Yesterday I got a mostly sick-free day. It was nice. I've started having a bit more energy. I cleaned house some on Saturday and today! I am pretty proud of that. I have been pretty lazy thus far in the pregnancy because I always feel so sick and tired. But I am doing okay today. I feel slightly sick but I don't feel like I'm about to barf my brains.
My next appt is on June 5th so it's just 2 weeks 2 days away. I am not sure exactly what will happen at that appointment. I know that we will be talking about seeing the perinatal specialist (which I've already mentioned) but I don't know how much later I will see him. I hope it's quickly so i can spot my little baby. I spoke to someone at my support group about HLHS and she said that the Dr. told her that she will have an u/s at 12, 16, 18, and 20 weeks when she gets pregnant again. So I'm sure those are all the case with me. I know he told me I would have more in the 3rd trimester too. I am crazy nervous for all of it. I have been getting more and more attached which is a good thing but it causes more anxiety.
I have been trying to have Patrick be more attached too. After all, live or not bean will still always be our baby. He has started to put lotion my belly for me. I think it's a good way for him to bond.... Idk. Sometimes he'll put his hand on my belly before bed. It makes me feel good. It's comforting for me.
So there is this brick memorial place that my city has. You have to pay $100 to get a brick and spot. And you put your pregnancy/infant loss's name on the brick and stuff and it's a place to go. I didn't bury Kamdyn. I have his ashes in a heart in my home. I am really thinking of getting a brick. I talked to my dad about it and he's going to try to help me. He said that we'll make it work. It's kind of him. I just think it might be good to have a place to go to in Jan and memorial day and pregnancy and infant loss day. I miss my angel.
Anyway. I think I better go. I wanted to journal some though.
Last edited by Maddz; 06-05-2013 at 07:27 PM.
So I went to my OB today. Luckily I escaped a pap!
Heart was beating... Dr. said that he doesn't use the machine to see the rate just yet so I didn't get a heart rate. The cyst on my rt ovary has grown. I should get a call tomorrow to set up my appt with the perinatal specialist. I guess the specialist has resigned and will stop in July. It caused total anxiety and I started to cry. I will be seeing him next week though and get a game plan for the pregnancy and also to get a game plan about my cyst. Baby was measuring at 6.01cm and 12w4d but since the error of margin in 1w1d they aren't changing my due date. He said the first u/s has better dating qualities anyway and I know that s/he measured 2 days smaller than EDD.
but he said from his machine and from my date the best he can tell the heart seems symmetrical and alright. There didn't seem to be fluid anywhere in the chest or abdomen which is good news.
I have super high anxiety but I'm am trying to relax and be happy. I can't wait until next week.
Here is baby
Here is baby's leg/foot
Dr said that the chances of it happening again are the same and they are 1 in thousands... but that's not what he told me before, not what I've read/heard, and etc. I am going to ask the perinatal dr when I see him... Because I will feel more confident in his answer.
Took my bellly photo last night and Pat and I agreed that my stomach looked smaller than last week. Had a total melt down and started crying and panicking. I got to bed finally and went to sleep and had multiple miscarriage dreams and finally woke up completely panicked and couldn't sleep. I was have a slight anxiety attack and kept bursting into tears. My movie of what happened when I lost Kamdyn kept playing in my head too. It was completely awful. Finally I called the Dr. answering service. My doctor called me about 45 minutes or so later and just said that it is very unlikely that anything is wrong but if I am really worried just to go into the ER. He said to try to get some sleep by taking some benedryl or unisom so I took a 6 year old dose of children's allergy relief and was able to get back to sleep. I felt better ISH in the morning. I kept panicking but have had nausea mostly all day. I think I felt baby move a few times as well.. I 'm feeling much better this evening but am still pretty anxious. I might need to take something to sleep again tonight. I have the appointment with the specialist tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT! I am so nervous/anxious/excited.
Hoping I only get good news.