had the prior mcs, so she scheduled me for two blood tests. On the 14th, hCG was 637. On the 17th, hCG was 3278. Good, right? This is actually a 5X increase in 67 hours, which is really more than what should have happened. Of course, I look up every website I can find on hCG levels, and a few of them mention that if hCG levels increase quickly, this can indicate twins or a molar pregnancy.
Molar pregnancy's are super awful, but fairly rare.
Twins would be FABULOUS!!
On the 20th, I can't take wondering about the weird numbers anymore so I call the nurse back (wonderful, patient woman). She schedules me for the ultrasound. YAY!!! I hope I see two little beans with heartbeats....but I'm sort of jumping to conclusions with the hCG numbers...I realize that, but I can't help it - the numbers ARE weird.
Last night, I got super upset at my wonderful, stable boyfriend for something I had no business being upset about. After a lovely 1 1/2 of fury, I realize Im being a total a$$, and apologize. Very embarrassing, as I acted rather like my mother - NOT a good thing.
I watched this thing on national geographic (or some channel like that) about what babies do in the womb, and it said babies hearts race when subjected to their mothers stress. It also said that, at the age my baby (babies?) are at, their hearts beat erratically because their brain and nervous system aren't developed enough yet to regulate it. Now, I'm freaking out because I subjected my bean(s) to my irrational angry emotions, which probably raised their heart rate just like mine was, only his/her/their lil nervous system has no way to control the whole thing.
This afternoon, my tummy started to hurt. Not a lot, just a lil bit, but it upset the heck out of me. I've had some, uh, gastrointestinal issues this evening (sorry, but this is a journal), and now I feel a little better, but my tummy still hurts a lil bit. I know, I know, I shouldn't worry unless it really hurts and/or I see blood - but I'm scared.
I believe in God, but we're not on really close terms, if that makes sense. Boy, being pregnant sure amps up our relationship! I'm like "God, I know we don't talk a lot, but please, please, please let this pregnancy go right." I figure saying that about 20,000 times today should get some results, right? Lol, I'm about half kidding there :)
Well, I think that about covers it. I wouldn't say I feel better, exactly, but then again, it all seems manageable now - so maybe I do!