Been a good week up until today. No nausea, getting my energy back. Then at 5 am this morning the round ligament pains started and I've been having them since (going on 8 hours now). Damn! They're sore.
And I keep nodding off at my desk. Like seriously falling asleep. I know I went to be later than usual last night but I haven't felt this exhausted since the first pregnancy I just want to go home.
But on the flip side when I am awake I feel wired. I don't know if it's because I'm reducing my medication dose or if there is some other reason. I hope I can adjust easily to this new low dose. If I can then there is a chance that I could get all the way off the meds and will be able to BF
Told the extended families and some more friends this week. Still no announcement on FB tho.
We had a dinner with 3 couple friends of ours last night. It's this supper club thing we joined about 18 months ago. It's been on hold for 6 months or so because one of the ladies was sent to Paris for work for six months and last night was the first one since she got back. It was so great to see everyone again and even more amazing is the fact that E&J are also preggo!!! And J is only 2 weeks behind me. It's so cool to have a real-life birth buddy. I hope she wants to spend time with me to talk pregnancy and babies and stuff. I miss having more real-life friends. Especially ones that are more in the same phase of life as me. Our other friends here are only just getting married, or are not interested in kids yet. Makes me feel even more of an outsider.
and now it seems like there's an issue with my work visa. And I totally screwed up on that and it looks like it will lapse again before I get the new one. My boss is going to be so mad!! Especially since I'm only giving him a few days notice before I'm not allowed to work again Not entirely my fault tho, I only got the notice about the issue on Thursday myself. And it expires on 7/6. I'm really worried about it this time because first they asked me to get finger-printed which hasn't happened before in the 2 other renewals I've been through, and now they want "further evidence" to support my application. And also they're doing deeper investigations regarding our resident visas. So much stress I don't know how good our chances are that we will get our visa's renewed in October. And then what do I do? I will be too big to fly
So yesterday I had my monthly check up with the doc and everything looks good. Heard the heartbeat through his horribly crackly doppler machine. I did a short recording so I can listen to it every day now Then he started to do another u/s before the nurse told him my insurance wont cover it so I got to see Squishy for a second. Saw the spine clearly and Squishy was almost standing up right and making these spastic little movements. He asked me if I wanted to find out the gender quickly but I told him not with out DH so we're only going to find out at the 20 week scan. He didn't draw blood for the Quad Test because according to his EDD (12/23) I was only 15 weeks yesterday and he didn't want to risk the test being invalid so I'm going tomorrow morning just for the blood.
I'm feeling good this last week. Nausea is totally gone and my energy is coming back steadily. Unfortunately I'm battling with sinusitus so I've had a constant headache for the last few weeks. Belly popped even more over night on Monday. I'm really looking preggy now and it feels so good
Oh yes, and I put on 7 lbs over the last month
So looking forward to our vacation and the wedding this weekend.
Oh yes! I got the official notice about my work visa and it turns out they never received the first set of documents I mailed off when I submitted the application online. So it's not anything out of the ordinary that is holding it up; just darn annoying. So I sent off a new set today and hopefully this will fix everything.
Aaaaaand it seems like the emotional rollercoaster has started for me
So last night DH & I were at our counselling session and we got into an argument about my studying methods/motivation (or lack thereof) and I started bawling. I didn't think anything of it then because I honestly felt hurt by some things he said.
Then this afternoon I made a little girl cry and that made me cry! I was taking Furbaby out for her afternoon walk and as we were leaving the elevator after it opened at the lobby this little girl came tearing into it on her scooter before we had a change to get out. She was about to run over/into Cassie so I half-shouted "Watch It!" and then she burst into tears.
And then when I got home I burst into tears. And now my face is all blotchy.
I'm having a down day today. My senior manager said I'm not allowed to "help out" at work while my work visa is pending so now I am unemployed until further notice. Now I'm feeling very spare at home. DH says I should start studying but there's the other problem.
I don't know if I want to carry on. It seems stupid to quit now, I only have 4 subjects left to pass. The problem is that I have failed them once already. And the thought of studying another 6 months to write in October when I will be 6-7 months preggo just does nothing as a motivation. But if I think about it from the other side: the side where I have been working at this since Aug 2006 and have got this far it seems really idiotic to throw in the towel now. And I hate to think that DH will think of me as a quitter and will resent me for having less ambition than he thinks I should.
My ambition is different to his, not less. My ambition is to be a great mom and wife. I don't necessarily want a fancy job that has long hours and huge stress even if it pays well. I know we won't be able to afford the lifestyle we have now, or live in the same area or such a fancy apt building but I can deal with that. He can't. And yet he's putting all this pressure on me to get my degree and get a higher paying job. I don't like that pressure because I feel like I have huge responsibilities as it is because of his condition. I don't want to add more, over and above those that come with the baby.
It's not even 9am yet and I feel so depressed about the coming weeks. Nothing to do with the pregnancy - that is still amazing. It's this whole work visa situation. I realised yesterday that I didn't include a set of passport photos in the document package I sent because I'd already sent them in the original package. But seeing as they did not get the original package I'm assuming they didn't get my photos either. Now I'm stressing that the lack of photos will destroy my chance of getting a renewal now. And then we will have to get the lawyers involved and pay $500 just for them to do what I should have been able to do myself. AND it will then be an additional 60-90 days before I get my work visa, if I get it at all. And by that stage I will be near to EDD and might as well not work.
Life Sucks right now.
And as if that's not enough I got forced into re-registering last night because I found out that the registration period closes on 7/19 and DH guilt-tripped me into trying again.
And I woke up feeling horribly nauseous because I didn't eat properly yesterday
I'm going to climb into bed again and hopefully the day will look better when I wake up (barring the fact that the apt looks like it's been ransacked)
I'm feeling really crappy today. Not pregnancy related. All stress at home.
DH & I had a huge fight last night and even though he apologised this morning for fighting last night he hasn't specifically apologised for all the mean things he said and so I feel horrible today. "Kak" (pronouced "kuck") is the South African word for it.
I'm feeling like he's blaming me for my work visa being delayed and expiring. And he definitely blames me for failing my exams. He totally believes that I didn't work hard enough at them. He doesn't understand how hard it is for me to work full time AND study AND look after the dog and him AND try and keep the apartment in a liveable (if not respectable) state. He seems to expect me to be able to devote every free second to studying without giving my brain a break. And that was all BEFORE I got pregnant. Now I have that to contend with too.
So him telling me that he is disappointed in me all the time is not helping me keep motivated to study and it is not helping my self-esteem at all. I don't even know why I am putting myself thru it all any more, other than to try and avoid him having a lower opinion of me.
Ek is so blerrie gatvol van die hele ding ek wil net SKREE!!!
All I want to do now is sleep. That is my very unproductive stress coping mechanism. Which is obviously not going to increase his opinion of me when I am at home all day and nothing gets done in the house.
It was 2 little kick-type movements in the same place, just to the left of my belly button. My normal digestive "activity" usually moves from side to side. I'm not 100% sure because I think Squishy shouldn't be that high in my belly yet but it's a nice thought
So I'm a little more sure that I'm feeling Squishy move. I felt similar sensations the last couple nights although much softer than on Thursday. I tried shining a light onto my belly to see if that would incite more movement but I think the beam was too narrow and Squishy is still too small because I didn't feel anything.
I had such trouble waking up this morning! I just can't seem to get my light off before 12.30am. And then when I did eventually haul myself out of bed I was so nauseous. Urgh. I don't want that to start again. I might have overdone it a little yesterday with all the paperwork filing. Weird how paperwork filling is worse on my body than cleaning out the pantry cupboard was.
I think the Doc's EDD of 12/23 is more accurate than my EDD by LMP of 12/19 because the belly seems to grow over night on a Sunday. I am definitely bigger this morning than I have been any other morning and I'm usually pretty small first thing in the morning.