so i went tot he doctor yesterday and finally confirmed that i was pregnant. i had already tooken two pregnancy test at home, but everyone assure me that it might be a mistake. i already knew it wasnt, i could feel it. the original plan was for HIM to go with me yesterday morning but he never called. i wasnt going to wait and my best friend had offered to take me. she took me and was there with me the whole time. so when i got the results i went to her house and called him. i left him a voicemail and he called back 15 minutes later. he belived that i had agreed to terminated the pregnancy if i was before 1 month. i thought i had made it clear to him that my personal belives are completly against abortions, atleast for myself. so we ended up arguing. and in the end i was so mad i just told him have a good day and bye!. right wen i hung up tears began to fall down my cheecks. how could i be having a baby by a man like that. i mean i know i didnt know his too well but i never thought he would do that. his whole thing was we're both not ready and we hardly know each other. all i had asked him however was if he was goin to be a part of this babys life or not. i dont want a relationship with him especially not if its based on the reason of my pregnancy.
i know im young i just turned 18 the 18 of oct. and i know this baby is goin to change my whole life completely but if God intends for it to be then its meant to be.
i still dont know how far i am... but my period was suppose to come on the 18th. [[yeah i know imagine having ur period on your birthday.... every year [im quiete punctual]]] im so afraid to tell my family. my mom is a single parent of 3 me being the youngets. and this would be her 1st grandchild.
im moving out of my house soon because of other reasons... but im afraid of what they will say when i do finally tell them. i plan to wait untl im out and settled and more sure of how far i am and what not.
my girls [[liz, marce, nd karen]] are all supportive and are going to help me out. im moving out with marce by the end of the month and the other two are coming with us soon.
so i guess now its wait and see how i grow.
the only symptoms i have are ftigue and... cramping here and there but i was told that was normal. i hope it goes away or ima get scared...
but here i go the begining of a new journey... me and my baby<3
today was a preatty relaxing day [[or should i say yesterday]]
lets see i got out of work at 7 am went straight home and fell asleep. i woke up... about 2 pm since i had to get ready to pick up my mom from work. however she called me to inform me she would be out of work late. i took another nap and woke up in time to go pick her up at about 5pm.
we went to run some errands she and something happen that got me really upset.so upset i started to cry. i got a small cramp and knew i had to calm down. it took a couple of minutes until i finally did so. we went home and i locked myself in her room since my brother was in and out of our room [[we share]] and the living room. we arent speaking to each other and its really bugging me. we have always been "close" since we are only 2 years apart and he is my only brother. its really bugging me that although i might not tell him yet i still cant share this ahppiness with him. so anyways i went back to bed took a nap and woke up about 9 to catch a bit of greys anatomy and get ready for work. and here i am now.. came in 10:30 last night and leave at 7 in the morning.
im off today and tomorrow.
im suppose to be having lunch with the father of my baby since he apoligized for what happen the other day. im afraid of what is going to happen. not between us but im afraid that once again he is going to forget or is not goin to wake up on time. im on a very short scheduale today.
im gonna go home sleep for 2-3 hours. i have to go back to my old high school to visit a teacher who was like my mom [[i plan on telling her since i cant keep secrets from her]], i have to go to the bank... two of them. then have to pick up my mom at 3 from work. [[our lunch is schedualed for 12:30]] i have to go shopping for groceries and some office stuff. im meeting a friend around 5. i said i would go to my high schools homecoming game. and i have to be ready by 9:30 to go out for a girls night out with my friends. imagine, i was schedualed to work sat. morning at 6:30 yeah good thing im not. i know im taking naps in between all these things.
so some feeling about my baby. im actuallly happy. i know it scares some people that i am. it wasnt at all my plan to get pregnant but what a better blessing than a baby. i do admit i am scared, but ive had so much time to think about it today that im a bit excited. the dad is too but is too scared to know what he wants. he is a bit older than me [btw 7-9years older]and is afraid of what people will say, his family and mine in that case. anywho when that cramp came by earlier i was so scared. it wasnt a big pain but it was long. i just wanted my baby to be okay. i wanted to go home and lay down and relax!
o my im so excited now! just thinking that i a couple months im goin to hvae a precious gift from up above in my arms. i cant wait. so my best friend [[lizette]] hasnt left me alone at all this past couple days. she calls me constantly just to make sure that im ok.
okay so heres a the deal about the father. ive left quite a bit out. so theres a posiibility that the one ive talked about before might not be. a week before my friend had a get together at her house where ofcourse there was a high consumption of alcohol. aperantly her cousin who i use to date and i..... well yea. i didnt want tot hink of that but i knew it might be a chance since i did wake up in his room with him. ive informed both of them. the "original" still wants nothing to do with it. it doesnt bothr me anymore as much as it use to. however he has asked me how im doing since i have to speak to him at work. he works for the shuttle company that runs the shuttles for our hotels.
my friends cousin understood what was goin on and because although i still have a good friendship with him he said hed be there for naything i needed.
i know either way i will be a single parent. and although it does scare me im excited.
so anywho, while ive been talking to my good friend and her sister, they both accedantly [[and at different time]] have began to call my baby a girl. although i dont favor either gender just thinking about having a girl is exiting. i cant wait till later to actualy find out what im having. =].
OMG such a hectic week. so monday... an old friend came over really early and we had a preatty interesting conversation. hes actually my ex who is now married for a year. and yeah.... wow. hes changed alot. but anywho afterwards, joe called and hes aid he wanted to talk. i was still really sleepy but he came over and he cooked brunch for us. it was intersting. we got to talk and what not. when we were done we sat to watch tv and i began to fall asleep. we eneded up cuddling our way to a nap on my bed. how i missed his hugs. anywho, we ended getting back together and we're going to see how things work out. however he still doesnt want anything to do with my kid or so he said. but i think different. on tuesday after work he called and asked me to go over to run some errands. i was still tired so i went home grabbed clothes and went over. we fell asleep woke up around 10 and got ready. we were laying down afterwards and he ended up on my belly and kissing it. it was so nice. we both want this to work out, but i think hes just really scared that he might not be the dad. so anywho afterwards we got up and ran errands i took him to work went home picked him up at night well at 4 am and stayed over his house. wednesday we took an walk down the beach ate at resteraunt [[this is where we had our first date]] he took me home... and i sletp then came to work. thursday, i worked and spent my morning sleeping, he came by too drop me off some food... he really wants me to eat healthy and i mean he has to he has diabetes.. friday my day off.... little did i know i would be busier then usual. i woke up early had to take my mom to work, then had to go to the grocery tsore since there was no milk for my brother. got home made him his lunch and breakfast in that case. touught i was gonna go back to bed but then i couldnt. so i showered and changed. he called and we went to his sisters house to visit his neice and nephew. they are so cute, one is 2 the other is a year. seeing him with the kids was ......... like that awwww feeling u get. so afterwards, since we were both off we planned dinner. so we both went home and got ready. i had t go pick up my mom form work. so i did that and got ready. [[i have the privelage of getting ready in 10 min or less bc of my lack of hair. its only about an inch long. i donated in june to locks of love and have kept it short since then]] we went to dinner and then grabbed some ice cream which ive been craving the entire weeek.we took a strol down the beach were we met some of his friends. i had never met most of them only o couple. since we hadnt made it clear what we were, this night he finally did. i was back to being his girlfriend, and he said it "the mother to my kids". omg i couldnt belive it. we went back to his place and knocked out. the entire night he kept rubbing my belly and noticing that i kept feeling quiecy he would worry and ask if i was okay. we woke up in the morning and just lounged around. i got breakfast in bed, i gotta admit hes great cook. we watched a football game and then i wne thome. saying goodbye to him was like saying goodbye to ur puppy. omg i really thought he was gonna cry. so i spent the rest of the day with my sister, and then finally came to work about 10:30 last night. he called a little while ago to my job just to make sure i was okay, since i was on my break, he got scared since i didnt answer the phone.
i cant wait to get out of work im actually gonna go home and sleep on my bed =]. pluys im off today! whoo hooo.
so baby that was our week. joe says he'll be there for both of us even if ur not his. deep inside he really is a good guy baby hes just scared. and so am i. im not sure of anything right now the only thing i am is that i am going to love u with all my heart.
this week we'll see alot more of grandma since shes on vacation. we wont be able to enjoy any turkey 1 bc shes not cooking turkey and 2 bc momma has to work baby. well see joe maybe once or twice but momma wants to sleep bc shes getting tired. dont worry hell still give u tons and tons of kisses.
love you sweet child of mine.
so here we go.
baby we went home, and slept! all day. and then woke up ate and slept some more. woke up ate again showered and joe came by. we sat outside talking for a while and then went back home. he wanted us to go over but i wasnt in the mood. so we slept some more
grandama is home for the week and we spent the day cleaning a little. momma went into work at 3pm so yea. wen we got home we slept!
we joind gma for breakfast with her friend and then mommy had to go to work again. =/ it was kinda touhg momma kept wanting to .
work work work work thats all mommy seems to be doin. we saw joe today babe, he was getting worried cause we hadnt seen each other. he came by mommas job and brought her dinner. and u. then went home and slept. we were suppose to go over to his house but mommy was too tired. i hope u missed his kisses as much as i did
happy goble goble day babe.... sadly momma has to work today toooo. dont worry gma was cooking so she brought us dinner to work. baby i want to tell gma so bad but its just so hard. we have to leave her house before bc shes really hard and she wont like it.
okay last day baby i promise. todya we worked 12 hours. momma got so sick towards the end, they shouldve just sent her home but no. we got home baby and slept.
so we finally woke up around 3 baby and joe kept calling he wanted to see us. we met him up and took a walk down the beach. it was a bit cold so he broguht some balnkets for us. he fell asleep for a while and woke up around 7. we went back to his house and showered and got ready.we went out with mommys friends. joe stayed up till i got home, and he came to pick us up. we went to his place and slept. baby he cares so much for u,
momma went home early but wasnt feeling so well so she called in sick to work. joe did too. momma was getting a cold so he made her some soup and went to pick us up. we went over ate watched a mive and feel asleep. we wnt back with gma and auntie to the store. no one was home for once to joe came over and slept with us on mommas bed. baby his feet were dangling form the bed. so her curled up to hug u and mommy.
i think hoe woke up with morning sickness. we took him home babe and rested the rest of the day. we took gma to the mall to walk alittle. then we came to work. we came to find out that eventhough we are so short staffed, someone else quit. sorry for all the stress baby.
so right now we're at work [[ 2 more hours babe]] when we get off we might have to give tia a ride to work, and then were gonna go home grab clothes and go with joe. he said he has a surprise for us. =/ u think he inally cleaned his room=] lol.
well dear baby i hope ur doing good in there i love u. ohhhh we got names picked out for u already.
its either Jayline Citlali or Carlos Jeason.
so these past few days have been kinda wierd. i was over at joe's parents house on friday morning and his mom said she noticed i was getting bigger i tought it might be too soon to be able to tell, and she told us that i might be having twins. yea i dont know why. so she had dreampt me preganat and with twins. and so had his grandma. little did we know twins run in both our families. we know that it mioght not be his but still. so then later that day i met up with liz and her family it was her nephews birthday, her mom knows about the situation. she told me i looke a little too big aswell to be as far along as i am. it just so happens twins run in their family too. carlos actually has twin sisters and his uncles are twins. well ill guess ill have to wait and see what the doctors say.
so okay baby this week was okay
momma was off of work so but she had to go to the eye doctor and drop off tia at work. so we did that and then joe came by to bring us some food. we went back to his house to see our surprise and guess what, he did clean his not only room but whole house. yay for joe! we fell asleep babe and he went to work. when we woke up he called and said he was getting out early. so mommy went to go get clothes and came back over. we took a walk down to the beach and came back home showered and ate and slept.
woke up went home slept more and went to work. that was it baby
momma was off again so we went to joes parents house in the morning then to lizzys house in the afternoon. and at night we went out with marce dancing. joe met us up there. dont worry baby we were good
we stayed home today babe i know can u believe it. we slept over joes again. it was nice it rained a little so we stayed home, rented some movies cooked lasagna for him. played a couple games and then went to bed baby.
we went to work at 6:30 todat =/ i know im sorry, and then came home rested a little and went to the movies with tia. when joe got off of work he came ove and slept with us baby. he learned to sleep diagnoly baby to fit a little better.
we woke up and joe wasnt there he had gone to buy us breakfast from our fav. restaraunt. he also brought back a pot of buds, and a dosen pink roses[he knows those are my fav] he said that u will grow with the buds, and when u grow up ull plant it somewhere nice and grow it urself. so the he left babe and we slept more did some errand and came to work
baby im so scared. i want to be the best mom for u that i can be. i want to be able to give u everything u need and want. i want u to be healthy and full of love. im scared that u wont love me, or that i wont be a good mom for u. i dont want u to go trough w at i did. i want to protect u form all harm baby.
i love u tenny tinny one.<3