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Joined: 09/06/03
Posts: 27

July 2, 2004

After 12 m/c we finally did it!! I found out yesterday we are expecting #4!! What a shocker, I knew something was up when my chart on 7 DPO took a nose dive and then sky rocketed..I had cramping on 7 DPO and pretty much stopped running 4 miles a day!!
We are in disbelief, we decided not to tell anyone until 8 weeks along, then I feel it will be okay!!

I called the doctor's office and of course b/c of my age he wants me on high risk, okay but age?? I am not granny material yet!! The nurse asked if it was the IUI that did the trick and I said we missed it! HA!

I took vitex up until I o'd then stopped, took Vitamin E and folic acid...Maybe it was something or maybe nothing at all. We are so happy, I have had dreams of decorating your room, cherry floors, pretty pastel wall colors, cherry crib with bears and animals, I have seen it so clear in my dreams!

Daddy rubs my tummy every night, and is so excited, we know miracles happen and you are another reason why we have such a strong faith!!

That is it for now.

Joined: 09/06/03
Posts: 27

My dd and I went to K-Mart last night and they had baby stuff on sale, the Martha Stewart collection and I could not resist...I don't like Martha Stewart but the items were just too cute!!!
My dd looked at me and I said it was for a friend, she said how nice of you to buy those things for her, secretly dieing to tell her the truth but we said we would wait.

I even bought 2 maternity tops from the second hand store, they were new with tags and some lady was cleaning out her closet when she came across them in her junk room, they are beautiful..I didn'dare try them on but they will look cute on when I start showing.

The bumper crib is green gingham with pastels and other colors, we are going to Home Depot soon to buy the cherry wood flooring for the nursery, I just can't shake the dream, it will be beautiful...

Daddy is so excited, every night he rubs my tummy and keeps his hand there until we fall asleep.

I feel very tired but have been on a cleaning mode for quite sometime, so all day I am picking up, throwing junk away and have made progress in our store it room!! Wink nesting instinct this early?? WOW!!

That is all for now, love and kisses to you little one!!

Joined: 09/06/03
Posts: 27

We went to the 4th of July parties yesterday and there ws alcohol everywhere and when someone offered I told them Darron was on call and we don't drink unless it is together, I got strange looks but it kept people off of my back.
Just 4 more weeks to go and then I will reveal the wonderful news. I did have what used to be a good friend of mine ask me if I heard that so and so is pregnant, she is 40, she contiues to say to me she must be stupid and I just smiled and said how wonderful, once again people don't think when they open their mouth, should not be too surprised but I am usually!!

Feeling very tired, bb's hurt big time and we are so in love with you, I have dreams about you and the nursery and am so excited...we don't care if you are a girl or a boy just healthy!!

Just know we are very blessed that God has allowed us to be your parents here on earth.

Joined: 09/06/03
Posts: 27

I had my second set of blood draws today and my OB has thrown out the first set, he said the doctor here must have read the wrong results. My numbers are somewhat low and need to double if this is going to be a keeper. I am overwhelmed with so much emotion currently but I have been down this road one too many times.

I have placed my heavy burden to the Lord and pray that whatever happens just happens. The doctor said I am still pregnant but the numbers need to get better. I have been fortunate to experience the joys and sorrows of pregnancy. We have three beautiful children and if this is not meant to be now maybe later.

The love and support of my dh far outweighs my feelings of despair that come and go. This is out of my control and I pray that this pregnancy sticks but it is not up to me.

Just know my little one that if it is not meant to be this month we will never forget the excitement of seeing the two lines and will try again. Love and kisses to you...

Joined: 09/06/03
Posts: 27

I was dreading coming here and needing to write that our angel left us last night. I knew when I had my blood drawn and received the results that it could go either way and it went the way I knew it would. I wasn't feeling the symptoms anymore, more of an on and off thing then anything...

We are not giving up, it just was not meant to be, sometimes I hear 'why me' from many of my friends but I guess b/c I overcame cancer I look at it as why not me. God has given me an incredible gift and that gift is strength, I have overcome many obstacles and this is just another small obstacle. I feel fortunate to have been able to go to 5 weeks, my cervix was not the problem this time or so the doctor believes.

I believe how we handle situations makes us stronger and wiser people and that the simple things in life are taken for granted. As much as I would like to mourn I mourn for those who have never or will never become pregnant, to not feel the movement of a life in your belly, these are the things that make me sad. I appreciate the three beautiful angels that God has blessed my dh and I with and if that is all we are to have then I accept it graciously.

This is the close of my pregnancy journal for now.