Three weeks ago, I was minding my own business (for the most part, heh heh) when something happened -- a breakdown in communication, you might say...although I very clearly remember telling DH three times that since I was O'ing and we were *NOT* TTC that he had to use protection or pull out (Yes yes, I know pulling out is not 100% but it has always worked for us just fine.)
Obviously, since I am writing this, neither of those things happened, and here I am; 5 weeks pregnant today.
It's not that we wouldn't like another child at some point, but there are some pretty strong reasons why we don't need one now:
* My job pays for Lasik surgery, but it is a very, very long wait list and I am scheduled for it -finally!- next week. The steroids and painkillers they give you aren't reccomended for use during pregnancy so unless I miscarry very quickly, my shot at free lasik is gone. Not that I'm wishing for a miscarriage, but I have to be realistic.
* Ahh, miscarriage, my old friend. I have a pericentric inversion of my #4 chromosome -- this causes nondisjunctions to form in my embroyos and 4 out of my 5 pregnancies have failed due to this. My daughter was born with Trisomy X, which just means that instead of two X's for her sex chromosomes, she has three. No biggie, she might have some learning disabilities later on....trouble reading, etc. But all bets are off for this one, because nondisjunctions can be a lot of bad things. So even if I don't miscarry, I might have a very sick or disabled child to deal with.
* Did I mention I have a daughter? Yeah, she is 19 months old and a HANDFUL. I'm no damn stay at home breeder - I have a full time, very demanding job. We are still breastfeeding and co-sleeping...I just can't imagine trying to take care of her while undergoing morning sickness. It was bad enough when I was pregnant with her, and I only had myself to take care of then!
So those are all the reasons that I shouldn't have this baby. With an 80% failure rate (4/5) as my batting average, I'm doing beta hcgs - my count yesterday was 881. My best calculation of DPO is 20/21 so that falls right into line, but of course it's the change over 48 hours that you look for, not just one number. As long as they put the next lab order in, I'll go back tomorrow for a draw.
I still don't really feel pregnant, with Kaia - my daughter - it was almost exactly 6 weeks before I started having symptoms, so it might be too early. With the four pregnancies that failed, I never had any symptoms so I kind of use that as the hallmark of if it's destined for miscarriage or not. Yesterday I thought I started feeling that pre-nausea "pressure-on-the-front-of-my-throat-feeling" but I can't tell. My breasts aren't really sore but today they are a little -- kind of that tingly feeling but Kaia was sick last night and didn't nurse so it could just be that they are too full. It's easy to excuse things away.
I'm trying to stay emotionally uninvested until I find out which way things are going, and it seems to be working. I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. ,
Well I got the results of my second beta back -- 2287. That is doubling every 34.88 hours.
Like I explained to DH though, that only means that the pregnancy isn't failing RIGHT NOW, not that it won't fail later.
Well......no pregnancy news, but I fly out tomorrow and most likely won't be updating for the next two weeks or so. If something drastic happens, I might pop onto my parents computer but otherwise I'm just going to visit family and hang out in Florida.
My next appointment is the 31st of March, and the nurse sounded fairly certain that I would get a ultrasound at that time.
We'll see then, I suppose.
Well, nothing drastic happened in Florida. I've been having some nausea throughout the day but no breast soreness. Weird, huh?? In all of my former pregnancies - even the failed ones - I had sore breasts. But this one I don't - but I do have some morning sickness...which I only had with Kaia. Anyways, other then that I really don't have anything else to add.
Still sick, although I haven't actually thrown up. It seems like if I eat, I'm alright (At least right after I eat!) but if I go just a little too long between snacks then I start feeling ill.
Very confusing symptoms!
My next appointment is the 31st, like I'm sure I mentioned, so I'm just gonna have to wang out until then. I still need to do the blood work for that, I haven't yet so maybe tomorrow I will since I have the day off.
Well, off of work but I still have to go lead a workout session in the afternoon...not quite sure how I am going to handle that since I don't think I'm up to my normal running/weights routine. We aren't telling people, obviously, because of the miscarriage risk and it is a military workout session I'm leading (I am expected to participate as well!) so if someone pissy/nosy shows up I might have to out myself anyways.
Hopefully it's all cool people!
We had an ultrasound on the 31st and everything looks good - measured 8 weeks exactly with a heartbeat. So now because of my previous genetic problems I have to get a CVS on the 21st of this month.
Well, I had my CVS on Tuesday. The FISH results should be in later today - I am on the tail end of my night shift right now and will get the phone call around my 4AM -- right smack dab in my sleep cycle, but that's okay.
The actual procedure....ugh.
First they tried the transabdominal approach - now, bear in mind that I had an amnio with my DD and thought it was a breeze, so I was expecting an equally east time with this...but it was much, much worse. The doctor said that it was because at 11 weeks, the muscle they have to go through is much thicker and tighter, and the CVS needle is a lot 'stouter' then the amnio one - also, with the CVS they have to 'pump' the needle to get the sample, whereas with the amnio they just daintily suck a little fluid out. Whatever the reason, I had a terrible time of it.
They first numbed the location with a local anesthetic and then slid the needle in (It was about 8-10 inches long and I heard them say 20 gauge thick) and at first I didn't feel anything, then this sick ache started and several sharp pains, then they went farther and more sharp pains - I actually started going hot and cold and feeling sick to my stomach, and I began cramping pretty badly. They were having a hard time getting a good sample because of the location of the placenta, and so it took a lot longer then a normal CVS...and I felt every second of it!
After they withdrew the needle (More sharp pain upon pulling it out) the doctor decided they didn't get enough tissue but that going in through my stomach again wasn't smart because they wouldn't be able to get any better of a location then they did the first time, and that wasn't good enough to begin with.
So I got a second, trans-cervical CVS.
Although mentally I was dreading it, I have to say that the trans-cervical procedure is the way to go, I really didn't feel anything besides two tiny cramps (And I mean tiny) when they got the sample. Other then that, it felt just like a pap smear. The worst part was the speculum going in, if that tells you anything.
The second time, the doctor was pleased with the sample retrieved and I was allowed to go home!
Now we are just waiting to hear the results. Personally, I'm feeling boy (Mainly because I'm not as sick as I was with DD) but I'm not sure about the chromosome results.
The genetist we spoke with before the CVS said that my inversion doesn't cause problems all the time, and that the baby may be totally normal...although, with my track record I'm understandably skeptical!