Well, I'm 26 years old, not quite the age I thought I would be having my first at. My father and I share a 30-year gap birthday on the 30th of the month. So I've always wanted to share that with a child of my own, hopefully I might. But I wanted to have my first at 20. Which is quite young now that I think about it, but at the time all I could think of was that I would be 40 when my child would be 20. And I wouldn't be too old to be physically involved in his or her life.
But oh well, life had alot of twists and turns. Unfortunately there were many broken relationships and many chances of motherhood that I passed along the way.
I guess when the time is right everything is just better. I'm hoping for twin boys, but I promise myself that I will love what may come with all my heart. I've waited quite a while for this...
I'm at my 9th week and have read pretty much every article, book and website I got my hands on. I actually was reading one book when my morning sickness started. The book is actually great but everytime I try to read it now I get nauseous. In case anyone's interested it's called
Program your baby's health : the pregnancy diet for your child's lifelong well-being
I got it from the library, it has pretty much everything in it when it comes to what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat of course no one I can imagine can eat as much as what's written, that's part of what makes me so nauseous I think. But still it's a good read. We've got a couple of months of time on our hands anyway. Right??
Well my husband left for an 8-week stay in the States. Actually his father's got chemo so I'm not mad. I could use the lone time anyway being spontaneously sick and tired most of the day. He works the night shift so we'd go to bad around 7 and then I'd wake up at 11:30 at night to get his bag ready to go. And then I'd get back in bed for 5 more hours of sleep. Nowadays I'm in bed from 8:30 - 5:30am which is great cuz I'm not so tried in the mornings. And I'm a bit less nauseous then the first few weeks. Still waiting for my first ultrasound which is driving me nuts. I had some bleeding my 6th week so of course I really want some assurance and seeing is believing.
Well finally I've gotten my first appointment with my new gyn. It's been crazy. Had to get my blood test done twice because the lab just didn't do it the first time. Then I've been waiting 2 weeks or so for this appointment. I want to know what's going on inside. I had some bleeding back in week 6/8 so now I'm thinking it was implantation bleeding and I'm behind a few weeks then what I originally thought. Seriously this is why I'm going to someone for answers, but they've left me with more questions. I guess I'm just not laid back enough to go with the flow. But still I've been eating what stays down. Although I've been tricking myself and keeping only good food in the house so really I have no choice. It's week 11 and the nausea is still here albeit less then before. In fact I get sick at 7 in the morning sit on the bus for an hour get motion-queasy and then 9 am I need a snack because the hunger pains are making me almost light headed. It's pretty strange. Well I guess I'll be more relaxed after this appointment's over.
I saw my baby today for the first time. Finally the first emotion definately was sheer joy. I was just staring blanking for about 3 seconds or so when suddenly I understood the picture and I say the arm move up and down and then as the image moved around I saw the legs kicking. It's only just under 11 weeks and I can't feel anything but boy was I amazed at how much "he" moved. Afterwards it got me to thinking I should cut back on the chocolate I ate cuz what if it was a reaction to all that sugar????? Just kidding.
Life is pretty strange I'd say. When we thought it was time to start trying for a baby I got the image clear in my mind. I wanted twins, boys. Now all I had to do was find the right catalogue. well I've had my second ultrasound and there seems to be only one and though I was slightly "oh well" about it at first..I got over it. I mean having one healthy baby in the end will still be really amazing. Now just as I got myself into the spirit my sister comes along and paints a picture I could never have imagined. She tells me she's pregnant. I smile to myself and think God had his own set of twins in mind
This weekend was nice. Hammad for once said nothing and did what I asked. We tried to see if he could feel my flip flops with his hand on my tummy. He couldn't but he did feel a heartbeat (I think it was my own) regardless I believe it made him really connect with the pregnancy for the first time. He even told me that four months is a bit too long to wait...that sometimes he wants the baby to be here now, and sometimes he feels he's not ready yet. Made me so happy.
He even had a smile on his face after the ultrasound. Wanting to know if he had missed hearing the sex, which the shy little one continues hiding...it was nice..
I thought I'd be having my diabetes test today but as it turns out I didn't know you needed to fast for it so I must have misunderstood my doctor. I'm not sure if we're really connecting. At first I thought it was great when she didn't say much or ask much. But nowadays I'm feeling so "airheaded" that I need almost every point drawn out for me. Oh well I am happy though that this will be the last test. Only 3 months to go. Now I can forget about the tests and concentrate about my delivery anxiety
Emotionally and physically. Sleeping is weird. I lie down and nothing. I turn onto my favourite side and still nothing. I can't remember actually falling asleep but when I do I think it's pretty deep. I have such vivid dreams and for the first time in my life I can remember the jist of them when I get up. It's weird to be connected with your subconscious like that. Even weirder to hear yourself describing the dreams to your partner. Anyways I'm really looking forward to leaving work in 7 weeks. Each work week feels like 6 days instead of 5. I have to remind myself while sleeping that "today Friday's beginning and not ending so you do have to get up soon".