Thread: Number 3 - It has changed me forever!

I'm looking forward to next week. BACK TO SCHOOL!!! I need structure. I really have enjoyed the summer and me and the girls had the best time. But, how much unstructure time can one person take??? I must admit, I do like a routine. Soooooooooo starting Wednesday......a new deal. As for Luke, I'm ready to starting getting really ready. I want his room just right. I want all Christmas shopping done so I don't have to worry about that when he is born. He has been rolling and turning and flipping. What an incredible feeling. You never get use to that no matter how many times you experience it. I love it!

The clock is ticking. Lydia started school yesterday. She will go 5 days from 9-12. My precious Leighton starts for the first time today. She will go 2 days a week. So starting now until Luke is born, I have 3 hours to myself on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What in the world I'm I going to do with those 6 hours??? Not that I can not think of what to do, I have to narrow it down. I would like to say that for the next 2 months I will pamper myself by getting pedicures, special coffee breaks, read junky magazines or just shop. However, I know myself too well. Not matter how much I would like to do those things.....I won't. I will probaby spend that time shopping for Christmas to have all that done before Luke arrives. I will also get my house organized like it has never been. Hopefully, I will sneak in a pedicure or two. Today is the first time I have had 3 hours too myself in a long time. I do not know what I'm gonig to do as of right now. I have 3 more hours to decide.

I'm now down to single digit weeks, 9 exactly to go. Oh my God! So much to do. I have to finish Luke's room and do all Christmas shopping. I guess somehow it will all get done. I'm very ready though. I can not wait to meet Luke. We just got back from visiting the farm this weekend. It was fun. However, the bugs were really bad. I don't think I have ever seen mosquitos that big. Hopefully, we can go again in October and they will not be so bad. This week will be a busy week. There is just a lot going on.

This past weekend we went to see Aunt Hazel in the hospital as well as my Grandmother. It was hectic but I'm glad we went. Today is Monday and Lydia has a friend over playing. Evan is upstairs painting Luke's room and I'm folding all his clothes and putting them in his closet. I'm still suppose to have a yard sale with all the extra stuff I've collected that we don't need. It was a by product of nesting. However, I'm not sure how I'm going to fit it in. I guess I will somehow. The clock is ticking and I'm getting nervous. Luke has now moved down I think because I can constantly feel his feet kicking me in the ribs. I can't say that I'm comfortable now but I'm dealing. No complaints!!!!!!!!

Today I'm at a lost. This really has nothing to do with my pregnancy but it might make me feel better to get it out. I feel like a complete failure! I can not get my children to do anything. Nothing is easy. They won't go to bed without a complete fuss, they won't eat what I fix. If I don't fix anything they say they are starving and then won't eat or just lick the mayo off the sandwich. Yesterday, they went in Luke's room and opened paint that the artist is using and made handprints on the wall. I managed to get it off in time before it dried, thank god! You are probably saying, where are you when all this is happening. I'm right here. Yesterday, the paint thing happened when they woke up from their naps and they went in there when they woke up. Today again started out with constant struggles. Lydia and Leighton fought over who was going to give Daddy's his lunch box. Then they fight as to who will get in the shower first. They fuss about EVERYTHING. Nothing is easy.....NOTHING!!!!!!! I have tried every trick in the book. I have failed at them all and now feel like a failure as a Mom. Honestly, today I have nothing left to give. I'm depressed and don't know how to pick up and laugh it all off. I have done that for so long now. Do other Mom's go through this? I'm always the happy one. I'm always the one that has the answer. Not today. It is when I am at the lowest of the low when I wish I was a working Mom. I wish I had something other than one struggle after the next until you fall asleep putting them to sleep then wake up and do it all again. I'm tired, frustrated and have no answers. My reserves are all dried up. I'm hoping and praying that this is just my hormores and that tomorrow will be better or maybe even better after naps. I hope so.

For all those worried about my mental state, I want to let you know.....I'm fine. Just a bad day the other day. I fell hard that day but I'm much better and my children returned to "Angel Status" the next day. Thanks mostly to their father that got them straight. I have no idea why I can yell, scream and even like Monday cry and it does not effect my children the way one harsh word from their Father does. WHATEVER! Hey....whatever works right? This Friday will be 6 weeks left. All my God!!! I keep telling Luke to stay in there the whole time because I need all 6 weeks. I am finalizing things but still not completely finished with what I need to do. By the third child you realize all they need is clean diapers and a breast. However, all your emotions require a perfect room will all their little clothes folded up, the perfect take home outfit, and the plan in place to bring the little munchkin home. I'm still working on the details of all of those.

Well, I can not believe the time is so near. I am so ready for you Luke. However, at the same time I am very nervous. Life changed a lot when we added a second child. I know that it will be another BIG change. Please dear God give me the energy and patience.

It won't be long now. I guess I need to pack a bag for the hospital. It just hasn't sunk in yet that Luke could come any day now.

It's halloween and thank God I've made it this far. I was a little nervous on Sunday after having several contractions. Since Daddy is out of town until tonight, going into labor was just not an option. I went to Lydia's and Leighton's Halloween parties at school day. Today I was in charge of crafts in Lydia's class. I did Leighton's class last Thursday. Lydia is a mummy and Leighton is Minnie Mouse. Halloween costumes went exactly how I imagined each one would for my children. Lydia is cut from the same cloth as me. She made up her mind she wanted to be a Mummy from the very beginning. She wanted her makeup and outfit to be just right. She didn't care that she smelled like coffee from the stains required for the "look". She set off this morning on her "mummy" adventure with such determination and excitement. Leighton, my funny non committment child changed her mind depending on her mood. First, she wanted to be a witch, then a mummy like her sister, then a skeleton, then an adorable minnie mouse, then minnie mouse with a pool cover up on top, then finally after much begging just minnie mouse with no ears by her choice. Okay okay okay. But, what a wonderful day. They are both currently napping and will soon wake up to start it all over again. I'm very sad that Daddy won't be home in time for the treating. However, I'm ready for this weekend. All my little "to do's" are almost done. Luke's room was finished yesterday. It is absolutely breath taking. I go in there and just want to cry. Every wall has a scene from Peter Pan painted. The whole room looks like you have walked into the book. Above the windows and door's are all my favorite sayings from it. My favorite is "to live will be an Big adventure". It's so perfect. All his clothes are ready, his crib ready, his bassinett ready. The last two things are car seat installed and to pack my bag. I haven't done that yet, because I figure once I do, then that's all she wrote and to labor I will go. So.....I'm waiting until tomorrow or Thursday for those. These last days are sweet and a little sad. I love being pregnant and feeling the power of God. What a miracle. To let completely go is a little hard. However, I can't wait to meet you Luke Evan.

If there was ever a day I would go into labor, it definately will be today. Why???? Because I just can't. All my planning now has gone up in smoke in one afternoon. My plan for Lydia and Leighton while I go to the hospital is now not a plan at all. Why? Because the family is at the hospital with a 10old that broke his arm. My back up plan has a child with strep throat. So, I'm sitting here having contractions praying that Luke will not want to come tonight. We have had many nights in the last week that we thought we might be going to the hospital. But, the contractions always stopped. I guess we will see.

Okay....Friday was my due date. It's now Monday. I'm still pregnant. Luke just does not want to move. I have never been so ready. I don't think my house as ever been as clean and organized. I have never planned so well. Everything is in place. HELLO! Luke come on. Why the big build up? We are all waiting and can't wait to meet you. I do understand if you are scared to come out of that protective place into this crazy zoo. However, it's fun!