My Pregnancy Journal (EDD 04/03/04)

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42
My Pregnancy Journal (EDD 04/03/04)

I am ecstatic and scared out of my mind all at the same time. I found out I was pg on Monday 28th July - our 2nd wedding anniversary! I actually took the test at 12:10am - yes AM because I couldn't wait any longer. I was only 12DPO but had been feeling quite sick since Saturday morning and very crampy.

I'm now officially 4 weeks and 6 days. My EDD is 3 April 04.

This is our second child altho I have been pg 4 times now. Sadly, my last 2 pgs ended in m/c but I do have a wonderful 3 year old DS. I want this child so much - please God let this pg continue to a wonderful conclusion in 8 months time.

I haven't had any spotting this time around - which I did with my last 2 pgs. I have been feeling quite sick and have some marked food aversions right now - particularly to cheese and fish - not great when you consider I really need that protein for the building of a new life right now! Hopefully I can make it up in some other form - I just have to read the name of a particular food and it makes me feel queasy!

My boobs are sore but not swollen particularly - with DS they became huge within 1 day of AF being overdue but this time around they are just sore and sensitive. This suits me right now - gives me a few extra weeks before I need to get myself a new bra! With DS I went from a pre-pregnant 34AA to a 38EE!!!!!!! Yep, thats right - I transformed from Nicole Kidman to Pamela Anderson in just 6 short months! By month 6 I was still wearing 34B and went to get myself measured. Before DS I had hardly worn a bra at all so I had no idea really about what constituted "large" breasts. Anyway, the lady in John Lewis was amazed and couldn't help but laugh!! I hated those damn bras - they were like family sized tents - I dread getting back into those this pg - but at the same time CAN'T WAIT!!! At least it will mean all is well Smile

To my little BB2 (Baby Boeken 2) I just want to say how excited I am that you are growing inside me. Your big brother is excited too - he keeps kissing my tummy to give you a kiss! He is also having a sympathy pregnancy! Your papa is also very excited about you - he is taking good care of me and doing lots of housework when he comes home from a long day at work - our doctor says I need to rest to keep you safe and well. Love you so much darling - always, Mama.

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

well this morning things dont feel so great. Firstly DH and I had a huge row. It was horrible. I feel like he isn't being as helpful as he should be right now - he is forever leaving things lying around and it annoys the hell out of me.

Anyway, I calmed myself down by having a bath but then noticed that my boobs weren't feeling as sore as they have done. I am really scared. This happened with my previous two pgs. I keep touching to see what is happening and now I dont know if its psychological or what.

PLEASE PLEASE BB, stay put!! Hang on in there little one!

I've had my tears and now I am trying to be more positive. DH is at home so he can help out with Harry. Lord, please let this baby survive.

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

I'm feeling so much better now - my boobs are sore again and I'm craving these funny chocolate things too! Woohoo!! I really hope I can relax and enjoy this pg soon. I am feeling very positive this evening though.

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

5 weeks and 4 days

So things are looking really good today. I had a very restful weekend. DH was wonderful and cleaned the house, did the laundry, played with Harry and made sure I generally did nothing!

Its been really hot here for the last few days and the heatwave looks set to last for at least another 7 days. Usually I love the heat and sun but I'm feeling so tired that its really not pleasant.

Looks like I spoke too soon about the breast situation! I swear I went to bed a 34A on Saturday night and woke up a 34C :shock: I had to go to the mall yesterday and buy maternity bras! Thankfully there is a really nice range in Marks & Spencer - things have certainly improved in the maternity lingerie line since I was pg with Harry.

I'm so happy. My body seems to be working properly at long last. I feel like its really responding to the pregnancy. It really makes my heart sing Biggrin

I got my blood work back from the doctor on Friday evening. Apparently my thyroid meds have finally worked and my thyroid is at last functioning optimally. Its such wonderful news - its one less thing to worry about. I need to continue being tested every 4 weeks but its not as stressful right now.

I got my date through for my first u/s: 16 September at 9am! I can't wait Biggrin My first midwife appt is the following week: 24th September.

This is really happening!! I'm so excited and happy now Biggrin

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

6 weeks Biggrin
Symptoms: sore breasts, slight nausea - particularly if I leave it too long to eat, hot flushes, very thirsty, needing to pee, a little cramping, bloated, tiredness but also insomnia!

So BB, you are now going through a major growth spurt and boy is it going to hit me hard! Thats just fine honey - you do all the growing you need Biggrin

The weather is still unbelievably steamy. I lived in Indiana for a while and it reminds me of the summer I spent there - very humid.

I'm obsessed with maternity clothing at the moment - I spend lots of my spare time checking out websites etc for something cool and funky to wear! I'm not even showing yet (altho I am quite bloated!).

DH and I have had a tough week. There have been major delays on the trains between here and London together with a major headache at work for him - some mess up with one of their systems - so I have hardly seen him. Harry has missed him too. He absolutely worships his Papa and hates not to see him before he goes to bed.

My sister came over to help out yesterday evening with putting Harry to bed - it made a real difference to be able to put my feet up and feel my day had finished at 6pm! Although I'm looking forward to being able to be more active once I get to 14 weeks: only 8 more to go!

I have, however, been feeling quite down about tomorrow, 08/09/03. This was to be Alice's EDD and I'm feeling very emotional about it. I know I have to focus on my darling son and the wonderful little life I have inside of me now but I dont want to forget my daughter. She was very much wanted and longed for.

Wishing all my children sweet dreams........

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

6 weeks 4 days Biggrin

Well little BB, you really are leading your mama a merry old dance aren't you! I had some strange cramps today - felt like my ligaments around the tops of my legs were too tight - a bit like the morning after a major yoga session!! Anyway, after a bit of a panic I got some rest and its all stopped. I know its nothing bad - its just you growing - something you are doing a lot of this week! But Mama can't help but be a little worried...

Poor DH has a terrible toothache and infected gum. His face is all swollen and he didn't get much sleep last night because of the pain. It makes us a pair of invalids Lol I have to rest under doctors orders and he has to rest under my orders!!

Harry and I had a lovely day yesterday playing in a friends paddling pool - it reached over a 100 degrees here so we needed the cooling down :shock: I'm glad I was able to do something quite physical with him for a change - I feel so bad that we can't do as much running around and physical play as we enjoy usually.

Anyway, going to try and catch up on sleep now.

Love you BB2 Biggrin

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

8 weeks 6 days!!!!!!

I cant believe I'm typing this! I am so ecstatic that this pg is going so well - you are hanging on there little one and every day I get closer to my 12 week u/s I get more and more excited about seeing you Biggrin

Well DH, Harry and I went to France on vacation for a week. We stayed near Evian which is beautiful at my FIL's place in the mountains. DH was great and made sure Harry got plenty of physical play and gave me lots of time to sit, read and sleep!

So I'm feeling quite sick now - some days more than others. My boobs continue to make a dramatic entrance into every room I enter! And yesterday two of my friends (whom I haven't seen for a couple of weeks) both told me, individually, that I definitely have a bump! I'm sooooo excited now. I usually adore my flat tummy but I am over the moon to have a little bump there now because it means my beautiful BB is growing bigger and stronger every day Biggrin

I had my blood taken yesterday to check my thyroid function. I'm on 50mcg of thyroxine at the moment and I hope that is still enough for now.

I just realised that its only 2 weeks until my little boy starts nursery school full time (well, every morning for 2 1/2 hours). The time has flown and I cant believe we are here already.

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

9 weeks 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh, on Friday I didn't think I was going to get to post here again. I had a scare when I started spotting at 11.30am. I was alone in the shopping centre and DH was at work (in London). I called him and he left immediately. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I had an u/s and an internal. The exam showed no evidence of bleeding and the cervix was closed and thankfully the u/s showed a very healthy, well developed baby with a very strong heart beat Biggrin I was so ecstatic I burst into tears! DH arrived just as the doctor was telling me I could leave. I spent the whole weekend on bedrest and today have been up and about but taking it easy.

So BB, your poor little brother is poorly too - he has a temperature and is quite sleepy and tearful Sad . He has no other symptoms so I'm assuming its a viral infection. I really hope he feels better tomorrow.

Apart from this we have had a very quiet few days. I cant wait for Friday when I shall be 10 weeks! Woohoo!

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

9 weeks 5 days

Well little one. Yesterday you made your poor mama so tired and sick that she couldn't eat and couldn't stay awake! Your poor little brother had a very quiet day! Altho he is still getting over this virus he had earlier in the week so it wasn't too harsh for him.

Today Harry had our good friend Anne come over and play with him - she comes over every Wednesday morning for a couple of hours. He really loves spending time with her and has started to give her a hug and kiss now when she arrives and leaves! He is so sweet and it is lovely for me to hear him giggling and chatting away whilst I work in the next room.

She was such a sweetie and prepared dinner for me today. I had told her I had been feeling a bit rough and she went ahead and got everything ready so I just had to put it all in the oven! It was so lovely to have someone cook for me. She will be helping out after you are born BB so you will get to spend time with her then.

We are having a coffee morning tomorrow so I need to prepare some activities for the toddlers and clear the playroom of any "contentious" toys - its awful if there is one thing that they all love but wont share! I'm baking a fabulous cake that I love and its going to be very hard not to tuck in before everyone else arrives tomorrow at 10am!

Your Papa has been home at 7pm every evening this week so far! Its a miracle! Seriously, he works some very long hours and its been wonderful to have him around more. I'm very nervous about him missing the birth - which is possible if things happen quickly and he is at work, in London. Thankfully your Aunty Sally will be on hand - she is sharing birth partner duties with him. I think she is very excited about seeing you come into the world Biggrin So just imagine how excited we are too!

Anyway, better go and start work on the playroom......those toddlers can be very demanding!!

love you lots BB.

Mama
xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

9 weeks 6 days!!

Wow little one - can you believe we've made it this far along?!

We had a lovely day today. Harry's friends came over with their mama's. They made smiley faces to go on a big "window" I had made on the wall. They really had fun and loved it! Then we had a game and some stories. Everyone enjoyed the cake I had baked - particularly me! - and there is only one slice left. I was thinking I would save it for your papa but I think it has your name on it.... Biggrin

Harry and I then went to see Rae and Bella this afternoon. It was lovely just hanging out - helping Rae bag up pears she has grown. She usually makes pear cider but she doesn't have the time this year so she is going to sell them at the WI market tomorrow.

My aromatherapy course starts on Saturday - its one weekend a month for the next 2 years! so I need to get all my bits and pieces together for that tomorrow.

I've stopped feeling quite so sick - which is very good news - I was thankful for the extra symptom but its so horrible to feel that nauseous all day Sad I'm sure I felt better at around this time with Harry too.

Anyway, papa is home early and we need to chat (nothing serious!).

Hugs and love to my wonderful little BB2

Mama
xxxxxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

11 weeks 1 day!

So BB, I'm afraid you now know what a slacker your mama really is Biggrin Its been over a week since I wrote here so I will try and fill you in on everything.

Well the aromatherapy course was great. I am going to love it. Its very intense but the group we have is good fun and I think that will help us deal with the workload.

Generally its been a quiet week for us. I got sick around 4am on Friday morning and have only just started to feel better now. I really hope your big brother and papa dont come down with the same thing. I just ate my first proper meal and I'm not sure its going to stay put! Its complicated by the m/s thing which has settled down a little but is still hovering Sad

So Mama's just slobbing out - yoga pants and t-shirt, hair twisted up and make-up free zone! - very unattractive! and I'm planning on getting all my course notes organised now so I guess I wont be getting glammed up in the near future either! I love and hate days like these. Love them because they are so damn comfortable but hate them because if a neighbour calls around I'll be so embarrassed!

Your papa is very stressed at the moment about work. I hope things settle down for him soon. He's a good man and works very hard - too hard. His boss does appreciate him but they sure make him work for the money.

I saw the gynae this week. He told me that we have a 99% chance of seeing this through to the full 9 months - as good as any other woman who has never had a loss. Thats such fab news baby Dirol I cant tell you how happy that makes me. He also told me to exercise and treat you like a regular pregnancy. So no more slacking and slouching on the sofa all evening Biggrin

Okay, mama's not feeling too good again now so I'm off to bed - the coursework can wait.

(((((((Huge Hugs))))))

love from

Mama

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

11 weeks 3 days :mrgreen:

Hey baby Biggrin

Well, your mama is exhausted! I spent all Sunday afternoon playing with Harry and Bella (one of his friends) and then writing up and organising my course notes. Then today Harry and I went for a walk and on to the shops and when I came back I cleaned the ground floor of the house. Your papa has been doing all the housework for the last 2 months because the doctor had told me to rest but as I got the all clear I thought I would give the place a thorough going over. I am shattered! I have forgotten how much cleaning this place takes!

Anyway, today was a hot one - around 24 degrees. Thats really warm for this time of year. Harry and I had a run around in the park. He's being a little monkey right now with being mean to other children. I really dont understand it because your big brother is such a sweetie but something has gotten in to him over the last 3 months and he has become a terror! I'm worried that he is coming down with mama's tummy bug - he looks very tired and wasn't that keen on eating - very unlike Hobsy!

So not much to report. I've had a few more comments about your bump! Its quite sizeable already which I love - it just confirms to me how big and strong you are getting - but please not too big - mama wants a natural birth this time around Lol

Big hugs to you gorgeous little one.

lots of love

Mama
xx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

11 weeks 6 days!

Hey baby sunshine Biggrin

How are you doing in there? I am so excited to be at this stage. I can't believe we are almost at the end of the first trimester!

So mama is very stressed right now so I hope you aren't feeling it too much. I've got my driving test tomorrow :shock: I'm afraid I've been a late starter in the driving lessons field! I started last December but so much has gone on in the last 10 months that it has taken me a while to get to grips with this all. So, finally at the age of 32 I am about to take my test. I so hope I pass. I dont want to go through this again! I cant wait to be able to take Harry out in the car - going for a drive to a park or the lake may be - just going to the pool or whatever. Its going to be fab. Then you can be a spoilt little baby and sit like a queen/king in the back of the car in your rock-a-tot seat being entertained by your big brother while mama takes us somewhere fun.........or the supermarket!

Anyway, its late and I need to get some sleep to deal with tomorrow. Oh by the way, I think I have started to feel you moving! Its only been a couple of occasions but when I sit very still with my feet up I can definitely feel movements in my lower abdomen, just beneath my navel! With Harry I felt him move around 14 weeks but I'm sure even though I am barely 12 weeks I can feel you somersaulting around in there! How exciting Biggrin I cant wait until I can feel you kicking and feel your little feet and hands through my tummy!

sorry its so brief today. Mama love you big lots - and so does your beautiful big brother who is already chatting away to you - can you hear him I wonder yet?

Big hugs

Mama
xxxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

22 weeks and 6 days :party: :party: :party:

Well beautiful baby, this confirms what a procrastinator your mother is! I'm afraid that despite all good intentions I have let my diary keeping slacken off severely! Okay, so my excuses are that my aromatherapy studies, together with your wonderful big brother and desperately trying to renovate this house before you arrive have been taking up all of my time. But I admit it, I am the world's worst at maintaining my ideas :oops:

So, gosh, I can't believe that we have got this far! Its so amazing. I feel you moving all the time and my belly is now lovely and round. However, unlike with Harry, I am only showing from the front or side view - not from behind.....yet!

We have seen you on the u/s a couple of times already. You look amazing and you stretched out your little legs and waved to us, clenching and unclenching your fists. We have several pictures of you although the most recent one you wouldn't look at the camera - perhaps you were sulking because your Papa couldn't make it! But your big brother was there - he had so much fun seeing you on the "tv"! He was chatting away showing me where all your bits were! I think he is quite excited about it all.

We had a little scare with you - one of the tests came back positive for Spina Bifida - but thankfully all was well. Regardless of the outcome of those results, you would have been perfect anyway - we love you so much honey that we can't imagine our life without you, already. The obstetrician is still a little worried about the results because they may be indicative of a small placenta which I guess may mean an early delivery for you. I'm going to research it and see what the outcome may be. I need to be prepared with this doctor - he is determined for a hospital birth if you ask me........whereas I want to have you at home so I can snuggle up with your Papa and Harry, with you in my arms, and enjoy a cup of tea Biggrin All in the comfort of my own home. I cannot bear the thought of giving birth in one of those awful delivery rooms at the hospital where if you make too much noise they decide you aren't coping and coerce you into more intervention than is necessary. No way!

Your Papa and I will be starting our active child birth classes in February. I booked them back at the beginning of October and they seemed an age away but gosh now they seem like a very short time away.

So this week is very busy for us - Harry is enjoying his first proper year of Sinterklaas feest and putting his shoe by the fireplace every night in anticipation of a present being left for him to open the following morning! He has been fairly impressed with Sinterklaas' choices so far. Tomorrow should be a major event in Holland - with children receiving a big bagful of toys - but as we will still celebrate an english Christmas too then he will receive just a small gift again tomorrow but we will have a tea party for him. I am going to his nursery in the afternoon and talking to his friends about the festival. They have been busy making Sint hats this afternoon already! We are having games and making ginger bread with their initials on - its going to be lots of fun!

We have just had your room painted (in fact we have a really nice painter doing the whole of the first floor and hallway of the house right now). We chose a lovely shade of pale green - its very luminescent and looks very different shades depending on the time of day. Your bedroom was Harry's first room here. We decided to give this one to you because its closest to our room and means hopefully you won't disturb Harry so much in the night! Anyway, your fireplace and furniture is all painted white and your floorboards have been stripped. Papa is going to clean and varnish them and then we will put in a lovely rug we bought which is cream with roses around the edge. We have white floor length drapes in there but if you turn out to be a girl, I have found just the most gorgeous pale pink roses patterned fabric in Cath Kidston (no doubt Papa will be very vocal about me and this shop in the future!) We just need to buy some pictures for the walls. Your cot will go in our bedroom for the first 6 months so until then your room will be the guest bedroom too! All your bedding is the set we used with your big brother. Your Oma bought it all for us - pale lemon blankets with white cotton sheets and a "bumper" which has sheep embroidered onto it! She also made lace edging for the sheets and we must be careful with this because I would love it to become a family heirloom. I love the fact that although sadly she is no longer alive, she is still with us and part of your lives through the gifts she gave us - both physical and I guess through the gift of raising your Papa the way she did - he is a wonderful man.

Well I sure made up for all those missed entries I guess. Lets see if I can do a bit better this time!

Sending you much love and hugs my sweet baby Biggrin

Mama
xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

23 weeks and 3 days!

Hello Gorgeous Biggrin

Well we had a pretty hectic weekend. I had my aromatherapy class on Saturday which meant a very early start (6am) and off to London for the day. I really enjoy it but its very demanding. On Saturday evening we went out with your Aunt Sally and her partner, Dave. Its the first time we've met properly and he is lovely. We went to see a band that plays soul music. They are really good - even your papa was dancing! It was a really late night - we didn't go to bed until after 2am!

On Sunday morning we had a leisurely breakfast - croissants and bacon with plenty of your Papa's good coffee! Then Sal and Dave went home and we took your big brother Harry to go and buy the Christmas tree. We got lost trying to find the forest but eventually found it. Your papa hates to ask for directions but I made him stop and ask anyway! We bought a great tree which I'm going to decorate either this evening or with your big brother tomorrow afternoon. I drove home and was very nervous - I haven't driven for around 6 weeks and I only passed my test in September! It was much harder than I thought it would be but hopefully we will get our car in the next couple of weeks so I can use it every day then which should mean I improve greatly! We are looking for a Saab 900. Your papa got a very good bonus this year so we can splash out a little now!

Sunday afternoon I totally crashed! I fell asleep on the sofa and could barely wake up again! Anyway, we had a lovely supper together - I love being with Harry and your Papa on the weekend.

Today I started in earnest with the decorations. I baked some apple slices to make garlands with and the oranges are about to go in the oven too. It seems like there is so much to do before Christmas and not enough time to do it in!

I had a lot of pain across my bump today - are you trying to tell me something? I think it was probably just very painful braxton hicks - at least I hope that is all it was.

Going to rest now - try and deal with those stomach cramps Sad

Hugs

Mama

xxxxxxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

23 weeks and 4 days Biggrin

Hey Sweet Pea!

Today started off very stressful. I was awake from 3.40am until 5.30am and so when I did drop off to sleep again I had very little time to sleep before I had to get up Sad Not a happy bunny. Then a friend of mine called me at 8.40am and even though I explained that I was in a rush he still tried to continue having a conversation with me :x I hate to lose my temper with anyone but it really frustrates me when my schedule is not taken as seriously as anyone else's because I'm at home with Harry.

Anyway, dropped Harry off at nursery then went to have my hair cut and highlighted which was relaxing Biggrin I then tried to find some gold bracelets for the bollywood party tomorrow evening but the store didn't have any. I then bought a celeb magazine (gotta have my weekly gossip fix) and then went for lunch by myself at the cafe on the square.

When I picked up Harry he was very happy to see me which was great Biggrin I love it when he comes running up to me with a big hug. It was a lovely day - sunny and not too cold - so Harry and I went to the park on the way home. He loved being there with me - we played on the swings, roundabout, rocket ship and seesaw. He is singing a lot at the moment practising for his nursery school concert. I can't wait to see him with everyone else Biggrin Your big brother can be very cute. After that we came home and played for a while then he helped me cook - he loves to weigh out the pasta with me.

Harry also helped me run his bath, reminding me to add the bubbles etc. And then we had a great story time - his favourite Alfie stories - before bedtime.

Papa has found us a car. It is a Saab 900 and he is going to check it out on Saturday morning with Dave (Aunty Sal's partner) so hopefully we will have a car by the end of next week Biggrin Its very smart looking - black and sleek - but whether I can drive it successfully is another matter! I'm not going to go on the test drive. Its so long since I've driven regularly I wouldn't be able to tell whether the car is trash or whether my driving is!

Stephen and Robyne went to Ikea for us today and hopefully they got everything on our list. Stephen rang to check one of the items but I was in the middle of having my haircut so I had to be very brief with him - I do hope he wasn't offended! I left a message on their ansaphone this evening to explain. They are coming for lunch on Sunday so we will soon find out!

Well thats about it for today. I'm off to have soak in the bath to try and relax before sleep - I can't bear it when I wake up and feel so active in the middle of the night!

Sending you lots of love and hugs baby

Mama

xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

25 weeks and 1 day :party:

Oh my sweet baby, I can't believe we are at this stage already! It both delights me and frightens me. With everything that has happened in the last year it amazes me that things seem to be going so well for us now. I feel you moving all the time - yesterday in particular you were very active! My tummy looked like jelly because you were making it move around so much! And you definitely seemed to enjoy the fajitas I cooked yesterday - almost as much as your Papa I would say!

But I still get scared that we are only 25 weeks - I thought I was beginning to relax about everything but Christmas time is such a difficult time for me now that I think it has brought back all the old worries I had. This time last year I was pg with your sister and so full of hope. Then of course, your brother's EDD was 14th December so its been a very difficult week for me. I have been quite depressed and tearful. I think I just want to be able to relax and enjoy being pg but I am so worried for you my darling - so desperate for everything to be good and work out well for us all. I dont think I will truly relax until you are laying in my arms, curled up with Papa and Harry here beside us. Our family will begin to feel complete at last.

I cant believe that Christmas is only 4 days away (well, technically 3 - I like my holiday to start Christmas Eve!) I always get stressed trying to get everything ready and your Papa always tells me to relax but I just want everything to be perfect. When I was a child I always had so much hope for CHristmas - that somehow everything would change, get better, that our family would be happy etc. I think that feeling is still with me - that Christmas is a time of hope and happiness, a time when we should consolidate what we have and be united. But I am trying to listen to him this year and not get too worried or stressed! It doesn't make it fun for him to have to see me like that and then of course he worries that he isn't doing enough (which is of course sometimes the case!! but we wont criticise too much!)

Some exciting news! Papa bought our first car yesterday! A fab Saab 900 in black. I can't wait to drive it and will be going out this morning as soon as breakfast is over! Its my very first car - yes, at 32 years of age! But I only just passed my test in September so its not too bad. I haven't driven in over 6 weeks so I am a little nervous about getting behind the wheel again but on the whole I am just excited to have such freedom now. It will make such a difference to us - particularly Harry and I - no more waiting on taxis and buses - woohoo! There are some lovely places to visit so I can now take advantage of these and take your big brother out for plenty of fresh air in the countryside!

Glenn has almost finished painting the house - I can't wait until it is all properly finished - the carpeting, floorboards sanded etc. Papa will presumably be doing some of that over the holidays.

Harry and I have had a lovely week together. We had some terrible problems with the day nursery - there has been a real culture of bullying and lots of pushing and fighting going on since September. We finally had enough and he has enrolled at a new pre-school which a few of his other friends attend and he will start on 5 January. Anyway, I kept him at home this week to try and help him with his behaviour - he has picked up some terrible attitudes from that place. And it has really paid off I am pleased to say. We have gotten really close this week and I feel like I'm starting to get my little boy back - the sweet little thing who can be a real terror at times! I love the fact that Harry is such a boy - full of energy and imagination - but he has become quite aggressive recently and we have seen little evidence of that this week. In fact several other mothers have commented that he seems so much more relaxed than usual which is just wonderful. Its so great to actually get some feedback in relation to your parenting skills! And Harry is actually asking me to play with him more, to cuddle me for the sake of it (rather than because he's upset) and he cant stop kissing me! My affectionate, sweet little baby is back with me once more Biggrin

Gosh - such a lengthy diary entry again - I guess I should post more often but there is so much to do right now!

Anyway, its 6.25am here and I should go back to bed for an hour or so - for some reason I have been waking up really early and not being able to sleep again which is really annoying! In fact this morning I woke up at 5.45 and my first thought was that I should call my friend Rae and ask her if she would like an aromatherapy treatment for the insomnia she has right now!! Physician heal thyself comes to mind Lol

I love you my little one - you are already a total joy to me (despite my worrying!) and I'm so looking forward to April when you join us out here!

All my love

Mama
xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

26 weeks and 1 day!

Little One! I cannot believe how well we are doing! It has been a very busy time these last 3 days - all I seem to have done is cook and spend time in the kitchen.

Harry loved CHristmas this year. He was so excited and left a mince pie and glass of wine for Father Christmas and a carrot for his reindeer by the fireplace in the drawing room. We sat singing carols in there and read a story before bedtime. Our friends Rae & John came over for dinner which was really good fun - champagne and good food (well of course I think it was good - I cooked it!)

On Christmas morning Harry had his stocking which he opened on our bed. He was thrilled with even the little toys in there. Then we had a lovely breakfast together followed by more present opening around 11.30. Harry got so many wonderful toys and he loved them all which was fab. He was so good and played with everything, said thank you etc. He has been a little star this holiday Smile

Your Papa actually prepared the turkey this year - he was a total star - I couldn't bear to touch it and in fact after 4 hours of cooking it I didnt want to eat it either!!

We had Aunty Sal, Dave and Alex here for lunch today and more present opening! It was nice to see them all but Sal seemed in a hurry to leave - hope everything is okay.

We just vegged out this evening - more eating and drinking - I will be huge after these few days. Tomorrow I am not going to cook a thing! I am going to spend the whole day playing with Harry and hopefully going for a long walk if the weather is good.

And as for you little thing! You have been very active but gave me a scare this evening when I came to bed. I had really severe stomach pains - like stabbing pains between my navel and my pelvis - it felt really strange and I'm praying its nothing but a little cramp - too much food, you laying in a funny spot etc. It has eased off but every twinge makes me afraid. I love you so much already and I can't bear to think that anything could go wrong.

BTW, I saw the midwife on Monday and she explained that if the placenta is small then I will have to be induced at 37 weeks. I cannot bear the thought of that so I'm praying that the scan at the end of January shows all is well. If not then I guess we have to seriously consider induction options - I dont want to be induced with the syntocinon that they used with Harry - its a nightmare and too painful to contemplate a second time. Hopefully they would be prepared to try a sweep and see how things go from there. Of course, what I'm really hoping is that none of this is at all necessary and we can have our planned homebirth. I would never put your life at risk my little one but i will resist induction to the last second. I just feel resentful of the way that the midwife says that its all up to the OB - because actually it isn't. He is a patronising old sod and I am not looking forward to seeing him again - particularly as my gut feeling is he wants a hospital birth at all costs - he made it clear from my first appointment he doesn't believe women should give birth at home - which is total nonsense. Anyway before this turns political............. Lol

I love you sweet baby Biggrin

All my love

mama

xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Okay, so this is technically two entries on the same day but that was because I couldn't sleep last night and left a message after midnight!

Today has been wonderful - my favourite over the Christmas holiday I think! Your papa left me to sleep until 9.30 because I didn't get to sleep until after 3am. It was awful - I was soooo tired but just couldn't drop off. Anyway, we had a nice breakfast together and then we all got dressed and went out for a walk. I drove us all over to Willen Lake (its so lovely being able to just get in our car and go now!) and we walked for an hour and then had lunch. It was really nice - Harry cycled around on his little red bike and then got so excited when he saw the railway tracks for the miniature railway! It wasn't going today so he and your Papa were running along the track pretending to be steam trains Lol

We all had a big lunch - despite saying we weren't that hungry! In fact we all ended up sharing the 3 desserts we had ordered as none of us could decide which we wanted the most!

Harry and Papa then went running up a really high set of steps to burn off their lunch before descending back down into the playpark. Unfortunately it started to rain after 10 minutes or so on the park so we had to go back to the car.

Mama is getting slightly better at this driving business! I only stalled a couple of times today and I've got a better feel for the size of the car too. Its all very strange to me and I'm not sure that I will ever get used to it :? but I'm very glad to have our car at last and at least it isn't an old banger! However, Papa tells me I have to watch my language when I make a mistake - he says I get a little too cross and need to stay more calm :oops: I know he is in fact right on this occasion (we dont make too many concessions in that area usually Lol )

When we came home, we put up some pictures in Harry's room and sorted out some of his old toys which can go to the charity shop. We also stuck "glow in the dark" stars to his ceiling which look great when the light goes out! I couldn't remember any specific constellations except for the Southern Cross (only visible in the Southern Hemisphere so he will never see it in the UK!). I put this one in and then made the others all random. I explained to DH that when Harry is laying on a beach at midnight in Australia staring at the stars, having a few beers with his new found travelling companions, he will remember his bedroom and his Mama! I would love for him to do this as its one of my fondest memories of backpacking around Australia.

His room is looking great and he has had a lot of say in where things go! His trains are now upstairs in his room instead of the family room and I think he enjoys them much more because they aren't a constant feature of his day. If you left him to it, he would throw away everything else and just have his trains! He is steam train mad and would love to live with Thomas the Tank Engine!

Anyway, you were very much the topic of conversation today - Harry keeps asking me about you which is so cute. But he is concerned about his two special teddies - he is insisting that you have your own and cannot play with his! Dont worry cupcake - we will buy something for you Biggrin

Will leave it there for now - hopefully get a little more sleep tonight!

Hugs and much love

Mama

xxxxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

26 weeks and 4 days Dirol

Hey baby!

You have just started getting really active for the last few minutes and kicking me quite low - it almost feels like you are scratching my cervix! Just cut it out will ya! I love feeling you move but that sensation is so strange I could definitely live without it!

Today was terrible to begin with but ended up being lovely Smile

I woke up really late - around 10am - your papa let me sleep because I hadn't slept until after 3am again Sad I cant bear it - it makes me so irritable and I feel like I've wasted half the day.

We had some toast together and then I had a bath. Harry wanted to get in with me but he was already dressed! We then went off to the carpet store to try and find something for the family room. We spent all day looking at some supremely naff furniture and rugs. Most of it was just sooo ugly I cannot believe they stock the stuff. Anyway, we decided to go to John Lewis as a last minute idea (by this time it was 3.15pm). We found a gorgeous cream rug with a blue pattern all over it made in wool and silk. It was sooo expensive but definitely worth it - so much for shopping in the sales! We put it down as soon as we got home and it looks lovely. Harry was asleep at the time but when he woke up he really enjoyed playing on the carpet! He and your papa were rolling around like mad things - play fighting and teasing each other! Its lovely having stripped floorboards everywhere but we definitely needed some rugs - particularly in the family room. So that was a nice end to a stressful day!

We are off to see Stephen, Robyne and Joshua tomorrow. We are supposed to be going to Ikea too but I'm not sure how it will all pan out. I was thinking about driving but its a long way and I'm scared of getting onto the motorway! I really hate driving on the motorway - I've only ever done it as a passenger and I just get so scared. Your papa has kind of agreed to go via the A roads instead.......we will see! I hate the way this dominates my life - I have been worrying about making this journey since we planned it 2 weeks ago. I just worry that something will go wrong - I'm terrified of crashing. Man, I need to get this fear into perspective because its silly now that we have a car of our own to be scared to go to visit anyone outside of Buckinghamshire for fear of getting on the motorway! The last time we did this journey I had one long panic attack. I cant explain it but the fear is so real that I just cannot cope with it. I ended up crying last time Sad

Anyway, I should get some sleep otherwise I will be even worse Sad

Hugs

Mama

xxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

26 weeks and 5 days Biggrin

Hello Gorgeous Baby Biggrin

Yesterday was, as I predicted, a day of nightmare journeys! The drive down wasn't so bad - I made it from here to just outside of London on the A roads and then Papa had to take over. I really couldn't face driving in London itself - far too busy.

Anyway, we arrived too late to go to Ikea before seeing Stephen & Robyne. We had a great lunch - delicious food but very filling - gnocchi for main course which is lovely but I couldn't finish it. Harry played really nicely with Josh. Robyne sorted out some clothes for you. All our newborn stuff is blue or very boyish - we dont know what you will be until you arrive so they have kindly lent us some neutral stuff. I know for certain that I will go shopping anyway - I can't resist buying baby clothes!

We got lost on the way to Ikea so we didn't get there until 6.15pm. I took Harry for some supper in the restaurant and then we went around the store. He was so well behaved - he must have been shattered but he was such a good boy! We didn't get home until after 11pm - Harry fell asleep in the car but woke up briefly when we got home to put his pj's on! He was just so cute.

Today we spent the day with Ziggy, Aurora and Griffin. It was a very relaxed and lovely day - someone else cooking lunch again! I can get used to this!

I have been looking for an exercise DVD. I am so fed up with my weight gain and I need to do something. I have been so terrible over Christmas - eating for 6 never mind 2! I will go back to the gym next week and also practise some yoga at home. We need to get in shape baby! I cannot have a repeat performance of the weight gain I had with your big brother! It was so awful and I cannot face that again.

Sweet dreams BB Biggrin

Dikke knuffel en liefs

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

26 weeks & 6 days!!

hey gorgeous!

Happy New Year Biggrin Only 92 more days to go before we get to cuddle you! Papa and I stayed at home last night and cooked a lovely meal then had a glass of champagne at midnight.

Harry woke up quite early this morning but thankfully he was happy to get in bed with me for a cuddle Biggrin He doesn't do that very often these days so its so nice when he does.

We were planning to go for a walk this morning but the weather has turned against us and we will have to postpone it. Harry has been asking to bake some cookies so maybe we will do that instead - altho we have so much sweet stuff in the house I'm not sure its a good idea!

I am not making any resolutions this year except to keep you safe and well (it goes without saying that the same applies to your big brother!)

Anyway, love you lots sweetpea - its so wonderful to feel you moving around so much. You just got yourself into a really awkward position though which caused me a great deal of sharp stabbing pains so dont do that again will you??!! Lol

Better go and sort out the boys - they are crashing around downstairs and being very noisy!!

Hugs and lots of love

Mama

xxxxxxx

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Wow!! 27 weeks!

So sweetpea, today has been a very slow day. I slept in until 9.30 and then felt totally crappy when I got up and had breakfast. I've just been feeling so down and unable to get going. Your poor Papa - I really feel for him - it must have been so hard to be around me this week.

I thought a bath would make me feel better but it didn't! Then I got dressed in all this scruffy sweats and stuff and when I saw my reflection I just thought "come on girl, get your act together!". So I did! I came back in the bedroom, got myself into some nice clothes, went downstairs all smiles for your Papa and prepared lunch. We had a nice time with Harry this afternoon - just chilling out and playing games.

I'm having a really hard time with food at the moment. Its probably just all the Christmas goodies that have been around but I cant stop eating - particularly sweet things. I really need to get back into doing some exercise otherwise I'll end up as big as I got with your big brother and I really dont want to go there again!!

As I'm typing this you are going ballistic inside me!! You are kicking and somersaulting in time to the taps on the keyboard that my fingers are making!! Harry used to do the same thing when he was in there!! That is sooo strange Lol

Tomorrow your Aunt Sal is coming over in the afternoon to play with Harry. He gets so excited about seeing her - he thinks she is the bees knees! I'm so glad that they are so close - I am the same with her little boy (who is now not so little at the age of 16!). Your papa and I have no idea what we are going to do but I'm sure he will think of somewhere nice to take me Biggrin

I'm hoping to fall asleep relatively early tonight. For the past week I haven't been able to sleep before 2am and its driving me crazy and not really helping my moods. I want to get to sleep before 12am so that I can get up at a decent time and go for a brisk walk before starting the day properly. I could go to the gym too - we shall see.

Sonya brought around a bag of stuff for me today - she had to leave it with Papa on the doorstep as Jean-Noelle was taking her somewhere! I didn't look inside until this evening and then there were all kinds of things in there!! There was a huge inflatable exercise ball, a book on waterbirth, a book on exercise for pregnancy, a pair of maternity trousers, a child's bath toy set (which I'm assuming is for Harry!) and a couple of other bits! Its so lovely of her to do this - she is very pro natural birth and has given me some great recommendations. She has 2 older boys and then a little girl - Martha - who is only 8 months old. Harry calls her Martha Monkey (after the character on Noddy) and loves to give her toys to play with and always wants her to come to the park with us!! I just hope he is as impressed with you when you arrive!

Anyway, time to go to sleep - or at least trying to sleep.

Big hugs and lots and lots of love

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

27 weeks and 3 days Biggrin

Hey beautiful!

Well today was Papa's first day back at work. It went quicker than I thought it would but I really missed him.

Harry had his first day at his new nursery today. I was so anxious - I thought I would have to spend at least 10 minutes or so settling him in but he just went straight on into the classroom and waved goodbye! When I picked him up he said he had had a lovely time and when was he going again?!! Its such a pleasure to hear - he has been so unhappy at his previous nursery - never wanting to go in and clinging on to me plus the teachers weren't great there - they really confused him because they allowed all kinds of horrible behaviour from other kids that he was beginning to pick up on. It really got so bad and whenever I complained I was told they were doing their best but I dont think they were.

ANyway, we had lunch with Sian, Sara and Amelia today. Harry was really well behaved and ate very nicely with them. He was also very good around Amelia and enjoyed making her smile. That was so nice to see as we had begun to avoid anyone younger than Harry because he couldn't be trusted - thats all because he picked up on this bullying behaviour at the old nursery.

We stayed there until almost 3pm! Then Harry and I came home and made up a lego set for him to play with. It was one of his Christmas presents and he loves it Smile

I got a scare yesterday when I pulled a muscle in my stomach and couldn't feel you move for several hours. The midwife said this was perfectly normal and sure enough I could feel you wriggling around again before too long. Hope that doesn't happen again Sad Not a nice experience. I got so scared that I began to cry. I couldn't bear anything to happen to you now. You are so much part of our lives that it would be just too painful to deal with. Harry loves you very much. He cuddles my tummy and asks if he can stroke baby and kisses you through my tummy! He has decided that you should be called Henry - even if you turn out to be a girl!!

Anyway, must go and make dinner for Harry and I now - he will be a hungry monkey after his busy day Biggrin

love you lots

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

27 weeks and 4 days Dirol

Hey Beautiful Baby!

Well your big brother and I had a lovely day. It was raining this morning but we put on our wet weather things - Harry loves his wellies - and we splashed all the way to nursery Biggrin We even had time to sing a train song in the square on the way there! He asked me if I would stay with him today and I said yes, if he wanted me to but when we got there he was very happy to kiss me goodbye and join the other children. It was so nice to see him so settled.

When I picked him up he was even very good about having a chocolate bar - your brother loves Milky Bars - we bought one but I said he couldn't have it until after lunch. He asked me many times all the way home if he could have it but he didn't have tantrum when I refused. Its such a huge step for us and I'm grateful! He ate all his pasta because he knew what was coming!! He is becoming much more polite and co-operative and I am beginning to relax more as a result. He still acts up but it seems to be reserved for when he is really stressed - like when all the other children are waiting outside the nursery - he starts trying to be scary by making lion noises etc - I think its because he feels threatened and insecure for some reason. But I found that this morning just distracting him seemed to work.

We went to the library this afternoon with Sonya and Martha. Harry chose some lovely books and I let him hire a video too. We found a book called "There's a house in Mummy's tummy"!! Its about a young boy whose mama is having another baby and is a very sweet story. Its particularly apt for Harry because the little boy has a train set and likes to have special cuddles with his mama.........it could have been written about him! I'm hoping it will help make sense of this baby stuff!

We are going to have lunch with Carrie and Nathaniel tomorrow before going to the toddler gym. I was uncertain about going but I think Harry will enjoy it and he is now at nursery with Nathaniel so they should play well together. We shall see! I think Carrie will be driving although I would love to drive myself - maybe I will and just ask her for directions.

I really need to start being in the car more. I am really avoiding it which is silly because when I first passed my test I couldn't get enough of driving. I think its a combination of not having a car for 6 weeks, buying a bigger car that I'm a little scared of!! and because I had one or two near misses when I first drove the thing! One of which was really horrid. Anyway, I need to make more of an effort.

Better go now Baby. I need to get some sleep - last night was terrible - only 6 hours! Need to catch up and get plenty of rest before you make your appearance.....needless to say you shall keep me pretty busy!

Lots of love and hugs

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

29 weeks!

Hey beautiful baby!

Gosh, I cannot believe that we are here at this point already. Its been an eventful but then uneventful week :?

Firstly, it was my birthday on Tuesday - I turned into the grand old age of 33. It was a really sad day for me. I just felt very emotional. I tried to cheer myself up by taking Harry out for lunch and we had fun but my heart wasn't really in it. Your papa came home early and we had cake with candles and a glass of wine. Then Papa bathed Harry and cooked supper for the two of us. It was nice - he had made a real effort to get me things I would like Biggrin You all bought me some fluffy towels for my aromatherapy business - they are so luxurious they are too good for the clients! I want them for me! Anyway, your Papa wrapped each set individually and labelled them from Baby Bear, Harry Bear and Rog Bear! It was just too cute.

Saw the midwife on Wednesday. You are doing well - right on schedule in fact. Harry laughed when he heard your heartbeat. He loves hearing you and he regularly cuddles my tummy and says "I love you baby!" We have to see the OB next Thursday and the good news is he will not have an opportunity to induce you! The scan we had last week showed that you and the placenta are doing just fine so he has no excuse now! Woohoo - you cannot believe how happy that makes me Smile

Life has been very slow for the rest of the week. I haven't done anything else major. I practised some yoga this morning for the first time in ages. I have had a bad sinus infection which makes pranayama very difficult. I have been doing loads of treatments though. I tried out my new aromastream and its wonderful. I also gave your Aunt Sal a treatment on Wednesday evening and Harry had a massage this evening! I made a really gentle blend for him and he had the treatment after his bath - he even laid down on the massage couch! He said it was nice but tickly!

Your Papa and I have been discussing the possibility of employing an au pair for when you arrive. I hope we can go ahead with this plan and we find someone good. Your Papa works very hard and I really need the help. I had very bad post-natal depression after Harry and I think having some help around the house and being able to take some naps occasionally during the day will really help.

Okay, well I'm totally tired so I will leave it here. I will be off to bed and reading another chapter of my new copy of Spiritual Midwifery. Some of it is like totally weird but the message is sound.

You have been so active honey - you are moving around like a bundle of energy and it is so lovely to feel Smile

Love you lots

Hugs

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

30 weeks and 3 days!!!!!

Hello Sweetpea Biggrin

Well today you have given me a run around again! Basically I had a lot of stabbing pain and discomfort when I was walking but the upshot of it all is that you have probably dropped a little lower than before and are pressing on some of my nerves! Just great!

Harry was so sweet today. I was very cross about this woman who was supposed to be teaching me active birth techniques at home on Wednesday evenings for the next 8 weeks. However, she has decided that she cannot make it over here - apparently its too complicated to find in the dark!! Anyway, I was being very moody and your sweet big brother put his arms around me and said "dont be cross Mama, be happy" - it just made me smile so much that I totally relaxed about the silly woman! I called her back half an hour later and said she had to rearrange something more suitable because I'm not travelling over to Buckingham alone for the next 8 weeks. So, we now start active birth classes tomorrow morning. It means your Papa can't attend but I will be able to teach him the techniques. Not that he will take it seriously!

Everything else is going well. I'm not swelling up like I did with Harry and hopefully that will continue. It was so scary before - I used to watch my ankles disappear within seconds of standing up!

We planted a tree for Alice and Sebastiaan yesterday - an ornamental cherry tree. It is quite small right now but the branches are really intricate and beautiful. I can't wait to see it blossom in April. Its ironic that the tree we chose last year for Alice will bloom at the time when we lost Sebastiaan and when you will put in an appearance. Its in a beautiful pot on our decking and as I sit in the kitchen I can look at it through the french doors. I'm looking forward to watching it bloom - just like all my beautiful children.

OK, well Mama needs some sleep now. Its really cold here - threatening to snow and it makes me shut down like I want to hibernate! The thought of my duvet and bed right now is very appealing Smile

Love you lots & lots

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Hey gorgeous baby Smile

Well, I had my first active birth class yesterday. It was really interesting - its just me and Pam - and I really enjoyed learning the basic breathing techniques. Apparently you need to extend your focus away from the body so your eyes have to stay open and the breathing is all done in the diaphragm rather than the abdomen. This is really confusing me because practising yoga conflicts totally with this!

It is snowing here today. Not much but hopefully enough to keep Harry happy - he is very excited Biggrin But also not too much today that Papa can't get home but enough to stop him from going to work tomorrow would be good Lol

Okay, well not much more to report. I can't wait to see you honey. It will be just so wonderful to hug and kiss you. And I can't wait for Harry to meet you too - he is talking about you so much now.

Love you lots

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Well Sweetpea! We have had a funny old day Biggrin

First of all, we got up this morning so lots of snow. Harry was so excited he couldn't wait to go out. We called by at Sian's house to see if Sara wanted to walk to nursery with us only to find out that the school was closed for the day! So we came home and watched some tv and had some toast and some play here.

Then we met up with Sonya & Martha and walked to Rae's house. I thought it would be just us but there were a whole load of other kids there and it all got a bit overwhelming. Particularly as we didn't know anyone else. It all felt a bit strange really. Anyway, poor Harry had a bump to his head which left him rather dazed and in need of lots of cuddles. We read a couple of stories and then he seemed a bit brighter. We then got our wellies on again and went off into the snow for some snow ball fights! Harry thought it was hilarious to have Mama chase him and throwing snow at him Biggrin

We were going to stay for lunch but we came home instead. By the time we got home it was 12:45 already! But we had had so much fun that we hadn't noticed the time. We got warm and had some sandwiches and fruit.

This afternoon was quite slow. Harry and I fell asleep on his bed at around 3pm! One minute we were having a cuddle and the next thing I knew he was snoring away and it was almost 4pm!

After supper this evening Harry asked if he could cuddle you! He likes me to hold his hand against my tummy so he can feel you kick Biggrin I think he will really adore you when you finally come into this world - he's very excited.

Anyway, I'm going to finish here - Mama needs an early night!

Hugs and lots of love

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

31 weeks and 1 day Biggrin

Hey there Gorgeous!

Well your poor Mama had a terrible day yesterday - a fact which I feel certain you are aware of. I just couldn't stop crying. From around 10pm on Thursday evening I started to feel really down, then had an argument with your Papa, put Harry in bed with me (I was concerned about his bump on his head and I wanted to keep an eye on him during the night) and made your Papa sleep in Harry's room.

Friday morning I felt even worse. I could barely look at anyone which was really hard because the nursery was open again so I had to take Harry to school. I just came home and sobbed and sobbed. I feel so bad because I dont want to worry you - I'm certain you pick up on all these negative feelings Mama has. I dont even know for sure what it is about. I just feel bad, like pointless and directionless and questioning the point of everything. I think its also the weight-gain issue - I'm not exactly my usual petite size when pg, and also because i have really suffered with aches around my pelvis this time - not helped by having terrible piles! I have just felt so uncomfortable anytime I first sit down, or stand up that it makes me feel miserable.

Harry was such a sweetie. I tried not to cry in front of him but he found me in the kitchen and brought me his special orange blanket and wanted to get me some juice! We had a really big cuddle and then a lovely tea together. He is a total angel - he just knows how to make me smile.

Anyway, I started to feel a little more positive and then Harry and I had a bath together. He really loves to do this because the water is really deep for him and he gets to use Mama's special bubbles (instead of his special bubbles!). He also likes to zoom his bath trains up and down my tummy right now! And yesterday he found a new game - blow a raspberry against my bump Lol It was so funny and the louder the noise he made the more he laughed! I just love sharing these times with him. I really worry that I wont be able to do that for him in a couple of months altho if we have the au pair then I will have time to it because she can cuddle and fuss you whilst I give our busy little monkey some attention!

Your Papa came home to find Harry and I all cuddled up in big fluffy towels and smelling of chamomile oil (I made a blend especially for Harry which he loves) and then he put Harry to bed. We had a glass of wine (only a small one for me but I really needed to relax a little) and we just vegged out watching tv and munching on crisps (very naughty Mama - goes straight to my thighs Sad )

I had a much better nights' sleep last night and didn't wake up for the bathroom until 7.15 (altho I also had a couple of really weird dreams which startled me and woke me but I got back to sleep within minutes).

Papa went to get his haircut this morning and Harry and I got dressed etc. I had a real surprise because I was drying my hair and didn't hear your Papa come in - he sent Harry upstairs with a big bouquet of flowers for me Biggrin Its so sweet of him. I know he feels a little redundant - doesn't know what to do with me really. Then Harry and Papa went off to buy paint for the floor in your bedroom and Harry's bedroom - we were going to sand them but I have decided to paint them white instead because its less dust and mess and also because I think white floors in children's rooms are really nice!

So I'm just waiting for them to get back from the stores now- they also went to the supermarket to get some yummy things for lunch. I was supposed to be catching up on some reading for my course but I will do that later. I just needed to evaluate yesterday I guess and try and get my head around a few things. I'm looking forward to a lovely afternoon with my boys Biggrin

Love you lots

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

34 weeks Biggrin

Hey Gorgeous Baby

This is so frustrating - I really want to know whether you are a boy or girl - it doesn't feel right just calling you baby!!

Well its been ages since I wrote anything but life has been pretty uneventful over the last few weeks.

We found an aupair - her name is Renata and she is from Slovakia. Harry and I met her on Monday and she is just lovely. I'm really looking forward to having her live with us. It will be strange though having someone else live here with us. But she seems very nice and I'm sure we will get on very well.

Harry has been quite difficult just recently. Not eating properly and being stroppy........I guess thats just being 3 years old!

My classes with Pam have just begun to get interesting. We covered breathing techniques for first stage of labour today. It might sound mad but I am so looking forward to the birth now. I am really quite excited by the whole prospect........hmmm remind me of this when I've had 5 hours of contractions Lol Also your Papa is very supportive of having you at home without intervention now which is just great. I was worried that he would feel more inclined to go with the doctors etc but he is really being supportive and it makes such a difference.

Its really cold here at the moment so Harry and I stayed at home all day today and didn't go out at all. I feel bad because I feel I should take him outside as long as it isn't raining but it really was icy cold out there today. He is on half term holiday this week and we should be out having fun together Sad Anyway, we did have some fun with the lego set and his trains. He has also discovered playdoh and loves making shapes and telling stories with it Smile His friend Bella is coming over tomorrow and hopefully we can make it to the park. He also wants to make a cake and some animal masks so I think we will have some fun Smile

You keep moving around which is great but at times you really make Mama's tummy ache with your squirming! But at least it means you are active and well which is all that matters!

Okay, need some sleep.

Love you lots

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Dirol 34 weeks and 2 days

hello gorgeous Biggrin

Well Papa has almost finished painting your bedroom floor. It looks so lovely painted white against the green walls - very traditional and soothing - I love it. As soon as thats finished I can paint the furniture and your room will be ready Biggrin

We got out all your big brother's baby clothes last night and washed them ready for you to use. Some of them are very boyish so won't be suitable if you turn out to be a girl but most of them are just fine. It made me very emotional to see just how tiny Harry was! He loved looking at the babygros etc. We also got the pram from the loft and washed all the fabric covers. Harry insisted on sitting in it which was funny to see because he is looks so big in it! This is a very special pram because your Oma bought it for us and sadly she is no longer with us. I really want a 3 wheeler for you from about 3 months plus but I know that your Papa wants us to use this for now which I totally understand. Most of your bedsheets were also a gift from your Oma - she made the lace edging on them and they are very beautiful. We also found the wrap over vests she sent to us which are French and very beautiful. I cant wait to see you in them.

So I think we have finally found a name for you. If you are a girl you will be Matilda Ruby and if you are a boy you will be Caspar (Papa's choice and I love it) but we aren't sure of a middle name for you yet!

My belly is getting so huge now. I'm struggling to get my t-shirts to cover you all up! Mostly because the majority of my maternity trousers are "under bump" which are very comfy but a little cool if my tummy is exposed even slightly! I clearly need to slow down on the eating front! Altho to be fair to me its not all my fault - the thyroid condition I have causes me to gain extra weight without even trying (it slows my metabolism down) so it makes it difficult for me not to become a big bloater while I'm pg!

We investigated the cost of birthing pools this weekend. OMG :shock: I had no idea they would be that expensive! It will cost us around £350 because we have to pay by the week and of course we have no idea when you will arrive so its all a bit of a lottery. I will keep researching to find something cheaper but I really want to be able to labour in water with you. It just seems so natural to me - I'm such a water baby myself and I can lay in the bath for hours!!

Okay well I should finish here - I'm going to make a lovely afternoon tea for your brother and papa - who have just come back from the park!

Love you lots

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

34 weeks & 5 days :jumpingbeans:

Hello Gorgeous Baby

well Mama is doing very well today. I had a class with Pam this morning at home. We covered Transition and 2nd Stage Labour. I really love these breathing techniques she is teaching me. Its easy to say now, I know, but I feel so empowered and positive by practising them that I'm certain that feeling will be with me during your birth. I love the fact that she is so honest about how it feels etc but that being patient and going steady is the way to deal with it. Its so fab for me because really having you is like having my first baby! With Harry I was induced and then had an epidural. I couldn't feel to push, couldn't feel a damn thing and felt so detached from the whole process. This time is going to be so different and your Papa is very supportive which is wonderful. We are having great fun practising the nursery rhyme song for the "Peak" of the contraction! We couldn't stop laughing yesterday when we were trying to do it! I think thats a good sign - hopefully we can keep that up during labour!

I'm going to order the birthing pool in the next few days. I can't wait!

On the down side, I had a crappy appointment with the midwife yesterday who clearly doesn't believe in encouraging women to get on with things themseves. We discussed my birth plan but she kept saying "yes, but you will be induced if you go 10 days over"! I'm 35 weeks - can't she give me some encouragement at this stage?? I dont want to hear about induction (least of all because come hell or high water I am not being induced for anyone). Apparently I have to ask "permission" from the OB to allow me to go 14 days over and have a homebirth. Absolute rubbish. The law states that I can have my baby wherever I choose and I am certainly not going to ask for permission from a man who thinks that all homebirths are a load of hippy nonsense and highly dangerous.

Sorry. Rant over!!

Your big brother is going through a tough time at the moment. He woke up crying last night absolutely terrified that something was in his room. Poor little sausage. He slept in my bed eventually but was really concerned. And then this morning he wasn't happy to go to nursery either which is really unlike him. He was crying and then stomping around in his homeroom. Thankfully he settled really quickly but I hope this isn't setting a pattern Sad He really loves his teacher and I would hate for him to be upset about things now. He's got so much going on poor little poppet - with me, you, the new aupair starting in April, the house still in a bit of upheaval with us trying to finish off last minute decorating jobs (but I wont mention that your Papa has had weeks - no months!! - to do them Lol )

OKay, well thats about it for today. You've been fairly quiet today but that may have been because your Mama is sooo chilled out for a change!

Hugs and lots and lots of love

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

35 weeks today :party:

Hey there little one!

Not much to tell you today. Harry and I had a lunch date today with our friends Ziggy, Griffin and Aurora. Harry was really sweet to Aurora which is great because he seems to be out of his being mean to younger ones phase. It was awful when he used to push and be horrid to the little ones - I've no idea why he behaved that way - made me feel useless as a mother and a psychologist! Anyway, the children had a picnic under the table which they just loved. Its been so cold - even snowed today - so they haven't been out much so it was nice for them to pretend to be outside and camping!!

Unfortunately it all ended in tears - Griffin hit Harry in a dispute over a toy and poor Harry was beside himself. He told Griffin he had to go home and that he didn't want to play anymore Sad Poor little mite - I think he got a real wallop Sad

We had a fairly quite afternoon after that - Harry soon settled down with a special treat of an icecream Biggrin and plenty of cuddles from Mama.

You've been fairly active today which is lovely. I really love to feel you squirming around in there Biggrin Altho sometimes you give me a real dig in the hips or ribs and you also seem quite keen on using my bladder and cervix as a trampoline!! But even so, I love every second of it - no matter how uncomfortable it gets. I love you so much already precious little one. Life has taught me some very important lessons in the last 12 months or so. I will never take you and your beautiful brother for granted and I feel so blessed to have you both in my life.

Hugs and lots of love

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

35 weeks and 3 days Dirol

Hello Gorgeous Baby!

Well I packed my hospital bag today.........I'm not happy calling it a hospital bag seeing as I'm determined to have my homebirth......perhaps I should change it to my "labour bag"?? Yes, I think thats much better Lol

So the bag is just huge! I dont remember having this much stuff with Harry but I guess I must have done. I've packed in a blanket, your snowsuit, two babygros, socks, nappies, vests, cardigan, hat, then some things for me. I really wasn't going to bother - I thought it might tempt fate and then I would end up in hospital (hey, dont blame me - rational thought alludes all pregnant women okay!) but then I started to think that it would be handy to have everything in one place anyway even for the homebirth. That way Papa and I dont have to rush around looking for clothes for you and everything I need (nursing bra, clean underwear, maternity pads etc) will be ready prepared together. So now I'm feeling far more positive about it all Biggrin

I bought you two cardigans today - little white ones. One has elephants embroidered on the bottom and the other has a little pocket with B embroidered on it (so perfect for you little Baby Books!! Smile They are just adorable and I cant wait to see you in them.

I'm going to sit down with Papa this evening and decide which birthing pool we are going to hire. We were going to have a spa type pool but there are two key issues: the first is that I've read that the filter system can be a breeding ground for bacteria and the second is that it they are quite large and we would have to make a permanent home for it for 4 weeks. If they weren't so heavy it wouldn't be a problem - we could have it in our room - but the floors in a victorian house aren't really built to support that amount of water weight! So we will probably get a regular pool which we have to put together and fill ourselves. It wont get as much use but I dont really mind that much as long as its available when I need it!! I will give it a couple of trial runs though!

Not much else to report today. We have got an appt with the OB on Thursday which Papa is coming along to. I'm wondering how it will go as I intend to tell him that I will refuse to be induced. Plus I want them to change your EDD to 7 April which is far more accurate given that I O so late in my cycle. I also need him to give my midwife permission to deliver you at home up to 14 days post EDD. I'm certain he's going to say no but I will fight it all the way and ask for a second opinion if I have to. And your Papa is being very supportive on this issue which I'm really happy about - I really couldn't do this without him!

Okay sweetpea well I'm going to finish here for today.

Love you lots

Mama
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Biggrin

Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

36 weeks and 3 days

Hello Gorgeous Biggrin

Okay so I have lots to fill you in on. The first is that my OB is not bothered about inducing me at all. I will see him if I go 1 week over my due date and he has told me that I may need to be monitored on a daily basis if I do go over. However, he is satisfied that I have had a normal pregnancy and that there is no reason for me not to have a homebirth even if I'm overdue!! (except for the fact that he doesn't agree with homebirth :evil: but thats a consultant OB for you!) So this means that my midwife now has to get to grips with the whole idea and I think she is going to find it tough. Thankfully I have made a new friend called Kim who was in exactly the same position as me with the same midwife and she is going to let me have some contact numbers and names of supportive midwives who are also able to deliver babies in water. I am very excited because it seems like what could have been a very stressful battle has been overcome.

Renata, our aupair, has emailed me to let me know that she will be arriving in London on 31 March - a day earlier than planned! We're not sure what to do because its a 2.5 hour drive each way to Stansted which would mean that Papa would be gone for a good 6 hours (by the time he has driven there, waited for her, and brought her home). We are concerned that I may go into labour and that during that time he could actually miss your birth! The alternative is asking her to take the coach from the airport to MK. I dont really want to have to ask her to do this because I think it would be so much nicer to meet her there but I just dont think I would feel happy taking the risk. Harry received a letter from her on Saturday. It was so sweet - telling him how she was looking forward to playing with him and what games they could do. She certainly has a great imagination and I think Harry is going to love her.

Harry is a little more settled now which is fantastic. We spent 2 hours at the park today! It was a lovely sunny (But cold) afternoon and we had a really great time. They have put some new play equipment up and he was very keen to try it all out. Except one piece wasn't finished so we will probably go back tomorrow to do our test run! He is also having fun playing in the garden at the moment. I can't wait to do the landscaping - its such a mess right now but Harry doesn't care!! But it will be great to have it all done and have a lovely outdoor space for us all to enjoy.

It was your Aunt Sal's 40th birthday on Friday 5 March. She had a black tie ball and it was great. Its so nice to have an excuse to dress up. I spent most of the evening talking to your Aunt Jayne and Jennie (your cousin) because I haven't seen them in ages.

I seem to have a lot of BH at the moment and you are tending to rest very low in my pelvis which makes me feel like you are going to fall out! Today was so bad that by 5.30pm I could hardly walk. Your Papa had to help me to the bathroom etc. Then I had a few painful contractions and I really started to think I was in pre-labour. It all stopped after an hour or so though. I'm glad because I although I cant wait to see you I would really prefer to wait a couple more weeks! I really want my waterbirth!

Okay well I need to get some sleep - I've been having some real late nights this weekend and its not helping my mood much.

Love you lots and lots little one.

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

36 weeks and 4 days.....its getting closer!

Today I am sooooooo tired. So much for my early night yesterday. Despite having been in bed since around 9.30pm I still didn't manage to sleep until after 2am! I am just getting so uncomfortable with the pelvic pressure and also some quite fantastic BH! I can barely think straight - I left the car unlocked, couldn't remember how to do a left turn, and have been dozing on and off all afternoon. I feel so awful for Harry because I haven't really done anything with him today. Sal is coming over for an hour after work so hopefully she will cheer us all up.

I called my midwife because I thought I had an appointment today but when I checked it wasn't until next week. I can have my homebirth any time from Friday so I rang to see if she could come and see me at home. She is supposed to have been to the house and given me a labour preparation list, together with an out of hours contact number etc. She was so unconcerned and I am getting really fed up with this. She is making it quite clear that she doesn't want to do the homebirth by the way in which she is dragging her heels and making excuses. It is really upsetting me - I just want it all sorted. I think I need to start taking some drastic action.

I'm feeling so down - its probably just the combination of lack of sleep together with the stress about the midwife - but whatever the cause its making me so miserable. I'm sorry if this is making you feel awful too. They claim you pick up on all my emotion - just be reassured that it is not you who is making me this way - I cant wait to hold you and I am so happy to be having you - as are Harry and Papa!

Love you lots

Mama

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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

38 weeks 6 days Biggrin

Well sweetpea! I cant believe we are almost there. It has been so long since I wrote in this journal - bad Mama!

Had a bit of a scare with you yesterday when I got two really sharp pains across my tummy and then didn't feel you move. After an hour I called the labour ward and went in to be monitored. You were fine and the placenta is also still in place etc so nothing to worry about. However, you had moved from my right side to my left side so that was probably what caused the pain. Dont do that to Mama again okay!

On Tuesday I thought you were going to arrive! I had 3 hours of contractions but then nothing! I was soooo disappointed because I really can't wait to see you and hold you and kiss you. I am so excited now because my dreams finally seem like a reality.

We have the birthing pool at home now - its in the dining room with the dining table now outside in the garden! Its fabulous. Very deep and warm and I can just float around in it. I so hope that this will be the first place we see you and hold you. I am having my homebirth anyway but it would be so great if everything goes to plan and I'm able to push you out in the water.

Your big brother has been causing us some concern this week. His behaviour has been really bad with lots of tantrums. Thankfully today was much better but yesterday he even played up for his nursery teacher - something he never does. I think perhaps he is getting very anxious about your arrival and what that might mean for him. I love him so much it hurts to think that he feels threatened by you and your being with us. We got a book from the library yesterday about a little girl who gets a baby brother called "I'm important too!" Harry really loved it and the little girl gets to see that her parents still think she's wonderful and the more she plays with the baby the more fun she has. So now Harry is talking about how he will play with you and show you how to pull faces, play with trains and blow raspberries at Mama!

I've been trying to get all my last minute jobs done. I cant believe that Renata will be here next week! It seems all too soon. I still have to finish her room off. I need to paint the bureau and buy some new bedlinen for her. Then I wanted to thoroughly clean the house from top to bottom - absolutely blitz the place. It hasn't had a really good spring clean in ages and I'm itching to do it! Now that you are good as cooked I may as well get on with it - you never know maybe it will speed up your arrival! So I want to get all these things done before the end of the weekend. My friend Sonya gave me an excellent idea for next week whilst I'm trying to will your arrival! She said that every morning when Harry is at nursery I should do something fun for myself, like a manicure, watch a film, a facial etc. So that is exactly what I'm going to do! I'm quite excited about a whole week of pampering myself! Altho if you decide to appear early then that will be alright too!

Okay well I'd better get on with the painting etc. I have to take the car to the garage tomorrow so I wont have time to do anything else. I really dont like the idea of having to face a mechanic - I just hate their patronising attitude - particularly towards women :evil: . But Papa wants it looking at and I guess then its up to me to take it as he wont be around until the weekend.

Lots of love and Kisses

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

39 weeks and 1 day Dirol

We're almost there sweet pea!

Gosh I do hope you come early - I dont think I can bear the anxiety of you going over and having to fight with people about where or when I have you.

I've pretty much got the house sorted now - have been cleaning like a whirling dervish all day! All your things are waiting for you now and I cant wait to see you in them! I'm also looking forward to seeing you wear some of the things that Harry wore too - and telling him about it and perhaps even showing him some photos! We had afternoon tea in a lovely little cafe in the next village yesterday and we saw a tiny newborn on the table next to us. I told Harry that you would look like that and he was fascinated! I think he expects you to be sitting up and playing even though I have told him that you will pretty much lay and look for the first while at least!

He had a lovely day in the garden with his Papa today - they were paving over the borders in the garden to make room for yours and Harry's zooming up and down area! because the rest of the garden will be quite decorative we have allocated an area for bikes and cars to be ridden up and down on! I'm sure you will both have other ideas though and think its much more fun to zoom on them over the lawn!

Tomorrow is hopefully a chill out day. Papa will get on with some more gardening in the morning whilst Harry and I prepare a roast lunch - he loves helping me cook and its his favourite meal! Then I'm hoping that all 3 of us will spend the afternoon doing something fun for Harry. He really deserves having us totally to himself for the day - he has so many big changes ahead of him over the next few weeks and I know it will be hard for him to adjust. I just really want to be there for him and make sure he knows that he is still the centre of my universe! We had some lovely cuddles today - at his instigation which made me very happy! And he has been telling me how much he loves me!

Okay well its pretty late so I guess I should rest while I can! Just think, this time in the next couple of days I could be preparing for a feed and change for you! Just get a wriggle on now baby - you must be cooked by now!

Love you lots

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

Wow! 39 weeks and 3 days!

So little one, we seem to have an interesting situation developing. I have been having contractions now quite regularlu for the last hour. I'm not saying anything to anyone just yet tho - I'm fed up of them coming to nothing! But I really hope this might be your arrival happening at last!

I made an appointment to see an acupuncturist today just in case I dont go into spontaneous labour. She will try some acupressure points on Tuesday next week and we'll see how it goes. But hopefully everything will have happened by then Biggrin and you will be in arms at last!

Harry and I had a lovely day today. He made an easter egg picture at nursery which he decorated really beautifully. We spent the afternoon at William's house and he had so much fun with him and was very nice to Izzy which just makes my heart sing! He is getting to be so good with the smaller ones now and I love that he is so caring again - our little darling has returned to us! By the time we left their house Harry was covered in mud! The boys played outside with their cars and they got absolutely filthy! I thought Harry looked so cute though - just like a little boy should!

Well I'm off to get some rest. Looking forward to my haircut tomorrow! Unless of course you have other plans for me Biggrin

Lots of love and cuddles

Mama
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Joined: 08/14/02
Posts: 42

40 weeks :jumpingbeans: :jumpingbeans:

So we finally got there little one! I can't believe we are almost there - you're definitely cooked and I'm just awaiting your grand entrance!

I have been walking lots and staying upright. Something is definitely afoot. I have been cramping on and off, I lost a great big lump of plug earlier (2am) and you are so low that I cant walk with my legs together!! I'm hoping this is a good sign because 2nd babies dont engage until labour is imminent..........but I dont want to jinx anything by getting too excited Lol

So many of the ladies on the April board have already had their little ones or have just gone into labour (thinking of you Jenn and Rhiannon if you happen to be reading this!!) Its so exciting and I cant believe how far we have all come together. Its been a wonderful experience - everything we have shared and supported each other through. I love that we have been there for each other. Aren't women great Lol

Okay well its 3.20am and I cant sleep (I already cleaned the kitchen and set the breakfast table!!) but I guess I should go back to bed and get some rest - it would be soooo cool if you arrive today honey but no pressure!!

Love you lots

Mama
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