This journal was copied over from the old Write Your Own Pregnancy Journal Board at Pregnancy.org.
October 4, 2002
5w + 3d
Well my little angelbug, this is the beginning of our journey to meeting you. Yesterday, the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and gave us an EDD of May 30th based on my LMP making me 6 weeks today. I booked my first u/s to get a more accurate dating. It's scheduled for Wednesday, October 23rd at 2:50pm (1:50pm EST). I can't wait to see you baby. I will be 8w5d then and hopefully we'll be able to see your little heart beat, I know you'll love your big brother Dylan, he's going to be a great big brother. Well I'll add more to this for later but your grandma is visiting with your daddy, Dylan and I this weekend so we have a lot of things to do.
It's hard to believe that the thought of having you my little angelbug in my arms in late May-early June is starting to settle in more. I'm so nervous right now about losing you. In some ways I have a feeling that we are meant to be together and I'll get to hold you in my arms at the end of my pregnancy. Well the time has passed where I could wear my old jeans so I had to bring out my maternity clothes and jeans. I've been showing Dylan stuff about babies and telling him how Mommy has a baby in her womb and all. I was at the dept. store close to where we live and saw the cutest little outfits and have already decided that I'll probably use one of Dylan's old newborn outfits if you are a little boy and buy a brand new little girl outfit if you are a girl. Our first chance to see you will be Wednesday, Oct. 23rd, about a week before my 29th birthday. I have a feeling Daddy can't wait to be able to have you with us either.
It's hard to believe how quickly the tiredness and morning sickness set in with this pregnancy. I feel so blessed to have you my little baby but I just feel so sick and tired and all in less than 4 days. It should be interesting to see how I am able to handle babysitting a 19 month old boy on top of dealing with Dylan who just turned 20 months today. Time flies by so fast with Dylan yet it feels like time is standing still waiting to hold you my little angelbug.
I never thought doing housework could be such a chore when you have morning sickness, especially when you have to clean up after yourself, but two other people as well as 2 pets. Eek I can't believe how nauseous I get just doing dishes and changing garbage bags. Last pregnancy with Dylan it was only some foods that did it to me. I've been spending most of my time feeling gaggy as I've been getting more saliva. I can honestly say that I will take all this stuff and all as long as you are healthy my little angelbug. What can I say? Well another 15 days till we get to see our first picture of you. Your daddy, and your brother will be there to see you as well. We are so excited that you will be part of our lives. Your other sibling went to heaven in April and was due in December so it is going to be a bit of a rough time for Mommy as she misses your little angel sibling but is so happy that she'll have you. Now all I can do is hope that you will be with me in my arms and that nothing bad happens. Please god let me keep this baby this time.
Oh no, I started getting brownish-wettish cm on my toilet paper this morning and in some ways it feels like either my bladder is too full or it feels like I'm going to get AF but I'm pregnant. I called the doctor, I really hope she gets back to me soon, I'm so scared of losing another baby. Please God don't take this baby of mine away from me. I know Dylan will make a great big brother and we so want this baby. I just hope it's nothing but I never had this last pg and anything unusual scares me. I'll update this after I hear from the doctor. Hopefully she'll check my progesterone finally as well as to make sure my HCG levels are doubling. I need some reassurance, I can't just sit here and hope on the 23rd that you my little angelbug are alright if you're not.
Well heard back from doctor, I asked her about bloodwork and all she told me that it wasn't necessary and if I was indeed miscarrying there wasn't anything they could do about it. Well the cramping and such is easing off thank goodness. Now to focus on relaxing and resting more.
Well another day starts, the brownish spotting is starting to be simply a transient thing and the crampy and feeling of AF feeling seems to have disappeared as well. Indigestion though is somewhat bothersome but I can handle it as long as you're alright my little angelbug. I feel a bit more relaxed and more at ease today then yesterday. It had me a bit upset that Ron said if I was to miscarry, that he doesn't think we should try again as he thinks my body can't handle it anymore simply because I had a hard time with Dylan. I just wish Oct. 23rd (13 days left) would get here so we can have our first u/s and make sure everything is alright, I have a feeling it'll make things more reassuring once I see the baby is growing and alright. Well one breast seems to be much bigger than the other. Can't really figure what's up with that honestly. Still puking at least a few times a day if not gagging. Some smells are worse for making me gag than others, mainly peanut butter and Dylan's dirty diapers. I'm so tired right now that a nap as Dylan's having one I think is in order than food if I can last out that long. I love you my little angelbug and pray that God lets me keep you. Did I just happen to mention that I so look forward to holding you in my arms next spring?
Well so far so good no more spotting or cramping and feeling a bit more relaxed with things, 10 more days till I get to see my baby on u/s. I can't wait, I've never had an u/s this early in pregnancy before so it'll hopefully be reassuring to me that everything is going well. I'm getting really anxious to see you little angelbug and know that you are ok and growing inside of me. I talk about you everyday to your big brother. Hopefully by the time we go for the u/s we'll be able to see your tiny heart beating. It just amazes me that you are part of me and that I already love you so much as I did with Dylan. I can handle the m/s, going to the bathroom to pee frequently, the headaches, hot flashes and sore breasts as long as I know you are still with me. 10 days honestly right now feels like forever and wish it was going by quicker so I can have the first picture of you to keep to show you after you're born and old enough to look at it. I just know Dylan will be a great big brother to you and will probably love you so much. He is so helpful so I have a feeling he'll want to help and get to know you better as well. Your daddy will love you just as much as he grew to love your brother. I can't wait to see what you'll be like in your physical appearance and that of your personality and if you're a boy or a girl. If you're a boy, your name will be Ryan Charles, Charles is the name of your great grandfather on Mommy's side of the family and was your grandma's father. He passed away shortly after Dylan was born. Dylan was his first great grandson and he was very proud as he would be of you as well whether you're a girl or a boy. I have many ideas for a name if you're a girl though. All that matters right now is your growing, that you'll be healthy and in my arms next June.
4 days, 18 hours and 24 minutes until until my first u/s and 14 days, 4 hours and 9 minutes until until my 29th birthday and 3 months, 20 days and 9 minutes until your older brother Dylan turns 2! Boy does time fly when you're having fun!
Well morning sickness and feeling like you're going to puke isn't really that fun after all. Some days I feel more nauseous and all than other days. Mostly I just get a lot of headaches, hot flashes and tiredness.
I think the thing that worries me most is the nightmares of going to my u/s next Wednesday and something being wrong with the baby. It's hard to sleep at nights with that fear. I just want to know that you're alright my little angelbug so I can relax and just focus on when I have you in my arms.
I'm getting really excited though about the u/s and hopefully that'll give me the reassurance I need to know that things will indeed be alright.
It's nice though to have such great and supportive friends especially the girls on the TTC 0-6 and 7+ month boards and my friends Stacey and Cristina.
Well I've been doing a lot of talking to Dylan that he's going to be an older brother next summer and point out baby's and he says 'baba' and kisses the baby on the TV screen. I do think he'll make a great big brother to you angelbug.
Oh the morning sickness this morning has been bad before I could even eat this morning I was vomitting. It sometimes doesn't help having so much gas and bloating as well as heartburn and indigestion to add to it. I didn't have it near as much as last pg, I had nausea all day but only puked once during my first trimester with Dylan. In some ways I was more tired during my first trimester with Dylan than I am this time though, it's like a mild fatigue with really really sore boobs this time.
Other than that I feel much more relaxed today than I have for a few days perhaps because I managed to get some sleep without that aweful nightmare happening last night.
Well sleep is getting to be more of a luxury lately than it used to be simply a necessity. I was up several times during the night and starting to find it hard to get to sleep and once asleep staying alseep. I was so nauseous all night and its then that I notice my breasts hurt the most as well as not feeling comfortable on my stomach anymore. I hate the feeling of gagging enough to want to puke and then having enough gas to probably fuel the car. Had a tiny bit of brown spotting yesterday, but trying not to worry alot about things and just trying to relax as much as I can till we get to the u/s on Wed. I'm still getting the metallic taste in my mouth which makes me sick to my stomach and some slightest smells make me nauseous too. All I can do right now is pray everything is alright and it's not in my head. God please let my little angelbug be alright.