Happy and Hopeful - first pregnancy
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  1. #1
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    Default Happy and Hopeful - first pregnancy

    I've gotten used to posting in my TTC journal, so I figured it would be worthwhile to start up a pregnancy journal now that I've gotten my BFP! My TTC journal is here for anyone interested:

    http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=447916

    Some background - I am 30 and my DH is 35. We've been married for 6 months, and this is the first pregnancy for both of us. I just came off birth control pills in January. My first cycle off the pills was really long and I thought I might be pregnant because I was so late - but Mother Nature was just playing tricks.

    My second cycle, however, was a different story. It was shaping up to be another long one. By this time I was charting and I didn't ovulate until CD 24. I had given up on OPK's by that point (I had started using them at CD 14 and after about 8 days of negatives I said forget it!). It ended up that my DH and I bd'd two days before my ovulation as well as the day after. Not optimal, but not too bad either. My main concern was that I had no fertile cm around ovulation.

    But apparently, it didn't matter. I tested at 10 DPO and got a BFP!



    So at this point, I am 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Very early on, so my DH and I are trying to be "cautiously optimistic" as we like to say. I've told my parents and sister, while we plan on telling his family when I am closer to six weeks.

    I have no symptoms at all, but am suffering the worst cold I've had in years. (Figures, now that I can't take any medicine!) I'm terrified I'm going to sneeze or cough too hard and ruin everything, even though I know that can't happen. It's funny how many things you start worrying about once you get pregnant!

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    Well, after a sick day off from work yesterday I am finally starting to see a light at the end of this tunnel. I can't believe how bad this cold has been! I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant but this cold has knocked me flat on my butt.

    I'm having absolutely no pregnancy symptoms other than some mild uterine sensations. I've had tweaks and twinges in that area since 8 DPO, but even those are starting to ease off. I'm trying not to panic, but I'm worried that I should be having some signs of pregnancy.

    My doctor didn't do bloodwork to confirm my pregnancy when I saw him Monday, as they only do it if there is any question the patient is pregnant. I had 5 positive hpt's on the weekend so my doctor didn't see the need for bloodwork. I won't see him again until I'm 6 weeks, and I'm guessing he'll do bloodwork then. If not, I'm going to make him do it anyway! Maybe I'll have some symptoms by then.

    I can't believe I'm actually wishing I was puking.

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    The things you don't know until you actually get pregnant....

    For instance, did you know about early pregnancy gingivitis? My gums have been sensitive for the last week or so, which I chalked up to my cold. I had an appointment for a dental cleaning yesterday and the hygienist informed me it was actually early pregnancy gingivitis! The cleaning was awful, my gums were so sore. She decided not to do the polishing because my gums were reacting so strongly to the scaling.

    I had never heard of this before. I guess I can chalk this up as one of my first pregnancy symptoms!

    I'm not having twinges in my uterus anymore. I've been feeling really bloated lately, but high up in my stomach instead of low in my abdomen which is where I usually bloat. I'm a "tad" overweight so my lower abdomen already looks 5 months along. It's weird to see my stomach pooching out too.

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    So this continues to be one big learning experience for me. I guess I was a bit misled by stories of women who "glow" during their pregnancies. I certainly do NOT fall into that category! Oily hair, acne....yup, I'm just looking great these days!

    But on the plus side, the never-ending cold is finally gone. I'm still a little stuffy but I can live with that. The bloating is gone too, so I can actually close my pants again.

    My MIL is visiting this weekend and we're going to give her the big news then. I think she's going to be excited about it (she's normally very uptight but she might crack a smile over this news).

    We also get to tell her that DH is being promoted and posted this summer (he's military). We have no idea at this point where we'll be moving or when we'll have to go. It will probably be July, which means I'll be almost 5 months along. I'm scared to death that I won't be able to find a doctor in our new location. It's very stressful so I'm trying not to think about it until we find out where we are going.

    Anyway, at this point I am just anxiously awaiting next week's appointment with my doctor. Time seems to be going so slowly lately! Waiting for the appt, waiting to hear where we're moving....aaarrrgh!

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    Remember when I said that I thought my MIL would be at least a little bit excited over the news of our pregnancy? Yeah, not so much.

    She arrived yesterday evening and was pretty tired from her long flight, but wanted to stay up for a while and chat with us. We told her about DH's promotion first, and they spent about 15 minutes talking about where he might get posted. (She has been praying he'll get posted close to her - he's her favorite child and she makes no secret of this.)

    So then she wandered into the kitchen to make herself another snack. She was rooting though the fridge when we told her I was pregnant - she didn't even take her head out of the fridge!!! She said (from within the fridge), "Oh, really?" She finished getting what she wanted then turned to me and said, "I hope you can manage to provide me with a granddaughter." WTF?!?!?

    Then she asked when I was due, and I told her January 1. She made a comment about how that would be "inconvenient" due to the Christmas holidays. Yeah, don't worry lady, it's not like I want you anywhere near me when I give birth anyway.

    And that was it. She didn't ask how I was feeling or anything. And can I point out that this woman used to be a MIDWIFE? She must know that I'm probably anxious and have a million questions. But no, she simply turned back to DH and started talking about his posting again. They talked about that (and nothing else) for the next hour. I excused myself and went up to bed.

    DH asked this morning if something was bothering me and I said I was disappointed that she hadn't been more excited. He said she was excited, just too tired to talk about it. I said bull****, she wasn't too tired to talk about your posting for an hour. Rather than get into it with him, I just said I didn't care and then I left for work.

    Rotten old bag. I am feeling some serious dislike for that woman right now. I feel like telling her to go stay in a hotel for the weekend.

    I'm wishing I had some fierce morning sickness so I could just stay in bed all weekend and have nothing to do with her.

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    Well, I survived the weekend with my MIL. Barely, mind you, but I did survive!

    We ended up finding out where DH is being posted. He had two choices - one was much closer to his family (so of course his mom wanted him to pick that one) and one that is in the same city as my sister but no closer to his family than he is now. Obviously, I was rooting for the city my sister is in! We had a long talk and he decided to go for the city my sister is in (not just because I'd have family there, there were lots of other deciding factors as well). Needless to say, his mom was NOT impressed. Just one more reason for her not to like me, I guess.

    Well, I think the morning sickness has kicked in. I had some mild nausea a week ago but it went away. It came back this weekend and it's still here. It seems to hit whenever I start to get hungry, so as a result I've been eating much more often to keep from getting sick. At this rate, I'll be gaining quite a bit with this pregnancy! I'm already having to use safety pins to close my pants.

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    I am so depressed right now. I just don't feel like I'm coping with this whole pregnancy thing very well. I've read posts from other women who are so much more sick than I am, or who already have young children to take care of while they are pregnant, and I think that I must be the biggest loser for not being able to cope better.

    I have a lot of nausea now, and it is 24/7. I haven't actually vomited yet, so I feel stupid for being whiny about morning sickness when it could be so much worse. And I am so freakin' tired I could cry. People at work are definitely starting to think there's something wrong with me because I'm making a lot of stupid mistakes from being so darn tired. I try to reassure myself that this will probably only last the first trimester, but that seems like such a long time right now.

    And the big problem is, I should be so happy that I'm feeling this way! So many women would gladly go through some nausea and exhaustion just for the chance to have a baby. So why can't I suck it up??

    I haven't really allowed myself to think far ahead in this pregnancy because a large part of me is still worried that something might go wrong during the first trimester. So I haven't been thinking about whether it's a boy or a girl, or what I want my nursery to look like, or when I'll buy maternity clothes....

    Maybe that's the problem. I'm so wrapped up in what's going on with the pregnancy right now (sickness and exhaustion) and I'm not allowing any potentially positive pregnancy thoughts enter my mind.

    The guilt I feel for not being happier about being pregnant is killing me. But I'm not ready to fully embrace the idea that this is definitely going to work out and I'm going to be a mommy - if something were to go wrong, I'd be devastated. I'm not sure exactly why I'm so certain something might go wrong.

    I am counting the minutes in this trimester and can't wait for it to end. Maybe then I'll allow myself to enjoy this pregnancy more.

    Sorry for the depressing post....

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    OK, so I am trying my best to suck it up and make it through this sickness. The vomiting began within hours of my last post, and that certainly hasn't made me feel any better. I'm desperately trying to find something to nibble on that would keep the nausea at bay, but not much luck so far.

    DH has been absolutely wonderful through all of this. I've been a miserable person to live with lately but he's still doing his best to support me. I keep waiting for him to get sick of having to do everything around the house while I just lie around and whine. But for the life of me I can't keep the nauseau in check long enough to get anything done.

    Still counting the minutes until 12 weeks, hoping and praying that the sickness doesn't go beyond then!

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