January: Lost Kamdyn, tried to conceive
February: BFN, period, ttc
March: BFN, period, ttc
- After my period I felt really good about things. I thought... THIS is the 'month'. I am going to get pregnant this time. I charted and had perfect timing for everything and my temps were seeming good. I thought... Yep I'm going to get pregnant. I ovulated on March 28.
April: Still feeling good about being pregnant but getting nervous because AF was going to be due on the 11th. I tested on 10dpo (april 7th) and it was a BFN. I was soooo bummed. I felt defeated and then... Again, I couldn't help but feel like "I'm pregnant!" I didn't want to have hope, I didn't want to be let down. I shared my chart with some of the P.O ladies and they agreed that I should test at 12dpo (today)
Some symptoms I've had:
headaches daily since 5dpo
light nausea since 7dpo
increase appetite since 10dpo
feeling like i'm starving in the AM at 9dpo
Dizzy in shower on 9dpo
irritable and bloated on 10dpo
decreased sex drive since 5dpo
craving chocolate since 10dpo
(I LOVE fertilityfriend.com!)
April 9th, 2013
I got a BFP this morning at 6:00 AM. I was sooooo excited. I AM so excited. As soon as I could in the morning I called B4 Babies to set up an appointment to get medicaid (I don't have health insurance). Shortly after I called my OB because I know that this pregnancy is higher risk and I wanted to make sure I am not top of things. When the nurse got the chance to talk to the Dr she called me back and told me they want me to go get some blood work to check my HCG levels and to go in this morning and then I would need to go again on Thursday. So I went in and go blood work. I am sooo nervous. They want to make sure the pregnancy is progressing as it should already. After they get the results they are going to call me and we will set up an appointment and get an u/s done. It is so exciting and terrifying at the same time. I don't think I can bear to loose this baby. I haven't been trying long and I know it happened faster than it does for a lot of women... But a lot of women don't loose their baby at 20 weeks. I know a lot of women m/c and I don't want to be one of those women. I have had one previous m/c aside from the s/b. I actually m/c the day I was due to have AF. I hope that doesn't happen this time. I hope i have a HH9M.
I am looking forward to this journey of pregnancy. I pray for my baby. I love that I'm given this chance to even have "it" for whatever amount I get him/her.
So.. I called the Dr. office this morning to ask to pick up a pregnancy verification to take to B4 Babies tomorrow. I figured I would ask for the result of my blood work for my beta HCG levels. She said it was 37. She also said it is pretty low, still pretty early, but when I take the test tomorrow we will know more. Last night (well more like this morning after I woke up at 6) I had a dream that I miscarried. Granted the rest of the dream made no sense but STILL! I was super stressed and at the mall and went to the bathroom and wiped and there was bright red blood. I am so extremely worried. I want this baby so bad. I know that I should relax because the stress isn't good but it is so hard. Tomorrow is my birthday and if those numbers come back poor I am going to be absolutely depressed. Please (for those reading) Please please please pray for me. I know that God will have His way no matter what but please pray that He'll let me have a healthy baby and if He decides now isn't the time, please pray that I'll have strength and comfort. Sorry for the religious spurt but I just know how much I had to lean on Him when I lost Kamdyn.
I didn't update last night so I'm going to update now for yesterday.
When I went to pick up my pregnancy verification for today B4 Babies meeting I talked to the nurse about my "37." She said it's reaally low, like early, like I shouldn't have missed my period yet. WHICH I HAVEN'T! SO that's good news. I went and picked up a FRER though and decided I would try and POAS in the afternoon. I figured if my numbers are increasing it's likely to show in the afternoon without a FMU. So I after lunch I went to my cousins and POAS. As soon as the urine hit the "pregnant line" I immediately saw the line. It ended up being darker than the 12dpo line after just a minute.
I am soooo very excited. But of course I'm still nervous. Today's my birthday and I know the results are gonna make it or break it. I am going to shower shortly and get read and then go pick up my son from his dads house. After I get him I'm going to go the pavillion and get my blood work done. And then I have to wait for a while. I think I'll call the Dr. office before I go to my B4 Babies meeting at 3. (It's currently 7:13 am). I think I'm going to be ok though. I think I feel good about it. My cousin said she feels good about it. So I guess that's good. And so does Patrick.
So I got my blood drawn this morning and got home at about 11 (it was almost exactly 48 hours). Just a bit ago around 1 ish, Rindy the nurse from my Dr. office called and said that the numbers are fine and that we can get up an ultrasound appointment. We set the appointment up for May 1. I could have gone in on April 30th but Patrick wouldn't have been able to go because he'd still be at work so I said on the 1st. She didn't automatically tell me the number so I decided to ask before we got off the phone. She was like, "You don't want to know, you might panic." She then told me that it was 148. 37 to 148 in 48 hours... QUADRUPLED. WOAH! I was surprised. I was like, "isn't it supposed to double? So that's a huge increase." She said not to worry though because a woman just recently had the same type of thing and by the time they got to the ultrasound it was just one. That's when it kinda hit me... Wait?! It could be twins??! Woah.
It's weird because:
1) When I was pregnant with Kamdyn, Patrick was set on that it was twins at first.
2) I had a dream last month that I had twins.
3) One of the first things my dad said when I told him I am pregnant again was... He was asking if I was taking folic acid. I said of course they are in my prenatals and I haven't stopped taking them, the Dr. told me not to if I wanted to get preggers again. And he said something about how folic acid makes it more likely for women to have twins... WHAAAA??
So seee.. kinda weird. But anyway. it might not be... I would be happy either way! It's pretty crazy to me though.
I'm so happy that the number so so high. I am happy to be pregnant and that it seems healthy thus far.
Yesterday I went swimsuit shopping and Patrick brought up a good point... We don't know how big I'll get by when.. And pregnancy lasts quite a bit of time... So we decided to buy a maternity swimsuit. It fits fine now and should be perfect when I get big/bigger. It's super cute.
This is the stock photo of it at MM. I really like it.
The last few days while saying my prayers I can't stop referring to this pregnancy as more than one. It makes me wonder if this truly is more than one baby. I also had another dream that I had twins. I guess we'll see. I'm so anxious for my ultrasound. It feels like it cannot go by fast enough. I know I need to focus on my studies and other important things but I can't seem to. All I want to focus on is being pregnant!! I needa get my butt in gear though. Finals are coming up just before mid-May! :EEK: I need to study and focus.
So, can I just say that this pregnancy is already intense. I am nauseous quite a bit and extremely fatigued. I kinda just want to sleep all day and I have to make sure I eat pretty regularly or my tummy feels upset. I am SO HAPPY to feel those things though. I never thought I would feel/say that but it is true, true, true. I am so very happy that I have this pregnancy and I just pray that it will go well.
DH and I were talking about names this morning. I'm really quite excited. I know it's super early to look at names but it took quite a while to decide on a name for Kamdyn. Hubby and I have a hard time agreeing on names. I'll post the finals sometime in the future.
Anyway, I think I might nap now. I'm plain exhausted.
Some symptoms I've been feeling- BLOATED (my pants were killing my stomach yesterday), my boobs are *slightly* sore, I feel nauseous if I haven't eaten within a few hours, headaches still, mood swings, and low energy. And I sometimes cramp slightly.
I haven't been sleeping too great. I feel exhausted yet I can't stay asleep. Last night I had a dream something was wrong in my pregnancy. It was awful. I don't know Most the time I have good dreams. I've had a few dreams of having twins but not last night.
I found a HPT under my sink yesterday so I decided to take it this morning. It wasn't FMU but the line showed up so light I think it's an older test and it is a cheap-o brand but I'm pretty freaked out now. I sent a pic of it to DH and he said not to worry.
I'm in a grouchy mood today. I have so much to do (clean house, grocery shopping, pay 2 bills, Riley's hair cut, my hair cut (maybe...), HOMEWORK. But I'm just having a hard time doing anything. I've officially been off my medications for 2 nights. I weaned for a week and now I'm off. My doctor thinks its better for me to be off them if I **CAN** be. So I'm trying again. Hopefully it goes ok. If I'm touchy fine... but if I get super depressed I just can do it. I'm nervous about everything. I just don't want to hurt the baby in ANY WAY. and I will do anything to prevent hurting him/her/them. Plus I REALLY want to b/f so I need to figure out a way to do that... Either antidepressants or nothing. but I can't be on my BPD medication.
So update from yesterday. I posted the picture on here and thank goodness the girls pointed out that I'm reading it wrong! HAHA. I think pregnancy brain has set in! The faint line was the control line and the DARK line was the pregnancy line HAHA. Oops. I felt wayyyy better when I realized what they were saying. Anyway, two weeks until my ultrasound. I'm SO ANXIOUS. I want it to be May 1st already! I'm ready to make sure my little bean has a heartbeat and to see if there is only one. I weighed myself a few days ago. 115 lb. Yesterday: 118 lb. I'm sure it's just bloat. And I've kinda been eating more I think. I am just waiting for m/s to get so bad that I'll hardly be able to eat, that's what happened both times previously. I think I might start my belly pictures tomorrow. I know it's early but that way I can track it better than I did with Kamdyn. I had until 8 weeks with Kamdyn and then 19 weeks I think. I did terrible. I WILL do better this time. Anyway, I'm going to continue with my day.
Ultrasound on May 1st. Baby looked healthy. I could see the heartbeat which was a relief.
Symptoms are crazy. I feel suuuuper sick. Week 9 has been the worst so far and I'm only 2 days into it. My next appt is June 5th. I am so nervous/excited. I have to get blood work done before then to get blood type, Rh factor and other. At my next appt we will be talking about seeing the perinatal doctor. I will probably have an ultrasound a couple days-week later. Very nervous/excited for that as well.
I don't seem to want anything to eat. Everything makes me feel sickly and before i eat it it sounds terrible. So I am having a hard time. i know I'm not getting enough water... It's hard... I gotta work on it. I've tired to use my anti-nausea meds but they aren't working anymore bummer.
Emotions are still pretty high. I went to my support group. They suggested going to see someone weekly. So I think I'm going to do that. I had total word vomit there and just bawled a ton. It definitely helped to talk about it with someone other than DH. I feel like I bog him down with it.. He says he doesn't mind and that I don't bog him down... but it's hard to feel like I'm not.. It's always late at night too. I think I might start a journal about it in a book and just write every time I feel down.