I am thrilled to write that I still weigh 149! I haven't gained any weight for about 2 wks now! I was hoping that my weight would level off for a while, but I figured it was just wishful thinking. At this point, I'm only 3 lbs more than I was with Ben! I can live with that!
Last night we started Karey's fence. Mark has a ballgame today, so I'll help alone. I like hanging out with Karey though, so that should be fun. I'm feeling pretty decent, today, I'm feeling pretty nauseous this morning, but usually once I eat it gets a little better. Ben's birthday is coming up soon. I have come to a point now that I feel OK with the fact that this baby might not be healthy. I am trusting God that he will give me the strength to make it through, not in advance, but just when I need it. I will be thrilled if everything is perfect, but I am prepared if it is not.
Still only 149!!!!!!! That is my good news. Other good news, Jill's little boy Isaac got to go home yesterday. That is a complete miracle from God. A miracle, what exactly is a miracle? I know God has done them, probably in my life too. Why is it so hard to see them? Why is it so hard for me to hope for a miracle baby, who is healthy, happy and perfect? My mom says this news of Isaac's miracle should encourage me that God has a miracle planned for our lives too. Instead, I feel somewhat sad. I guess I feel like when other's experience miracles, it reduces the chances that we'll get a miracle too. I mean, how many miracles can I expect to see? Stupid, I know. In my mind, I know this is foolish. I know I need to rest in the Lord, and let him lead. Instead, I find myself constantly wishing I knew more, constantly wishing I had the answers. I should be happy to still be pregnant, to not have morning sickness, to not have any spotting. Instead I am scared out of my mind that this baby will be sick. And I don't know how I will handle it. Will I have the strength? Will I have the faith? Will Mark and my relationship endure?
I give you my pain, my fear, my worry. I don't want it anymore. I want to trust you. I want to trust that you will always be there for me. And, I want you to know, that no matter what, I will be obedient. Even if it breaks my heart.
July 28th; 12 wks 2 days
Well, I hit 150 lbs. Oh well, the plateu was nice while it lasted! Actually, I'm almost relieved in one way, I'm assuming the weight gain means the baby (and the rest of me) is growing a litle. I go back for another app in 2 wks. My tummy is definitely growing, especially noticeable at night after eating all day. My bbs are still sensitive too. I can't believe it is almost August! I CANNOT wait until February, I am dying to hold this little one!
Andrea from PDA was due yesterday with her 2nd baby and has still not gone yet! I can't believe it - that would be so frustrating, they will induce her Friday if she is still waiting.
Well, I am now 151 lbs. I'm hoping to hold here until my appointment at 14 wks. I just finished working at PDA for the past 2 days, and my back is killing me. I am really glad that I'm not working full time as a dental hygienist - too much stress on the body. I have been dog sitting Molly since Saturday. She has been pretty good, but I'll be glad when her parents get back. She's a little more barky than Haley is, and there is not as much room on the bed.
Andrea from PDA had a baby girl, Chloe, on Friday. She ended up going into labor on her own on Thursday night around midnight.
Well, my second pregnancy appointment is done. It was short, and right on time. I am a little disappointed because she didn't schedule my level II u/s like I thought she would. Instead, she wanted to wait until my next appointment in 4 wks. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to schedule an apointment until Friday of that week, so I'll almost be 19 wks then. The only good part about that is at least the baby will be bigger, so hopefully they will be able to see everything they need to. Also, she waited with the triple screen test until my next appointment, which worries me. I know that the optimal time to test to avoid false positives is between 16 and 18 weeks. I'll be over that a bit, so I think I'm going to call her nurse and ask if I could come in a bit earlier than that just for the blood test. If not, I think I'll skip the test.
Good news - I only gained 1 and a half pounds in 5 wks! I'm thrilled about that! The Dr. found the heartbeat pretty quickly, about 150 bpm. My blood pressure was a bit high - 140 something over 80 something. She's not worried at this time, I thought maybe it was because I was nervous. I was worried that something could have happened to the baby, and the heartbeat reassured me that my little one is still there.
I bought 4 shirts and 1 shirt/pant set from Sears on clearance all for $30!! I was thrilled, and I'm wearing maternity clothes now. I don't really fill them out yet, but my regular clothes are too tight. I have been feeling pretty good, I haven't been sick yet throwing up like last time.
I still only weigh 151 lbs! I am now only 1 lb over what I was with Ben at this time! I'm pretty excited about that.
Mark and I are leaving today for our trip to Wisconsin Dells. I just looked at weather.com and I don't know if the weather is going to cooperate. I hope we have a good time anyways. It really thunderstormed here last night, but I guess we needed the rain.
Sara Abrahamson borrowed me a ton of maternity clothes! I'm am so excited and thankful. I can't believe school starts in a week!
I now weigh 152lbs. I'm still doing pretty well, I've stopped worrying about weight gain pretty much. Today was my first day back at school full time, with all the meetings and speeches today, no students until next week. I'm pretty tired as I was out the door at 7:30 and didn't get home until 5:00. Tomorrow I am at PDA. This weekend Virg and Diane and several of the cousins with kids are coming to visit. Not sure who all will be staying with us - we will see. Mom's birthday was nice, it was a great day on the lake.
Well, today is the anniversary of Benjamin's death. I did just fine working at PDA all day, and even told Lori it was the anniversary. I didn't cry at all until my drive home. Listening to christian music can often do that to me. While I miss Benjamin terribly, I know he is in a good place. I wonder if he is watched over by other family members who went before him. At the same time, this anniversary reminds me how fragile life is, and how there are no guarantees. While I desparately pray this child I now carry is healthy and perfect, a part of me knows that this may not be the case, and once again, I'll have to say good-bye. Karey invited us over for supper with Tony and Sara, but I can't decide what to do. It can be quite hard to be the only couple without a baby in our arms, and yet, to be alone is hard too. I'm so glad the first year is over, I pray that the memories become sweeter, easier to bear without so much pain. And above all else, I pray that God will provide the strength and courage to face whatever challenges life present.
I gained another pound and now weigh 153lbs. That is the exact same amount as I weighed at 17 wks with Ben. Feeling good about that.
Today was the first day of classes, and I have class from 8am to 8pm - boy am I really tired now. I told the seniors during night class that I was pregnant, and they were excited for me. Several said they suspected I was, but didn't know for sure. The first day went pretty well, no big surprises which was nice. I had my triple screen test on Friday of last week, and should get the results by Friday Sept 3rd. A little less than 2 wks until my next OB app.
I now weigh 154 lbs. This week I had my 1st stranger acknowledge my pg. I was waiting for a table at Applebee's, and the benches were full so I decided to sit on the ground. Another lady said, take my seat, I'll never forgive myself if I let a pg women sit on the ground. Even though I still feel like I just look fat, I guess I must look pregnant now. Yesterday Mark and I went to the cities and I bought several maternity clothes. It is so nice that today is Labor Day, and we get one more day to our weekend. I was so absolutely exhausted last week, that I really needed this weekend to rest and rejuvenate. I'm feeling quite a bit better. It seems I can't sleep past about 7:45am. I have 4 more days to work at Dr. Flor's in New Richland on Tuesday mornings, and then I'm done. I'm looking forward to capturing back that time to work on other things. I called for my triple screen blood test results on Friday, and everything came back negative. Hopefully, this is the first good test result of many.