Ok ok, so we're not sure if you are formed yet, but we are hoping! I miscarried a baby a few weeks ago, and didn't know I was pregnant till after the fact. BUt I could see the baby in my dreams. It was a little angel boy and I could almost feel him in my dream. I can't wait to know you are inside of me, and growing and dream of the day I will hold you. You will be my last child, and I intend on cherishing my final pregnancy. I thought that with your big sister too, but I got really sick and almost died. It was hard to stay positive through the hard times. I'm praying that God has different plans for me this time. ANd I want you to know that even though I won't know for a few days if you are even in existence yet, that you are wanted. You are loved and mommy knows just how fragile life is. I am so looking forward to keeping this journal for you. So you can see all the feelings I have with you inside of me. And someday soon, I'll be writing about your first little kick on this page. And maybe I'll get to write what gender you are! Your sisters didn't want to reveal themselves till birth! Tonight, Arielle kissed my belly and said there was a "baby brudder" in there. Boy or girl, I just hope that you *are* in there now!
Love momma (5/1
Well baby, I think you are forming. I'm only 4 days past ovulation and having slight cramping. I'm not due for my period for 2 more weeks! We leave today for a 2 week vacation to Texas, to see your Uncle Jim and Aunt Barbara. I'm crying as I type this, thinking that when I return, you will be real and I'll have a test to confirm it. Maybe this message will be a reminder of how wanted you are when I'm so ill I can barely sit up! I was very nauseous with Chandler, so I expect to be at least the same with you, if not having actual vomiting. With Arielle I had no morning sickness of any kind. I'll check back in after our vacation and confirm or deny your existance. If not this month, then next month!
It's official! I'm carrying you! We just got back from vacation and daddy stopped every hour on the drive home to let me use the restroom just in case. And when we got home, I took a pregnancy test. The first one was a dud. It didn't do anything, even say negative! So I took a 2nd one, and got a slight faint positive, which was how I did with Chandler. I'm just 2 days late for my period now, and am already sick! Well worth it though.
After I tested, I told Daddy I either got my period or got a positive test, and the right answer (positive test or unused tampon) was behind my back. He looked at me and smiled to see what I'd do. I ended up laughing and he gave me a big hug!
Daddy was ready to hang the moon for me lastnight. He offered me takeout from anywhere I wanted, but I had eaten dinner. He was insistent that I take him up on the offer, so I asked why. His response was: "Because you're pregnant! I have to feed you!"
He told Arielle that mommy had a baby in her belly again. ANd she thought we were going to have you lastnight! LOL Silly girl!
So let the fun begin!
June 12, 2003 5.5 weeks
Yesterday was a horrible day. Someone on the internet accused me of faking of my miscarriage last month for attention, and said I didn't deserve to be a mother, and that my girls deserve better than me. I spent most of lastnight in hysterics, and I hope as time goes on baby, you see that I'd do anything for you and your sisters. For people to say that about me, they just don't have a clue how much being a mother defines who I am. I've felt so wonderful this last week, being pregnant. I almost wonder if I am! No sickness, yet, who knows, with Arielle I had none, with Chandler it was just extreme nausea. My face is super gross with acne, but other than that, I glow already! Tonight I was looking in the mirror wondering why I had makeup on, then I remembered, I didn't! My face is just that wonderful. I'm so excited that this pregnancy is starting off on a good foot. I'm already starting to show, probably because I'm eating 10 meals a day! I can't get enough food! Chandler weaned this week, and I'm SO happy my breasts didn't get huge and swollen. When I tried to wean her last time, I was so big it was totally uncomfortable so I gave up. When I weaned Arielle, I got an infection.
So many things just seem to be going wonderfully, like God was ready for us to have a baby as much as we were ready! Arielle told me tonight, that she was in Jesus' belly, and when she came out, He said Julie and Donnie would be the best parents for her. She said this because she keeps telling me you need to be a boy (or a girl, depending on her mood!) and I tell her that Jesus will pick us the perfect baby for our family and send it to us. So now she sees that He picked her and CHandler for us too! My first doctors appointment is one week from today. I'll be 6.5 weeks. Love, momma
There is a good reason I'm not writing much right now, I'm so sick!!!!!!!!!! It's been a bad week, mommy just can't move! My sickness wears off around 6 pm, I get a shower, get the girls bathed and in bed, and then I'm falling asleep myself! I love scrapbooking but don't even do that anymore! I'm anxiously awaiting the 2nd trimester, where hopefully this will subside some!
My first doctor's appointment is this Thursday, 3 days away! I'm really excited to see my new doctor, get weighed, and just generally be told "You're pregnant!" Hee hee. I hope they do an ultrasound, I just want to see your tiny tiny body in there, although I'm sure you don't look like much yet! I can't wait till the day that we find out what gender you are, whenever that is! (Your sisters were bashful and waited till their birthdays to show me)
On the days where I feel awful, I just think of you, and the day that I'll get to hold you for the first time, and it makes everything more bearable. Daddy and I talk about you all the time. Arielle is so excited, and I know Chandler will be mesmerized with a new person around! She's only 1 1/2 so she can't understand yet Trust me little one, you are well talked about already!
Everyday I get more and more glad that we spaced you in closely with your sisters. You'll be over half a year old when Arielle starts school, I'm not sure I could've handled pregnancy/newborn days with her in school! I look at our 2 children and can't believe we are so lucky to be adding another one! Arielle has her 4th birthday party this weekend, and it just doesn't seem possible. I remember having her, wondering if we'd ever have more! My mom had always said I'd only give birth once, and not like it so I'd never have more! She was so wrong, I love giving birth! Even though it is yucky csections, it's worth it to get my precious babies! I'm already brainstorming on snacks to take to the hospital for middle of the night feedings. See, your Memere had sent peanut butter fudge for me, and I found it while nursing Chandler in the middle of the night in the hospital, and I was falling asleep holding her, and eating that fudge was yummy and a great way to stay awake! So I'm packing myself fun treats to eat so I can stay awake with you, and not be afraid I'm going to drop you. I am nervous about all the "what ifs" in life, but I know God will protect you and take care of you.
Sweet baby, I cannot believe I forgot to enter in my 7 week doctor visit! I'm 11 weeks tomorrow and starting to function better. The nausea isn't too bad anymore, comes if I eat too much or something unsettling. Most things sit well! The other night I loved spaghetti so much , I made it again the next night! I think Daddy was just glad I was eating!
Arielle is convinced you are a girl, and calls "Inee" Her pronunciation of *Trinity* She told me in the car yesterday that you were going to be the bestest most perfect baby. So someday remember that, even if you are a little boy, you'll still be perfect to her! I cried in the car!
I had a doctor visit at 7 weeks 2 days. I was 136 pounds, down from the 140 I was on vacation before I got pregnant
Everything looked great and I got an ultrasound of you. I can't explain how magical it was to see you, not knowing what was what yet, but your little heart was beating. It was so peaceful and wonderful to know you are *ALIVE* in there! I know the other kids were too, but I didn't even get to hear the heartbeats with them till 12 wees or so, and I didn't get to see them on ultrasound till 20 weeks! By then the babies had already made themselves known! You, you are barely disturbing a thing in there but you have a heartbeat and I felt so happy to see it and know for sure. I was afraid I'd lose you since I lost a baby right before you were created, but God is with us, and keeping you safe. I go back to the doctor in another week and a half. My biggest concerns with this pregnancy are heartburn (I had to take a prescription antacid with Chandler) and Gestational diabetes. I had borderline with Arielle, diet controlled with Chandler, so I'm scared I'll have it again with you. But being pregnant has changed me this time, I feel more compelled to eat nutritious foods than I did with the girls. Daddy thinks you are a boy for that!
I can't wait to find out what you are, and dream of holding you. It's hard to imagine holding a genderless baby,b ecause when you don't find out the gender, you either have to picture yourself hold a bundle of pink, then a bundle of blue, or just genderless. I really want to have gender appropriate daydreams this time! Hee hee. But I'm at peace with the fact that you may not show either, I think I can wait 30 more weeks if I *really* have to!
Until my next update baby.......and I'm sorry I've neglected the journal. Someday this will be in your scrapbook, don't think I wasn't excited, just chasing after your sisters, keeping the house clean, being sick and tired, leaves not much time!
Mommy is almost 12 weeks along now. Back to being tired and sicky feeling. I'm hoping it is just exhaustion from a birthday party we went to yesterday. I had some weird dreams, and pleasant conversations about boys, so I'm almost 100% convinced you are a boy! If you are a girl, I'll be just as thrilled, but surprised! Hee hee, I just feel it inside of me. With Arielle, I didn't really feel anything. WIth Chandler, I thought she was a girl for sure, but everyone kept saying boy so I let them convince me she was. ANd she was all girl. ANd now you, since you are our last everyone else wants us to have a boy, but daddy and I honestly don't really care, just want you healthy and here safe! But if I had to make an educated guess now...
I go to my doctor at the end of the week, and I'm really excited. I'm almost in the 2nd trimester and I'm so glad! That makes it that much closer to the time to meet you! I'm a little scared, but that's true of all my pregnancies. Right now I'm scared I'll have acid reflux again, only my luck will be I won't get prescription zantac, that was my saving grace in the pregnancy with Chandler. I'm also afraid of getting gestational diabetes again. I have had dreams of you being early, your birthday should be about a month after Chandler's 2nd birthday, and I keep getting paranoid thoughts that your birthday will happen BEFORE she turns 2. I'm trying to be health conscience when I eat, all the memories of gallbladder attacks haunt me now, even though I was mentally moving past all that, anxiety has crept back up on me. I'm really worried about that gestational diabetes, because if you have that, it increases your chance for regular diabetes later in life. I'm worried that Chandler won't do well while I'm in the hospital with you, worried that the girls won't adapt well to another sibling (though I'm sure they'll be smitten, I just get scared) worried worried worried. Hard to believe in another 26 weeks or so, this won't matter at all. You'll be here and everything will work out fine! I'll write again soon, Love Momma
Today was my 12 week visit baby. I LOST a pound, putting me to 135! I know you are growing ok though, I can feel you. And I'm eating pretty well now, and drinking tons of water. I still need to get my vitamins from the pharmacy, my insurance held it up all these weeks, but they finally approved it. So now I just have to drive across town!
Today Daddy took us all to the doctor then out to eat, and said he wants to save money every month to go out on OB visit day, to make me feel special and feed our little baby!
The doctor gave me the ok, and said next visit I'll get blood work, and the visit after that we'll have our ultrasound to see who you are!!! I'm so EXCITED! And another testimony to what a great OB I picked this time, when he couldn't find your heartbeat, he said he'd just do an ultrasound to see it instead, then he found it. WIth CHandler when her's didn't show up at first, I had to wait 4 agonizing weeks to go back and hear it on the doppler again. Iw as so worried that my baby was no longer there. Today everyone got to hear you! It was a special moment. I can't believe you are on your way!
This is your very first scrapbook page! The ultrasound didn't show up very well, but who could tell at 7 weeks anyways?!?!
I am 13 weeks today!!! I think I'm either in the 2nd trimester or on my way. I'm so glad, I'm already feeling a little more energetic. I've not gained any weight which is amazing since my belly is pooched! I can feel you flutter in there already. This morning I woke up sore and swollen feeling, my feet are swollen. I'm thinking "Already?"
Daddy and I were counting up some things that need bought, and it seems like I our time till you get here is really short now! LOL BOth your sisters need all new clothes and shoes and a coat for the winter, then mommy's contacts will need rebought, then by this point it'll be Christmas gift time, then Chandler's birthday, then you'll be due soon after! Somewhere in there daddy promised me a nice new stroller I can't wait to push you in it.
So even though I'm 13 weeks, we really have barely enough time to get done all the things that need done, which is good so that I'll be occupied. I cannot wait to meet you.