My Journey to Motherhood..

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My Journey to Motherhood..

Wow...I can't believe that I am even starting this journal. Today is Wedneday, November 19, 2003. Yesterday morning, I got my first BFP!!!!
This is only my second month charting but I had pretty high temperatures after my ovulation date. I had a good feeling about this month...also I've had a lot of post-O CM and I have been absolutely RAVENOUS!!

Even though I had an intuition that I was pregnant, I doubted myself because I wanted it so badly, and I thought that my desire was colouring my intuition. Anyways...it appears that that is not the case!

So, this is the story. Usually I temp at 5:30 am but yesterday I woke up around 4:00am. I got up to pee and decided to take a test. Well, the test showed a faint positive pretty quickly!! I couldn't believe it! At first, I thought I should wait until the line was darker before telling anyone (even Eric) but then I had to pee again 45 minutes later and I took another test. That one also showed a second line.

I decided to wake up Eric (with a Simpsons line, of course). I whispered to him "hey Eric, congratulations on the new job". He said "huh?" I repeated myself. He was very confused. So I said, "hey eric, way to get mindy pregnant". Then he figured it out! He refused to accept it though, because he thinks we need confirmation from the doctor before getting too excited.

So, this morning, I woke up at 4:00 am again. I had told eric that I was going to do another test and we were planning to get up at the same time so he was going to wake up with me so we could see the test together. But I awoke at 4 and had to pee. I held it until 4:50 and then I woke him up and told him that I had to go to the bathroom. He said to go ahead. I took the test. It was positive. I took another one...it was also positive!!!

At this point I am pretty sure. But, I went to the doctor today and they took blood. I get the results tomorrow. Until I get those results, I won't be fully able to celebrate this amazing event.

One more note...I had always been planning to have a midwife at my birth. I also really want to give birth at Mount Sinai hospital. It turns out that I can't have both, because the medwives that have priviliges at Mount Sinai have a downtown cachment area. I live out of their area. So my options are midwife at North York General or Doctor at Mount Sinai.

I guess I will talk about that again later....

Mindy

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I am going to try to do a better job of posting more often. It is now Sunday afternoon and a lot has happened since my last entry.

I had my first blood test on Wednesday. I got the results on Thursday afternoon. The nurse sounded worried. She told me that the test was positive but my HCG levels were really low. She sounded worried and told me to come in early the next morning for another test. I was a bit worried but then she told me that my levels were at 96. I think that maybe she didn't know how early it was because I think that is normal for that time. I was only at 12 DPO.

After scanning the internet and speaking to people on this board, I determined that my levels were actually fine, as long as they were doubling every couple of days. I had another blood test on Friday morning and I found out on Saturday morning that my levels were at 239 on Friday. So that means that they doubled between Wednesday and Friday...actually, they increased by 2.5. When I got my results on saturday morning, I was told by the receptionist that Maria (the nurse) said that I should see my doctor again on Wednesday. I am not worried but I am a bit annoyed that she keeps acting like there is a problem.

On another note...we told our parents about the pregnancy. We told them on Friday. We had already planned to have them all for Shabbat dinner that night. Mike also came. Sara and Elliott were going to a friend's cottage but they were dropping Sammi off at our house and they waited until after the announcement.

So...this is how we told them. We bought baby clothes for them and wrapped them up. Then we told them that we had bought them a gift
to thank them for helping us so much with the house. When they opened the gifts and saw the clothes, we said "we're pregnant!!!" There was a lot of screaming and happy tears. It was really nice.

So far I haven't had too many symptoms. I've just been tired and a bit of morning sickness. Although it always shows up around 2pm so I guess that really isn't the morning. Sharon says that I should watch out, because morning sickness doesn't usually even show up until week 6. I could be in for some trouble!!!

We are so excited about this pregnancy. I am pretty tired so I am going to sign off for now, but I will try to write more often.

Mindy

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There isn't much of an update today, except that Kelly gave me the name of a good doctor at Mount Sinai. She is a family doctor that delivers babies. Kelly said that she is really great and she gave me the doctor's e-mail address. I e-mailed her last week but didn't hear back so I looked her up on the College of Physicians and Surgeons website and called the office. I spoke to the receptionist this morning and gave her my name and the first day of my last period. She said that she would get back to me. I checked my messages obsessively all day but she didn't call until 4:20 and the office closes at 4:30 so I didn't get in touch with her in time. I left a message with my work phone number so hopefully she will call me tomorrow am. I will probably call by 9:30 if I haven't heard from her yet.

I hope I get this doctor. Apparently she would be the one who would be in the delivery room with me. Also, I googled her and she teaches courses on pre-natal care to other family doctors so she obviously knows what she is doing!!! Hopefully it will be good news tomorrow.

I forgot to say earlier that I told Debby and Carolyn about the pregnancy. It was kind of funny. It was on Saturday. We were moving Bubbie's stuff into her new apartment. A bunch of people were in the old apartment and I was in the new one with Debby and Carolyn. I said that Eric was coming to pick me up because I wasn't feeling well. Debby said "what's wrong?" and I just blurted out "I'm pregnant". Debby just looked at me...like she couldn't believe it. I said "it's true!!" then they both hugged me and asked me about it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep the secret from them!!

So...aside from all of the things that are happening, I want to talk about how I feel. After all, this is a journal. I am so happy..but a little cautious. I think that it won't feel real until we hear the heartbeat. I also keep wondering how many babies are in there. I kind of feel like there might be two.

My breasts have gotten a lot bigger and, in general, my body has changed. I am pretty bloated -- already not really fitting into my clothes. And I am so tired!!!

Today, when I was walking home from the bus, I was singing to the baby. Basically a song about how much we love him/her and how I want the baby to stay where he/she is and grow there in my uterus for another 8 months.

Eric and I are so happy....it is going to be amazing to hear the heartbeat!!!

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Okay, I am really going to try to write in this journal more often.

What has happened since last Monday?? I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Lui, my family doctor. They took MORE blood from me and my HCG levels were at 2175 (something like that!). So, everything is fine. The numbers are doubling just as they are supposed to. At first I thought that that number was very high and might indicate twins but people on the boards and Sharon suggested that it was average. So, probably no twins, I guess. Boo!

I have been feeling good but really tired. I always feel like I want to tell people about the baby. Yesterday, my undergrad girlfriends came over for lunch. We started talking about babies and they asked me when Eric and I are going to have one. I said we would keep them posted...and would let them know when we were pregnant and three months along. Then Jess started joking about how we are going to have a baby in 7 months. I was very impressed with my ability to keep the news in.

So far my symptoms have been exhaustion, growing boobs, sore boobs,and I have been very hungry. I was a bit nauseous last weekend but Sharon told me that the nausea doesn't usually hit until about 6 weeks. I am just over 5 weeks now.

We have been trying to think about what to call our little embryo. Sara is now calling it the little peanut, which I think it cute. Eric was calling it Bambino but when I told him that one of my books said that it was the size of an apple seed, he started calling it Johnny!

Eric has been so sweet since he found out that we are pregnant. He keeps offering to pick me up at the bus or subway. when I got home from work on Friday he had cleaned the house, done the laundry and then he picked me up from the subway. He's so cute. Last night we talked about baby names. I love the name Ben for a boy and I think for a girl we should try to find a nice "S" name so that the baby can be named after his grandfather. He hasn't committed to Ben yet but he kind of likes it. For either gender I would like the middle name to be after Zaida Chemia.

I have a bunch of pregnancy books now and one about childbirth. I am going to try to hold back and not order any more, just read the ones that I have. I have tons of information there, so I will see what I can do.

Mike told Sarah about the baby on Wednesday night. She e-mailed me about it with the subject heading "WOW". she also said that she would lend me some books. She has some because she is working on becoming a doula.

Eric and I went to the one of a kind craft show today. We saw lots of stuff..tons of baby stuff -- blankets etc. We saw one company that sells bunting bags. I loved them but Eric has self conrol (unlike me) and said that we have to wait. We won't even need the bag until next winter. So we took the card and I am going to bookmark the website. We'll get one eventually I think.

I should get going ...we have Andy and GRant's wedding tonight and I have to get ready.

Oh yeah..the other thing I wanted to say is that I really feel like my body is changing a lot already. At some point in the middle of each day, I start to get bloated, and by the night, I have a bigger stomach that looks pregnant. I am sure that it is just the bloating but I love it! I can't wait until I am really showing.

Okay, time to go shower. I will write in this more often!!

Mindy

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One more thing for today. I did get the doctor that I wanted. My first appointment is december 19, which is perfect because it is before we head to Israel. I will be 8 weeks by then.

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I am at home, sick, today. I've had a nasty cold for the last few days and yesterday at work I was absolutely exhausted, sniffy, headachy, etc. There were a few times throughout the day thatI thought I was going to fall asleep. I woke up this morning and did not feel any better so I called in sick. I am hoping that a day at home with lots of sleep will help me feel better. I need to take care of this baby!!

Today is Bubbie's birthday and the day that she goes home from the hospital. I haven't written about this in the journal, but Bubbie was diagnosed with cancer a couple of weeks ago. Lung cancer that is also probably elsewhere. We were told that there was a 50% chance that she would be alive in 9 months. It is so sad. I can't wait to be able to tell her about the baby. Hopefully that knowledge will extend her life. IT is so sad. Carolyn called me crying yesterday...because of course, there are ongoing problems with Zaida as well. He is at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health. He escaped from there yesterday and the doctor there is an idiot and thinks that he shouldn't be there. That doctor is the only one with that opinion. Anyways, Carolyn called me and started to cry. I can't cry, though. I am very sad about Bubbie and Zaida. But....I am so enthralled with this pregnancy that I am unable to conjure up feelings of sadness. The fact that a baby is growing inside me is so miraculous that I am not able to feel sadness right now...which is good, I guess.

Mom also got some relatively bad news...on the same day that we told them about the baby. The tissue that they removed in her second lumpectomy had cancer in it. So, it seems that she is going to get a mastectomy. I know it is a tough decision, but as she says, she wants to be alive in 20 years and she doesn't want to be constantly worrying about this. So that is the other news. I do also feel sad about that. I am just so glad that we are having this baby. It will bring some joy to eveyone.

I pray that Sara is pregnancy also...I really hope that this is their month.

About the pregnancy....I am still really hungry, big boobs, bloated and tummy. I am really looking forward to feeling this baby inside me. THe heart should be beating now...or within the next week, at least. I can't wait to hear that!!

Okay, time to get back to bed if I am ever going to feel better...

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I am the worst journal keeper in the world. So much has happened since early December and I haven't written a thing!!!

The first news is that Sara is pregnant!!!!! She is three weeks behind me and it is so exciting. Her little bean is due on August 21...approximately!!

So, how can I possibly fill you in on the last 6 weeks. I guess I will talk about how and when we told everyone.

First of all, Debby told Bubbie Anne. I believe that it happened on Friday, December 5. Mom and Debby were at Bubbie's and Carolyn and I went there. When we got there, Debby said, "So do you look pregnant yet??" and Bubbie said "who is pregnant?" DOH!!! Anyways, that's how Bubbie Anne found out!

That weekend we went to Montreal to visit Eric's Bubby and Zaidie. We didn't tell them, although Bubby did corner Eric at one point and she said "I thought that you were coming here to tell me that Mindy's pregnant." Eric had to cover up and say, "no, we just wanted to see you!".

We saw Jo and Rob that weekend also, and we did tell them about the baby. Eric was the one who told them. They were really excited!!

We had our first doctor's appointment on December 19. We met the doctor, and she is really nice. They didn't do much, we talked and they gave us reading materials and took my blood pressure and blood and urine samples. The doctor seems really nice, but she is planning on going away for the August long weekend, which is when the little bun is due. Hopefully she will be there for the birth!

We left for Israel on December 22. We had a great time there. The wedding was a lot of fun - the music was on until 3am - way past my bedtime, but it was a great visit. We told the Israelis that we are pregnant on the night of the wedding, after we all got home. IT wasn't a surprise though, because people started to notice. A couple of people asked Susan if I was pregnant and someone asked Yael, too.

The way that we told them was we waited until after the wedding and we went back to the Sapirs' house. Sara said that she wanted to film everyone for bubbie and when it was my turn, I said that I was pregnant...and sara said, "so am I!". It was great. They weren't suprised but they were very excited!!!

We got back from Israel on the 29th. We planned to tell everyone on the 1st, because we were having lunch with the grundlands and bubbie that day...and Sara and Elliott, of course.

Sara and Elliott told a few friends on New Years' Eve and we told Estée and Avrum that night, when we dropped them off at the subway. Our parents told a few people that morning and we told eric's grandparents, aunts, uncles and some close friends, but we said that they should wait until 1pm so our grandparents could know first.

So, we told everyone at lunch. Mom was going crazy so we couldn't really think about how to do it. We just had to tell them - Sara said something like "we had another reason to get everyone together today" and I said "we're both pregnant!". There was some crying, etc. It was fun....and the rest of the day was fun, too!! We called everyone to tell them. It was great..lots of good reactions. Ruth was really suprised but most people weren't.

So, everyone knows now, except my bosses and I am not telling them until they tell me what the heck they are planning to do about my work contract, which starts next week.

What else can I say? I should talk about myself and my symptoms. I have been very tired still, and a bit nauseous. I am craving salty foods, pasta and cole slaw (WTH??). My boobs are HUGE!!!!

My tummy popped out last week - just after week 11 started. None of my pants fit me anymore. We went to Old Navy and I got a few things but I will have to get some more stuff. Most of my shirts look obscene because my boobs are so big and none of my pants fit...even remotely!

I am definitely looking pregnant now, although it just got freezing cold here so it is hard to tell with the heavy winter coat and stuff on.

Our next doctor's appointment is tomorrow!!! Hopefully we will be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler. I'm a bit nervous but I feel good about the baby. I feel myself growing, and I am ravenous. My symptoms are still here and my tummy is getting bigger (and it is hard) so hopefully those are signs that everything is going well.

Also tomorrow, unfortunately, is mom's mastectomy. There was still cancer in her breast when they did the second lumpectomy, so mom decided to get a mastectomy. It was definitely a really tough decision, but she knows that it was the right one for her. I feel so sad for her because I can only imagine how tough this will be. But we will support her and we'll get through this. Luckily she has two little grandchildren on the way to brighten things up. I should say at least two!!

I think that is it for now. I am definitely planning to keep better track. My poor little one will be deprived of mommy's journal!

I love you little bun!

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Once again, it has taken me almost a month to update this journal. The good news is that we heard the little monkey's heartbeat on January 15 at our 12 weeks appointment. The rate was approximately 150 bpm. It was really amazing!

Things have been going well with the pregnancy. As of yesterday, I am 15 weeks pregnant. Still very tired and hungry but otherwise okay. I started a "moms to be class" on January 19. It runs every other monday and there are 6 weeks of classes. The first class was introductory and the second was about exercise and nutrition. I didn't really learn anything new but it was kind of interesting.

In other news, we are deciding if we are going to have a doula. I would like to go in to the birth planning not to have drugs, and I think that a doula would be very helpful. Unfortunately, Eric does not agree. He does not want one. We met with one - Emily - and she is going to be Sara and Elliott's doula. I liked her but Eric thinks that we don't need a doula. I haven't quite figured out what his definition of necessity is. I think he means that he will play that role. I just think that it will be nice to have another person who has been through childbirth and been at births to help us along. Anyways, it is $600 but I think it is worth it. In the end it is my decision but I wish that he would agree with me. We'll see.

When we met with Emily last week (on Tuesday) she brought a doppler and we heard the sweet little heartbeat again. It was 153. Yay! I have another doctor's appointment this week - on February 12 (Thursday) so I will hear the heartbeat again. Then we get to see the little bean at the March 5 ultrasound, when I will be 19 weeks. I can't wait!

In other news, my contract at work has been extended to March 31. This is a good thing and also a bad thing. Good that it was extended but bad that it ends 4 months before I am supposed to give birth. Hopefully they will extend again. Otherwise, I will have to go on EI in April (unless I find other work for the 3 months). If I go on EI in April, that will be 4 less months that I can get it after the baby comes. We'll see.

Things are really busy at work now...we have a case going to the SCC and I have to work ALL DAY tomorrow...that totally sucks! yuck. I had to skip out on Rich's birthday celebration tonight because I have to get up so early tomorrow. Crap.

I think that I am going to start writing letters to the baby soon. This journal has, so far, been about me, my experience with pregnancy, and what is going on in my life. But I want to write letters to the baby too, to let him/her know about how excited I am, how much his/her parents love him/her, etc. Should be fun!

I am really starting to show a lot, which is also exciting. I am going to post some photos online to share with the family. We are taking photos every two weeks now, so I will take again next weekend at 16 weeks.

Oh yeah...Lisa and Adam gave birth to their baby boy yesterday (well, Lisa did all of the work). His name is Sam Ralph White. I'm sure he is a little cutie!

That is all for now!

Bye!

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Well, our little one has another new friend! Jason and Lisa had a baby boy yesterday - little Zachary. I can't wait to see him! I'm so excited about all of this. It is so unbelievable.

I don't really have too much to add, today. I'm getting bigger of course, and feeling a bit sick today - just a bit of gassiness and nausea. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am really looking forward to hearing the heartbeat again. I start pre-natal yoga tomorrow night.

I will try to update again this weekend!

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We met with our doula, Emily, on Tuesday. She was great - gave me lots of info about cloth diapering and some other things that I asked her about. We had our ultrasound yesterday (March 5). It was incredible!! We saw the baby's hands, feet, legs, arms, spine, heart, head, mouth...etc. The baby was sucking his/her thumb a bit and moving around a lot. What a little cutie! We have a great picture, too. We didn't find out the baby's sex but I am starting to feel boy vibes. I thought it was a girl before, but I've had 3 boy dreams now...so we'll see!

I'm definitely looking pregnant now. My belly has really poked out in the last couple of weeks. We're in our 20th week now...I can't believe we're almost half way there! Wow!

I'm feeling the baby now, too. The first time was a couple of weeks ago - a Sunday night when I was 17 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I was lying on my side in bed and felt some fluttering. I was able to feel the baby a few more times that week but only lying on my left side in bed. Since then, I am feeling the baby sometimes during the day, too! Wow! Such and incredible feeling. I can't wait until it is more regular.

I am 100% wearing maternity clothes now and I've bought a couple of things for the baby - just some newborn sleepers and some little onesies, a few books...that kind of stuff. Generally stuff that is on sale. I've also got a CD that Pauline gave me of her mom's trio playing lulabies. I've played that for the baby, too!

Overall, I am pretty tired but otherwise good.

I found out this week that my contract at work is not going to be extended past March 31. So now I am trying to find some work after that. I was hoping to work until the end of June, but we'll have to see if I can find anything.

So that's my quick update. It is Saturday morning. I am going to check out the Bally's near me at 10am. Hopefully it is a good gym.

Oh....and I love my little guy or girl!!! Smile

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oh, I forgot to say that the hb was 130 at the February 12 doctor's appointment.

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I had my doctor's appointment on Thursday. The baby's heartbeat was 128. I'm feeling the baby move a lot now. It's amazing. Hopefully Eric will be able to feel the baby soon.

We were in montreal for the weekend for eric's grandparents' anniversary. I'm exhausted so I'll have to write more later.