Seriously? I took the test just to prove that I wasn't pregnat. I never dreamed that it would show up positive. Well maybe I have dreamed, after all, I've wanted a baby since I was a baby. I just didn't think this Easter was it. My mom asked me last Saturday if I was pregnant. NOPE. No way, no how. Didn't happen that month. All of a sudden, I'm singing a totallly different tune. My period wasn't even late yet, well not compared to its schedule. I don't know, its never been normal, but my last cycle had been 25 days and this was day 28. I was terrified and nervous, and I can't beleive that I'm really going to be a mommy. When did I grow up? Yes I'm 29 but all of a sudden I am not the baby anymore. I'm going to have a baby. I'm someones mom. There is going to be a little life totally dependent on me. It's all overwhelming and I don't know what I'm going to do. I know this is starting out as a ramble, and beleive me, I never thought that I would ramble this much. After all, I'm a writer, my dreams are coming true, its just for right now. You can come in and comment any time you want. Its just going to be my rants and raves about pregnancy and letters to my baby. My baby. Wow, two little words that can totally change your life.
Well two type of prgnancy tests and three tests later I am definitely pregnant. I'm still in shock but I'm loving every minute of it. I had my first round of nausea last nght as I was laying in bed. I started to throw up but I choked it back and re-brused my teeth. Today I'm feeling it a little bit more. I know I'm getting my folic acid, so I don't know what it is, but I'll talk to the doctor about it.
My first doctors appointment is on May 11, 2006 at 8:30. I was hoping it would be with my ob/gyn but acording to Kaiser Hospital the first appotintment is always with a prenatal specialist. As long as they can tell em what to do, I really don't care.
I thought I knew tons of stuff about pregnancy. Turns out I know a lot about symptoms and very little about pregnancy. I have so many questions about food and positions to lay down in and sex.
By the way, no sex. At least thats what the nurse told me yesterday because I was spotting. No sex until at least my first doctors appointment. My husband just got back from a five day vacation and I can't touch him. Drives me nutty, plus I got 11 more days of this? Aye, how do people handle this? We're both very touchy people so this is really hard for us.
I've heard that you shouldn't lay on your back during pregnancy because it cuts off air supply to the baby. Big problem. I love laying on my back. I fall asleep that way most the time. Okay, so I'll learn to sleep on my side. Last night I fell asleep on my stomach but I know soon I'll be too big for that. There are just so many questions and no where near enough answers.
Wow, what an awsome experience it is going to be to carry you around for the next nine months. I can already feel tiny movements around although that may just be gas. Mommy's got a lot of it. I can't wait to meet you and play with you and to love you so much. I already do love you. Come out in eight months and play with me okay.
Well I've been throwing up for three days every morning like clockwork and if I dont eat I get nauseaous so I guess this is what they call morning sickness, even if it does last all day. I'm not really complaining, after all, at least I know it ends and I'm going to have a baby at the end of all of it. I'm still kind of wondering how all this is going to work. I mean, I only have a two bedroom place and we have two kids from a previous marriage, but only every other weekend. We talked about rearranging yesterday. I don't know how we're going to do it but somehow. I definitely think we'll be moving the bed further over in our room. Right now its pretty close to the window and I sleep on that side. We're going to need that side of the room for a bassinet or cradle. Which brings me to a confession. I've been shopping. I went baby shopping online. I found so many cute things including the bassinet I want for 40 dollars but I can't buy it yet. I dont want to buy anything until the second trimester. I want to make sure this baby sticks.
Ouch heartbearn. Okay back to the previously scheduled talk
My firend Kristy is moving to North Dakota. I personally think she's insane, but thats just her. My mom and Aunt gave her this great bassinet when her son Adam was born. I'm wondering if she'll want to take it with her. After all, Adam is two years old now and she doesnt know if she wants more children. Whats she going to do with it, and with Kristy I know it will be well taken care of and clean.
Theres so much to think of in the next few months and so much to wonder about. I have my first ultrasound scheduled for May 17. I'll only be about five and a half to six weeks but the nurse said that thats okay. We might be able to make out a heart by then.
Okay I got to go to the bathroom, yet again. I swear I'm just going to move my office into the bathroom.
Well I should go anyways, I have to finish this project for my boss today.
Later, Erin and Stitch.
Ouch, cramping. I've been cramping all morning. It hurts. I know its normal and trying not to dramatize it, but I'm scared. Its not serious cramping. Its still light enough that I can get up and move around, in fact I'm even going to Sunday School and to a BBQ afterwards, its just slightly pannicking. I'll feel better Friday when I have the results from the blood test. I wish Kaiser would have let me done them last week. I know probably everything is fine, but I can't help worrying. I'm a worrier by nature, when you add a pregnancy onto that, well it gets magnified by about a million.
More cramping today. We don't like cramping. At least I don't, but no blood and its not serious enough to even take a tylenol so I'm going under the assumption of growing pains. I can't beleive I'm five weeks. I can't believe its been a week since I found out. So much has been found out in that one week. Today I was looking on Web MD. Did you know that right now, while my uterus is about the size of my fist its going to be the size of a grapefruit in 8 weeks. I have really small hands. I dont know if thats average size or my size. I've always been petite.
I haven't gained any weight yet which kind of shocks me. Its a good thing, but with the way I've been eating, it kind of shocks me. I guess I'm just not eating anything even close to what I would need to to put on weight. I ate an average of 1200 cals a day before. I need to start tracking again to see what I'm putting in now. I'm sure on Saturday I put in a lot more than that. Mc Donalds for lunch and then a huge piece of pizza at an arena football game.
My DH laughs at me a lot because I talk to my belly. I don't care. I think its great to talk to. So does my mil. My mom thinks I'm a little weird, but honestly, I am, so I have no problem with it.
Well dinner is ready so I better go get it before Daddy eats it all. He eats more than me, although I'm sure that will be changing before long.
Its ridiculous how much you can love something thats not even the size of a grain of rice, but you can. You can love something that doesn't weigh one oz so much that it hurts when you think you might be losing it. I've had so many dreams about this baby. I've also had dreams that I'm losing the baby. Those are the worst. Even worse is when you go to the bathroom and you see the pink. Yes its just a drop. Nothing more than one little drop, but your heart sinks to your stomach and you choke back a tear. A taste of bile brings you back to reality. People spot all through their first trimester right? Everything is going to be okay. There's been no cramping today. No sign that anything is going wrong. This baby has got to be okay. I don't know what I'll do if something isn't okay, because this baby, this baby is my life.
Okay well they said not to worry because I'm not cramping in doubling over type pains. Yeah, sure, don't worry. Easier said than done, but I really am trying.
So I went to my first official appointment today. It was different than any doctors appointment I've ever been to, but then she's not a doctor either. She was the pre-natal clerk. I sat in her office and told her all about the family history. Hear disease, diabetes, chrons, the works. All of it. It brought up some scary thoughts. I want this baby to be okay.
I have another appointment tomorrow with Dr. Hsu. She's my actual ob/gyn. I like her lot and I trust her to deliver this baby more than I trusted anyone else I've talked to. Peggy Hsu. Sounds like Peggy Sue. I can't say Dr. Hsu without throwing the Peggy in there. She's an absolute doll. 35 years old (maybe) and cute and sweet. I love her, but we're having a consultation to see if I am high risk because of chrons disease. I want this baby to be okay. So, if it means that I have to go to a perinatal specialist, then so be it. I will do anything for this baby.
They also changed the date of my first u/s. Its a little later, but only by two days and I'll get to see the heartbeat hopefully. Its also on a Friday afternoon which is so much better than the middle of Wednesday morning, so I'll only need to take an hour off work instead of four.
Okay so what I wasn't expecting yesterday when I went in was a surprise ultrasound. But when my doctor wheeled it in, I wasn't going to object. She warned me that since I was so early we might not be able to see anything. She was wrong. We saw a baby. We have a heartbeat. It was the most emotional moment of this pregnancy so far. I was crying. I couldn't believe it. There was my stitch. My baby. His or her little heart pounding away. It was so cool. The doctor says I have a huge yolk sac but thats apparently nothing to worry about. It just means that theres lots of room to grow. No complaints here. I can't beleive I really am having a baby. She also said that its got a good strong heartbeat. I'm so excited. We took our first pics. I called my husband. I'm so sorry he couldn't be there. If I had known she was planning that, I would have had him there. Oh well, next Friday can't come soon enough for either one of us.
Oy, what a rollercoaster my body is on. I have been so sick today only I haven't gotten sick yet. I'm just constantly suffering with nausea. No fun at all. I couldn't even eat my lunch. I could just see it coming back up. I didn't need that, so I skipped it and had a 7/up instead. I know I need to eat, I'll try and eat at dinner time and I'll try and eat healthy. I've been craving spinach salad so I hope that my salad is still good.
Kevin has been so supportive through all of this and trying to stay on my good side. It worked real well until he tivo'd over my greys anatomy season ending. Oh man, did he get yelled at for that. I dont know if I can forgive him for that. Don't take away a pregnant womens favorite tv show. I live for Sunday nights (okay Monday and Tuesday nights because I cant stay up till 10 to finish Desperate Housewives let alone Grey's Anatomy) but I love those shows. Take those away, and I'm just not me. Its like with Friends. After friends went off the air, I went into shock. I missed Rachel and Monica and Chandler and Joey (Pheobe and Ross, not so much) but they were my friends. I needed them. Yes I get very attached to my television shows.
I just want to go home right now, but unfortunately I still have and hour and a half left and Friday I am working a full day to make up time for last Wednesday's appoitment. All of this is getting confusing. I have preggo brain. Big time. The other day I went to the store to get two things. Milk and Ice Cream. Well I got the ice cream, but when my husband asked me where the milk was, I realized I hadn't gotten it. We still haven't gotten any, and we're completely out. Scatterbrain, drain brain, preggo brain, whatever it is, I have it.