Becoming pregnant after Macy didn't go quite as expected. I hoped and thought all my pregnancy woes were behind me because my body finally got it right once. So when I got my period back 7 months postpartum, I was excited to TTC again. But month after month slipped by with yet another irregular period. Until finally! A very, very, very faint line appeared on that cheap little test on January 13, 2008. It was a pleasure and a joy to put Macy in her Big Sister t-shirt and pick her papa up from the airport with the good news. Alas, it was short lived good news, and on February 1, the pregnancy bled and passed. Same old story...
So a month and a half later, when I was waiting and waiting and waiting for my period to come, it was and wasn't a surprise when I finally POAS and saw two ultra super dark lines. It was March 17 , and I'll admit, I was in denial for the preceding two weeks because I wanted to be but was too scared to actually be pregnant again. So I put off testing for as long as I could. Finally, I just knew I better do it. So I peed in a cup and dipped the dropper in and before I had the fourth drop dropped, I could see a test line!
The test was so dark I knew I had been pregnant for at least a week, maybe two. I called a doctor, scheduled an appointment and got blood work ordered. My hcg came back at 29,000! Whoa! I certainly was pregnant. And in a way, it was fantastic to skip those first few nerve wracking weeks.
I had my first appointment with a midwife (different than the doctor I had initally called...I was torn on who I wanted to see for my pregnancy) on March 27. She is GREAT. Completely supportive of me breastfeeding Macy during pregnancy (though she is now down to only one session per 24 hours ) and very mellow. She is however, not very skilled at ultrasound! She did a quick ultrasound to date the pregnancy, and had a super hard time with it. I ended up having to come back later and see a doctor, who also had a hard time, but not nearly as bad. The issue wasn't the doctor, but the machine. You would not believe this thing...MySono 210 Personal Digital Ultrasound. It totally seemed like something you could buy at a drug store. Chinsey. Horrible image. Could not hone in on the fetal pole or heart beat, though it could be seen briefly. AGH! Not what I wanted to see or hear. The doctor asked me to come back next week for a better picture, but me, in my infinite wisdom of early ultrasound, opted to come back in 10 days. I knew it would just be better if there was going to be a better picture to wait a little longer. So I waited, and we got to see a beautiful baby with a beating heart 10 days later.
He dated the pregnancy at 9W2D. That is more pregnant than I actually could be, since we didn't start having sex again after the miscarriage until February 19. So my due date, by my own calculations combined with the ultrasound, is November 11, 2008. (His was November 9, but that's just not possible.) Plus, the further away from November 5 (Macy's birthday) the due date is, the better!
I'm already terrible about keeping a journal this time!
We heard the heart beat a week ago now...what sweet music to a Mama's ears! It was in the 150s and sounded great. That gave us our double confirmation to announce the pregnancy to friends and family, though I've been terrible about that too!
Scott got to meet the midwife, and I think he's pretty impartial! :lol He asked what the difference in seeing her over a doctor would be and she explained that there is more of a relationship with her, and she will be there with us throughout labor, not just to catch the baby. I think that's great. He could probably care less!
I also mentioned I am sleeping terrible, so she wrote me a script for Ambien. Half helps me fall asleep fast, but it doesn't last long. I've started taking it when I wake in the middle of the night instead of just before bed, because I seem to have the hardest time falling back asleep between midnight and 3am. Overall, we're all getting the best sleep we have had in almost two years because Macy is doing so well. Thank god!!
I'm feeling better and eating better this past week. My energy is WAY up and I don't find it necessary to nap every day with Macy. I still get nauseous with too much activity and have somewhat specific food preferences, but all in all...felling better!
I thought at 12W6D I felt it...but that really could have been gas. This week though, I'm fairly certain I've felt some flutters, which wouldn't be too far fetched now at 14 weeks. It's a wonderful feeling. And so is the fact that I'm feeling better! My appetite for healthful food has returned, and my energy to actually make it is back too. I feel like a normal person again...at least for a while.
Macy has been an the last few days, so that makes things easier, too. The weather is getting better so I'm looking forward to having a lot of fun with her outside. She loves it so much, and I feel better out in the fresh air, too.
It's been almost a month since I've had a moment to journal. This is much harder to do with a mini toddler.
A month ago I thought I was feeling the baby move a little. But I think was crazy business. Now at 18 weeks I am finally feeling real movements, but they are seldom and they are mild. This makes me think anything I felt earlier was gas. Or nerves. Or stretching. Or any number of things besides real baby movements. But who knows!
Pregnancy with number two is so entirely different. I sometimes forget I am pregnant, and I never for a moment did that when I was pregnant with Macy. I don't have time or energy to focus on the growing baby inside me, just on the growing baby that's pulling on my leg, whining for snacks, or making me crack up with all her silly antics. It's that baby I have to focus on. The one inside does just fine without focus, but that makes me feel a little guilty at times. At night I make sure to lay my hand on my belly and think about the baby, which is a special time for me. I do also try to rest appropriately, because god, my body is taking it so much harder! It must have something to do with the fact that I'm chasing after a tod all day this time instead of bumming around in an office chair, but I can certainly feel this belly, which isn't even very big at all yet, taking a toll on me. My back is tired. I get sciatic pain when I lay down. My legs hurt. And it's all just going to get worse. YAY!
Our big ultrasound is in 8 days. Looking forward to that DEFINITELY. But don't go getting your hopes up people...we won't be finding out the gender.
Before it all evades me, I thought it would be good to make note of some noteable things with this pregnancy.
Like my cravings!
The cravings weren't insane and they only lasted a few weeks beginning around 8 weeks, so shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I distinctly remember calling Scott twice before he headed home from work.
1) Babe, will you pick up some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its and some orange juice, medium pulp?
And 2) Will you stop and get some queso? I already have chips!
Other items of note:
I am having annoying sciatic pain at night when I lay down. No matter how I lay or how I arrange any number of pillows. It bites. It could be worse, I know, but I'm already so uncomfortable and it's just going to get worse.
I still fit in to all my jeans! Some more comfortably than others, but in them nonetheless. Definitely not for much longer, though.
My boobs are going crazy. But unlike the first time, there is no crying sad tears about it. I've learned to enjoy every.single.second of them because they ain't this pretty after breastfeeding!
Ugh. Suddenly I really don't fit in to any of my jeans! I gained about 7 pounds this month and um...yeah. It shows. Thankfully Karina gave me all her maternity jeans and capris so I'll be stylin'...but of course those don't really fit yet. *sigh*
The big ultrasound...HOW FUN! I forgot how amazing it is to see the baby in such detail...all the internal organs, the brain, the stomach, a perfect four chamber heart! Ah...simply the best. It's a look at your baby that you'll probably never get again. From now on, I'll only be able to see the baby from the outside of his or her skin. It's pretty incredible, if you think about it.
So everything looked good. The baby measured 19 weeks, which was right on, and though we didn't find out the baby's gender, we ARE in posession of a sealed envelope containing a picture of the baby's parts. I'm not even tempted to open it, though. :dontknow I just don't want to be disappointed with the birth experience by knowing and not having that surprise there with the last push. At the time of the ultrasound, however, I was haunted by this feeling that I DID want to know...just not there in that moment in that room with that lady telling me, so I ventured out and asked for her to look privately. My heart was racing. I really wanted to know and I NEEDED that picture and envelope. But now...not enticed at all. And proud of it! Looking forward to delivery day and the amazing gift waiting for us!
Today is 23 weeks. The baby is moving like crazy as we speak, and I love it! Papa felt the baby move at 20 weeks, 5 days. Just one little bump, but it was perfect timing and he was pretty smitten about it. But he hasn't felt it since! He's been going to bed with Macy almost every night since he's getting up so early right now, so he never has a chance to lay his hand on my belly. He tries in the mornings, but at 4:30am the last thing I want is him snuggling up to me and trying to feel a baby that isn't moving at the moment.
I'm really really really excited to have a newborn again. And scared as hell, but excited all the same. Baby Sienna was born four days ago, and while everything about her arrival filled me with love and joy, seeing Scott hold her and ASK to hold her and simply dote over her was especially touching. I can't wait to see him with OUR newborn again. He's simply a fantastic father.
Macy on the other hand is not so sure about Sienna. She has seen her three times, and she's a little cautious about her. But when I talk about the baby, she is very interested. I told Carrin over the phone today that they named her Sienna, and Macy smiled at me and signed "baby". So she knows and I think she likes her, but maybe it's just weird that she's such a little baby and that everyone is so careful with her. Who knows. I just hope being around her prepares her in some ways for us bringing a new baby home. And in four months she will know plenty more about babies and hopefully understand what's going on a little better, making the transition from family of three to family of four a little smoother. I know I'll be a wreck, so whatever can go smoothly is cool with me!