Well, I've decided to write this journal, in hopes of expressing my fears, hopes and overwhelming emotions. Maybe writing this down each day will help me to better handle the pressure of this pg. I've decided to write this journal directly to you, little one.
I am so excited, and yet so scared to be excited. You have an older brother Benjamin. Benjamin was a beautiful little boy, but he had severe heart and lung defects, which eventually sent him to heaven after 5 short weeks. I so wish you could meet your big brother right away. Unfortunately, we will all have to wait awhile to see him again. Your Dad and I have been trying to get pregnant ever since Benjamin died. It took us about 5 months to conceive you. Your Dad is so excited. He has wanted you so badly. Now we are both desparately praying that you stick, and are perfectly healthy. Based on my temperature shift and potential ovulation, we think that 40 wks is on October 6th. We are so hoping you will be able to dress up for Halloween! That means that right now, I am a little under 5 wks pregnant. This is such a risky time right now for miscarraiges. Our 1st prenatal appointment is on February 16th, so we hope to see you through an ultrasound for our very 1st time. I am happy that I'm finally down to my pre-pg weight (141-142), although I know that won't last long. We love you already little one.