Fifth time was the charm!

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SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
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Fifth time was the charm!

Okay, so here I am, 8 weeks pregnant (today) 20 years old, engaged, two previous miscarriages...my life condensed into one run-on sentance. The first miscarriage was very straightforward, lots of bright red bleeding and hard core cramps at 10 weeks. The second one was sneaky -- I only had a little bit of light brown discharge, and I found out during a ultrasound (Investigating said discharge) that there was no heartbeat. I am, of course, hoping that the third time will be the charm for me. I have a viability ultrasound on the 19th...I'm so scared because I can invision perfectly it going either way.
With my two previous m/c, I had little to no morning sickness, some sore boobs and I was tired a lot. It's pretty much the same with this one, but I think I would actually feel BETTER if I felt worse, lol...but it is still early.
They followed my hcg's in first week after I found out this time, well...they did two tests three days apart and once the results came back (227 up to 816) they decided I was progressing normally and told me not to come back. They didn't test my progesterone so I don't know my levels of that. Other then that, I don't have much to say today.

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I have been having some crazy dreams lately, let's just say the one last night involved a carnival, Hurley (From Lost) and a vibrator. Yeah. That's even embarassing to read, so just imagine having to live through that dream. I think I woke up and my exact words were, "Ewww." Still having very mild symptoms...the only time I really feel nausous is when I brush my tounge with my toothbrush. My breasts are still kind of sore, but not as bad as they were before. I hope that not having symptoms doesn't mean something is wrong, although that's how I feel, you know? Probably because with my last two miscarriages I didn't have hardly any symptoms either. Well I guess I will find out in 9 days. This is my ticker I use at PAM (Pregnancy after Miscarriage) support.org, the other website I obsess at. Smile
Sara

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Last night was a bad night, me and Brandon got into some stupid fight (I actually don't remember what it was about) and went to bed kind of mad at each other, you know...separate sides of the bed. Well, I started thinking how my boobs weren't sore anymore (They are again, so it's up and down really) and my other miscarriages and I started crying, but I was crying to be quiet so he wouldn't hear. He heard me anyhow though, and he pulled me onto his chest and let me cry all over his neck and kissed my hair. I cried myself silly, I cried so hard I gave myself a headache and stuffed my nose up to where I couldn't breathe. But it was freeing, I felt so much better after my good cry....and our fight was as good as over! I'm worried about my upcoming ultrasound though. I wish I knew already! I've been taking 81mg of aspirin everyday since before we conceived...here's to hoping that works.

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I've actually been feeling pretty positive about this pregnancy lately, even without any reassurance from a doctor (yet). I don't know what it is, I just feel like everything is going to be okay.

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Okay, less then 60 hours to go until I get my first ultrasound. It's so terrifying. I almost don't want to go, just so that I can keep up hope longer. I haven't had any real reason to believe that this pregnancy is not a keeper, but with two m/c and no live births on my track record, it's pretty easy to convince myself that I won't see a heartbeat on Wednesday. On the off chance that it is a viable pregnancy, I'm going to rent a dopplar so I can check that the baby's alive whenever I want - -What a relief that will be! I was reading though, that you need a prescription or something (FDA mandated) to rent a dopplar. I guess that's so unpregnant people (Wanna be doctors, maybe) can't rent one and scam people. I don't know.
I am only going to rent the dopplar for a couple months, until I can feel the baby move regularly. 9 weeks today!

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Seven hours until my first ultrasound! I had a dream last night that everything went GREAT, so I'm hoping that my dreams will come true Smile Seriously though, I've had zero bleeding, zero suspicious-colored discharge...some light cramps and pullings in my legs but I read that m/c start with bleeding so a little light cramping doesn't bother me...besides light cramps are common as the uterus grows...my mommy said so, and she's a midwife! Lol. Well it's 2 in the morning and I am going to try and get some sleep...So cross your fingers for us, we have hope but it is the fragile kind.

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The appointment didn't go well. She did a pap first and it HURT, I've never had a pap hurt before. Then she dropped the little pitchfork things on the ground and had to do it again. I was bleeding pretty good by the time she was finished scraping cells off of me. Yuck. Then I had to toga-up and run down the hallway to the ultrasound machine, because the one that they wheel in exam room was missing.
And they saw......

NOTHING.

A big black gestational sac. Well, it wasn't even that big....it was 1.33 CM. Which is consistent with a 5 week pregnancy. She asked me if I was sure of my dates. Hello? I was there for my SECOND appointment. Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm not only 5 weeks, thank you. Doctors think everyone but them are idiots. At least the military ones seem to. She said she saw maybe something in the corner, like a yolk sack. And seh kept saying over and over how sorry she was. I have another appointment on the 28th of April (Which is my mother's birthday) but I don't know if I will make it that far, I started bleeding today...at first watery (Maybe some amniotic fluid mixed in?) and then more steadily.
I'm the type of girl that uses tampons no matter what, lol, and I'm at work so I don'r know how bad the bleeding is currently, but last time I checked it was a lot thicker, the kind of stringy clots that if you've ever miscarried, you'd recoginize...but it was still light, just the top tip of the tampex. Anyways. So my doctor did offer me all sorts of tests now to find out the causes of my miscarriages. So we'll go down that road now. For now, I want to cry.

Three lost loves
- July 18th 05
-Jan 13th 06
-Apr 19th 06

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So I'm getting married next month!!! Either the 2nd or the 9th (Isn't that terrible that I don't know? But I'm overseas and none of my family/friends are here...and the German register only does weddings on Fridays, and we have to see when we work...it's a mess but I don't care...I just want to be his :D) Brandon wants to write our own vows and I like that idea, I just don't know how to say everything I want to while still being eloquent. I've been looking up unique wedding vows online for "ideas". Smile
This whole month we've been so good about using condoms so we don't get pregnant before our miscarriage work-up appointment (June 6th, 1340L) BUT we were in a little tiff and had awesome make-up sex and...forgot. When I got to work that night, I looked up my fertile days using a ovulation calculator (With the first day of miscarriage bleeding as my period, although I don't really think you can use that) and it turned out that the make-up sex day was THE day to have sex if we wanted to conceive. :o Whoops. Even though we don't want to be preggers this month, I'd still be secretly pleased that my fertility won! ...Of course I'd act annoyed about it so Brandon wouldn't guess, ha ha. But that was the 8th, and this is the 18th...so it's too early to test as of right now. I usually get the +++ on the 13th or 14th DPO. (The last one was 16 DPO, which should have tipped me off, I guess) So anyways I have 3-4 days to wait until I can test and I'm a little nervous. I'd like to be pregnant again, but I kind of feel like if I was...it would just delay our miscarriage testing. At this point, I kind of feel there is a underlying cause. I just don't know what! I'm going to keep posting in this journal even though I'm not pregnant again (yet -- or maybe I am!) And if you people don't like it, then don't read it!! J/K, love to all.

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So we took a test (3-4 days before expected period with diluted urine - I can't help it!! If I have a test, I'm taking it. I can never, ever wait for FMU) and I thought MAYBE there was a little light line there, but it looked almost gray (It is supposed to be blue...but gray and blue are close anyways) and it showed up way to soon to be a evaporation line. So....?? I bought another test today, some cheap little store-brand one that wasn't very sensitive and took it (Right away, of course...with diluted pee). The TEST line barely even showed up...it was practically a invalid test. They were so cheap I bought two, but they probably need like 100 HcG or something I definately don't have at this point IF I AM. ( My breasts have started feeling sore and I gagged when I brushed my tounge this morning. The crazy-ass dreams have started up again, too...it was Sawyer this time ('Lost' again). Maybe I should stop watching them right before bed, ha ha. Brandon thinks I am just pysching myself out with all this stuff. He asks me if I think I am pregnant...
I just tell him I wouldn't be suprised at this point. We are the world's most fertile (Albeit childless) couple. This would be the 4th pregnancy in less then a year!!! The only thing that comforts me is thinking about the women that can't get pregnant and try and try and try...just to lose it. THAT would be so much worse, I can't even imagine. Me? He sneezes and I get knocked up. Lol. Well, I'll update soon.

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EPT says.....

YES.

I'm going to the Doctor tomorrow morning to confirm it, but the test is pretty clear. So here we go again....pffff, I'm exhausted of all this.

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So I went to the clinic but I wasn't able to be seen today -- The doctor was f*cking crazy! (I'll clean up my language once I have a kid, don't worry) She moved her hands so much when she was talking I thought at first (I really did!) That she was partially deaf and was signing along with her talking.

Me: I need a blood test to confirm a pregnancy. That's a walk-in test right? (I already know it is, that's my way of suggesting I'm not totally familar with this clinic's pregnancy procedures.)
Her: (Skeptical look)
Me: I've had two positive home tests already, I just need to confirm it.
Her: How old are you? You're a cutie!
Me: Uhm, 20. Thanks.
Her: Is this your first pregnancy?
Me: (Thinking: you really need to ask me this at the counter, with everyone craning their necks to look. Please notice the ring on my left hand, I'm not a whore.) Um, no. Actually it's my fourth.
Her: And you're 20?! (I put my left hand with the big pretty ring conspicously on the counter between us, but she failed to notice my gesture) I'm just gonna speak my mind here...
Male nurse who has seen me all three times before, and who is sitting next to her at said counter: I don't think you should. (Uncomfortable amount of silence...)
Her: Well I could draw your blood but I have to go pee...
Me: Uhm, I can wait.
Her: At Ramstein. (This means she had a random drug test that day) Are you active duty?
Me: Yes, Air Force.
Her: Damnit, that complicates things. If you weren't I'd just take your stuff and dip it with mine. (Probably wanted my clean pee to switch with her obviously drug-ridden sample) But active duty requires a blood test.
Me: (Wondering how to get my blood drawn and leave. Wondering why just because she is busy today that means one of the A1C nurses running around can't just take my blood like the last THREE TIMES) So...
Her: So just come back tomorrow, anytime before 11. Bye!

So I left, tinged with anger. I'll just have to go BEFORE work tomorrow and see the crazy lady. Hopefully I'll get progesterone supplements like my previous doctor said I could, once I got pregnant again.
Of course there is always the very real chance that she'll pop positive for drugs and someone else will have to see me. Darn. Biggrin

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I went to the clinic at Ramstein to get my blood drawn, thankful that I was able to go today (Everyday counts with progesterone supplements and they are finally testing my levels THIS TIME) and when I got up to the counter the guy told me the computers were down so they wouldn't be able to know what to draw...so just "Come back Tuesday." (It's a 4 day weekend beginning tomorrow so I would have to wait 5 days to get my results!) I was going to give up and pout, but Brandon...clever boy that he is...told me to ask them to call my doctor and have him fax what I needed drawn over. And you know what? It worked. I would have never thought of that. So they drew 9 TUBES! I've had the pregnancy workup before, (Three times to be exact, and it's always been 6 tubes) so does the progesterone test requires 3 whole tubes of blood?! And they got a urine sample. (I'm still wondering if the crazy doctor is going to get her hands on it after all, ha ha....and I DID have to see her yesterday Sad She WAS a little less crazy, I'll give her that) Lol. So hopefully I'll be able to get my blood test results by calling tomorrow....although the 4 day weekend starts tomorrow so I don't know if the lab techs will be in. Well anyways, not much else to report today. My boobies are a little sore, and I've been extra-EXTRA hungry....so at this stage (Like 4.5 weeks) I guess I am right on track!

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I was eating out for lunch today with Brandon - Cantina Mexicana, if you are ever in the Kaiserslaturn part of Germany...and let me just say that what I about to recount in no way reflects on thier food - and walking out into the parking lot I felt like I had to burp. No nausea. I was going to be discrete and burp with my mouth shut, when my mouth starting filling with vomit. :puke:I had to spit it in the parking lot...I can only imagine how well that will help business. Can you imagine it, people driving around trying to decide where to have lunch at...oh, there's the Chinese place...there's the Cantina...oh. Hmm. A girl just threw up after eating there. Maybe we'll have Chinese today. Lol. But i don't think that could count as morning sickness, becuase I never felt sick at all. It was just a random tossing of the old cookies. That's all I got for today!

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"Progesterone levels also can have quite a variance at this stage of pregnancy. They can range from 9-47ng/ml in the first trimester, with an average of 12-20ng/ml in the first 5-6 weeks of pregnancy.

With both hCG levels and progesterone levels, it is not the single value that can predict a healthy pregnancy outcome. It is more important to evaluate two different values to see if the numbers are increasing. hCG levels should be increasing by at least 60 % every 2-3 days, but ideally doubling every 48-72 hours. Progesterone levels rise much differently than hCG levels, with an average of 1-3ng/ml every couple days until they reach their peak for that trimester. In situations when there is a concern of an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage, hCG levels will often start out normal, but will not show a significant increase or will stop rising all together and progesterone levels will be low from the beginning. "

So I'll be able to call for my progesterone levels in 2-3 days (Again, damn you, long weekend) It's good that progesterone levels aren't tricky like HCG levels (My HCG levels ALWAYS start out GREAT and then, wham! Miscarriage) According to this, progesterone levels start low and stay low when miscarriage is destined to happen. And it says 9-47 units (Whatever they're called) is enough to sustain a pregnancy through the first trimester. So I'm hoping for at least 25. Come on!!

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Damnit!!! I was writing this nice long post and accidentally hit 'Back' and lost what I was working on. ANYWAYS...I was saying...
My levels came back 24.20, which is close enough to 25 that I feel okay. I was either 4 weeks exactly or 4 weeks and 3 days when that was drawn, so that's even a little high for that far along. I just wish that I had my progesterone checked in the last pregnancies because then I would be able to tell if this is a good sign (!) or just par the course. Or god forbid, lower! My doctor sent me back and had more blood drawn today (2 Tubes, for progesterone and quant) The airman that pulled my blood was so confused today. Everything was okay until he pulled the needle out and got squirted with my blood. It was trickled down my arm...gross. (And a lot darker then I thought it'd be, like a dark ruby-black...lots of iron, right?) He kept pulling the white gauze off and wiping the new flow and then he was like "I don't understand this." So I took my eyes off the ceiling -- cobweb in the corner-- (I still can't watch, even though I've had redicuous amounts drawn by now) and noticed what was wrong right away...the tourniquet was still tied around my sweater. (Yes, sweater...even though it's almost June a cold front *Can't you tell I'm a weather girl* Wink is pushing through Germany and it's wet and cold and breezy...like 6c...in the 40's) He looked a little sheepish, as he should...their tech school is 16 months, you can't learn how to draw blood right in 16 months?! Anyways, said doctor put a 'STAT' on my blood, but I feel asleep this afternoon and forgot to call. I'll call in the morning, swear! This is my first quant for this pregnancy, so I don't have a ideal number in mind...but progesterone I would like to be...30-35, maybe? Lol, I'll post tomorrow once I get my numbers.
Peace,
Sara

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Ha ha, this is so weird of me...I'm sitting here trying to decide if I feel sick...and I'm pleased that I kind of do! :puke: Okay, okay, I'm not actually puking but still. I've never felt sick with any of my other three...not really. So...maybe this is a good sign?

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So I got my secondary test results back, the progesterone was 17.88. So it dropped Sad I have to admit, at this point I quite expected this. I can't even say I'm upset or heartbroken. I'm numb. When I heard it, I thought...well, at least now I can wear that bikini I bought right before I found out. A little callous, I know. I DID read that progesterone can wiggle a little and still be okay, but 24 to 17 isn't really a wiggle...especially with my history. I still have my appointment on the 6th, and I've had no bleeding or cramping (What a suprise, huh?). Still, though, I find myself hoping that they'll offer me a ultrasound and there will be a little bean with a beating heart. Somehow. Like my sheer will can resurrect the dead.

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Still no bleeding or cramping! My first appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I had HCG levels drawn yesterday, and I'm going to call for the results in...5 hours or something like that. (I'm at work) So...arggghhhh the wait. (Of course, by now I've convinced that is was POSSIBLE that my progesterone levels are just crazy, and everything is okay!)

Things that can effect progesterone levels are:

Other medications, such as ampicillin and clomiphene. (Not taking)
The time of day when you have the test. Progesterone levels normally fluctuate during the day. (It was morning...I donlt know what that means)
How long it has been since you have eaten. (I didn't have breakfast before the test...)
Exercise. (Hmmm...sometimes)
Having a test such as a thyroid scan or bone scan that used a radioactive substance (tracer) within 1 week before the progesterone test.
Where you are in your menstrual cycle. (Not, I'm pregant)

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Wouldn't you know they lost my blood? I had to give another sample so maybe THAT one will be ready in a couple hours. I did have a ultrasound today, but it wasn't very helpful either way. It showed a gestational sac and a yolk sac way in the corner. But I am only 5.5 -6 weeks, and I have a tilted uterus, so it could either be okay, or it could mean another miscarriage. This is aggrivating that I can't just know. The doctor told me today that they want to find out soon, too....so they don't waste so much time on me as they did before. Since I'll probably just miscarry again. What a peach. She was very cold to me, and told me that she had her own medical appointment scheduled so she wasn't going to spend much time with me. I really don't like the medical system here, it's like they know they don't have to be nice to you...cause being military it's not really like you can take your business elsewhere. Whatever. I hope she gets in a minor car wreck and has painful whiplash. Bitch.

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Well, they found my old quant...and get this, the one I had drawn yesterday...was just a qualitative...a 'yes' or 'no' one! OBVIOUSLY I was going to trigger that as positive...for god sake the ultrasound showed a sack! Anyways, so the one of mine from the 5th, was 4610. So I wanted at least 3200, so 4610's good. I checked with a hcg doubling calculator and it says mine are doubling every 48.8 hours. So I don't like that I didn't see a fetus, (Although I do have a tipped uterus) but maybe we aren't out of the game yet!

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HCG Level
Doubling Time

1200 to 6000 : 72-96 hours
> 6000 : >96 hours

I found this on the net...so with mine doubling every 48 hours, being over 1200...that looks good, huh? I dry-heaved today, after looking at something gross. So that is a step in the right direction!

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Well, my third hcg came back at 7181....not quite as high as I thought would be good. With 2.5 days between tests, that's doubling every 93 hours. I know, I know, once you get past 6000 it can take up to 96 hours to double, but that is cutting it so close. AND my boobs haven't been sore lately. Well, okay, a little, but not very sore. Anyways, I have to go to PT, I'll blog more later.

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Okay, so I noticed that the thing I posted above said > 96 hours to double, so 93 hours is probably fine. PROBABLY. I'll say it right now, I don't think this is a viable pregnancy. I'm batting 3 for 3 right now, with a negative initial ultrasound. Speaking of ultrasound, I have another appointment for one on Wednesday the 14th, at 1400L, with the on-call doctor. (Last time I had a appointment with the on-call doctor, she got 'called' and no one bothered to tell us, so we sat in the exam room for over an hour waiting for someone to come. They never did, I finally had to go find someone and ask what was up. I look forward to Wedesday.) And I have to get another quant drawn on Monday or Tuesday. I don't know what I will do when this is over, I'll have so much free time!

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Ultrasound tomorrow...well, it just passed midnight so it's actually today...but who's counting, lol? I'll probably call for my blood test in the morning - I had it drawn on Monday, although I'm sure the huffy receptionist is sick of me by now. I'm so tired of them acting like I'm just a big bother, especially when I go out of my way to be polite, at least to their ugly faces.

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EARLY FIRST TRIMESTER

We can first see signs of a pregnancy at about 5.5 weeks, when, on transvaginal ultrasound, we will see a gestational sac in the uterus about 2 or 3 millimeters in diameter. (We were 5.5 weeks when we had our first ultrasound) Things change daily at this stage of pregnancy. A day or two later we see the yolk sac, and a day or two later the embryo. As soon as we can see the embryo we see the pulsation of the embryonic heartbeat.

At this early stage, we can sometimes diagnose a problem: if the yolk sac is excessively large, that might be a sign the pregnancy is going to fail. If we do not see an embryo or heart beat at a time in pregnancy when we should see that, we need to investigate to be sure the pregnancy dating is correct. We will want to do serial ultrasounds every few days to determine if normal development is taking place.

Around 7 and 8 weeks the embryo is very well seen, (We will be almost 7 weeks today…6 wks and 6 days) and we can try to see four limbs, the head, the umbilical cord and its insertion into the embryo's body, and the location of the placenta. Measuring the length of the embryo (we call it a crown-rump length) at this stage of pregnancy gives us very accurate dating of the pregnancy, plus or minus 3 or 4 days. The further along in pregnancy the first dating is done, the less accurate it is.

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Well, I called it. No, I haven't had my ultrasound yet...but my last quant came back at 7664...which makes my doubling time 1022 hours...no way is that viable. As much as I hate this, I'm so relieved that we didn't tell his family THIS time. I think I'm going to ask for birth control at this appointment, at least until we have some testing to figure out if anything can be done. I don't want to have another little whoopsie like that throwing a wrench in my plans. I might post after my ultrasound this afternoon, but I can promise you (Whomever you may be) that it will only show a little black hole in me.

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Pretty much the same old, same old. My doctors mercifully called me in on Thursday for a quick ultrasound/quant...the ultrasound showed growth, but no heartbeat. The sac measured 1.2 CM (About a orb a half-inch in diameter)...they didn't measure it the last time so I don't know if that's grown or not. I haven't gotten the quant back yet, I'll get that Monday. Dr. Higgins (I like him a lot better then Dr. Terry...but when he talks he says. "Yeahhhhhh...." before every sentance, like the boss from Office Space. He said if it comes back still in the 7000's or if it has dropped, then we need to take measure to "manage it". Which would be: Waiting, the Pill, or a D&C. I don't want to wait, my body has already proven it will hold onto non-viable pregnancies for WEEKS (2 months in one case); and we are going on vacation in less then two weeks (11 days!)...I just know that it would happen while we are at his parent's house, and we didn't tell them I was pregnant this time. So waiting is out. The pill I've had before, it was fast (For me at least - one of my friends here it didn't do anything for at all, she had to wait two weeks AFTER she had the pill to miscarry) and it caused me to have terrible, terrible cramps. The kind where you're naked on the floor moanng like you're giving birth, curled up with a bloody pad stuck on your underwear. The kind where your abdomen feels cold because it's clenched down so tight. I could put my hand on it and actually FEEL my uterus get hard...it hurt so bad. Those aren't pleasant memories for me. I read somewhere that inducing labor (IT's the same drugs, did you know that?) makes the cramps worse, so it's probably along those lines. A D&C would be quick and (nearly) painless, but I hate the idea of my insides getting scraped out by some doctor who could care less about me...with my legs all splayed while I'm drugged up. I drove a friend to a abortion a couple years ago (Oh how things have changed) and they did a D&C on her...she said it didn't hurt anymore then a pap smear....but still. I hate the idea. I'll post when I get the results of my quant, and maybe when I decide what to do Sad

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Well, it's started. Bleeding and cramps that are coming closer and closer together (About 1 minute apart now, yesterday it was 5-10 minutes). Painful, but managable. My appointment is today, I wish I didn't have to drive myself like this...this sucks! At least I didn't have to let the doctors 'manage' this little problem for me. I'd rather they all ended on their own, only if it's just to make sure there was no mistake, that it was a miscarriage. Well, I'm off to the gym. Walking helped speed it up last time...

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Ha. It stopped, of course. The bleeding continued but no cramps, and certainlly nothing productive. They gave me 700mg misoprostol orally. Nothing. They gave me 800mg misoprostol vaginally. Less then nothing, no cramps or anything...then on my follow up ultrasound (You have to get one 24 hours after you receive the abortion pill to make sure everything came out) the sac showed up dysmorphic (Like lumpy and misshapen), when before it was nice and round. Doctor Higgins said that was a sign it was 'On it's way out.' How nice, after two doses of the abortion pill for it to be lazily 'On it's way out.' Then yesterday's ultrasound showed just a thickened lining with 'debris' - exact word they used - in it. And I've been blobbing out fat slimy clumps of blood and tissue (My debris) all night at work. Of course, why would it happen when I had time off? That'd be too easy. I like the doctor I saw yesterday though, a young black man, he agreed with me when I asked when I start trying again if he would just write me a prescription for progesterone BEFORE I get pregnant, so I can start it asap. He said his wife has had 3 miscarriages and is now 14 weeks pregnant, and took progesterone with the current one. So he's a believer.
Dr. Terry mercifully gave me a prescription for birth control - I had begged at my earlier appointment but she said they had to track my quants down to 0 first...(I explained that I had gotten preggo this time before they were down to 0 so maybe that wouldn't help for me!) but then when I showed up yesterday there were three pretty hot pink packs waiting for me. With three refills, so a full years worth. Hopefully all our testing will be done and we'll feel like trying again. I'm so burned out and old feeling with it...I just want to be young again...I'm only 20. I want to drink and club (A little!) and stay up late without feeling tired, and drink black tea without feeling bad about the caffine. Just for a little bit. I want to get my body back...4 pregnancies in one year can make for a permanantly bloated tummy. Or so it seems. I've been pregnant 10 months out of the last year...f*ckin' crazy, I know. It's exhausting.

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I'm getting married in 10 hours, yay! And I'm going on leave in two days, yay yay yay! That's all I have for now.

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Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Well, we took in a stray cat and finally figured out that she is pregnant. It's still exciting, even if it isn't me. Cat gestation only takes 9 weeks total...isn't that crazy-quick? I guessimated that she has about 4-5 weeks left to go. I love kittens!!! My mom would never let us take stray cats in or feed them or anything....now I'm a grown-up and I'm going to take in every cat I find!!! Bwahahaha.....
Lol.
Oh.
Brandon says no more then two....so maybe just keep one of the kittens I suppose.
Killjoy.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

So now that all the craziness of getting married/moving etc is over with, we scheduled our tests for the miscarriage work-up. I have a high-tech ultrasound on the 15th in the morning and then if that doesn't show a problem then I have a HSG scheduled for that afternoon. I had 9 tubes of blood pulled yesterday for all the random tests that my general practioner could do (He can't do specific ones like karyotyping and stuff - that has to be ordered by the specialist, but the blood clotting and thyroid and stuff he can do) and I have a referral to OBGYN now, I need to call and make the appointment for that. (He wants me to do the U/S and HSG before I see the OBGYN so that's why I've already made those appointments) I am a little apprehensive about all the tests (Esp. the HSG, I've heard so many horror stories!) but I will glad to get the green light to try again. I think we are going to stay on the pill for the course of my prescription...which is 9 more months. It's been nice NOT being pregnant for awhile so far, I've lost 12 pounds...Brandon calls it the 'Not-being-pregnant' diet....although I HAVE been watching what I eat, too, and working out more. I'll post again when I find out more, I know after my miscarriages I was obsessive about reading other people's testing blogs and stuff so I'll return the favor.
Sara

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Oh yeah, and I am getting another pap smear next month because I had BV when I was 14 and that can recur without symptoms and cause miscarriages. So that could be a part of it!

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

I got some of my test results back, everything came back negative except for the ANA. That stands for Antinuclear Antibodies and it causes miscarriages, or so Google claims. It can be treated with prednisolone during pregnancy to supress the immune system (That sounds like a bad thing, huh?) I guess my cells attack their own nucleous (Spelling?) or something. I have a appointment on the 10th for further testing. And on the 18th with my OBGYN to discuss the results. It's been about 4 months since I've been pregnant now, it feels like forever and I think as soon as my testing is all done with I'd like to start trying again. With prednisolone and progesterone, of course.
I also had a HSG the other day and of course my pipes and everything are fine. The test was really no big deal....everyone said it was going to be terrible so I was scared, but it was nothing! I'll update once I get more testing/results.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Take five....inconclusive miscarriage work-up (Pending chromosome results)...EDD is Augst 8th....
We'll see how this goes Sad

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

I actually got my labs back early, I know, I was suprised too! The numbers look okay...HCG @ 2194 and progesterone at 24.36 (Unmedicated, at around 21-23 DPO) I've been feeling a little ill (Kind of like pressure on my neck...blechhh), a new sensation for me during pregnancy...so hopefully that is a good sign Smile I'm supposed to go back in tomorrow morning to have another quant drawn, so that will tell me what to expect, pretty much. I'm hoping for at leat 6200, since there will be three days between tests and that would make my doubling time 48 hours exactly. I'm not sure if she ordered another progesterone or not, we'll see I guess.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Almost 10 weeks now - 9 wks 4 dys if you go by what I say, 10 wks 1 dy if you go by the doctors. I have thrown up 6 times now with this one, (Along with nausea everyday since 6 weeks) so that is definately a good sign I think. Breasts moderately-occasionally-very sore. So the symptoms are showing more with this one then the others. The last quant I had drawn was at 6 wks 1 dy (My count - 6 wks 6 dys Dr's count) and it came back at 21994, which is a higher number then I have ever had documented.

And then, of course, the fly in the ointment.

My chromosome results came back, bad. I have a pericentric inversion of my chromosome 4. Makes sense with all the miscarriages. I am worried though, because now I am at an increased risk of birth defects/Down Syndrome etc. I did find something online that indicated my risk of having an affected baby was 5-15%....so that is 85-95% chance that I won't. I have an appointment with a genetic specialist the 22nd of this month, and my next OBGYN appointment is the 26th. I've been promised an ultrasound at the OBGYN appointment, I haven't gotten one yet. I'll be 12 weeks or so then.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

So far, so good. Still sick (Thrown up 10 times total now, and have been ill feeling every day since 6 weeks) still tired, and my bbs still ache. Still waiting for my ultrasound! ...and looking at maternity clothes and dopplers online. I've promised myself if the ultrasound is good, I can get a doppler Smile

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Geez I've been bad about updating haven't I? Well no news is good news especially in pregnancy.
I had an NT scan on the 22nd and lo and behold not only was there a baby in there - it was alive, too! A novel experience for me! Smile
Heartbeat was 165 bpm which is good and strong. They were able to hear it on the doppler also, I was 11 wks or so then. I am almost 14 weeks now and of course since I haven't been seen since the 26th of Jan I am worried again that the baby has somehow died in between, although I've had no shortage of symptoms - namely daily vomiting. They offered me meds to stop the nausea but I know without it I would only worry more. It can only last a couple more weeks anyway, right? RIGHT?! I've ordered maternity clothes but they aren't here yet and my normal clothes are getting tight around the belly. Fundus is clearly palpable about midway between bellybutton and pubic bone. Okay, maybe just a little lower then midway...
Well that is all I have for now...

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Well, like I said - no news is good news on this journal. I'm now 30.5 weeks pregnant, with a little girl. We haven't picked out a name yet....we can't agree really. I like Mischa, and he at least doesn't HATE it....
I had an amnio at 17 weeks and not only did I pass my pericentric inversion to her, it caused something called Trisomy X....which is not nearly as frightening as it sounds. Actually, it's so mild and common that the geneticist said if we hadn't had an amnio we never would have guessed anything was 'different' about her. I can live with that. However, she got off easy because my nondisjunction (pericentric inversion) could have caused a lot worse things to happen - so it looks like this will be our only biological child. DH is bummed of course because he wanted a boy but adoption is always an option. At first he wanted to try the PGD in vitro but really.....why spend that much just so you can have a biological child when there are so many kids that need homes? It seems a little selfish to me. Of course, once I showed him the pricelist, lol, he changed his mind! Plus there is no guarentee how many embryo's we'd have to burn through until we got a 'normal' one...or if there would EVER be a normal one.
Gestational diabetes test came back at 97, which is excellent. I have gained about 25-30 pounds so far but have not developed any new stretch marks (Thank you, Jesus!)....a couple of my old ones have turned red again though, but since they were nearly invisible before I have faith that they will fade to that level again. I'll attempt to update on a more frequent basis - I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow so probably after that. (Bonus of the Trisomy X is she gets regular ultrasounds to track her growth, which has been perfect)

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

The ultrasound went okay, they found that one of the vessels in her umbilical cord atrophied or something but she is still growing okay. They are going to do repeat ultrasounds (Next one is July 5th) to make sure she doesn't develop IUGR though...and I guess the two vessel cord (As opposed to three) makes her slightly more prone to being preterm. The ultrasound was at 30.5 weeks and she measured just right and at 3 pounds, 7 ounces already -- that's about 7 ounces bigger then 'average'.
My last OBGYN appointment went well too, with her fundal height finally catching up to her gestational weeks.
I complained about cramping and they checked me, I'm not dialated any but I am effacing slightly. No big deal I guess, just something they are going to keep an eye on. Hopefully those two things will combine and make me go into labor a week early or so!
My mom is pushing for me to hire a doula to be at the hospital with me - she said she will pay for it if I want one so I will probably go ahead and have her with us.
My next OBGYN appointment is July 2nd and after that one they will probably switch to weekly appointments (Or they might wait one more every-two-weeks appointment, I'm not sure) I will be 34.5 weeks then. Well, I don't really have any more news - she moves a lot so I guess she is okay...

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Stupid fundal height is bouncing all around! My last OB appointment they measured at 32cm (Then they got the person who measured last appointment and she got 34.5cm....and then I measured myself at home and got 33.5cm!) Well, she dropped into my pelvis so I guess it is normal for the fundal height to go down a little after that. I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning and they will check her growth then.
I can definately tell that the amniotic fluid is decreasing compared to amount of 'baby' in there - her bony little knees keep sticking out of my stomach and making me look lopsided! I'm curious to see what her wieght measures at tomorrow morning!!

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

They estimated her weight as 5 pounds exactly but said that they can be up to 10% off, so she is anywhere from 4.5-5.5lbs. Her growth is starting to slow down some, probably due to the single artery in her cord. She measured about a week behind what she should have, although she is still within normal ranges.
The doctor said that unless my fundal height goes way off that they don't need to do anymore ultrasounds because I'm 35 weeks now.
(Her weight/growth put her in the 24th percentile - meaning out of a hundred babies she is bigger then 24 of them - and they don't get concerned or talk about induction until she drops below the 10th percentile. Her previous ultrasound she was 38th)
I don't mind having a petite baby anyways, so long as she is healthy and she is! She will most likely be 7 pounds when she is born, give or take a couple ounces.
In other news, I checked my cervix et all when I was in the shower and I can feel her head! (Not her actual head-skin, but a huge hard round thing behind my cervix.) She dropped at 33 wks so it makes sense. My cervix has thinned to about half an inch of really mushy 'lips' (I estimated about 75% effaced) so my body is definately preparing to have this baby! I am still only dilated 1cm at the most, that is kind of generous estimate.
I have my second meeting with the doula we decided on tomorrow at 11, she is bringing some videos of births and I expect those to freak Brandon the hell out. Lol. And we are going to go over my birth plan.
Since I don't have any family here (Besides Brandon, of course) it's really comforting for me to have her for the birth.
Well, that's all the news I have - my next OB appointment is the 16th so we'll have to wait and see how they measure her fundal height then.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

UGH I'm bored here at work. I finally packed my hospital bag but I'm waiting for it to get closer to August to put the car seat in the back of the car, I would feel weird driving around with a empty one!
My OB appointment is tomorrow, I should be put on weekly appointments after this one, I feel like I'm running out of time!
I measured my fundal height and got almost 36cm, which because I am 36 weeks is fine. I'm curious what the doctors/students will measure it at tomorrow.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Ugh, they (Well, one of the residents) measured her fundal height at 33cm. Imfuckingpossible. She cannot have SHRUNK, especially since her dropping was already taken into account for at the last visit.
She checked my dilation and said I was 1cm (Which I knew already) and estimated my effacement to be 25% - which is wrong. I didn't feel like arguing with a student though. Whatever.
They did the GBS swab and it should be back in a week or so. I'm curious about the results because before I gave my pee sample I cleaned every nook and cranny really well with those funny smelling antisceptic wipes they give you for a 'clean catch' ... so I wonder if there was any GBS bacteria if it was all cleaned off ... oh well.
We did the walk through L&D today, it was pretty anti-climatic -- the rooms are pretty bare and smell kind of like a nursing home. It just reinforced my decision to labor at home as long as possible. It wasn't terribly off-putting or anything though.
My next appointment is a week from today - 23rd at 845AM.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

So last night I got up to go to the bathroom and I had a panty-liner on because I had put some primrose oil in – and it looked like I had blown my nose in my underwear…it was greenish-yellow and thick, about a quarter-size amount but thicker then one quarter, maybe like 4-5 stacked on top of each other. Would that be my mucus plug and if so, what does that really mean? There was no blood in it or anything. I didn’t think anything of it really until I read about someone loosing their plug on this pregnancy website and it being green. I HAD thought that it was the oil but….the oil is clear and nowhere near that amount.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

They measured her at 36cm, it was a different older girl so she probably did it right, especially since that;s almost exactly what I got yesterday. Other then that it was a really uneventful visit.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

5 days until my due date! (3 if you use the 9th) My family is getting here tomorrow and his family is coming in on the 11th-18th. Hopefully I will have a baby to show them by then! I took Castor oil last night and through the day (1 tsp every 4 hours) and got regular contractions for awhile, but they have kind of crapped out now. I'm planning on taking 1-2 tablespoons in a shake (I'm tired of the taste!) when I get home from work today, see if that pushes anything along!
We still don't have a name, poor kid, but we have been talking about them more seriously. I'm not really worried because I'm sure she'll be named EVENTUALLY. And if she really hates it, I'll pay the 100$ to have it changed when she's 18. I swear!

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Kaia Elizebeth was born August 8th, 2007. She weighed 5 pounds and 10 ounces and was 18 inches long. This is her birth story...
August 6th 2007 I came home from working a day shift and mixed up a blueberry soyshake - I added four tablespoons of castor oil and was able to drink about half of it before the taste and texture of the oil got to me. I was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant.
Brandon came home at 11PM and I was in bed, restlessly sleeping. I had been having some light contractions but it was nothing serious. I finally drifted off to sleep when he joined me in bed.
The contractions were strong enough to wake me up at around 1:20AM and I heated up a rice pillow in the microwave for my cramps. It worked well since they were still mild but it cooled off quickly and around 2AM I got up to heat it up again and my water broke standing in front of the microwave, it splashed on the floor and I was suprised at how warm it was running down my legs.
I grabbed a towel to soak up the still-gushing amniotic fluid and waddled back to the bedroom to tell Brandon - He seemed underwhelmed and went back to sleep right away.
I called my doula and let her know that my water had broken at 2AM (Which was important because I was GBS positive) and that I would probably be needing her services later that day. She told me to call her back when I could no longer talk through the contractions. Then I got into the bathtub and tried to relax as the contractions increased. By 6AM Brandon was awake and the contractions had increased to where I could talk if I had to, but to where I didn't want to talk. I had Brandon call the doula and she arrived at around 7AM. I was back in the bathtub at that time and the contractions were painful. I was left pretty much alone as they set up the birth pool in the living room. I think that was the worst part of the labor, I remember crying in the bathtub then. Just being alone was awful because this was all new to me. Jen came in and gave me an herbal tincture to help me relax - which tasted terrible and had a strong alcohol base.
She checked my cervix as the pool was filling and told me I was at 2cm. I was a little disapointed because I had already been in labor for 7+ hours and "the book" said a first time mom's labor should be around 12-14 hours.
Once I got into the birth pool I was able to handle the pain better even though the contractions were stronger then they were in the bathtub. I remember the room was dim and Brandon put the concert DVD of Pink Floyd on TV - it was very relaxing and the perfect music to labor to. Time pretty much stood still in the birth pool until my parents arrived sometime in the afternoon. They had been worried that they wouldn't get there in time for the birth since they were driving up from Florida but it turned out that there was no reason to rush after all!
Once my mom was there it was like I had been holding my breath for her to arrive, just a big sigh of relief.
My labor was progressing pretty slowly so a couple of times I got out of the pool and tried walking and squatting to hurry things up but the water was so soothing to me that I desperately wanted back into it after only a couple of minutes.
Around midnight I began to feel a little pressure, which I knew meant that the my cervix was probably close to being fully dilated. Jen checked me and announced I was 9.5-10cm dilated and I could begin pushing when I felt like it. I remember thinking "Oh, the hard part is over now," because everyone said that pushing felt good compared to labor. I waited through a couple of contractions for the urge to push but had to started pushing without it because it never came.
We tried everything - pushing in the pool, out of the pool, on the toilet, on the birth stool, on my side with the doula holding my leg up, on my hands and knees over the birth stool ... nothing was helping me make much progress and I still didn't have any urge to push which made the effort very awkward feeling. Jen checked my dilation again and said she could feel a 'lip' of unripened cervix and she would hold it back while I pushed. I had to get out of the pool for that and it was miserable - it felt like she was pinching inside of me. She had to do it several times before the baby's head made enough progress to hold the lip back by itself. I told her I wanted to get back in the pool but she didn't think that was a good idea because I was not making good progress. I told her "Try and stop me," and got back in. The water was the only thing that kept me sane - I remember thinking it seemed cruel to make someone labor outside of it.
By this time I had been in labor for over 24 hours and I guess I was tired - I didn't FEEL tired but my body completely shut down between contractions. I remember actually dreaming between contractions that came about only every 4 minutes apart. I heard Jen say that if I didn't have the baby by 5AM that they would have to transfer me to the hospital. Mom started force-feeding me Gatorade and bites of fuit and protein bars to keep my strength up - I hadn't had a real meal since before I had gone to bed almost two days ago.
I continued pushing in the water and began to bring her head down - I could feel myself bulging out with each push and that was motivating to me. Jen brought a mirror so I could see her head crowning but the water was murky from the amniotic fluid that had been leaking into it the whole time so I could only see a fuzzy picture. I reached down and felt the quarter-sized patch of wrinkly scalp peeking out. Each push felt like two steps forward, one step back - I could bring her head farther with each one but as soon as I stopped pushing it would slip back in. Each push made my skin burn and it felt like I was tearing up towards my stomach. In between a contraction Jen checked the baby's neck to see if the cord was wrapped around it and for any other complications and she found out that the baby's left fist was up by her ear which explained why my labor was so slow and the lack of a pushing instinct. I felt another contraction coming and decided to just grit my teeth and get it over with, and I was finally able to pop her head out. That is probably the part of my labor and birth that sticks out most to me - I reached down and touched her cheek. I attempted to push the rest of her body at but the contraction had ended and I wasn't able to do it on my own, so for 3-4 minutes we just rested like that, half in and half out. I remember feeling her moving her hand inside of me and it felt so strange. With the final contraction I bore down and pushed her out all in one quick rush. She slid into the pool as I stared in amazement at her swimming in the water. Jen had to prompt me to pick her up, I was so dumbfounded. I reached down and pulled her to my chest. She was so calm and wise looking, she just stared up at me while I stared down at her. She was actually so quiet that they had to rough her up a little bit to get her to cry and clear her lungs completely. She was perfectly pink from the minute she was born and breathing perfectly - she just didn't have anything to cry about! Her Apgar scores were 9, 10 and 10. (The initial 9 was because she wasn't crying)
We waited until the cord stopped pulsing and Jen clamped it and Brandon cut it. I handed the baby to Brandon in a towel and stood up to deliver the placenta, which slid out in a big gush of blood as soon as I stood up. I looked over from delivering the placenta and saw Brandon completely wrapped up in the baby, he looked enthralled - thrilled - totally absorbed with her...which is how we both have been ever since that day.

SaraGriffin's picture
Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 51

Things have been going pretty well with Kaia E. - I'm back at work full time now (Those 6-weeks off FLEW!) and we are breastfeeding exclusively and co-sleeping. It goes with the home water-birth, lol. We have settled into a nice pattern and I don't even feel like she's disturbed my routine in the slightest.
Brandon, who never wanted this child is now her devoted slave and it brings tears to my eyes to see how tender and loving he is with her. Because of his devotion and support we have not had to put her into daycare at all, even with both of us working full-time (Opposing shifts).
I gained a total of 48 pounds and lost 32 in the first two weeks. I now have only 10 pounds left to lose until I am at my prepregnancy weight. Yay for me! Here is a link to pictures of me at 1 & 2 and 3 weeks postpartum:

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/10/first-time-mom-21-anonymous.php

Doesn't my stomach look awesome for having had a baby 3 weeks ago? (Of course, now she is 9 weeks old so it's better then it was - the marks have faded significantly from the red mess they were in that pic!) Anyways I suppose this will be my last post since I'm no longer pregnant!
Brandon - again, who didn't want this baby and was upset when I got pregnant!) is already talking about our next baby though, so maybe I will be back sooner rather then later.
Sara

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