A gift from my Angel Kassandra (m/c ment)

I just found out I was pregnant a few days ago, I'm so very excited but very very scared. 8 m ago I lost my daughter to a severe heart defect, she was 5 days old. I believe this pregnancy if a gift from my little Angel. I'm sure there will be so many ups and downs. I wanna try so hard to stay positive and not to worry. I'm hoping that after my 18w u/s they tell me everything's fine, and things will get easier for me. But I'm still worried about all the other things that could happen, the things that didn't happen to us, but what has happened to other bereaved parent. I know the chances are slim, but look at the chances of what happened to Kassandra.

http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=433328
here is my "Missing my sweet little Kassandra", journal

http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=508497
here was my "TTC after loosing Kassandra" journal

This baby's EDD is May 4th 2007, I'm praying for a healthy pregnancy.

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Fetal development in pregnancy week 4:

By the end of this week, the round and pointy ends of your little pear-shaped baby are slightly more exaggerated and their body looks more like that of a miniature manatee. And although their tiny head and face aren’t particularly human looking without any eyes, ears or mouth, the earliest developments of what will become the larynx, internal ear, and eye lens are already forming—although you’d have to be a trained expert to recognize them for what they’re going to be in the future. Likewise, tiny bumps are forming on your little embryo which will eventually be their cute little arms, elbows, fingers, legs, knees and toes. What’s more your little swimmer will have a teeny tiny tail by the end of this week (but don’t worry, it’s just the end of their developing spinal cord)! A microscopic photo might even reveal what seem to be vertebrae, filling out the spine and tail. Although they aren’t bones yet, but rather, the “bone seeds” that will give rise to the vertebrae, ribs and sternum.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v5...baby/week4.png
embryo in first month

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I remember having cramping with Kassandra, but don't remember if it was this bad. I had no cramping with Nick. The cramps come and go. They aren't absolutely horrible, but they feel weired like AF is going to show up any min. Also I've been having back pains, and I NEVER had that with eaither of my kids in the 1st trimester. There's been no spotting. My 1st appt is next tuesday.

I'm sure its fine but I'm totally freaking myself out. I know I can't do that to myself, but I can't help but to worry. :cry :cry This pregnancy is scaring me. I guess I never thought I'd be this worried. Maybe I should have waited, until Jan. But I'm sure I'd probably be worried then too.

I'm just so confused. I so badly want a happy pregnancy like I had with Nick, I want to enjoy it, and not worry thinking that this could could be my last moment pregnant. Will it ever get better?

Thanks for listing, I just really needed to get it all out. I know if I hold these feelings in they will build up and stress me out more.

I'm feeling a bit better, they seem to come in waves. I went back into my journal from Kassandra's pregnancy and I had bad cramping with her. So I'm praying all will be well.

Tomorrow is my 1st prenatal appt.

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Fetal development in pregnancy week 5:

The changes to your growing embryo are not quite as drastic this week as they've been in the last weeks. Growth is now focused on their little head, which is starting to develop much more rapidly than the rest of their tiny body. This is because their amazing brain is undergoing some very crucial and rapid development in order to effectively regulate their heart rate, blood circulation, and other vital functions. As for the rest of their miniature body, what were simple limb buds last week are limb flippers this week and the tail is more expressed. Amazingly, within a mere five weeks your little miracle is already developing the rudimentary forms of their liver, pancreas, lungs, stomach and nasal pits while their little heart is already increasing its circulation. Your baby is now a whopping 4-6mm in length.

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sorry I meant to update on my appt, but so much has been going on(DH birthday and working on the new house, packing). It was a very long appt, then I ended up having to go back up there for more bloodwork. Everything seems to be fine. My uterus is retroflexed again and thats whats causing the cramping. Since I'm pregnant its going to start working its way back to were it should be. We talked for a long time about a ton of stuff. My appt was at least and hour long and about 45min of that was with my MW. She said If I have any queastions I can still call her anytime. She has been my MW for all of my pregnancies and I've had her home and cell # since I got preggo with Nick. She said that since I've done vaginal before I may be able to do a VBAC, but it depends on how the pregnancy goes and what we choose to do personally. I just don't know yet, especially since our hosp is really small. And I've always heard that a VBAC is usually only allowed 2y after a C-sec.

I am having an U/S on my next appt with her OCT 3 to look for the heartbeat and movement (basically for a sneak peak with her to calm my nerves). I also am having a transvagainal US on the 11 to look at specific placement, and to measure the growth. At 16w I'll have one with her again (hopefully) and then a level 2 professional one done around that time possibly 18-20w, depending on how big the baby is. We'll have a heart echo later on when it gets big enough, and one last one right before we decide how to deliver. She's going to keep a very good eye on the growth of this baby. We are hoping and praying for a healthy one.

I got loaded up with a diaper bag, and TONS of reading materials and magazine's. (about 20!!!) and some misc fee stuff.

ETA When we found out we were preggo they said the EDD was May 4th, this time they said May 7th but according to all the online calculators its May 6th, also the dial a DD that they gave me says the 6th so thats what I'm going with!

ETAA, The beginning part of my appt was very hard. You know the part where they drill you with questions regarding family history and past pregnancy's. I had to answer a ton of queastions regarding Kassandra birth and death. It hurt so bad. It sucked majority. I have the same MW and Nurse, its a small clinic so they knew everything. Kassandra's medical records were placed in my file, so they could have looked in there.

Here's some tickers I made, I just cannot decide what to use.
http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev125pf___.png

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev125prs__.png

http://www.tickercentral.com/view/5qd4/7.png

http://bd.lilypie.com/j9Aqm5.png

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt.../9d8e/preg.png</a>

http://www.babysfirstsite.org/newtic...0.birthdue.png

http://www.snugglepie.com/ezb/624426.png

http://sheknows.com/pregnancy/ticker...78434800-0.png

http://www.thepregnancyplace.com/tic...mages/3405.png

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Fetal development in pregnancy week 6:
A lot is going on with your little embryo this week! Their brain is still growing remarkably fast; miniature hand plates are starting to develop and the early formations of their individual fingers are visible. The lower limbs do not develop quite as fast, so they’re pretty much still flippers. Up until this point, your baby has been very curled up with the head and tail in close proximity, but this week their trunk and neck are beginning to grow and straighten as their tail recedes into its resting position in the back. Even though your little miracle is only 6 weeks old, they’re already demonstrating reflex responses to touch!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v5...baby/week6.pngFetus in 2nd month

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I get these updates from baby gaga, they are really neat. Its nice to see how the baby is developing

Today Nick decided he was going to kiss the baby (he used to do that with Kassandra too) he kept saying "kiss the baby, I kiss baby" then he goes "Sophie, yea kiss baby Sophie"

It was so cute!!! I think that is a nice name, but I'm not sure I'd want to name it that. I'm pretty sure he got it off Go, Baby Go on Disney.

The other day we asked him if he wanted a baby sister or a brother, he said both!

I'm worried he's going to get to attached to this baby, what if something goes wrong. Maybe I should have waited to tell him. He had a really hard time after Kassandra died, he was always pushing on my belly and wondering around the house looking and asking for his "baby Kassie" What if I M/C what if something goes wrong. I don't want him growing up thinking all babies die.

I'm probably going to jinx myself writing this but, I haven't had any morning sickness at all! I don't feel pregnant. Those cramps went away last week. I was a bit worried about the 0 pregnancy signs, but now I'm OK knowing that others have noticed the same thing. Its just really weired for me to be pregnant and feel fine. With my other pregnancies I got sick before I even tested!! And with Kassandra I got severely sick, I even had to be rehydrated with IV once.

All of our close friends and family know now. We just couldn't keep our mouths shut! We're so excited about this baby.

I really pray nothing goes wrong with this pregnancy because If it doesn't work out Andy says he won't have anymore kids if the baby doesn't make it. I also don't think I could handle loosing another one.

Quote:

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Fetal development in pregnancy week 7
Your baby is really beginning to develop more physical definition this week – their oversized head isn’t just large and oblong anymore, it’s actually a little bit pointy. The tiny receding tail bud is now starting to be overshadowed by the growth of their legs, which are now complete with knees and the beginnings of toes. Their eyes and ears are the most visible features on the head and miniature bones are starting to harden throughout their body. You also have some variation on a boy or a girl at this point although their genitals won’t be visible enough to determine which color cigars you’re going to buy until around the 16th week.

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I've been thinking and wondering if were having a girl or boy. Originally I wanted a girl really bad maybe I just wanted my daughter back. But Now I don't care as long as it's healthy and arrives safely. I know this one isn't her and it will never replace her. I just wonder if it will be a girl or a boy. I guess I'm a planner, I love to get things ready way in advance.

The Chinese lunar calender says I'm having a girl, and it was right for Nick and Kassie, my friends boy and girl and my sisters son. We'll have to see if it holds up for this one.

http://www.holodeck.com/pregnancy/chinese-cal.html


I got my 1st bout of morning sickness! I was excited because I really feel pregnant now! I just pray it doesnt get to severe like it did with Kassandra. I had troubles keeping anything down.

Things are getting really busy around here. Were getting ready to move. everything but the kitchen, some toiletries and our clothes are packed now. Andy's was really busy on Saturday working on the new place. it looks as if the house isn't going to be completely ready when we have to move. At least the major stuff will be done!