I knew I loved you before I met you *babykins* Birth story!

41 posts / 0 new
Last post
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45
I knew I loved you before I met you *babykins* Birth story!

Ok ok, so we're not sure if you are formed yet, but we are hoping! I miscarried a baby a few weeks ago, and didn't know I was pregnant till after the fact. BUt I could see the baby in my dreams. It was a little angel boy and I could almost feel him in my dream. I can't wait to know you are inside of me, and growing and dream of the day I will hold you. You will be my last child, and I intend on cherishing my final pregnancy. I thought that with your big sister too, but I got really sick and almost died. It was hard to stay positive through the hard times. I'm praying that God has different plans for me this time. ANd I want you to know that even though I won't know for a few days if you are even in existence yet, that you are wanted. You are loved and mommy knows just how fragile life is. I am so looking forward to keeping this journal for you. So you can see all the feelings I have with you inside of me. And someday soon, I'll be writing about your first little kick on this page. And maybe I'll get to write what gender you are! Your sisters didn't want to reveal themselves till birth! Tonight, Arielle kissed my belly and said there was a "baby brudder" in there. Boy or girl, I just hope that you *are* in there now!

Love momma (5/18)

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Well baby, I think you are forming. I'm only 4 days past ovulation and having slight cramping. I'm not due for my period for 2 more weeks! We leave today for a 2 week vacation to Texas, to see your Uncle Jim and Aunt Barbara. I'm crying as I type this, thinking that when I return, you will be real and I'll have a test to confirm it. Maybe this message will be a reminder of how wanted you are when I'm so ill I can barely sit up! I was very nauseous with Chandler, so I expect to be at least the same with you, if not having actual vomiting. With Arielle I had no morning sickness of any kind. I'll check back in after our vacation and confirm or deny your existance. If not this month, then next month!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

It's official! I'm carrying you! We just got back from vacation and daddy stopped every hour on the drive home to let me use the restroom just in case. And when we got home, I took a pregnancy test. The first one was a dud. It didn't do anything, even say negative! So I took a 2nd one, and got a slight faint positive, which was how I did with Chandler. I'm just 2 days late for my period now, and am already sick! Well worth it though.

After I tested, I told Daddy I either got my period or got a positive test, and the right answer (positive test or unused tampon) was behind my back. He looked at me and smiled to see what I'd do. I ended up laughing and he gave me a big hug!

Daddy was ready to hang the moon for me lastnight. He offered me takeout from anywhere I wanted, but I had eaten dinner. He was insistent that I take him up on the offer, so I asked why. His response was: "Because you're pregnant! I have to feed you!"

He told Arielle that mommy had a baby in her belly again. ANd she thought we were going to have you lastnight! LOL Silly girl!

So let the fun begin!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

June 12, 2003 5.5 weeks

Yesterday was a horrible day. Someone on the internet accused me of faking of my miscarriage last month for attention, and said I didn't deserve to be a mother, and that my girls deserve better than me. I spent most of lastnight in hysterics, and I hope as time goes on baby, you see that I'd do anything for you and your sisters. For people to say that about me, they just don't have a clue how much being a mother defines who I am. I've felt so wonderful this last week, being pregnant. I almost wonder if I am! No sickness, yet, who knows, with Arielle I had none, with Chandler it was just extreme nausea. My face is super gross with acne, but other than that, I glow already! Tonight I was looking in the mirror wondering why I had makeup on, then I remembered, I didn't! My face is just that wonderful. I'm so excited that this pregnancy is starting off on a good foot. I'm already starting to show, probably because I'm eating 10 meals a day! I can't get enough food! Chandler weaned this week, and I'm SO happy my breasts didn't get huge and swollen. When I tried to wean her last time, I was so big it was totally uncomfortable so I gave up. When I weaned Arielle, I got an infection.

So many things just seem to be going wonderfully, like God was ready for us to have a baby as much as we were ready! Arielle told me tonight, that she was in Jesus' belly, and when she came out, He said Julie and Donnie would be the best parents for her. She said this because she keeps telling me you need to be a boy (or a girl, depending on her mood!) and I tell her that Jesus will pick us the perfect baby for our family and send it to us. So now she sees that He picked her and CHandler for us too! My first doctors appointment is one week from today. I'll be 6.5 weeks. Love, momma

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

6w6d

There is a good reason I'm not writing much right now, I'm so sick!!!!!!!!!! It's been a bad week, mommy just can't move! My sickness wears off around 6 pm, I get a shower, get the girls bathed and in bed, and then I'm falling asleep myself! I love scrapbooking but don't even do that anymore! I'm anxiously awaiting the 2nd trimester, where hopefully this will subside some!

My first doctor's appointment is this Thursday, 3 days away! I'm really excited to see my new doctor, get weighed, and just generally be told "You're pregnant!" Hee hee. I hope they do an ultrasound, I just want to see your tiny tiny body in there, although I'm sure you don't look like much yet! I can't wait till the day that we find out what gender you are, whenever that is! Wink (Your sisters were bashful and waited till their birthdays to show me)

On the days where I feel awful, I just think of you, and the day that I'll get to hold you for the first time, and it makes everything more bearable. Daddy and I talk about you all the time. Arielle is so excited, and I know Chandler will be mesmerized with a new person around! She's only 1 1/2 so she can't understand yet Smile Trust me little one, you are well talked about already!

Everyday I get more and more glad that we spaced you in closely with your sisters. You'll be over half a year old when Arielle starts school, I'm not sure I could've handled pregnancy/newborn days with her in school! I look at our 2 children and can't believe we are so lucky to be adding another one! Arielle has her 4th birthday party this weekend, and it just doesn't seem possible. I remember having her, wondering if we'd ever have more! My mom had always said I'd only give birth once, and not like it so I'd never have more! She was so wrong, I love giving birth! Even though it is yucky csections, it's worth it to get my precious babies! I'm already brainstorming on snacks to take to the hospital for middle of the night feedings. See, your Memere had sent peanut butter fudge for me, and I found it while nursing Chandler in the middle of the night in the hospital, and I was falling asleep holding her, and eating that fudge was yummy and a great way to stay awake! So I'm packing myself fun treats to eat so I can stay awake with you, and not be afraid I'm going to drop you. I am nervous about all the "what ifs" in life, but I know God will protect you and take care of you.

Love Momma!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Sweet baby, I cannot believe I forgot to enter in my 7 week doctor visit! I'm 11 weeks tomorrow and starting to function better. The nausea isn't too bad anymore, comes if I eat too much or something unsettling. Most things sit well! The other night I loved spaghetti so much , I made it again the next night! I think Daddy was just glad I was eating!

Arielle is convinced you are a girl, and calls "Inee" Her pronunciation of *Trinity* She told me in the car yesterday that you were going to be the bestest most perfect baby. So someday remember that, even if you are a little boy, you'll still be perfect to her! I cried in the car!

I had a doctor visit at 7 weeks 2 days. I was 136 pounds, down from the 140 I was on vacation before I got pregnant Everything looked great and I got an ultrasound of you. I can't explain how magical it was to see you, not knowing what was what yet, but your little heart was beating. It was so peaceful and wonderful to know you are *ALIVE* in there! I know the other kids were too, but I didn't even get to hear the heartbeats with them till 12 wees or so, and I didn't get to see them on ultrasound till 20 weeks! By then the babies had already made themselves known! Biggrin You, you are barely disturbing a thing in there but you have a heartbeat and I felt so happy to see it and know for sure. I was afraid I'd lose you since I lost a baby right before you were created, but God is with us, and keeping you safe. I go back to the doctor in another week and a half. My biggest concerns with this pregnancy are heartburn (I had to take a prescription antacid with Chandler) and Gestational diabetes. I had borderline with Arielle, diet controlled with Chandler, so I'm scared I'll have it again with you. But being pregnant has changed me this time, I feel more compelled to eat nutritious foods than I did with the girls. Daddy thinks you are a boy for that!

I can't wait to find out what you are, and dream of holding you. It's hard to imagine holding a genderless baby,b ecause when you don't find out the gender, you either have to picture yourself hold a bundle of pink, then a bundle of blue, or just genderless. I really want to have gender appropriate daydreams this time! Hee hee. But I'm at peace with the fact that you may not show either, I think I can wait 30 more weeks if I *really* have to!

Until my next update baby.......and I'm sorry I've neglected the journal. Someday this will be in your scrapbook, don't think I wasn't excited, just chasing after your sisters, keeping the house clean, being sick and tired, leaves not much time!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Mommy is almost 12 weeks along now. Back to being tired and sicky feeling. I'm hoping it is just exhaustion from a birthday party we went to yesterday. I had some weird dreams, and pleasant conversations about boys, so I'm almost 100% convinced you are a boy! If you are a girl, I'll be just as thrilled, but surprised! Hee hee, I just feel it inside of me. With Arielle, I didn't really feel anything. WIth Chandler, I thought she was a girl for sure, but everyone kept saying boy so I let them convince me she was. ANd she was all girl. ANd now you, since you are our last everyone else wants us to have a boy, but daddy and I honestly don't really care, just want you healthy and here safe! But if I had to make an educated guess now...;)

I go to my doctor at the end of the week, and I'm really excited. I'm almost in the 2nd trimester and I'm so glad! That makes it that much closer to the time to meet you! I'm a little scared, but that's true of all my pregnancies. Right now I'm scared I'll have acid reflux again, only my luck will be I won't get prescription zantac, that was my saving grace in the pregnancy with Chandler. I'm also afraid of getting gestational diabetes again. I have had dreams of you being early, your birthday should be about a month after Chandler's 2nd birthday, and I keep getting paranoid thoughts that your birthday will happen BEFORE she turns 2. Sad I'm trying to be health conscience when I eat, all the memories of gallbladder attacks haunt me now, even though I was mentally moving past all that, anxiety has crept back up on me. I'm really worried about that gestational diabetes, because if you have that, it increases your chance for regular diabetes later in life. I'm worried that Chandler won't do well while I'm in the hospital with you, worried that the girls won't adapt well to another sibling (though I'm sure they'll be smitten, I just get scared) worried worried worried. Hard to believe in another 26 weeks or so, this won't matter at all. You'll be here and everything will work out fine! I'll write again soon, Love Momma

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Today was my 12 week visit baby. I LOST a pound, putting me to 135! I know you are growing ok though, I can feel you. And I'm eating pretty well now, and drinking tons of water. I still need to get my vitamins from the pharmacy, my insurance held it up all these weeks, but they finally approved it. So now I just have to drive across town!

Today Daddy took us all to the doctor then out to eat, and said he wants to save money every month to go out on OB visit day, to make me feel special and feed our little baby!

The doctor gave me the ok, and said next visit I'll get blood work, and the visit after that we'll have our ultrasound to see who you are!!! I'm so EXCITED! And another testimony to what a great OB I picked this time, when he couldn't find your heartbeat, he said he'd just do an ultrasound to see it instead, then he found it. WIth CHandler when her's didn't show up at first, I had to wait 4 agonizing weeks to go back and hear it on the doppler again. Iw as so worried that my baby was no longer there. Today everyone got to hear you! It was a special moment. I can't believe you are on your way!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

This is your very first scrapbook page! The ultrasound didn't show up very well, but who could tell at 7 weeks anyways?!?! Biggrin

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I am 13 weeks today!!! I think I'm either in the 2nd trimester or on my way. I'm so glad, I'm already feeling a little more energetic. I've not gained any weight which is amazing since my belly is pooched! I can feel you flutter in there already. This morning I woke up sore and swollen feeling, my feet are swollen. I'm thinking "Already?" Sad

Daddy and I were counting up some things that need bought, and it seems like I our time till you get here is really short now! LOL BOth your sisters need all new clothes and shoes and a coat for the winter, then mommy's contacts will need rebought, then by this point it'll be Christmas gift time, then Chandler's birthday, then you'll be due soon after! Somewhere in there daddy promised me a nice new stroller Biggrin I can't wait to push you in it.

So even though I'm 13 weeks, we really have barely enough time to get done all the things that need done, which is good so that I'll be occupied. I cannot wait to meet you.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Tomorrow I'll be 14 weeks! It's official: I'm CRAZY to know your gender! I cannot wait to know what you are! I don't really care one way or the other, but I'd sure like to know this time! I got my prenatal vitamins last week and wow are they ever helping to pep me up! I feel great, and can't wait to see you on TV again. I think knowing what you are will help the pregnancy not feel like it is taking forever!

Oh, I'm not a patient person! LOL Only 6 more weeks till the day comes! Smile

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I know, momma is a chatterbox, get used to it! It's a gene I've passed on to all my offspring!

I'm almost 15 weeks, getting so close to meeting you! If you think I'm obsessed with your gender, you are wrong, I'm just obsessed with knowing! I didn't get to know with the first 2, your sisters, and each time, it was such a long pregnancy, every time I'd daydream about the baby, I'd have to do it first in blue, then in pink. The anticipation was more than I could handle! This time, I really want to know so we can get all the clothes BEFORE the baby comes (you!) and to prepare Arielle, she's so excited but doesn't understand that we can't choose, the choice is Gods. So I want to give her an answer and that be the end of it. She wants a *brudder* but if you are a girl, she'll quickly be excited to know she'll have yet another barbie partner!

In some ways, I want you to be a boy, to know what having both genders feels like, to raise a man who will someday raise his own family, and love his wife like your daddy loves me. I've heard little boys are usually closer to their momma's.

In other ways I want you to be a girl, because I have such a female bond with Arielle and Chandler, and to be a confidant when the girls get older.

But I know no matter what you turn out to be, you will be special, wanted and loved. So someday when you read my pregnancy notes, don't think I wanted one more than the other, I see so many great things whatever gender you turn out to be. It's just the waiting that drives me crazy! LOL I go to a much better doctor office this time, and think if you don't show your stuff at the 20 week ultrasound, that they'll probably give me another one later on. THey almost did one at 11 weeks to see the heartbeat, because they couldn't hear it! I thought that was generous, as my other doctor didn't even give me one when I was practically on my death bed. NOT that gender was that important, but I wanted someone to make sure my baby was ok in there, and no one ever did. I feel comfortable that if anything goes wrong, you'll be well cared for by my doctors.

Love, momma!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Sweet baby boy/girl, the days are just slowly passing by! BUt I have a few cute stories to share for the week!

Good news, I don't actually *feel* pregnant, as in the bad icky stuff. I do have some cramping, where you are starting to grow and take up room inside, but besides that, Im feeling so wonderful! Makes this pregnancy that much better!

Yesterday, I got dental work done. It was my first awake procedure in 15 years. I had a tramatic experience when I was 9, never went to the dentist again till I was 21, and had a severely rotted tooth. Last year, at 25 I got that tooth and 3 wisdom teeth surgically removed while sedated. I remember nothing. 2 weeks ago I went for my first teeth cleaning in years, and was scared! I found out my whole mouth has cavities (shamey shamey mommy) and the dentist assured me it was safe to fill them while pregnant. So that's what I did yesterday, got my 1st appointment done. I have 3 more appointments. I had 2 teeth filled, and was so scared, but it turned out NOT hurting one bit! I was so surprised and excited. I can't wait to have a normal mouth not in pain anymore.

Chandler, who is 19 months old, says baby when we watch "Maternity ward" on TV. Now, I ask her if she wants a baby and she says yes! So tonight I asked in front of Granny, she replied yes and rubbed her belly! I almost cried it was so precious! You will have 2 awesome sisters!

I had a dream lastnight about the ultrasound that will hopefully identify your gender. We were all looking at the TV screen, and you were there, 5 months old, naked and in a portrait studio, INSIDE ME! You were a girl and I asked the doctor if he was sure and he zoomed in on your privates and exclaimed "See! You're getting another little girl!" I woke up laughing it was so weird!

Arielle asks every few days if she can give the baby raspberries. She loves to blow raspberries on my belly then kiss you. That's how I always did raspberries on her, with a kiss to finish it!

So there are my anecdotes for the week! I've been busy trying to keep the house in order, chaos makes me crazy! Your sisters are thriving on a consistent routine. So that is why I didn't write much this week. I have an appointment with the obstetrician a week from today, I'll be 16.5 weeks. I can't wait!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Thursday momma got 3 more fillings in my mouth, so I'm up to 5 right now. More to come in another week Smile

Friday I went to the OBGYN for your 16 week visit. I was 138 lbs, down 2 pounds still from my prepregnancy weight. I was extremely worried about you, because you aren't moving yet, and the non weight gain was making me think maybe you passed away but ddn't come out. But the doctor found your heartbeat and said you were perfect sounding! So phew Wink

Got blood work done that day. And in 3 weeks from this coming Friday we have an ultrasound to find out who you are! I pray it is in God's plan for us to know this time, because I can't do this a 3rd time, not knowing Wink I can't wait though!

Everything is going ok, I feel great except for Sciatic nerve pain, but it's not constant so I'm dealing ok. Arielle put her elbow in my belly today and hurt me, then she told *YOU* sorry!

She told me the other day that God keeps choosing girls for our family, so I don't know if she's saying she thinks that you are a girl, or was only referring to her and Chandler. I dream daily of what it'd be like for a boy and a girl Smile

I'll write again soon, been busy busy trying to keep our house running smooth and happy.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

YOU KICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastnight I felt a little tickle on my left side and then didn't pass gas, so I realized that it must have been you! I was in total awe, even the 3rd time around, this is pretty darned magical! It was time to wake up daddy so I ran and told him, and he was excited too! Today I've felt little flutters off and on. I was past 20 weeks with Arielle, at around 15 weeks with Chandler, and now 17weeks exactly with your first kick.

Yay!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Oh, and I grow increasingly worried that at 17 weeks I still haven't gained any weight! :o I hope you are ok, and if so I wonder how you can be without my gaining weight! Makes me wonder if I am just eating right this time! Nevertheless, I won't complain if you are healthy and I don't have to get to hippo size!

I can still barely tell I'm pg by the outside, but my belly is the only part even remotely different. A little bitty pooch. Since I'm not growing I haven't taken any photos, I need to get daddy on that to document what I look like. It's really a contrast to the other 2 pregnancies!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I've had 2 dreams this weekend about your ultrasound, and you were a girl in both. It's killing me to not know! Arielle is convinced you are a boy, and keeps calling you "him" hee hee. So only 2.5 more weeks till we see who's right!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Wow, today I've been full of emotions. Just full of them.

I am 18 weeks and 1 day. I'm in the bathtub, and in the past week, I've popped rightout, and you are moving all over the place! But you still seem so quiet and along for the ride. It's hard to visualize you still. I still can't believe we are having another baby! LOL

But I looked at my belly, and it seemed huge, and I realized that it's your home, you are in there, snug and warm as I'm washing. THen you were moving as I looked. It was sheer magic. And I can remember thinking the 2nd pregnancy wouldn't be as special since we had done it all before, and here the 3rd one is just as special as the first!

Then I was watching some birth show on TV, and looked over at sleeping Chandler and realized that she's going to be the BIG sister very soon! I almost got a mental image of you in my head, which is so hard still since we don't know your gender! I can't wait to know. I then started thinking about the hospital photos I can't wait to take of you! I decided to bring like 10 rolls of film to the hospital, in case I go overboard Wink

I'm just so excited about everything. I'm so glad to be enjoying this pregnancy so much! I'm tired as can be right now, but it feels great knowing the reason why! And I'm so glad to be gaining weight finally!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Sometimes it's an emotional thing to be pregnant. Even if you have children, you are so afraid maybe you won't love a new one the same. I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant with Chandler, and lastnight I made a book for a scrapbook group I'm involved in, and my topic to discuss was how I made it through my pregnancy with Chandler, and the gallbladder. It was a devastating time, and I how was so worried about myself I forgot about my little baby. I included a photo of me with both children 12 hours after her birth, and I was awestruck at how fast I fell in love with her. I remembered all over again just how magical it was to become a mother again.

I've been so afraid that I didn't have enough room in my heart for another child, but I know that isn't true. I know I'll hold you and love you forever. I can't wait till that day to meet you. I think that is what is hard about being pregnant, not being able to VISUALIZE the child you are carrying, especially if you don't get to know the gender. It's just a baby , no face, no name, just a person. When you finally meet it it is YOUR baby. I think that's why I'm super obsessive about finding out your gender, not because I care what you are, but because I want to know you before you are born.

I can't wait. Just 1.5 weeks. I keep telling myself I might not get to know, and just seeing you healthy is the main goal. I try not to think about it!

As for how I'm feeling. Not well, my fingers and arms are so bloated it hurts to move. My pelvic area feels like it's going to split open. I get headaches almost daily. I hope a daily dose of tylenol isn't hurting you, because I need it. I'm 19 weeks today, but so excited for the day you come into our hearts. Being patient is not my strong point!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Well, it's been sinking in all day long, and I still can't believe it!

YOU ARE A GIRL! Part of me is in disbelief. At first I was so sure, now I'm starting to hope we are right now that I'm getting excited! I am afraid the doctor might have been wrong!

I'm 20w3d, gained 6 pounds now! You were totally healthy, and 12 oz in your ultrasound, and I could see your girl parts right away! The doctor said he'd recheck in a month to make sure he is right, but now, I look at the tape and am doubtful! So I got all excited and now I'm afraid that I'm wrong.

Daddy was tickled pink (appropriately!) I'll write more later!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Daddy and I are still pretty much in disbelief that you are a girl! We are excited beyond belief! It seems more real now, having another child. I can almost picture what you might look like in my head! You can't know how much I thought you were a boy! Daddy is already talking about the giant sized Barbie Dollhouse he wants to buy his girls. I already have a dress picked out for next October to put you in a baby contest! I look at all our practically new dresses and am so thankful that they'll get another go around Smile I'm so glad that our family is going to be complete with you. I can't wait to meet you. It seems like forever till it's time, but really, there's not that much time! Soon it will be trick or treat time for your sisters, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then Chandler's birthday then you!

It's amazing, I'm almost the same amount pregnant I was 2 years ago with Chandler! I'm just so thankful that this time I can enjoy it and not live in fear for my life every day! I'm so glad that my final pregnancy has been so smooth this time around. Daddy says I've been glowing, and I'm so glad the happiness I have shows on my face. I'm so glad that knowing you are coming, is just such a wonderful thing for us all!

Arielle was so worried no one would love her sister since everyone wanted a boy, but now we've convinced her that everyone will love you. Today we went to the store and they were handing out free cookies. She got 2, one forher, and one for you. She wanted to save yours till you had teeth! Then she realized if *I* ate it, you'd still get it, so I ate it right up foryou. Smile She's just such a loving sister, I know you 2 will love each other. And when we watch your ultrasound tape, Chandler points and says "Baby!" I know she'll love you to pieces too! She's going to be a wonderful big sister.

I still can't really believe you are a girl! I get another ultrasound in November, part of me is waiting to get a 2nd confirmation to get too set in the 3 girls thing, but everyone who sees our photos or tape says those are girl parts! I know in my heart they are, but the last thing I want to be is disappointed if they say you are a boy instead since I've gotten so excited that you are a girl. I know no matter what, you'll be loved!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

At 21w2 days, I'm in total shock STILL that I'm even having another baby! Lastnight you had the hiccups! It was so amazing. In 20 more weeks I'll get to see your precious face.

The other night I got paranoid that you weren't really a girl, and I was getting all excited for another girl for no reason. not that a boy would be a disappointment, but I'd feel like the whole world was laughing at me for being a fool to believe the ultrasound. I've posted it all over the net, told my whole family, and gotten your sisters excited for a sister. I wanted to pull out baby girl clothes then got so scared. So I blew up your ultrasound photos on the computer and just studied them for awhile, probably opened them back up 15 times just to be sure. Then I prayed. I prayed for peace that God would let me just accept the answer I got and live my life as usual. I prayed for Him to tell me the answer of what you were, then when I got that answer, I panicked that it was wrong. What a silly thing to do! During the day it still occurs to me, but I try to have faith that God wouldn't answer the prayer with a different answer for me to get excited aboutone gender only to have to get excited for the other later on.

So I hope I don't sound like a total idiot! I'm so excited to be a mother of 3 daughters, having all one gender has been fun so far! But I'm afraid that someday, you'll end up being a boy and think you weren't wanted. Don't think that at all. Momma loves you no matter what!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I'm 22w1d now. It's starting to sink in every day that you are a girl! I just had the hardest time believing it! I'm really emotional right now, feeling sad that people think I'm less because I couldn't produce a boy, or people feeling jealous that I *get* 3 girls. But I feel it is God's choices that made our family. HE wanted me to have 3 girls, and I'm so happy about that. You'll be loved no matter what. Part of me has been laying low till we get another ultrasound in November to confirm your gender. Arielle loves you very much already. She talks about her *new baby sister* all the time.

I can't wait till you get here. I had adhesion pain pretty bad on my csection scars when you first started growing bigger, but it's not too bad now that my belly has popped right out. I love being pregnant this time around, it feels weird to actually like it! I was miserable with my other pregnancies, with Arielle just because she was my 1st, with Chandler because of the gallbladder pain for 6 months, but now that I know how bad things can really get, I'm appreciative of every single healthy day you and I have together. I have faith that we'll make it right to the end, healthy as can be.

It's fall here in beautiful southern Indiana and we are staying busy with activities. With my love of fall and scrapbooking, I've been taking your sisters all sorts of places to take pictures. We went to the pumpkin patch last weekend. It was great. I can't believe next year you'll be right there with us, probably sipping on mommy's apple cider and getting your photo taken a million times next to the pumpkins!

it seems like forever till you get here, but before we know it, we'll be walking into the hospital with smiles on our faces, riding into the operating room to meet our 3rd little princess. I'm sorry I've been quiet lately, just relishing every moment. With Chandler, the silence in my pregnancy journal was a bad thing, I stopped writing after about 34 weeks because I got so sick we didn't know which day was going to be my day to die. I was terrified beyond belief. I sunk into a deep depression.

With you, the silence is just me, happy, glad to be carrying you and not suffering, and being busy trying to keep our house organized and clean, and trying to keep the girls happy. Your biggest sister will start school in the spring so I'm busy preparing for all that will involve. I hope you are like Chandler and love watching her learn! I'm sure you'll both be wise beyond your grade level, just because you'll want to keep up with Arielle! Chandler isn't even 2 and is learning to count and her colors, repeating what Arielle and I learn!

I have to go now, but I'll check back in soon. Oh, and your daddy dreamt you came out looking like your sisters today! He said I told him you had red hair and it *just changed* to brown all of a sudden! We can't wait to see WHO you look like, though we're pretty sure it'll be daddy and your sissies!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Mommy's still here! I'm 25 weeks today and still feeling great. You have gotten to be quite the little active baby! The other day I didn't feel you move ALL day, and freaked. So I prayed and within 1 hour you were active again! Scared me to death.

Your sisters are as excited as they can be, especially Arielle. She calls you baby *Twineee* I am still cautious as I'm afraid that next week they'll do the 2nd ultrasound and find a penis. So that's why I haven't been writing to you, because I'm afraid of gushing about how happy I am that you are a girl, and how happy I am that I'm having 3 daughters, and then find out you are a son. I wouldn't be disappointed or upset, but I'd feel like a major dummy! I've looked and looked at your photos, and even enlarged them ont he computer one night in a moment of panic, and you definitely look like all girl to me, but then I go and read the expecting message boards online and see women who were told daughter, then at 25 weeks...oops, its a boy now! LOL So I'm still holding back a little.

Chandler brings me video tapes, not knowing what is what of course, wanting to see the baby on tv! It's the closest she's come to really understanding about you and showing enthusiasm. She sees my ultrasound photos and says baby! How surprised she'll be when you come out and aren't in black and white! We are all very excited for your arrival. It still seems surreal that we'll have 3 perfect little children. Even people in church are wondering if you'll look like your sisters!

I just wanted to pop in and tell you why I wasn't posting this week. With my pregnancy with Chandler, it was because I was very very sick and she was in danger, and reading her journal with the gaps is haunting to me. Someday when we read yours, just know I was just waiting to make sure you were still a girl! LOL My pregnancy couldn't be going any better right now!

Love momma

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow little baby! Doesn't seem possible that we are over half way there! If we get the actual day we wantt o have you, it'll be 3 months from yesterday! WOWWEE!!

As for my update. I have strepthroat and my throat is so yucky. Luckily I'm not near as sick as I usually get with strep. I usually have vomiting and a continuous fever. All I have now is the throat yuck. I'm taking an antibiotic that doesn't seem to be doing the trick, but I go to the doctor in 4 more days so if I'm not healing any more by then I'll tell them to do something else! LOL I can't wait to see what kind of weight you and I have put on. I feel huge! My sides are bulging like I did with the other 2. I finally look and feel pregnant! sure, I feel fat, but I love it. We get another ultrasound so I'm hoping they'll tell me what you weigh this time. 5.5 weeks ago you were 12 oz. I hope to hear you are way over the 1 pound mark now. I've been eating well, with the exception of candy. I gotta have my chocolate! I saw a show on Hershey Pennsylvania and have craved chocolate ever since! I can't stop eating Hershey kisses!

I'll write again this weekend. Part of me is half expecting to hear you are a boy now, the other half of me is finally settling into the reality of having all girls! I'm ready to find out a definite answer and go on with the pregnancy! I'm just too afraid to get excited one way or the other! No matter what, I'll still be glad to have you! A lady in church recently told us, "Sorry" when she found out we were getting another girl. And I just cried and cried. We certainly aren't sorry! And she said "Maybe they'll change it" (this friday at the ultrasound) and even if you really are a boy, great! If y ou are really a girl, just as great! You are a human being to daddy and me, you are our pride and joy and your gender means nothing to us. God blessed us for a reason Smile

Love momma!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Tomorrow we hit the big 27 weeks!!! I went to the doctor last Friday but he forgot to do an ultrasound and we were too chicken to remind him, since it isn't really for any reason but to see you again! I weighed 155, the same ending weight as my other 2 pregnancies! Yikes!!! But I started bigger so that's ok! I go for my sugar test this week and I half think I'll have gestational diabetes again and am dreading being a good girl with food. Guess thanksgiving dinner will have to be healthier for us all! If I have to eat it, everyone will! Hee hee.

You move all the time. Everything feels great right now. We've watched your ultrasound video a dozen times in the last week and I'm pretty convinced you're a girl now! The photos were a little tough to tell but I finally remembered to just watch the movie and it showed much better! I'm breathing easier as we shop now! I just don't want a closet full of clothes you can't wear!

Less than 3 full months till your arrival! We are all so excited. Arielle tells me all the time she can't wait to meet you. And I know Chandler doesn't really understand,b ut she'll be so amazed with you! I can't wait to hold my 3 precious children in my arms.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I'm 29w6d today, so 30 weeks tomorrow!

The days are going by quickly, and painfully. My body is in just soo much pain this time around. My pelvic bones feel like they are going to split, my csection scar feels like it's going to rip, and I can barely breathe most days. My headaches are chronic.

THere, I complained! LOL But I'm still anxiously awaiting you sweet baby. I just hope I can keep providing you a safe home for awhile longer.

Love mommy

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

It is quite possible sweet baby that 2 months from today I'll be meeting you for the first time! We hope to have a February 2nd birthday for you, but any ole day will do!

I am feeling better tonight to write a better update, I think I have a sinus infection which has me having constant sinus headaches, a scratchy throat, sneezing, watery eyes, and sheer EXHAUSTION. Since Thanksgiving, I've been a walking zombie. Laundry is being done all the time, but the clean clothes are piled to the celiing in the laundry room! It took me 4 days to do all the Turkey day dishes! Each day, I can only handle one outing with the girls, like walmart or the library. Never more than one thing or I'm just plain pooped.

But today I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've turned that all important corner to the 30week mark and it feels so much better than being stuck in the 20s! I'm more than 3/4 done now, and just keep reminding myself you are in the best place possible. Soon the exhaustion, sore bones, and irritability will lead way to holding my precious baby, and all these memories won't even be so strong in my head. I'll one day read this journal after I print it out, and not believe how bad I thought I had it! I think it seems like SO LONG till your time to come because I have to get over the Christmas and 2nd birthday hurdles. But in all actuality, 8 or so weeks isn't long at all.

It's been a full 2 weeks since the diabetes test and I've still not heard anything, so I'm hoping and praying that I passed.

Arielle is more excited than ever to meet you. Every baby toy that comes on TV she wants for her new baby sister. And she said to make sure to tell Santa to bring 3 of everything for her and her 2 sisters. I'm so looking forward to having 3 daughters, I hope you will all be the best of friends. I constantly find myself imagining you with brown hair and eyes like your sisters. Daddy thinks you'll be the one who comes out looking like me, but I think you'll be in the same mould as your sisters!

Anyhoo, I just wanted to get a more up beat entry in, since I feel like crap but am still so excited to have you! You kick all the time, especially when Arielle is around. And today she was practicing her dancing, and I swear I felt you dancing too!

Love, momma

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I've been having painful contractions irregularly since lastnight in bed. I'm so scared for us. Tomorrow is my OB appointment so hopefully the doctor can help me. I've been feeling *weird* for a week now, and I had that same feeling when I was in labor with Chandler, just *weird* so I've been trying to brush it off as nothing.

Just wanted to get this recorded. 30w1d

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

We are getting there slowly but surely sweet little one! I'm 31 weeks today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 more months!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to the doctor last week, and now am going every 2 weeks! I don't remember doing this with the others this early but I'm high risk this time so maybe that's it.

I passed my sugar test!

I weighed 161, gaining 6 lbs in a month, for a grand total of 21 total. Unless you want to count the 4 I lost and regained. 21 is from my starting weight, not from the lowest I got.

I was just basically whining to the doctor about my sinus infection that was killing me, and had me crying all the time, and he said he could give me something for it, I got zithromax and immediately felt relief. It's all gone now! THANK YOU DOC! I'm back to being happy to be pregnant, back to enjoying the last few weeks ever being pregnant. I feel huge, but knowing I haven't gained a bad amount of weight makes me feel better. You kick ALL THE TIME! I can't tell what position you are in yet though. I just pray you are a healthy size when you come out. I pray you are ok. I pray that you live forever.

I had thought if you were born still (God forbid) I would not get my tubes tied and have another baby. I want 3 on Earth with me. Daddy said no way was I having another csection. I was crying saying I didn't want 2 kids on earth and 1 in heaven. I wanted to raise 3 kids, even if I had to have an angel. He said he didn't want 2 kids on earth and 2 in heaven, meaning me. That really made m realize how scared we are and how even if we lost you in any way, that would have to be life. I can't really believe that I'm really done, even though I don' tlike being pregnant, and I don't want another csection, my options are over. It was a tough pill to swallow, but God has a plan, and I have to live with no matter what happens.

So that is my big update! I'm doing well now, feeling better. I'm still pretty hormonal. I'm so mad at my family i could spit nails. They had a turkey cooked in peanut oil at Thanksgiving, which had we even entered the house, Arielle would have had a reaction right away. Thank GOD I found out before we went and we stayed home. Not one person bothered to call or visit us, and i had made dinner too! So tonight my sister (the party holder) wants me to come to her house for a party and not only do I think she sucks for wanting me to come to her all the time, but I'm not taking Arielle back to that contaminated house. I told my mom lastnight and she made a face like I'm an idiot about it. I could've kicked her. I feel so alone and isolated with Arielle's allergy. Don't get me wrong, I will do anything for her, and a jewlery party is not even on my list of priorities when it involves Arielle's health, she's more important than anything, let alone my sister's feelings over a stupid party, but with Arielle's allergy, me not tolerating my mom's cigarette smoke, you coming soon and us not getting any visitors like the last 2 babies, and not taking you anywhere because of the cold and smokers out there, makes me feel so sad and angry. My family won't come here. I think that is why I want 3 kids,s o I have my own circle of friends right here at home. There'll be 5 of us (as Arielle reminds us all the time!) and I will have my own housefull at the holidays. My family only wants to be family on their terms and that hurts. No one will come to the hospital, no one will call, and no one will come see us. ANd then if they do they ridicule us for things like insisting people wash their hands if they had peanuts around Arielle, or wash for a newborn baby. Uggg. Family.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I'm now 32.5 weeks. I had an appointment 2 days ago and was 163 lbs, for a total of 23 lbs gained! I think you'll be a healthy kiddo too! Everything feels *normal* but still painful! My pelvic bones hurt, and the top of my belly where it is stretching hurts. I expect I'm going through another growth spurt. I had this with Chandler too, but it was in the area of my gallbladder that was infected and yucky so I didn't really know what the deal was then. Since I don't have a gallbladder anymore, it must just be the muscles stretching.

I am starting to try to picture you in my head and it isn't working! Hee hee. I remember not being able to imagine having a child at all, then it was couldn't imagine having 2, now I cannot fathom having 3. I look at daddy playing with your sisters, and can't picture you in there squealing with laughter. It is so awesome that in a few short months, you'll be here, and I won't even be able to remember life without you! I can't believe I'm getting another precious miracle to love. I can't believe how much more my heart is about to grow. I can't believe my time is almost here to give birth! I can't wait to find out what you look like (though I'm mildly suspicious on this one! LOL) I just can't wait. I'm ready! And soon, you will be too. I think that is what will get me to the end, knowing you need a few more weeks of growing, knowing those few weeks aren't that long in the grand scheme of time, knowing that if I had you now, you wouldn't come home with me, you'd be too little. I'm trying to be positive and enjoy this last little bit of pregnancy I'll ever go through. It is hard to be positive when you are so tired and big and trying to take care of other children. Most days I am NOT hospitable about it! LOL But I remind myself that you deserve to stay put until it's absolutely necessary to have you out. I had to make that choice with Chandler, and although she was born completely healthy (thanks to God) I'll never forget how hard it was to evict her from me because I was just too sick. Keep growing little baby, mommy will be here waiting when you are ready.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

PS Christmas is less than a week away now, and I can't believe next year we will be having your first Christmas! You'll be getting a new stocking, a new ornament, and all our pictures will have you in them! Pretty weird thought! I probably won't write again till after Christmas cause we'll be busy cleaning and all that, and enjoying gifts, but trust me, Daddy, your sisters, and I are thinking of you with stars in our eyes that we'll be 5 next year instead of 4! Daddy rubs youa ll the time, and you are so active, showing your love right back in kicks!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Sweet little baby, I'm now 35w3d. I had my OB appointment yesterday and weighed in at 164. We've all been sick with bronchitis and flu this week so that's probably why I've not gained much weight. I asked the doctor if my belly was measuring normal to him or not, and he said it was perfect and right on size so I am trying not to worry that you'll be small! I am a mess these days trying to get through this sickness your daddy, sisters, and myself all have, then we have Chandler's 2nd birthday party the day after tomorrow, then I have to kick it in high gear and START, yes START washing baby clothes and pack my hospital bag! The doctor said he'll do our csection on February 5th, a few days after what we wanted but still a pretty good day to me! It's the 2 year anniversary of having my gallbladder out, lucky you! LOL Daddy wanted you on the 2nd, because the Superbowl is on the 1st and he'd have been able to get out of work the day before because of our surgery the next morning, but he'll just have to live without the full game this year! Wink You are still active, pushing and poking your little body around. The months have turned into weeks, and the weeks are slowly turning into days. It's 4 weeks from today, and 28 days. That is not long at all! I can't believe we'll be meeting you soon, and I won't stop worrying until we do.

I can't believe that I've not been writing since before Christmas! And here I thought time was dragging on...Christmas seems like an eternity ago already! I am so glad the time is flying, but trying to savor every moment as it happens. We had a great Christmas, and your sisters got lots of presents. We can't wait to have our complete family next year!

If I'm quiet here for a bit longer it's because this illness really has our house turned upside down. Your mommy is going bonkers with the constant coughing, and I have a chronic headache from my own coughing, I wet my pants all the time, i worry constantly aobut your sisters, and I'm trying to keep Daddy alive with clothes and food. *sigh* never a dull moment!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Today I am 36w1d, 3 weeks from tomorrow I will be having you! I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I'll post that later, but I wanted to record the hospital visit from yesterday. Our hospital has a nurse that goes over the birth plan and fills out your admission paperwork beforehand to make things easier, and we did that yesterday. It finally feels real! I got all kinds of booklets and finally MADE OUT my shopping list to buy things for my bag, now only to buy those things and pack them! I intend on doing your laundry this week too. With all the sickness in this house, it's been a rough month! I hope to get caught up soon. I don't know why I'm so excited about this, but our hospital now plays a chime when a newborn is born on the hospital intercom, like announcing your arrival into the world. The hospital I had my gallbladder out at did that and there were about 10 babies born that night I stayed, and I remember it being such a special thing to hear, and now knowing it will be done for you, just makes me so happy. Your granny and sisters will hear when you are born! I can't stop crying about anything!

tomorrow I hope to address my swelling with the doctor, my legs are huge, and I can't get enough to drink. I've probably drank a gallon of watrer today. I just want to make sure we are alright, but other than that I'm feeling ok. My bronchitis is finally clearing up, you move all the time. I can't hardly eat though, everything makes me sick like in the beginning days. I hear that can happen, but it never has to me before. It's not fun because I'm so hungry and anything I eat turns my stomach.

I will update again soon! I can't believe how close we finally are!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I had my 36w OB visit today, and I promised to update so here I am! I started to swell ALOT yesterday and have been very thirsty, I mean there isn't enough water in the faucet to quench my thirst! So I told the doctor but he said my blood pressure was ok, and no protein in my urine, but I still have a weird feeling. I figure if I get any huger, I'll go to walmart to keep an eye on my BP. It was alot higher than normal for ME, but still within normal range for pregnant women. I also gained a whopping 4 more pounds! I'm 168.5 lbs now! I told Daddy that if you make it to your scheduled day, you'll probably be our biggest baby! The doctor confirmed February 5th today as our csection day. I'm getting really excited! I hope to get everything ready for your arrival this weekend Smile

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I had my 36w OB visit today, and I promised to update so here I am! I started to swell ALOT yesterday and have been very thirsty, I mean there isn't enough water in the faucet to quench my thirst! So I told the doctor but he said my blood pressure was ok, and no protein in my urine, but I still have a weird feeling. I figure if I get any huger, I'll go to walmart to keep an eye on my BP. It was alot higher than normal for ME, but still within normal range for pregnant women. I also gained a whopping 4 more pounds! I'm 168.5 lbs now! I told Daddy that if you make it to your scheduled day, you'll probably be our biggest baby! The doctor confirmed February 5th today as our csection day. I'm getting really excited! I hope to get everything ready for your arrival this weekend Smile

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

It's official, I'm desperate! I read a guaranteed Eggplant parmesan recipe that will put you into labor, I figured what the heck, lets try it for dinner! I mean, if my body is ready to give birth, it will, if not, at least we'll have something new to try for dinner! LOL I've been totally craving vegetables too, so this should be fun.

Mommy is just hurting all over now, my legs and feet are so huge, it's physically painful, my belly is stretching along the top and it is very very sore to even sit up, my contractions hurt me all day long, the pressure *down there* is so intense, and I'm depressed. I feel so blue and down, and I'm ready to meet you now. I'm ready to meet my sweet baby soon! Even if my eggplant doesn't do the trick, we have just 2 weeks and 5 days till your day to be born! I finally cleaned up the house and did your laundry yesterday, and packed up my hospital bag.

So don't think I"m goofy little one, I'm just desperate!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

I have 17 days till you are born! 17 more days inside of me then it is all over! I can't believe it. The doctors office called and confirmed today. It still seems SO FAR away! I'm so ready to meet you. Every day is getting to be like agony with my belly. All 4 of my gallbladder scars are stretched so badly it hurts like the dickens, they burn on the inside, they itch on the outside, it's not fun. But I try to remind myself to be glad you are healthy, and that it will all be over soon, and it's all worth it just to get you here. My swelling hasn't gotten any worse, but no better so I'm just trying to do things a little bit at a time.

I'm trying to keep busy with things around the house so I don't go stir crazy waiting! I just wanted to update my journal that I'm still here, and still fine, and ready as can be!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Today was my 2nd to last doctors visit! I only gained a pound! LOL I'm 169 now, and the swelling took awhile to get better, but now it's almost gone, not near as painful. My blood pressure looked good too! I got the paperwork signed today for your birth! I am having contractions and cramps that hurt sometimes, especially if I walk, and if I was more motivated, I'd probably do more walking, but I'm tired and lazy and I've been resting, and they usually go away after several hours. The doctor told me to keep a close eye on them and call when I think they are getting too frequent. I usually wait to see if things are going to get worse, then they go away all together! LOL My csection scar is burning and sore, but the doctor said that was normal too, just stretching some more! So 2 more weeks from today is the big day, I just can't wait! I've allowed myself the luxury of thinking about you ALL day EVERY day now! I have been keeping it in the back of my mind trying not to get too excited too early, but now I'm in the home stretch and can be a little more patient for a bit longer.

A friend on the internet just found out her daughter is going to be a son! The ultrasound was wrong, so now I'm freaking that we'll have all this pink stuff ready for you to wear, and you'll come out a boy. Man what a shopping trip that'd be after we get home and recooperate! LOL Daddy says thats no big deal but it is to me, because even our socks and onesies around this place are pink! What would I put on you?!!?!?!? LOL I just can'[t wait to see your face and hear your first cry.

38 week checkup:

I lost 5 lbs and weighed 165!! I couldn't believe it. I must not have been swollen that day! Hee hee. Doc finalized my csection plans and now all we have to do is wait a week, and get everything done! I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry, probably a normal thing now!

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

The official birth story of Trinity Arlyne:

I was due February 10, scheduled for a repeat csection on February 5. On Feb 3, I was taking Arielle to dance class. No contractions all day, after having them for days on end (the false kind) so walking without limping was a welcome thing. I was finally being patient as I only had 2 days left! I had every hour planned out on what to do around the house, fun things planned like breakfast out with my mom, things like that.

Arielle, chandler and I arrive at dance class, and I insisted on taking the cross walk across the busy street, even though there was a huge block of ice for several feet before the walk area. I am holding Chandler, holding Arielle's hand, and down we all went. I landed flat on my bottom, and my legs flew up and I further landed on my back. As a victim of this type of incident before, I knew my back was out, and this couldn't possibly be good for my baby. I like to never got up (picture a turtle on it's shell) I was holding back tears of embarrassment as another mom was in her car and saw the whole thing. I finally got up and made sure the girls were ok (I broke Chandler's fall, so she was fine) and continued to the cross walk. Arielle told me the other side was more clear, we should take that way, but no, I insisted on taking that darned icy crosswalk! Duh.

We get inside and I tell the other moms what happened, and everyone was asking if I was ok, and I'm so embarrassed and was like "No, not really" but trying to be a big girl about it. I wanted to make sure the baby was ok, but since we had been almost in the building, I wanted to continue on for Arielle. I figured 30 more minutes would be ok.

After class was over, we raced home as I was panicking. Donnie just happened to be home, he was supposed to go to school for something and missed the deadline so he was there. I came in almost crying telling him what happened, and called the hospital. The nurses said to come in for monitoring since I hadn't felt the baby move since the fall. So he gets in the shower and off we went. He told me I wasn't to do anything else till the baby was born, and that anything the kids needed, he'd do for them.

We got to the hospital and contractions had started up. Still no movement from the baby. We get hooked up and the heartbeat was perfect. So that was a huge relief there. The nurse checked my cervix as routine, and it was 1 cm. We were to sit and wait as they monitored my contractions. THey got a little stronger slowly.

Finally they were getting worse and worse. Donnie took the girls for some snacks to keep his energy up, just in case we had to go into surgery. We had promised them Mcdonald's after we were done getting checked up on, but it wasn't looking so good.

Finally the nurse came in and said she needed to call the doctor but it was probably going to happen that night. She checked me and I was at 4 cm! In an hour! I was in pure panic mode, still thinking the baby was going to be hurt, or come out with brain damage from the fall. 2 minutes later she came in and said the doc was on his way, the ctx were too close. Donnie got on the phone and told mom to get on up there, and called work to let them know he for sure wasn't coming in (although he had planned to stay home and take care of me anyways) Tony told him he'd come by after work to meet the baby. The nurses got busy prepping me, blew an IV line, shaved me, gave me that nasty acid reducer stuff for my tummy, wrapped my hair up.

Mom still hadn't got there, and the nurses were ready to take me over, so we were on our way to the ER, and the nurses were going to watch the kids for us, but then halfway there, they found out the anesthesiologist wasn't in yet, so we were put back in our room to wait. Mom got there just as they were for real ready this time. We walked on over to the OR, Donnie had to wait in the waiting room while I was getting hooked up to all the machines. It hurt like the dickens to walk! I insisted I could, but once I did it, I realized that I was truly in labor, and that fall was a bad one! I got to the OR and it was so weird to be totally alert. The nurses were just starting to prep the room, so I got to sit for a few minutes, chatting away, nervous and scared. Finally the anesthesiologist arrived and started prepping my back for the spinal. He kept missing and hit a nerve several times, which felt like hitting a funny bone on the entire right side. It sent shock waves up and down my right side from shoulder to toes. I was scared he was going to paralyze me!

Finally he got it right and I started feeling tingling. I laid down but didn't get numb NEARLY as fast as I did with Chandler's spinal. Now Donnie was showed in to his chair by my head and I started crying. I went from scared to being paralyzed to scared of feeling the surgery in 2 seconds, and I was a mess. They gave it a good long while to take, and finally, I was numb. Dr. Davis kept testing my skin and even though my toes would wiggle, I was completely numb. They started the surgery before I even knew it! It didn't seem like it took long at all to get the baby out. I had ALOT OF PRESSURE on my chest from the spinal and the pulling of the baby out. I could barely breathe and was so scared but Donnie kept rubbing my head and reassuring me it was alright. Finally, the baby was out. I heard "IT'S A GIRL!" and I was still shocked, even though we'd known that for 20 weeks! I looked over at her and she seemed so tiny.

Rest to follow soon.

Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/18/03
Posts: 45

Part 2 of our story:

When I looked at you sweet Trinity (I forget which person I started writing this in! Guess I'll fix it all when I print), you looked very small and your eyes were wide open. I was literally speechless for once in my life. I cried and cried and cried. I silently thanked God that you were alive and appeared to be well. I couldn't stop crying tears of joy! But you looked pale and fragile. I was so afraid and happy at the same time. I had guessed you to be over 9 lbs, but at birth you looked in the 6 lb range. It took the nurses awhile to get you perked up and crying. Looking at photos of you at birth you looked afraid, like freaked out or something. I still feel incredibly guilty for falling, like I hurt you or something. After a few snuggles you were taken to the nursery for your evaluation with Daddy accompanying you.

As soon as you came out they flipped on the radio and No Doubt's "It's my life" was on. That song is so special to me now. The doctor got to work tying my tubes, and sewing me up. Once you were out I was fine. That pressure of getting you out and the spinal inhibiting my breathing is a scary feeling. Once I got to recovery the itching set in. It started with a scratch here, a scratch there, an offer of medication for this, me turning it down, scratch, I'm fine, scratch scratch, ok, scratch, maybe, scratch scratch scratch, I'll take something, scratch. Yes, that spinal sure made me itchy! I felt great, and was so ready to see you. My toes were moving still when I got to recovery so I wasn't there long. Just enough to monitor vitals for awhile. I took a shot of morphine just in case, I didn't want to start feeling pain in my room. The nurse also called over to the nursery and got your official weight for me, and I about fell out of my bed. 8 pounds 9 ounces! I had no idea you were really that big! I hoped but I wasn't sure.

I got to my room and Granny,Mikah, your 2 sisters, daddy, and Uncle Tony were there. Everyone was so happy and excited. I got to hold you and you were gorgeous. We all took turns holding and cooing over you. I tried to nurse you and wow, you were a pro from the start. You had a great suck, and I could tell we'd have a very easy nursing relationship. I've been able to *read* your 2 sisters frombirth and knew their personalities immediately. With you, I saw an old soul, a quiet waters run deep kind of person. Maybe because you are named for an old soul, my grandmother, I don't know. We'll see if I'm right in a few years!

Everyone left us around midnight-ish. The nurse then came in to tell me their were concerned about your breathing. YOu were breathing at a rate much too fast. They wanted to monitor you overnight till the pediatrician could run tests in the morning. ANything for my little girl. I was sad to give you away, but knew you were in Gods hands. It was a long night, I couldn't sleep without you. My body kept waking up every 2 hours looking for a baby to nurse, and there wasn't one. I cried many times that night, so afraid that something was terribly wrong. The nurses came in and said you needed to eat, but that because you were breathing so fast, if I tried to nurse you, you could aspirate it into your lungs and then we'd have a real problem on our hands. So they got my approval to put a tube down your throat into your belly and feed you formula. At that point, I didn't care what you ate, so long as you were nourished.

The next morning I called my mom crying. I didn't dare call daddy because I knew he and the girls were probably tired andneeded to sleep in. My mom calmed me down and reminded me that Chandler had difficulty breathing in the beginning too, and that you just needed time to get used to life.

The pediatrician then came in and gave me some info, that this was fairly common for csection babies, since you don't get squeezed so bad, your lungs don't have the excess fluid pushed out during the birthing process. It didn't ease my mind much at all.

Finally I called Daddy around noon. He still didn't know what was happening to you. The first thing I heard in the background was Arielle yelling with excitement she wanted to go hold her baby sister. I started crying that no one was going to get to hold you and of course Daddy was then upset. I arranged for Granny to come to the hospital so she could watch your sisters so Daddy could go into the intensive care to be with you for a bit.

A lactation nurse came to see me with a breast pump, and said you hadn't tolerated the formula at all, that we needed breastmilk in your tube, so I set about pumping. It also was a good thing because it told my body to hurry up and make milk, since you weren't there to do that for me.

I spent most of the day crying because every nurse that came in my room asked about you, and who you looked like. I had no idea because I had barely seen you for an hour at this point. Either that, or the nurses would gush at how pretty and gorgeous you were, and again, I had no idea! They were seeing more of you than I had and it hurt. I felt so empty, having just had a baby, and yet I didn'tknow what she looked like, my arms were empty, and it just felt plain wrong.

FInally, my nurse said I could get my cathetar out and try to walk, and then I could go see you. She got me allcleaned up, and it was then I realized, she cleaned me the 1st time after one of my other csections as well. She had always held a special place in my heart and it was when I was sitting on the toilet that I rememberd her! She got me dressed and wheeled me down to you. I still couldn't nurse you until your breathing was under control and all the tests were back. It was hard to hold you and not give you the breast. But you looked so pretty. You scared me because your breathrate was 3 times the normal.

A little bit later on, I had pumped some milk out for you and went to take it to the nurses. They told me that you were going to be ok, and would be back in our room within a few hours and I'd be able to nurse you myself then! I went in to hold you again and nurse you for the 2nd time in your life for a bit before Daddy arrived.

Daddy got there at 4 pm, and was met with the news that you'd be in our room in another hour or so! We were all so glad when they wheeled you in, like you were finally ours to keep! He took your sisters to the gift shop to buy us beautiful roses and a gigantic balloon (he picked the biggest one they had!) and Arielle picked out a horsey toy for your crib.

That night, I kept you by my side allnight long. With your sisters, I let the nursery keep them and bring them to me at feeding time, so I could get rest, and also because getting out of bed was hard. But this time, I just didn't want to let you go again. I kept you right beside me and although it hurt to get up and down alot to get you, it was so worth it. After the empty night before, I was just glad to be with you.

That night I had a nurse who was on my high school swim team. That was so weird having her check out my dressings and scar!

The next day, Thursday, was uneventful. Daddy made plans to come up later in the evening to have dinner together and watch Friends on TV. And he and your sisters did just that. We spent the whole day alone in our room, bored.

Friday was coming home day! It took all morning to get your newborn tests and paperwork done. Daddy came to get us at noon, and we took you home! I had been the talk of the OB ward, that if you wanted to go into labor, just fall on the ice! I felt so silly, but glad no one thought less of me, and was told that the busiest time there is during the winter because all the pregnant ladies take falls! It made me feel a little less guilty that I had fallen. I was extremely sore from it though, and it felt good to relax in the hospital for 3 days. When I got home the pain in my rear end and back was much easier to deal with as it was going away because I had stayed off my feet for so long.

My recovery was probably average. A little easier than with Arielle, a little harder than with Chandler. I always forget that with a csection, yes it hurst, but each day you feel exponentially better. Each day is a huge step forward. I tried to remember that this time. Cosleeping was too hard in the beginning so we did your bassinet and carseat for sleeping, and I was slightly afraid I was too drugged up to sleep next to you. But now I've started sleeping next to you and it is working out great for us both. I'm still glad I followed my instincts when I was too exhausted from the pain pills. I stopped bleeding at 2 weeks PP, but then started back up again the following week. I was supposed to wait 14 days to drive, but I waited 10. At 3 weeks post partum, I'm pretty much back to regular duties, just making sure no one kicks me in the belly cause it's still tender. I don't really pick up the older 2 kiddos because it's just too much work. My scar is crooked where the OB cut a new spot to avoid the adhesions area on my old scar. I was pretty depressed about that at first but daddy assures me it looks fine. The result is a crooked fat roll hanging over my scar, and it's weird. I'm not a vain person, I just don't want people to think I'm disgusting at the beach. The scars are special to me because I gave birth there.

The worst pain by far has been the tubal. My tummy area has been very tender and sore. My scar healed upnicely, after a short scare in the hospital (I coughed and split back open, it healed right back closed) I had extremely numb fingers and at almost 3 weeks PP I'm getting sensation back. I'm in the largest size I've ever been, at size 14, but feel amazingly good, thankst o reassurance from Daddy that I'm the most beautiful woman alive. See, he really was made to father girls, he knows just what to say!

I took pain pills for the 1st week, motrin since then. I still have tape residue all over my body, including on my thighs where the cathetar was taped to my leg to keep it from moving around. My arm is still sore from where the nurse blew out my vein putting in an IV. I had a spinal headache for the first 6 days or so that pain pills wouldn't touch. I also had afterbirth pains, but they only lasted a few days. I think it was far worse with Chandler. Breastfeeding was a bit hard at first because your such was SO strong, I got scabs and sores on my nipples. But I applied lanolin ointment after each nursing session, and I healed right up by the time you were 1 week old. By 3 weeks old, you were in a great nursing pattern. I have had a few moments of the blues, but it's been manageable. Your sisters are adjusting nicely to your arrival. They both love you to pieces. Chandler hasn't really changed any, but Arielle is having a hard time sharing us. We are trying to give her as much extra attention as we can. I think the biggest fear I've had since you are my last to give birth to, is that I'll forget all these tiny details (which is why this birth story is so long, so I'll never forget) and that I don't take enough photos! I've been taking pictures of every moment around here, trying to forever capture the feelings in our house.

All in all it's been a great experience. The first week with you was almost surreal. I had nightmares in the hospital about our fall on the ice. I wonder if I'll ever stop having fear from that day. There are no words to describe the long drive to the hospital to see if you were ok. I was truly terrified. Then when they said it was time to deliver you, part of me was glad to be meeting you, part of me just wanted to see you alive adn well, part of me still wasn't ready yet. You've made a huge difference in our lives, and while I'm sad when I look at you because you are my last baby to give birth to, and I'll never have another newborn in the house, I'm so thankful to have you. You are the perfect final addition to our family. I feel so much more complete than I did before. I feel so blessed and lucky to be given the greatest gift of motherhood. The sacrifices I've made have been well worth it. I hope the rest of our years together are always magical as the days are right now. I look forward to mothering my 3 children, and all the changes and experiences we'll endure together. I may not get to have anymore kids, but I sure get to enjoy the 3 I have got! So with that, I end my final pregnancy journal, and move onto your baby journal!