Notes to my son..
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    Default Notes to my son..

    I starting writing this the day after I found out I was pregnant. I have been keeping it on my computer, but have no 'disks' and I'd be really bummed if the computer crashed and I lost it all. So here it is: on the net' where it's safe and I can get to it, if need be.
    ----------------------------------

    The Baby Chronicles

    Friday, April 13th 2007
    Took 1st test (day before period was due) - 'Answer' brand test. 2 lines - but 2nd line is very faint.
    I went to Shana's house to get a 2nd opinion - we went to Wal-Mart and bought an CBE Digital. - "Pregnant."
    1st people to know were Shana, Justin, and Lacey. I called your daddy from Shana's house, and when he answered I said: "Hi Daddy!" (He knew I was taking the test.) - He was shocked at 1st and then said "I'm stoked!"
    Shana said she is happy for me, b/c I am happy. We went the next day to look at baby stuff @ wal-mart.
    I had no symptoms to think I was pregnant with you. I knew we had been trying, but didn't think that I was. I took the test, just like I have 100 others, and didn't expect a thing. I have gained 4 pounds. You were concieved on April the 1st - a sunday morning.

    Saturday, April 14th 2007
    I told Jessica today. She cried. She is very happy and excited. I told my parents today as well. Mom is happy, kind of. Dad was not.

    Sunday, April 15th 2007
    We told Ben's parents today. His mom is ok with it, as is Tony. Dad doesn't want ben to be in the picture. Ben is not happy about that. I want us to riase the baby together. I still wanna go on vacation to disneyworld.

    Tuesday, April 17th 2007
    I went to the health department today. I took a test, and it was positive. (duh!) I got a sheet of paper confirming it to put in your baby book, which mom and I bought today @ hallmark.

    Wednesday - May 9th 2007
    I threw up for the 1st time today. I was eating some KFC, watching T.V with mom and dad and - off to the bathroom I went. Nothing MAJOR, but enough to take off some of the pressure from my stomache. I feel a bit better now.
    Talking to Ben today has not helped anything. I can't stand the face that he is with Amy, and it's driving me insane. He told me tonight that his mom thinks I trapped him into this. I think it might be time someone called her and told her the truth about THAT matter. B/c this was not an accident.
    I love Ben to death, and I know he wants to be all involved, but it's just too hard to deal with sometimes. I'm very depressed, I'm tired all the time - I still have no job...I just don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm hoping it'll get better as time goes by, and I know it'll all be worth it in 7 months. It's just getting through the 7 months that has caused such problems so far.

    Thursday - May 10th 2007
    Mommy just wants you to know that she loves you more then anything in the whole world. I am so in love with you already and you aren't even 8 weeks old in my tummy yet. Daddy loves you too, and he is excited, and we are trying to work on things. I hope you are healthy and beautiful and no matter what I will always love you.

    Wednesday May 16th 2007
    Mommy and Daddy went to the very 1st Dr. appt. yesterday @ Vandy. We got to see you on the ultrasound. You are very tiny. You are 15.6MM long and are measuring in @ 8W 1D. Which is only 2 days behind what mommy thought, which means you are growing properly, and right on schedule. You are the cutest thing in the world and mommy and daddy love you VERY much.

    Sunday - May 27 2007
    Mommy was doing some thinking today...and I have come to understand that the situation I have put you through may never be an easy one....that situation being your life. I wanted a baby so badly I didn't really care who it was with, so long as I had one. I love your daddy VERY much. I always have. He is still to this day one of my very best friends and knows me better then anyone. However, I think me getting pregnant with you kind of blind sided him - we were trying and he knew it was gonna happen - I just didn't think he thought it was would be so fast. It only took a couple months. Daddy loves you and is excited for you to be here but I think he might have his 'faulty' days where he isn't exaclty father of the year...and that is not fair to you b/c I wanted you to have the same really great life that I did. With 2 parents that adore you, as well as each other. You daddy and I do love on another, we just can't seem to make it work out as a couple....so I dunno why I thought we would work out a parents...*sigh* But I want you to know that you are the most amazing and coolest and most important thing that has ever happend to me, and no matter what happens or how your life goes, I WILL ALWAYS be there for you. I will never let you down, and I will never abandon you. I hope that you and I can have a close relationship through your whole life, and you can always come to me when you need me. because no matter what, I'LL BE THERE!! I promise. I love you.

    Tuesday June 12th 2007
    I went to the Dr. today to have my NT Scan done to make sure you are healthy. Everything came back perfect. You are healthy and beautiful. Mommy cried when she saw you. You have gotton SO BIG! I also heard your heartbeat for a second - it took a long time to find it, and thn we lost it just a second later but it was still really great!! I think you are going to be a boy. I LOVE YOU!

    Tuesday - June 19th 2007
    The baby in the pregnancy calendar moved!! You're getting so big!!! I'm so proud of you! I love you hunny!

    Monday - June 25th 2007
    I think I'd be a liar if I never said that some of the things I'm going through with being pregnant, are making me un happy. Having to deal with this basiclly on my own, has not been easy. I know mom and dad are there for me, but I am the one who is carrying you. I made the choice to have you - not to have you as in just keep you, but get pregnant in general. I wanted a baby and I got one. And I love you more then anything and I can not wait for the day I get to see your little face, but I do have those days....those days where you cry b/c you think that a child is a death sentence. Being single and living in this town and having a child.... sometimes you just don't know what your doing. I had all these plans to get out. I wanted out. I hate Dickson. It's 'home' but it's a black hole. It'll suck you in, and turn you into someone who is just like everyone else no matter how hard you fight it. I didn't fight hard enough. I met ben, and fell in love and let everything there after blind me to death. That a life, no matter how average it was, was still better then being alone. Even if it meant I didn't actually love your daddy anymore...as long as we were together. I thought everything would be cool when I found out about you coming. I thought he and I would work it all out. I guess life never goes the way you want it to. Actually, I guess it does...if you want it bad enough and try hard. I just want you to know that no matter what - I'll get you out. I'm gonna make it my mission that YOU my child are NOT a "product" of this town. That you are MY baby, and you overcome everything. You will be smart and beautiful, well spoken and well mannered. I will see to it that you are everything I used to be before I fell into this hole. I want so much more for you then what I have become. I love you so much and I will never regret having you.... but you will be so much more then all of this..I LOVE YOU.

    Monday - July 23rd 2007
    Just a small update - You are 4 1/2 months old in my tummy. I have not felt you move yet, but that's ok...mom says maybe it's just /bc you're tiny. I find out if you are a boy or a girl a week from today and I am so excited. I think your dad and I are pretty much over. He has choosen his life, and I have chose mine. But I think I got the better end of the deal. I love you!!!

    Thursday - July 26th 2007
    I am starting to wonder if I will EVER stop throwing up. The last 2 days Gatorade has been 'our' best friend, and this morning you made me hurl it up like there was no tomorrow. LOL.You just seem like a bit of a fickle little baby. But I don't care. I love you no matter what.

    Monday - July 30th 2007
    IT'S A BOY!!!! And you are healthy as can be!! It turns out the reason I can't feel you kicking yet is b/c the placenta is in the way and you are kicking it, instead of me. LOL. You're a silly baby. I love you so much. I can't believe I have a son. Your name will be Kenneth Christopher Ferguson.

    Friday - Aug. 10th 2007
    I've been having little freak outs the past week or so about you and the family and stuff. I guess I'm getting "cold baby feet". It doesn't mean I don't love you - I just worry about weather I am ready to be a mom and if I will be a good one. I hope you and I get along, and we are close and you can come and tell me things about your life as you grow up. I love you.

    Thursday - Aug. 16th 2007
    We got your room set up a little today - it's all freshly painted...a pretty light green color that matches your bedding really nice. Aunt Lee and Grandma put your crib together and then to surprize me, Aunt Lee put the bedding on it - which was a surprize but a really disapointing one...I really wanted to be the one that did that part...I wanted to get your little bed together...I guess I'm being over sensitive, but it really upset my feelings. I love you hunny. I can't wait till you get here.

    Sunday - Sept. 2nd. 2007
    You're whole room is done. All the furniture is in it and put together. I still have to arrange it the way I like but then it'll be great. And I'll wash your little clothes and put them in your dresser. I hit the 6th month mark yesterday. I am getting nervous and excited. You are kicking really well. I love you sweetie. (Oh! And your baby shower is set for Oct. 14th!!)

    Monday - Sept. 24th 2007
    Hi sweetie! There are 20 more days til the baby shower!! I'm very excited. So far, 14 people are coming. I have the favors all ready and gave he food list to Jessica yesterday. You and I are doing great. You kick really good, and you'll be 7 months old this Sat. I can't believe how fast time is going. It's still hot outside kinda, though, so I'll be even more excited when it gets cooler. You are due in about 13 weeks, and I don't want you to come any earlier then the last week of November, but I kinda do want you to come early. I'd like to have you home for Christmas for I can hold you by the tree...that would be so awesome. I bought you your own Christmas Oriment already from Lenox. It's a little stocking with your name on it. Hmmm...what else is new? I put all your clothes away. They're in the dresser now, which still smells funny, but oh well. I stll need to actually wash them but I'll due that probably next month or so. I get very happy when you kick me. I love you very much.

    Wednesday - Sept 26th 2007
    You scared mommy last night!! You wern't moving very much, and I ate chocolate and drank juice and everything, and you still wouldn't move. Mom got me to chill out and watch some TV and relax, and then you started up again. I went to the mall and moved around a lot... so I guess you were just tired. But I got pretty nervous!! I hope time goes by fast! I can't wait till you get here!! I love you sooooo much!

    Saturday - Sept 29th 2007
    Well here we are my sweet boy! Month 7! Only 12 weeks to go!! You are very active and strong. You kick really well. I'm very proud of you. You make me laugh and smile all the time. I am washing the clothes that your Aunt Jess gave to us, and then I'll put them in your dresser with all your other things. You have a lot of clothes! There are only 15 more days till the baby shower. Aunt Lee is gonna buy your play pen and that makes mommy very happy!! I hope you know how much I love you, and I hope you love me too!! <3 (P.S. We went to the dr. this week for our GD test - we'll get the results later. I have gained 20 pounds so far total. You have moved from my left side to my right, and the feeling I am getting on my left are your little legs and feet! <3)

    Wednesday - Oct. 10th 2007
    Hi sweetheart!! There are only 4 more days until the baby shower!! So far, 12 people are coming. I hope we get some nice things that we need. Jayme is coming up from GA to come to the shower!! All my very close friends will be there. You are still doing great. I never heard back about the GD test, and it was almost 2 weeks ago, so I guess it came back normal.... they said they wouldn't call at all if everything was ok. I went shopping yesterday and bought a new shirt for the shower. It's pretty. I'm gonna wear it with some jeans. My hips have ben hurting a lot latly... and I can't sit too long or my back starts to hurt too. You are a very good kicker. or puncher. LOL. I dunno which one you are doing sometimes, b/c I can't tell when or if you have turned around. You get the hiccups a lot though, and I have learned the difference between those, and your kicks. I should really spend the next few days cleaning, and doing laundry. I've gotta get you room cleaned up a bit before the shower, so it'll be nice to bring all your new presents into. I love you VERY much. You are mommy's little bunky, and I am so proud of you. <3

    Sunday - Oct. 14th 2007
    Hello my sweet baby boy! Today was your baby shower!! You are such a spoiled little baby!! Everyone must love you a lot, b/c you got a lot of presents!! You got everything from baby good, to diapers, to bath stuff, to clothes! It was a wonderful day and your mommy is very tired! I can't wait for you to get here - It's all starting to get so real, and I feel much more prepaired for you to be here now that we have most everything we need for your arvial!! You are due in about 10 more weeks. I love you so much sweeheart!

    Thursday - Oct. 18th 2007
    I'm very sluggish today. I feel kinda sick and such. I had pancakes for breakfast, so that's probably what did it. I also can't breathe. You have your little self pushed up against my ribs and such and it's making me short of breath. But it's ok. I know you are running out of room on there and are just trying to get comfy. Only about 9 more weeks and then we'll both be better. I love you!! (P.S. The nurse called with the GD results yesterday - the cut off was 140 and we passed with a 90! YAY!)

    Sunday - Oct. 28th 2007
    Hi baby!! We are @ 8 Months and 1 day!! I went to the Dr. on Friday afternoon, and he says you are head down!! That's very exciting!! You are healthy, and so am I. I hope you come a little bit early!! I can't wait to see you! I LOVE YOU!!!

    Wednesday - Oct. 31st 2007
    Well, I guess that tech. today is your "1st" Halloween! So Happy Halloween my sweet baby! Mommy has been cleaning a lot today, and I am TIRED!! I'm nesting like crazy getting ready for you to come!! You and I will 'watch' the Charlie Brown Halloween special today @ 3:00pm. My birthday is in 10 days, and I will be 23 years old. That's how old I'll be when you are born. Your daddy is 23 too. He said maybe we could go this weekend to shop for things for you. I hope we do, but it might not happen. I hope you know that your daddy does love you, and I, but I think he's just freaking out. He's been freaking out for a while now... but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. People just get scared sometimes sweetie. <3
    ~*Christine*~
    VERY Proud mommy to: Kenneth Christopher James. ("C.J.")
    Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

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    Default Monday - November 5th 2007

    I have spent today looking @ some Home School information. I have been thinking about home schooling you, when you are old enough of course, but it seems to have a few quirks and such that I don't like. I'm not actually ok with sending you to public school in this time and age, but I dunno what else to do. I have also written to the teacher of the BST program at the TTC in Dickson, to see if I can apply to take the course on-line so I can stay home with you. I would love that, b/c it would let me go back to work faster if I could stay home with you and take the course @ the same time, rather then wait until you are about 12 weeks old to return to school. I would like to get it all taken care of ASAP so I can go back to work and make some money... I hope I can get a nice paying job so we can get our own place, maybe...I'd rather stay with mom and dad, when they move into the new house, on the new land we bought, but I dunno... we'll see how it goes I guess. I love you hunny.
    ~*Christine*~
    VERY Proud mommy to: Kenneth Christopher James. ("C.J.")
    Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

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    Default Tuesday November 13th 2007

    I went to the Dr. yesterday, and the Dr. said you are measuring in @ about 38 weeks, which is 4 weeks ahead. So you are probably gonna be a big baby. Which is fine with me b/c that means you are healthy. I hope you come early...I think you will. I love you.
    ~*Christine*~
    VERY Proud mommy to: Kenneth Christopher James. ("C.J.")
    Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

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    Default Sunday - November 18th 2007

    "All my bags are packed..I'm ready to go..." Mommy finally got things taken care of this weekend. I got all the stuff I needed to finish packing my hospital bag, and your diaper bag, for when you finally come into the world! I hope it won't be too much longer. I can't wait to see you. I love you sweetie!
    ~*Christine*~
    VERY Proud mommy to: Kenneth Christopher James. ("C.J.")
    Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

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