I'm 21 years old and have been married since 2 days before my 20th birthday (June 2005). My husband and I decided we wanted to start a family this past summer...so, we started trying in July. And I think I must be the queen of fertility because we found out in early august that I was el prego! We were so excited. My husband honestly couldn't contain himself, he decided we had to drive to our parents house and tell them THAT NIGHT. I was only five weeks.
I had no sickness at all, only my boobs hurt like crazy and I had to pee like every five minutes. And I was exhausted. But I was really anxious because I was reading in a pregnancy book and it said those who don't have morning sickness are more likely to miscarry. And I felt fine. So here I am stressing and stressing...then my boobs don't hurt anymore....and then at seven weeks I started bleeding. I was nervous because I ddin't really know what the difference between spotting and just plain old bleeding was....so I went into the clinic the next day...still bleeding...even heavier...and the doctor said I had a miscarriage. The next three days were just a nightmare...in and out of the hospital, ultrasounds, numerous internal examinations....I was spent, emotionally and physically.
So that was the end of our first attempt. We were very sad. I didn't think it would be so bad, I mean, we'd only known for two weeks...but it was like you have this precious little secret inside of you...and then it's gone.
So. We gave it a rest for a while. My doctor said to wait three months (but a doctor at the hospital said to start trying again when ever the heck I wanted) so we met them halfways and started trying again in October. This time I knew before I even took a preg test. My boobs hurt, I had to pee all the time....hooray! The queen of fertility strikes again! I just found out two days ago for sure, and here I am five weeks again!
I don't want to stress myself out again. I think the mistake I made last time was reading too many books and freaking myself out. All I did was think about all the things that could go wrong....and then they did. This time I am determined to play it cool. Because I really want to keep this one.
I have such an overwhelming desire for a child. Everytime I see someone with a baby, or a see a woman with a big beautiful belly, I just want to grab it and keep it for myself (without somehow depriving this other woman of her child...ha) I know it will be hard, and I will have to grow up immensely...but I want it. I feel like praying "God, please let me keep this one. I know it's only in between the size of a grain of sand and a grain of rice, but I love it. Could I please keep it?"
I think I will just make my first appointment at 8 weeks be my goal. If I can make it til then, that will be an improvement. Last time I made it to seven. Here we go! Wish me luck!
Here we go again...