Number 3 - It has changed me forever!
My DH and I decided we definately wanted another baby. He said he wanted to go through it again, "Just one more time". Both of us with the thought that it was so great the first two times, that we could not go on without experiencing it again. It did not take long to get pregnant. It didn't take long the first two times. I was excited about the third because I figured, I knew what I was doing now! I have two daughters and a stepson. I considered myself "experienced". With this pregnancy I wanted to be able to relax and just enjoy the miracle! We could now afford things that we could not on the first two. I had already made up my mind that I was going to be a trendy dressed pregnant woman. The other two pregnancies required second hand clothes. This one was going to be ALL NEW! BABY! My first doctor's appointment was the usual. I was so relaxed that I took both my 2 and 3 year olds with me. I said to myself, "this won't take long". They did the usual. I went and had my blood work done and they scheduled me for an ultasound to get a better idea of the due date. I mean please....with a 2 year old and 3 year old you have got to be kidding me. When was the last day of my period? I don't remember what we ate the day before. So, I was scheduled for the ultrasound.
On paper is one thing - saying out loud is different
I'm feeling great! I've always been lucky like that. With both pregnancies before and now this one I've never gotten sick. I really don't have any strange cravings. This pregnancy feels exactly like the two before. However, my spirit is different. People are starting to notice that I'm pregnant. For the ones that already knew, everyone is asking, "how are you feeling, is everything going okay?" And it is. However, there is that lingering next ultrasound. THE BIG ONE! THe one that will tell us if the swelling has gone down or if we need to get an amnio for further testing. I haven't really told anyone about what we have been told. The only people that know are our mothers and one friend of mine. I really don't want to tell anyone for several reasons. First, I don't know what to say. Second, I don't want people looking at me going..."Oh, I'm sorry." Third, I have a hard time saying the words out loud. And lastly, I feel like everything is going to be okay. I went to church with my daughter Lydia on Sunday. During communion you have an option to go to the side to the Stephen Ministry for special prayer requests. I have never participated in it before. However, on Sunday I just felt the need. I told Lydia as we were approaching that I was going to do something different today. I took communion and then went to the side. It's a very private thing and no one really notices it unless they are going over there themselves. I knelt down and was going to ask for a special prayer. However, as soon as my knees were down, my body began to shake and the words would not come out of me. I just cried. The woman just held my head and finally I was able to whisper my prayer request. My daugher Lydia which has such and old soul, just wiped my tears away and hugged me. It was such a humbling moment. On the way home, I asked Lydia not to tell anyone about what happened. I didn't want anyone to know really. It was such a special humbling moment that by sharing it with anyone would take away from it. Lydia promised that it would be our secret. She has not mentioned since.
Another Lily spotted 5/25
Last night we decided to go to a free concert they were having at the University. It was the Symphony which played songs from Villian and Hero Movies. It was outside so we packed a picnic. We had a great time. Later that night, I started feeling pretty bad. I was having some cramping and felt for the first time very sick on my stomach. I was laying in bed and started to worry. Since I have never experienced this before I was getting very nervous. Oh, please don't mean there is something wrong. It didn't help that yesterday I was doing some more research. I was also I little upset that I had not seen Lily's name lately. Isn't that a silly thing! I would not dare tell anyone that because they would think I was crazy. I was also starting to think I was a little crazy myself. But, this morning out of the blue - BOOM - Lily!!!! My daughters and I decided to read some books this morning. So we piled on the floor in Leighton's room and pulled out some books. I love children's books. Everytime I go to a thrift store, I head for the books. We have quite a collection. It's fun because it's like our own little library. So, when we decide to read books, we never know exactly what we might pull out. We started with a Franklin book. Next, Lydia pointed to a pink one and asked for me to read that one. It was The Blue Kangaroo. We have never read that one before. I opened to the first page and started crying. It started off with Lily and her blue Kangaroo. I can't explain how that makes me feel. And again, I don't share this with anyone. This is the only place I put this information. Maybe I am being crazy. However, it makes me feel good when I see that name and it gives me a sense of peace.