i thought i would start one of these now, i keep meaning to. im 18 years old, just, so is my fiance, paddy, we have been together almost one year now and its crazy to think how far we have come in that time. im now 23 weeks pregnant, due on june 12th, i cant wait! though things are pretty tough for us both throughout this whole thing. basically we got pregnant because i was told i was infertile by someone who i believed, i shouldnt have, but anyway when we found out i was actually pregnant we were terrified, but at the same time totally happy n excited! when we found out our angel is a boy we where even more excited! pat really wanted a boy!
at the moment i am still in college, pat is trying to find work. i finish college in april which is ment to be when we move into the hoouse we r renting off my dad, if pat manages to get a job by then n it all goes through ok with buying it. i hope it does i just want everything to be perfect. pat has had 2 interviews we r waiting to hear on, so im just wishing things turn out good! i have bought most of the stuff i need for baby with my birthday money, so im getting there! im so so excited!
health wise im okish...i keep getting a blistering rash on my skin that i need blood tests for n i feel run down n tired 24/7 it makes it pretty hard to get into college. not that the horrible admin lady understands at all! grrrr! my mu got her divorce so things r looking good for her anyway! n i get tomoro off college for blood tests, much to the disapproval of nasty admin lady!
i have decided to leave my birth board because this women is judging me for being young! i dont want to tell her why i got pregnant or how badly she is bringing me down by judging me like this, i dont wanna give her the satisfaction of knowing she is hurting me. i just sit here happy in the knowledge that i will be a wonderful mum no matter what she thinks!
ok its stupid-oclock in the morning n im up worrying, i gotta try to make an appt for some blood tests today! the blister on my hand is so painfull that it hurts to even close my hand! im so worried bout my little dylan i hope this isnt anything that will hurt him im being so carefull this whole pregnancy but it seems like no matter how carefull i am being things r still going wrong!
i also dont feel like im getting support anywhere! the situation on my birth board seriously upset me, but when i posted about it on my teenage preg board a host from my birthboard came n made me feel like **** for leaving. but i coouldnt stay. how could i when i knew i was being judged! its just not fair, i should get treated like every other mum to be would, but i dont feel like i do! i love my baby already n i know i will be a good mum! im already giving him everything i have! it doesnt feel like anyone sees the sacrifices i make, just the fact that i am young n therefore must be wrong!
the doctors went okish, im on antiboitics n they took blood n wee samples which i get the results of on friday hopefully so fingers crossed till then! i hate having to take talets while im pregnant! im so paranoid bout them! grrr
god i wrote in this already! but it got bloody deleted lol!!!
well college today was ****e! i was so tired when i woke up! i didnt even want to do anything! but i had to go in coz i had a meeting with some women who stalks me! lol im sure she does! anyway when i got in, she was off ill! grrrr! well i been feeling like crap anyway! n i hate taking these anti-biotics! im so worried they r hurting dylan! i had a horrible pain in my side today when i was sat in class! i put my hand where it was n put some pressure on it n im sure i felt movement there! i think maybe he could have found something inside me to kick that just hurts!? i dont know, im so worried! sometimes i wish i could just look inside myself n have a check if he is ok, just to put my mind at rest lol! god pregnancy is such a worrying time! well ill be 24 weeks next monday so apparently some babies survive outside the womb from then so i hope ill be less worried then! lol! my next midwife appointment is only on the 27th so im well nervouse till then! i wish i saw her every week instead of every 4 weeks!
well its valentines day today! we dont celebrate it though! i just dont see how its romantic for someone to be forced to be romantic. anyway, everyday is like so romantic with pat! im so lucky to have found him! i think bout him every day! i dont like that we cant see each other whenever we want to! i really cant wait till we live together! pat got some interviews coming up this week anyway so im just keeping my fingers crossed for them! all has gone through great with the house so we should be able to get in at april as long as pat has a job by then! i think he is feeling the stress of it all though, bless him! he is really trying his best with all this but isnt getting anywhere fast. i hope he is ok, i worry bout him alot too! he never commited to anyone before me n now he is literally in at the deep end! bless him. he tells me he loves me everyday. i love him more then anything, i really dont know what i would do without him!
his auntie gave us some more stuff for the house today, she is moving n pat got loads of cool ornaments n pictures n stuff. he is so excited bout them, i havent seen them yet, dont know when i will coz i dont go to his house much, its too far for me to travel on my own, i dont like walking on my own in the dark no more. thats something else i been feeling...really anxious 24/7 i even turn every switch off in the house before i go to bed coz im terrified of there being a fire! i wonder why im being like that! my cat still isnt well, but she started eating again today, which is really brilliant! anyway i think that concludes today lol!
i feel so depressed today n i dunno why! well me n pat had a little argument yesterday, but that has been resolved now so i dont know. i think he is just really stressed out about this whole job thing! i really hope he gets this next one! he just got a letter saying he didnt get the job from his last interview. i can understand how it could be really discouraging for him! but he shouted at me then i shouted back for no reason, but it only lasted like 20 mins n we are fine now. i just cant help thinkin that we arent gonna end up moving in when we planned to. he really need to get a job before we can do anything, but he just isnt getting very far fast enough! also this thing on my birth boad has me really upset. seems i cant even talk to people on my other boards about it without being followed and shouted at. i just feel like im being treated like **** by everyone, i just wanna give up sometimes. i dont feel like i have anyone to turn to, n i go from being really happy, to really sad in like a couple of minutes coz people keep taking things out on me. n now i feel like im being stupid feeling sorry for myself, but i just couldnt stop mysef crying last night n today i havent even got dressed coz i cant work up the energy. i hope none of this is hurting little dylan, i love him so much i would hate to be hurting him! but whatever i do i just dont feel like i can cheer myself up, or even get out of bed today. The thing is im so happy bout this pregnancy! its just everyone elses reactions that r hurting me like this, but i cant help but let them get to me. i wish i could.
got my bloods back on thursday, well i didnt understand what they ment at all! lol! they were all in doctor language! well i made an appointment to see my doctor on tuesday so she could explain them to me. they did tell me that i am slightly anemic though, gutted! i cant take iron tablets! everytime i even try i throw up violently n dont eat anything all day! my dads been on at me saying im anemic because im vegitarian! its not at all, its because im still thowing up most things i eat n only seem to be able to keep doen rubbishy foods like biscuits n chips n plain things like that! my morning sickness should be over by now, but of corse it isnt lol! im just having the most awkward pregnancy ever! also they said the glucose levels where fine, so i think that means im not diabetic, which is one thing they were worried about so its good if im not! i would hate that!
on the plus side we called the people we are buying the house off because they offered to sell us some furniture, so we rang to see what they had n the prices of them. but when we called, they said would it be ok if they just left some they didnt want! of course we jumped at the chance of free furniture! wooo! so we got a big lovely computer desk, some gardening stuff including an expensive lawnmower and some other stuff for free! its so good! also, pats mum n dad r giving us their computer and tv! we should be fine for when we move in! which will hopefully be in april, if pat gets a job by then. he finds out bout an interview on monday, i hope he gets the job! we really just need him to get one then we will nearly be sorted! all the big things will be over anyway! thats a massive load off my mind!
its mine n pats one year anniversary on wednesday, i bought him some xbox games which he has already! lol! he cant wait for anything!
here r my 24 week belly pics:
this is me in my going out dress, bought new for my fat belly:
this is me in my long comfy jumper im never out of!
i think im getting big now, not as big as i will be though! my friend who is bout my size was sooo big b4 she gave birth! its frightening!
well i went to see the doctor today... and they dont have clue what is wrong with me! the anti-biotics didnt help in the slightest so they put me on a strnger dose of those n some iron tablets too! so ill be taking 6 tablets a day now, 2 while im in college! i hope i remember, its so hard to remember anything atm! i am really worried bout them though! if anything they r going to give me scars n they look sooo ugly! also im worried bout if there is something serious wrong n they just dont know what it is. i fell constantly tired now, just thinking bout everything! pat also didnt get the job on monday, bless him! he tries so so hard! i love him to pieces! he got another interview on friday then a driving test next monday, so he cnt come to my midwife appointment. i really hope things go well! he deserves it he really does! he tries so hard for us!
me n pat are going babysitting his collegues baby on saturday, good practice lol! im looking forward to it lots though! he is such a sweet little baby! unfortunately, it will probably also mean ill be up late, which isnt good when im already so tired! ill be up late tomoro night too, its mine n pats anniversary so we r going for a meal! woo! this time last year i was so into him, but wondering if he would ever ask me out! i love him sooo much! i got lots of coursework to do this half term but havent even started yet! im just too tired n too busy n too worried. hmm wont go down well if i dont do it though so i will have to put a day aside for it!
well the anniversary meal was great! we where the only people in the restaurant (it being wednesday n being a small one we love) so we got all the attention. it was an indian so we got lots of half portions n shared them all. not a clue what dylan was doing in there though because my ribs where really hurting all the way through the meal! i think he must have has his head in them or something because they felt like they where being pushed apart! extremely painfull! the owner of the indian noticed im pregnant! guess that means im definately showing now woooo! i cant wait to get bigger! does that sound wierd? its funny i just want to be in my house with my baby in my arms! its so hard waiting when you can see the future so clearly!
paddy has 2 interviews tomorrow n 1 on monday and he has his driving test on monday too! so its gonna be a busy week for him this week! were planning to go to southport to the funfair on saturday though so hopefully that will take his mind off the stress! he has been so stressed lately, so today, while he was at mine, i arranged a completely stress-free day for him, made him fairy cakes, ran him a bath, n made him like 50 cups of tea before he had to go to work. i hope it made him feel better, he is so worried all the time now! i just want him to know i appreciate everything he is doing for me n the little one! he will be the best dad anyone could ever ask for! i just know it! he has so much love to give! i just wish he saw his own good qualities!