Three weeks ago, I was minding my own business (for the most part, heh heh) when something happened -- a breakdown in communication, you might say...although I very clearly remember telling DH three times that since I was O'ing and we were *NOT* TTC that he had to use protection or pull out (Yes yes, I know pulling out is not 100% but it has always worked for us just fine.)
Obviously, since I am writing this, neither of those things happened, and here I am; 5 weeks pregnant today.
It's not that we wouldn't like another child at some point, but there are some pretty strong reasons why we don't need one now:
* My job pays for Lasik surgery, but it is a very, very long wait list and I am scheduled for it -finally!- next week. The steroids and painkillers they give you aren't reccomended for use during pregnancy so unless I miscarry very quickly, my shot at free lasik is gone. Not that I'm wishing for a miscarriage, but I have to be realistic.
* Ahh, miscarriage, my old friend. I have a pericentric inversion of my #4 chromosome -- this causes nondisjunctions to form in my embroyos and 4 out of my 5 pregnancies have failed due to this. My daughter was born with Trisomy X, which just means that instead of two X's for her sex chromosomes, she has three. No biggie, she might have some learning disabilities later on....trouble reading, etc. But all bets are off for this one, because nondisjunctions can be a lot of bad things. So even if I don't miscarry, I might have a very sick or disabled child to deal with.
* Did I mention I have a daughter? Yeah, she is 19 months old and a HANDFUL. I'm no damn stay at home breeder - I have a full time, very demanding job. We are still breastfeeding and co-sleeping...I just can't imagine trying to take care of her while undergoing morning sickness. It was bad enough when I was pregnant with her, and I only had myself to take care of then!
So those are all the reasons that I shouldn't have this baby. With an 80% failure rate (4/5) as my batting average, I'm doing beta hcgs - my count yesterday was 881. My best calculation of DPO is 20/21 so that falls right into line, but of course it's the change over 48 hours that you look for, not just one number. As long as they put the next lab order in, I'll go back tomorrow for a draw.
I still don't really feel pregnant, with Kaia - my daughter - it was almost exactly 6 weeks before I started having symptoms, so it might be too early. With the four pregnancies that failed, I never had any symptoms so I kind of use that as the hallmark of if it's destined for miscarriage or not. Yesterday I thought I started feeling that pre-nausea "pressure-on-the-front-of-my-throat-feeling" but I can't tell. My breasts aren't really sore but today they are a little -- kind of that tingly feeling but Kaia was sick last night and didn't nurse so it could just be that they are too full. It's easy to excuse things away.
I'm trying to stay emotionally uninvested until I find out which way things are going, and it seems to be working. I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. :dry:,