Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated for a whole week! I've been exhausted. 8 weeks today For whatever reason I like even numbers. I ordered my doppler tonight, it takes 2-5 buisness days, I'm hoping its here by thursday. Everything so far still seems to be going ok, although I am still so scared. I'm still unable to really connect with this pregnancy, I'm hoping that the doppler (and hopefully hearing the h/b) helps me to connect.
Appointment with the ob coordinator tomorrow, I'm not going to forget this time!
This week I've been getting sick more often. Almost lost it in the grocery store. Barely made it through Hannahs diaper yesterday. I just hope this is a sign little bean is growing strong in there.
I got my doppler thursday. Haven't been able to hear a h/b, but the doppler picks up on something in the 130-140 range. Too fast for mine (which it picks up at 70-90) and too slow to be the chambers of my heart (picks up at over 200). I'm just not sure if its the baby though because I can't HEAR it. Ah well. Will have to wait.
I had a crazy dream last night. I gave birth, on the sidewalk in front of my house. I was shocked because it was girl, and I'm so sure I'm having a boy. Then we went inside, and I was walking around the house with the baby, when suddenly it occured to me that I should go to the hospital! So we went, but there was a grocery store attached to the hospital, and DH wouldn't quit shopping! Finally we go TO the hospital. Somewhere along the way, I realize that its only October and I'm not due until April. So not only did I know have a m/c, but I was father along than they thought even then. So I'm calling people to tell them, and Rita keeps telling me I couldn't have had my baby cause she hasn't had hers yet! I say I know, thats what reminded me it was only october! Finally we get up to a check in desk at the hospital, and tell them we need to go to labor and delivery. The guy looks at me and asks how far in labor I am. I hold the baby up and say "Hello! I already had the baby!" But everyone keeps stalling on us going upstairs.... then the baby gets up and starts walking around, and I'm on the phone with Rita again. When I see the baby walking I tell her in shock, then tell the baby "Lay your butt down you're too young for that!" Then I woke up. WEIRD.
I've been thinking seriously that I want to be a surrogate mom. In fact, I've pretty much decided that I'm going to do it. I talked to DH last night about it some. I made it clear that I'm not going to do it for money, and that while there are people who get paid $10,000 to do it, thats not going to be us. I don't want to be paid, I just want to help someone who can't carry a baby realize there dream. He asked what if I change my mind 6 months into it. I explained I can't, its THEIR egg and sperm, not mine, so its never MY baby. I could be an egg donor, but not carry that baby too, it'd be too hard to seperate my feelings.
I'm ok with carrying a baby thats not mine. I love being pregnant, but don't want to keep having children to raise after, I think I may be happy with just 3 (maybe four). (this time, of course, I WANT the baby at the end). So being a surrogate would be perfect for me. I don't want to do it for just some random person. I'd like to do it for someone I know, or at least someone on pregnancy.org. It'd be great to do it for someone who lives in this area so they can be as much a part of the pregnancy as possible, but hey, if the person who needs it most lives in California, then so be it. Don't know why I'm putting this here, just felt a need to put it somewhere.
Geez I don't post a lot even where there is a lot of stuff going on!
Friday I had a WONDERFUL day! First off, in the morning, I heard the h/b for the very first time. It was very clear, nothing like I heard even with my last pregnancy on my home doppler. It was so comforting. DH got half the day off on Friday for some appointments, so around those we took the kids out to lunch together, and went to Lynds fruit farm. We had so much fun! It was a bit of a drive but worth it IMO. We picked pumpkins first, we were supposed to get 2 (letting each kid pick their own) but DH got so excited we ended up with 4. Then we picked apples, ended up with WAY too many but really didn't spend that much money. And they are SO good. The kids just though it was so cool to pick the apples right of the branches. Hannah saw me and DH tasting the first apple we picked to make sure we liked that kind, and thought you were supposd to bite EVERY apple. So we had to keep an eye on her and her teeth We also got some peaches and tomatos, which are also very good. I got some indian corn to give the kitchen a "fall" feel, I love the look of indian corn haven't gotten any in a long time. We got a few small pumkins too (they were 3 for $1 I couldn't resist!) I'll let the kids have fun with those and markers. I'm also going to *attempt* homemade pumpkin pie.
Friday night we had a nice, sit down dinner, we splurged on some good steaks and had salad, homemade fries, steak, rolls, carrots, fried apples, cut up tomato, it was all sooo good! And just nice to have that family time together.
Yesterday wasn't such a good day. After 6 weeks of nothing I had a bit of spotting. Not much, only there one time, nothing since then, but enough to freak me out. I listened with my doppler after and heard the h/b, but it only eased my mind a little bit. I was pretty shook up and ended up falling asleep, DH was nice enough to keep the kids away from me for awhile so I could have a decent nap. When I woke up I felt pretty queasy. I made a homemade peach pie (DH had never had one) then went to start dinner. I couldn't stand the thought of touching raw meat all of a sudden, so I had DH put the ground mean in the pan, then tried to cook it. I made it about 60 seconds, then went running for the bathroom. Between rounds of throwing up I managed to yell to DH that the food on the stove was still cooking. Odd, that I have spotting and then have my 2nd time of throwing up this entire pregnancy all in one day.
On the bright side yesterday, DH LOVED my peach pie, even though he doesn't really care for peaches. That made me feel good
My first pre-natal appointment is tomorrow at 9am. I am hoping that this spotting yesterday turns out to be nothing but gets me another u/s, if I could just see that my baby is growing on target I will feel so much better.
The next 2 1/2 weeks are big for me. If you go by what the baby measured, I was 10 weeks 4 days when I m/c'd. I'm 10 weeks today. If you go by the actual age of the baby, it was 12 weeks 3 days (I think). So, as if I wasn't already going to be a nervous wreck for the next couple of weeks, lets add a bit of spotting to the mix...
Ok, being lazy and just copying and pasting my birth boards post:
Had my first official pre-natal appointment today. It went very well. BP normal at 120/82, haven't gained any weight yet. Talked to my dr about the bit of spotting, she was a bit disappointed that it wasn't just caused by DTD, but not really concerned either. She acknowledged that I am going to be a nervous wreck no matter what, which made me smile. She did a pap, which always causes me to spot, so I'm hoping that it stop by tomorrow. She felt my uterus and says it feels just like it should at 10 weeks, which was very comforting to me. Then she got out her doppler, and after a few minutes of manipulating my stomach and poking around, she was able to hear little beans h/b, much louder and clearer than I get at home. I have to admit, I was a little bit disappointed that she was able to find it, as it meant no U/S. She said that everything looks great and "we're on our way". As of right now, with my uterus the right size and hearing the h/b, we will let the spotting go, and I am to call if anything changes, any cramping, etc. I go back in one month, the day after I get back from my cruise. I'm a bit disappointed about not getting another u/s, but feel a lot better after seeing my dr, and am starting to get more excited!
On a side note, journal only, work just sucked today! I won't say too much on here, but basically, there were a couple of people who were just playing around all day and not helping at all, and I just got sick of it. The day ended in a nice little blow out between 2 other employees because of it, and having a nice little talk with my lead. Hopefully things will get better, because today was just ridicolous!
I felt SO pregnant yesterday! First off I was really tired, just did not want to get up. Then I was extra hormonal. Felt sad and depressed, no reason what so ever, just sad and depressed. All you had to do was enter the room I was in to get on my nerves, heck not even that, just be in the same house as me. I could feel my uterus when I moved around (still can today) that part actually made me feel good. I had to pee every 2 hours or less, the minute I stood up no matter where I was, I had to pee. Same today, but I'm drinking less right now cause I'm at work, so having to go a bit less. I ate like a freaking pig! I was just telling DH that I haven't gained anything yet, then sat down to dinner and ate corn, tater tots, and THREE sloppy joes. I normally can barely eat ONE. But I just wanted to eat!
Today I'm feeling a bit more "normal" but still feeling pregnant, which is nice
Remember how I said I felt icky wensday? At my lunch (dinner) break I ended up throwing up in my car, into a mcdonalds bag. Not fun!
My emotions have been all over the place. Poor Dh has had to put up with me.
Birthday was yesterday, a lot of people at work forgot but throughout the day got reminded by different people. I got a couple of cards and some balloons. DH worked out a new couch for me, not "new new" because its his bosses old couch, but its in perfectly good condition. They haven't brought it over yet, I can't wait! We went to dinner last night. It was great getting to spend time with my friends. We went to Olive Garden, which I LOVE. However, I took one bite of my fettucini alfredo, and was DONE. I couldn't even look at it. At that DH decided to tell everyone, but rather than come out and say it, he gave hints all night, which people picked up on but no one would say anything. I would have thought me slowly rolling away from the table to avoid so much as smelling my dinner would have been hint enough, lol. Finally at the end of dinner it "came out" and we talked a little bit about my due date and stuff. I think people were a little bit uncomfortable becuase of my loss or something. None the less the night was really nice.
I haven't been around here much the past few days, didn't get a chance to post Thursday, my computers internet access wasn't working Friday, and Saturday I was training the new girl so I couldn't get on either. Been trying to catch up a bit today.
I've been peeing SO much! If I stand up, I have to pee. I've been getting heartburn really bad. My back pain is really getting to me. Its started so early this time and is SO bad. I spent about an hour cleaning the house Friday and felt like I was going to die when I was done. DH ended up putting clothes away because I just couldn't do it.
I think sometimes I feel little flutters, but really I can't tell. I could be imagning it, or it could be gas. Getting easier and easier to find the h/b, which is fun I don't listen to it "as much" just a quick listen once a day to calm my mind.
This is a big week coming up. My lost date. I'm freaked out a bit. I will be happy at the 13 week mark. I keep getting the times mixed up, but our angel passes at 12 weeks 2 or 3 days. So even 12 weeks 4 days will be a relief.
We leave on our lovely FREE cruise on Saturday! Its so close, I can't believe it!
AND the 2nd trimester is only 1 week away!
Now, for whats been going on. I sent an e-mail out to everyone announcing that I'm pregnant Tuesday night (so they got the email Wensday). I was in training and then off until Saturday so it gave my department plenty of time to gossip and talk without me having to deal with it. Wensday night Andrews school had a hayride, I went along with Hannah, Rita, and Ritas daughter Kaylee. We tried to walk Ritas baby out of her but no luck. I really want her to have the baby while I'm here but I just KNOW they are going to induce her while I'm gone. I had a headache all day Wensday, which got worse as the night went on. Then I got nausea on top of it, by the time we go home I felt awful. I was carrying in food (we went to Wendy's as it was late and no one had dinner yet) I got halfway up the stairs and had to throw the food on the landing and run to the bathroom. I threw up, which was not fun of course. I felt bad when I came out because Rita and her daughter were cleaning up the pop that had fallen over when I threw it down. I ended up feeling even worse on Thursday, it was like I hit rock bottom misery for this pregnancy. I spent majority of the day on the couch. John was sweet and made me breakfast though.
I feel a bit better now, but I still have my sciatic nerve and a lot of nausea. I thought I was supposed to start feeling better about now! Oh well.
Last night we went to the ER for John. He had a spider bite that turned into an absess. They had to open it and pack it with gauze, pretty gross. His leg hurts today and he's off work probably until Wensday. I took today off because he's on Vicodin and not in the best condition for the kids, and because we didn't get in till 2:30 this morning. By the time we got his med's (love 24 hour pharmacys) we got to bed around 3:30. No way was I going in at 8am! I didn't feel bad though, I've called off on 2 occasions since being in this department in January, and both involved ER's, so I think its pretty darn legitimate. Hopefully I'll have time to post again, if not, I'll be back a week from Thursday!
Ok, throwing up at work is SO going to get old. Threw up in a trash can last night, then tonight I was dry heaving in the bathroom. At least I'm off now until I get back from my cruise! Now if I could just quit feeling icky. Oh, and I threw up yesterday morning because my wonderful DH decided to come in the bathroom while I was taking a shower to throw up (his pain meds weren't doing well with his stomach). I had already been gagging all morning and all it took was the sound of him throwing up and I was on the floor of the SHOWER emptying my stomach. ICK!
My cravings have been CRAZY today. Earlier it was Lucky Charms and Candy corn. I FINALLY got a handful of candy corn, the sugar made me feel ill, in fact I think its what started the dry heaves. Now I want Cocktail Shrimp. This craving is WAY worse than the Lucky Charms, I want cocktail shrimp RIGHT now and by god I'm going to have it! I'm off work in 11 minutes and I am going straight to the grocery store!
Its official, unless Ritas baby decides she wants to grace us with her presence over the next 2 days, I won't be here when she's born! I'll be in Grand Cayman (or on the cruise ship depending on time of day). GRRR! At least Rita will have a Halloween baby. I know she LOVES Halloween so its cool day for her to have a baby on I just wanted to come see Rita in the hospital Oh well, I'll just have to barge in on her at home when I get back.