* high temps
* no spotting whatsoever
* tenderness in my lower abdomen
* I have to pee A LOT
* my nipples are looking wider & darker & are very tender
* my bb's are getting more sore as time goes on
* and I've had 2 BFP HPT's - one on 13 DPO, and one on 14 DPO
Ryan was with me when I tested both times, and of course it didn't even take me 5 minutes to call my mom up to tell her. I told Jim & Glenn, my 2 brothers, yesterday (what a wonderful Valentine's present!) and my mom told my step dad over Valentine's dinner. 3 women at work know, and one of my good friends. Yeah, I haven't been doing a very good job at keeping this a secret, BUT I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut now at least until we hear the heart beat. I'm just soooo excited!
Mom, Ryan & I all figure that this is going to be a boy. Jim wanted to name it if it's a girl, but I told him that we already have names picked out. I suppose there's a chance that we could change our minds between now & then, but here are our first & second choices: Boy: Arland Mitchell or Seth Harrison Girl: Evelynn Jade or Emily Katherine
So of course now mom refers to it as "Baby Arland"...
I can't wait until we get through these next few weeks! In two weeks from now the heart should start beating, and in another couple weeks we should be able to hear it in an ultrasound - and that's when I will feel more secure that this is really going to happen for us.
I called my Dr's office a couple days ago & they told me that she will be in today in the afternoon/early evening. SO, guess where I'll be heading!
There is also a Midwifery clinic near my house. I'm thinking of asking my doc's opinion on the subject, & maybe going in for a consult. I'm not sure whether I feel comfortable yet with the idea of using a midwife rather than an OB, but there are some definite positives in it.
I went to see my family doc yesterday evening, and I feel SOOO much better. She is totally awesome, and always listens to all my concerns AND answers all my questions. We talked about whether using a midwife would be appropriate for my first child (we decided probably not in case I've inherited some of the problems my mom faced with deliveries), and she is looking for a good GYNOB to refer me too, since it didn't work out well with my last one (long story containing much ranting ).
She also had me do a urine test, which of course came out positive, and she sent me in for bloodwork just to make sure everything is doing ok. I had 2 done this morning: progesterone & HCG, and I'll get another HCG tomorrow. We then compare the two days' values to see if there is a significant enough rise, which would tell us that everything is going as it should. I can't wait to go in & chat with her about the results. Hopefully she will have them by mid-next week. And then maybe she'll refer me to get my first ultrasound (albeit in at least couple weeks from now).
I'm now at 17DPO. I can't believe how slowly these first few days are going by!!! How on earth will I ever make it to the end without going nuts?!?
I think I'm gonna go to Ikea this weekend. I really need to get the office area of our home cleaned up & organized. I want to put in some shelving & a little table for our computers. I hope they have something that will fit nicely!
So my doc got the b/w results back REALLY quickly! It was Monday afternoon that she left me a voicemail (herself - not one of her assistants) stating that everything came back really good, and that she saw the increase in hCG that she was looking for. My progesterone was fine, and she even mentioned for me to give her a call if I needed anything.
So I called back yesterday asking the assistants if there is any news on my referral. I guess they just needed to make the appointment for me still, so they called me back a little bit later to give me the info on my new gyn/ob. I recognize the name as a doctor that one of my friends/colleagues mentioned, so if it is the same one then it's a woman doctor, which is awesome. They tend to be SOO much more gentle, and I think women are more likely to listen & answer questions than men (not to say that there aren't some men & women that don't fit into the stereotypes).
I'm very excited. There is only one problem: the new gyn/ob isn't available to see me until the end of April. Well, by then I will be 14 weeks along. But the assistant said that it's ok - my family doc will see me in the meantime (yay!) so I have a first maternity appointment with my family doc at 9 weeks. And if anything comes up in the meantime, I am free to come in during her walk-in hours. Unfortunately they didn't think about making me an ultrasound appointment, and the assistant that I spoke to wasn't sure when to book one for me or etc, so I'm going to go in to talk to my family doc on Saturday to see what she says about it. I don't mind waiting a few weeks if she wants me to, but I figure there may be a long wait for booking the u/s, so we may as well look into it now.
My bb's are still hurting more & more every day. It's a CONSTANT reminder that I'm pregnant, so there is no getting my mind off of it (not that I would want to). I'm still having to go to the bathroom quite often, but it's nothing that I can really complain about.
I talked to Ryan about things last night, and told him that even though I respect his decision on how long to wait before telling his family or colleagues, I just can't keep this secret from our closest friends anymore, and I'm likely to break down & tell people. And since my immediate family knows, I worry about leaving his out of the loop. So, we've decided to call them tonight to give them the news. He actually seems quite happy with the idea of ME telling them, so I guess that's what we'll do. We'll still ask them not to tell extended family until we're into the second trimester, which is the same thing we've told my family. I think that's fair.
This is all just so exciting! I CAN'T WAIT until I get to see my baby on the u/s, and hear the heartbeat for the first time, and feel the first flutter of kicking!
Oh, and I found a place VERY close to my home that does 3D/4D ultrasounds. It's about $200 for the package I would want, which includes 1/2 hour ultrasound, a DVD of the video, a CD of some images, a print out of 2 images, hearing the baby's heartbeat, and gender determination. Oh, and they also can make a teddy bear that they record the heartbeat in for an extra $25 (though I'm not sure whether I would actually like this or not). Ryan doesn't seem to big on this idea, but I told him that I would like to get it done anyway, and that he doesn't have to look at them if he doesn't want to. Heehee!
On Monday, at 5 weeks & 6 days along, I began spotting. It's continued on through Tuesday, and is still present today (Wednesday). I went in to the walk-in clinic on Monday & the doctor ordered daily blood tests for 3 days in a row to check what my hCG levels are at. If they are increasing as normal, then everything may be ok. If they are dropping, then a miscarriage is on it's way. If they are increasing only slightly, then it could be an ectopic.
So I went to get my b/w done on Monday, and I made it JUST before they closed (I went straight from the walk-in clinic). Then yesterday I stayed home from work b/c not only did I also have a head cold, but I was really depressed & angry. I was so distraught that I actually missed going in for my second day of b/w. I looked up at the clock & all of a sudden it was an hour too late, and the clinic would already have been closed. I guess I'll just be going in today & tomorrow instead. I don't imagine it would be too big of a deal - the doctors should still be able to interpret my levels.
Now of course the doctor said not to get too upset over this, since we don't yet know what is going to happen. I guess I just can't take that advice - I have a terrible feeling about this. Still, it hasn't been heavy and I haven't passed any "tissue" yet as far as I can tell. When I looked it up online most resources say that there is a 50% chance of this pregnancy being brought to term. I'm not necessarily happy with those odds though. I guess I'm not going to be happy until I have a healthy baby in my arms. Is that ever going to happen?!?
I can't even tell whether I'm cramping (which would increase the odds of m/c), or just feeling "normal" symptoms of pregnancy. I'm definitely swollen. I keep feeling like I want to go to the bathroom to relieve the pressure, but it never works. But that's not necessarily the same as cramping. Then again, I never really had much cramping before my periods. It was only ever slight if at all (except while on Clomid).
I'm back at work today. There's no point missing any more work just waiting for the worst to happen. And I know that I can't just let myself sit at home feeling sorry for myself rather than getting on with life. At this point there is pretty much nothing I can do to control the outcome of the situation. The only thing I can do is insist on getting a bunch of testing done if I do m/c again. I looked it up online and there is a bunch of tests that they can do on both myself & DH in order to look for possible causes, some of which are just simple blood tests.
I suppose there is still a little part of me that's hopeful. The rest of me is planning on what steps to take next (after a m/c) since I find strength in being "in control" of a situation - even if I'm only fooling myself into believing I am.
I went in to see my family doc yesterday afternoon & they had received my b/w results. She said that my hCG levels are increasing just how they should, and that she sees no reason for alarm. In fact, she thinks my levels are a little high and that I am probably a week or so farther along than where I think I'm at (which I am skeptical of, since I was tracking my ovulation so carefully).
However, she also knows that I've already had one m/c previously, and that the spotting has really upset me, so she said she would try to get me in to the u/s sometime this week in order to rule out ectopic - not because she thinks that's what is going on, but since that is a good excuse to bump me up as a priority.
OMG, I can't believe it. There was a heartbeat!!! I even got to see it on the screen for myself! As you can imagine, both my mom & I cried when we saw it.
I just can't believe that we've had such good news today - I guess I really had been fearing the worst. It's still early, and there is much waiting to do, but I feel soooo much better. Although it's going to be hard to completely shed the fear & doubts that I've become so accustomed to.
The heart was beating at 114 bpm, and the baby measured at 5mm long. The tech figures I'm 6 weeks along, though I still figure my TTC chart will be the most accurate. Less variables.
Today I am 8 weeks along, and all is fine - at least as far as baby is concerned. As far as mama is concerned, well, things could be better. I seem to need 10 hrs of sleep per night, and then a 4 hr nap in the afternoon. Yeah, right - try doing that while working full time and going to school in the evening. And then to get other things done on top of it, like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going grocery shopping... etc. I'm tired ALL the time.
And there is actually one thing that I would like even more than more sleep: to poop. That's right, constipation is that unwelcome relative that just won't leave right now. It's been days!!! I've already tried things like Shreddies, large amounts of applesauce, and keeping really hydrated - no luck. Today I think I'm going to stop off at the store & see if I can find some berries. Obviously fresh would be great, but I'm not sure that anything is really in season yet, so I may have to go with frozen instead.
Now don't get me wrong, a healthy baby is totally worth every minute of this, but gee it would be nice for the first trimester to end so that I can enjoy this pregnancy. I can't wait until the second trimester for so many reasons, especially when I start to feel the baby kick. I'm sure I'll feel differently around the time I'm due, but I figure when you can feel the baby kick you begin to feel a bond with it, since you know for sure that it's there and you can tell sometimes when it must be sleeping, when it's doing gymnastics, when it hickups.... Funny how all the thoughts of what is to come makes me feel so much better!
Well, my birth board has officially gone nuts. There are a lot of really nice ladies on there, but there is also a bunch of arguing & nasty comments - even to the point of bullying. I hate to say it but it's left a really bad taste in my mouth, so I think I'm going to find a different board to join. Besides that, there are a few of us from the Clomid board that got a BFP, but our due dates are spread over a couple months. It seems like such a shame for us to not be on the same board anymore. Update: a few weeks later everything seemed to go back to normal. I'm glad that I stuck it out, because now I'm really enjoying it again.
My first prenatal appointment (with my family doc) is exactly one week away. I am so excited! I sure hope that everything goes ok.
Ryan and I are also planning on a trip up to see his parents. We took a week off around Easter time, so we'll probably land up going during the week, which I'm feeling a little uneasy about. If most ppl are working, then we have no where else to "escape" to if the drinking gets bad. I think I'll just have to use the excuse that I'm not feeling well & go to bed or something if anything nasty is said or whatnot. Hopefully things will go smoothly.
Only a few more days until my first prenatal appointment. I'm now 9wks1day, which is awesome because I've never made it this far before, but yet I'm still worried about everything turning out ok. I've had spotting since Saturday, which makes today day 5 for this round of spotting. Granted, this time may have been around when I was due for my period if I hadn't been pregnant, but it still sucks to see spotting on the TP. I'm grateful though that it's not enough to even use a panty liner - this gives me hope. I wonder what the doc will say.
I've been thinking more & more about renting a doppler. I should just do it, but something is holding me back - almost like I'll be jinxing things if I don't at least wait until I can see or hear the heartbeat in another appointment, whether it be a prenatal with my family doc or OB, or if it's an u/s at the lab.
My mom has been feeling my belly every week to see the progress, and she & I have both noticed the difference. It's really starting to bulge out, even though to ppl that don't know I'm sure I only look like I'm putting on a few pounds. Ryan won't touch my belly yet though. He says it freaks him out a little right now, and that he'll "wait until it comes to him", but this only makes me tease him about it more. Hehehe...
So, I'm still waiting. It'll be another month before I can breathe easy and start buying things for baby. It's almost ironic that I'm so impatient for this next month to go by, and yet I bet I'll wish that the next trimester wouldn't end so quickly.
Unfortunately my prenatal appt was delayed until yesterday (Tues) rather than last Friday. Still, at least it wasn't too much of a delay, and that meant that I was exactly 10 weeks along for it. Everything went well except that we think I may have the start of a bladder infection, so the doc has sent in the culture and depending on the result she may put me on a mild antibiotic. Other than that everything looked good. She even had a doppler, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat!!!
Unfortunately it seemed that the baby was hiding from us a bit, so we didn't get to sit & listen to the heartbeat the way we would have liked, but at least we know the heart is beating, which is the most important part.
So this morning as I was getting dressed in front of my dresser, which happens to have a big mirror above it, I happened to look up when I was turned to the side and I couldn't believe what I saw - I am totally starting to show!!! Now I do have a few extra pounds on my belly, so there's a little, um, insulation there... but it was still obvious that I was pregnant b/c normally those pounds are a little more evenly distributed than what I saw in the mirror. Obviously when I am wearing loose shirts & whatnot, it still just looks like I've put on some weight, but I'm not going to be able to keep this a secret for much longer! Not that I'm very good at keeping my own secrets as it is, but soon enough I won't have a choice in the matter... How exciting!!!
Ryan is starting to touch my belly a bit. He doesn't press to feel the hardness of it at all, but he'll very gently put his hand over the baby. I can tell he is excited, even though he's so much quieter about it than I am. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful husband!